Separated from my newborn. Feels actually painful

[doingitalllagain]

I had my baby yesterday morning via c-section. He came out screaming and all was fine but then 10 minutes later he was taken to be checked very abruptly. I didn't see him again for 4 hours.

I finally got to see him and he was in an incubator. They said his obs were all fine but his breathing was a bit fast so they were going to transfer him to another hospital incase he had an infection. I was sat by him in a wheelchair but nearly fainted so they sent me back to my bed.

They came to get me an hour later saying he's being transferred in 5 minutes to a hospital an hour away, I got to go and have a quick cuddle before he was taken away and after hours of begging was allowed to do some skin to skin and he latched perfectly and had his first breastfeed. Then he was gone.

I couldn't go with him, stable mum not a priority for ambulance, can only go if I discharge myself against medical advice. I had to have a catheter put back in as I couldn't wee. Been told atleast another 24 hours until I can be discharged

The hospital my baby is in is over an hour away. They have said to my husband that baby is absolutely fine, which is brilliant, but makes it feel horrific he's been transferred for no reason. He's not receiving any different care of treatment at SCBU than he was here, it was a precaution but it turned out he didn't need to be transferred and it was most likely just some fluid on lungs. They can't transfer him back though. He's not ready to be discharged for another 48 hours due to antibiotics

I'm in physical pain. I've barely seen my newborn. Held him for just minutes of his life. One breast feed, I am aching for him. I don't know what to do. I can't wait 24-48 more hours.

I’ve also been there and it’s horrible, I know. It feels the most unnatural thing, I didn’t know what to do with myself.

Make the most of being able to rest and recover physically - while I remember the mental torment of separation, just being able to SLEEP was amazing - i physically recovered much faster than I did with my first birth when I had my baby with me.

My heart breaks for you. Being separated from your newborn because health issues is awful.

My youngest was a vaginal birth without much complication but within 12 hours, he was breathing very fast and was transferred to a major hospital. The worst part was talking to a doctor who said to me "it can be nothing serious or can be more serious like meningitis". To this day, I'm still traumatised about that time, and it was more than 20 years ago.

I was discharged in 48 hours but will always remember going to NICU everyday on public transport, counting the steps I was taking because I was so damned tired. All I lived for what that little person in NICU who was not discharged for more than a week. Doctors never found out why the fast breathing despite all the tests made, but released him when the breathing settled on its own.

Your baby will be home in your arms in less than 48 hours. It seems like agonising years but he'll be there with you, in your arms and breast, very soon. You won't ever forget this time. I've never had. But it means the bonding with your baby will be so much more precious.

💏

Agree with the milk comments! Your body has been through alot. We were given the option of donor milk if that's something you could consider.

60ml and gave birth yesterday? Of colostrum? 😧

So sorry you are going through this

Absolutely agree.

I agree. I had a similar situation and my DS was transferred two hours away less than 24 hours after he was born. I had to stay in the original hospital after my c-section until I was discharged before travelling to see him. In my case, DS was extremely poorly and I’m grateful the doctors acted so swiftly and probably saved his life. My feelings didn’t matter at the time, the priority was my son’s health and I have absolutely no doubts over the medical team’s decision. For what it’s worth, knowing what I know now, I’d have been happy for him to have been taken as a precaution and for there to be nothing seriously wrong. A poorly baby in NICU is a hideous experience and not one I’d wish on anyone.

I understand how you feel OP but try and focus on recovering yourself (and getting that pesky catheter out) and I promise this will feel like a distant memory before too long.

I was in the same situation 6 years ago with my youngest.
I discharged myself after 2 days. But I still wasn’t allowed to hold or feed her for a full week as she was in an incubator and couldn’t be without oxygen.
It was hard at the time and I drove myself mad expressing milk for her throughout day and night.
But looking back now it doesn’t matter. She is safe and healthy and I never really think about those early days. Try and rest and you’ll be reunited soon

I am so sorry. I had a similar (but different) experience and just to say it really is horrible. Don't let anyone make you feel like your feeling are not valid. It is hugely trumatic for you but you will get through it and be back with your baby.

Have they brought you a hospital grade pump? Ask for any support you need with it and keep saying you want to exclusively breastfeed if it's important to you. I found I had to really push but it was worth it as 10 months in we are still feeding and in the weeks he was in NICU it saved my mental health having something practical to focus on and feel like I had a role.

For now just do whatever you need to do. Don't try to put on a brave face and I really hope you get to be with him soon. The time apart hurts and I still grieve it but honestly don't feel like it's had any long term affects on baby or our bond.

I'm so sorry you and your lovely wee baby have had to be separated. Pumping is a while other ball game most people don't really get any information about until they find themselves post partum with a pump attached. 60ml is amazing amount of colostrum to produce on the first day for a first time mum and with all the trauma you have been through. At this point in time it doesn't really matter the output, it's more about stimulating your breasts to produce.

Until you are reunited you want to start by pumping every 3 hours day and night. Start fast and low vacuum until you feel a let down (for me it's like a tingling behind the nipple) and then milk would start spraying. Once that happens( usually takes a minute or 2) flip to slow but as high of vacuum as you can tolerate until your milk starts slowing down again. Some people have a second let down towards the end but if that's not happening just turn off. You don't want to pump for more than 15 minutes a time right now. Your milk might start to thin out and increase in quantity by late night tomorrow but because of the circumstances it could be Monday before you see that. That's completely 100% normal. Also your baby already latched even when he had been separated from you? That's so good, he knows his mama!

I'm a nurse and I'd want mine transferred to somewhere than can offer a higher level of care if he had had a prolonged period of time after rupture of membranes and had an increased respiratory rate. Increased respiratory rate is the first sign of deterioration and is often missed, it can show that the body is having a hard time while BP and HR are fine due to the heart compensating for it. I can see why they were quick to move him however you should have also been moved. Its amazing that the SCBU unit aren't worried about him, they are experts at knowing when a baby is having a hard time. I encourage you to engage with your midwife to find a way to get you to your baby but please don't self discharge without a plan in place for your catheter, antibiotics of reqd and definitely definitely pain killers.

Sounds heartbreaking! Sending hugs and wish you can be reunited soon!

I agree.
I had a near identical birth to a pp zelda . I was just under four pounds and nearly seven weeks early. Taken to another hospital while my poor Mum was too ill to be moved, she was discharged after two weeks but I was in for six weeks. It was really hard for my Mum. My Dad visited me initially but she couldn’t see me at all until she left hospital. She was unconscious for the surgery so hadn’t held me.
In my case there was a good reason, but it was still brutal for Mum.

www.networks.nhs.uk/nhs-networks/staffordshire-shropshire-and-black-country-newborn/documents/KangarooCare.pdf

In your situation I would tell them I was going to my baby and you would like support where he is to do Kangaroo care.

Oh OP, so sorry to hear what you're going through! I understand that aching longing for your newborn all too well... I had a difficult birth and emergency section with my DS years ago. He had breathing problems so straight into NICU, though in same hospital but one floor up. He was in for three days.

I was able to visit him two or three times a day and try feeds (not very successful!) but the pain of not having him with me was almost unbearable. I was also growing totally despondent about pumping. Felt soooo lonely. I had DH or mum with me dyring visiting and tried to sleep as much as I could but the aching for my baby made that hard.

When he finally joined me in my private room on the fourth day we literally just snuggled in bed together for the next two days. He remained on my chest and latched on while I was awake and then for lying down the nurses showed me a face to face position with a bed guard so that he slept with me. My milk came in no problem and we had an amazing year of BF. He's now a strapping, healthy teen 😍

Moral of the story - this too shall pass and you'll both be OK.

I had this happen nearly 40 years ago! You never forget, just reading your story makes me tear up! It really was horrendous. I saw my baby for less than 30 seconds before baby was whisked away to another hospital. They gave my DH a Polaroid snap for me and I kept it hidden until baby was back in the same hospital as me, several days later. I was very poorly (my baby was small but well) and they wheeled baby, in the incubator, down to me where I could look through the window of my room. In all this time I didn't cry, I just felt numb. I was worried about bonding because my DH was baby's only relative who was bonding.
However, my baby was fed breast milk by the first hospital and then he was fed formula by my hospital. I was determined to breastfeed so I expressed by hand (I wasn't allowed to use any equipment because they were worried about my germs) and it was poured away. 10 days later baby was reunited with me and I started my breastfeeding journey - it wasn't easy but we both persisted.
My DC is very happy and healthy and we are very close despite the start.
Good luck with your journey

PS however in your case, being in a different hospital is absolute rubbish and should not happen IMHO. If it's just about ambulance transport, can you 'self-transfer'? Get DH to drive you or in a taxi or even private ambulance, with all arrangements in place so that you have adequate pain relief beforehand and with the other hospital expecting you?

Sorry but this is horrific and prejudical to your mental health. Is he in a childrens hospital so they cant look after you? Sounds like they should be transferring your baby back if so.

Call your MP - they need to be aware first hand of these failings by the NHS.

I hope you are discharged soon to be with your son and congratulations.

Congratulations. I am so so sorry you are going through this. I can’t imagine how you are feeling.

However, please be reassured that you will be able to establish a milk supply and have the breastfeeding journey you hope for. There are lots of ups and downs with new babies (for example tongue tie, which is very common) that can result in difficulty at the start and mums and babies can overcome these. When you are together don’t set any schedules or boundaries and just offer the breast all the time and you can build up your supply that way xxx

Ask for a lactation consultant and if there is no hospital one available, find one who can support you. Difficult starts do not proclude difficult breastfeeding but they do make it more difficult. Surround yourself with support, love and people who will listen, hear your words (and not tell you to be grateful for what you have... your concerns are valid and feeling heard right now will make a huge difference to how the next days and weeks go. )

Oh gosh. I didn’t see my baby for a good 24 hours after birth either. It’s so tough. Though I was so sick I felt so awful I didn’t really know to be fair.

Also, people are missing the point about the complaint - its not the transfer. Its the fact mum wasn't transferred with her baby or as soon as possible thereafter. Its cruel and unnecessary.

Those of you saying you would have just gone to the other hospital are not helping and may be making the OP feel worse than she already does by implying you are better parents than she is. Think before you post.

she has had major surgery and is not feeling well herself.

OP, I hope you get to see and hold your baby soon. The hospital was acting in your babies best interest. There are not enough specialist neonatal beds in the UK, they wouldn’t use one unless the felt it was necessary at that time. Babies (and children) don’t gradually decline, they tend to go straight off a cliff edge. Similarly, they tend to bounce back quickly if caught early enough.

Much love op. I was in pretty much exactly the same position as you 13 years ago; I remember it as if it were yesterday. It was utterly awful and I know how you feel.

It will be OK, honestly. It feels like a miserable start - and it is - but it is only the start of a wonderful journey and relationship with your baby. Congratulations and hang on in there.

To be fair the OP knows exactly why her baby was moved to the other hospital.

Her waters broke a month ago so her baby has been at high risk of infection for all that time, I am assuming they held off the c section to give the baby a bit more time to mature so he is possibly still quite small and “ un cooked”.

When he was delivered the hospital were worried that he was showing signs of infection so they moved him to a hospital which I imagine has better facilities/ more experienced staff. Tiny babies can succumb to illness frighteningly quickly, if there is any concern they need to be in the best place before they become too ill to move.

I understand the OP is upset and feeling awful, but the priority has to be the baby’s wellbeing, he has already had an uncertain start, as many babies do, but he is getting the good care he needs, and his dad is with him while mum is recovering from a major operation , this little family will soon be reunited, and the baby’s first few days will soon be a distant memory.

It won't, try hand expressing if pump isn't working.