Separated from my newborn. Feels actually painful

[doingitalllagain]

I had my baby yesterday morning via c-section. He came out screaming and all was fine but then 10 minutes later he was taken to be checked very abruptly. I didn't see him again for 4 hours.

I finally got to see him and he was in an incubator. They said his obs were all fine but his breathing was a bit fast so they were going to transfer him to another hospital incase he had an infection. I was sat by him in a wheelchair but nearly fainted so they sent me back to my bed.

They came to get me an hour later saying he's being transferred in 5 minutes to a hospital an hour away, I got to go and have a quick cuddle before he was taken away and after hours of begging was allowed to do some skin to skin and he latched perfectly and had his first breastfeed. Then he was gone.

I couldn't go with him, stable mum not a priority for ambulance, can only go if I discharge myself against medical advice. I had to have a catheter put back in as I couldn't wee. Been told atleast another 24 hours until I can be discharged

The hospital my baby is in is over an hour away. They have said to my husband that baby is absolutely fine, which is brilliant, but makes it feel horrific he's been transferred for no reason. He's not receiving any different care of treatment at SCBU than he was here, it was a precaution but it turned out he didn't need to be transferred and it was most likely just some fluid on lungs. They can't transfer him back though. He's not ready to be discharged for another 48 hours due to antibiotics

I'm in physical pain. I've barely seen my newborn. Held him for just minutes of his life. One breast feed, I am aching for him. I don't know what to do. I can't wait 24-48 more hours.

Oh OP, that sounds unimaginably hard. Can your DH continue to advocate for you while you try and rest? Can he make himself a complete nuisance by badgering them? I suggest he demands to see PALS - hospitals are measured by how well they deal with those complaints. Clearly you want to BF and you can use that as a reason why you need to be with your baby (not that you should have to do that!). Best of luck and let us know how you get on xoxo

My first baby was born in 2011 and whilst seemingly healthy for the first hour or so then proceeded to turn blue and become lifeless. She was rushed to ICU and when they finally wheeled me up there to see her she was surrounded by worried looking doctors and full of wires and monitors. They told me she had a heart problem and when I hysterically asked if she was going to die they said they didn't know. I was then removed from the ICU and put in a side room and told I couldn't be with her. Then some 12 hours later I was discharged and sent home, not knowing if I'd see my baby alive again. I wasn't allowed to even say goodbye, a nurse took a photo of her for me in her incubator.
They assembled a team of paediatric cardiologists from multiple hospitals and whisked her to another specialist hospital 3 hours away.
She's fine now, totally normal as far as they can tell with annual checkups to check for scarring in the heart. I don't know why I wrote this, I guess I'm still struggling to come to terms with the loss of those early days and bonding with her. She ended up being formula fed too because my milk totally dried up before I was allowed to hold her again. 😢 Keep pumping and hopefully you will be reunited very soon.

congratulations on you new baby. I just wanted to say please don't panic about the breastfeeding, I was in icu for a few days after my son, he was given formula and i was told due to the trauma to my body i probably wouldn't be able to feed him myself anyway, as soon as i got home a relaxed my milk came in and he had his first bf and i struggled to get him to stop when he was 3!

I was separated from baby for hours after birth (we both ended up fine) but it was torture. I understand. If DH can stay w/ him like mine stayed w/ DD, that did give me some comfort. We were able to breastfeed fine.

Please know once he's back in your arms, it will be better. He'll be there soon. Hugs to you.

They should be sending a doula to you to help you right now...shameful they didn't prioritize mom and baby.

Oh OP, I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling. I just wanted to send a virtual hug and well wishes. Congratulations on the birth of your little one, I bet he looks absolutely perfect. I hope you’re both reunited asap. You are the best place for him. Please talk through your feelings too, this is traumatic. Lots of love x

I wanted to reply as I've been there. My son went to SCBU (but same hospital) and I also couldn't pee so ended up with a catheter back in. It was a really hard time so I just wanted to say I understand and I'm sorry you're experiencing this. Ask for updates and as many questions as you want. And I was too overwhelmed to pump at first (so well done you for doing it) but I did manage to get into a routine over the next few days so don't pressure yourself too much. I hope you're reunited soon x

Thats soo sad :( thank god my hospital kept me with my daughter even though I was fine they said I can stay with her. We were there for 17 days.

So sorry to hear this. I would also push this morning for a quick discharge so you can be with your baby. Breast feeding although brilliant isn't the be all and end all. That single breast feed will have transferred loads of healthy bacteria and immunoglobulin to help him recover. I am sure he will be in your arm soon. 💐

I was in a very similar situation, though not quite so difficult - my baby was in the same hospital, but that first night after the birth when she was taken away, when I thought everything was fine, was so painful. I hope you are reunited with your little boy very soon.

That sounds so horrible for you, I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Is there anybody that can drive you so you can spend the day with him, or even just a few hours, before you go back to the hospital again? That way you still get those cuddles you're understandably so desperate for, but you're still getting the care you need yourself.

Agree with previous posters about seeking help from PALS too. In my experience, they can make things happen fast.

Good luck, and congratulations. I've got my fingers crossed that your baby is in your arms again very soon.

Omg i am so sorry!! Sue the fuc hospital. Its horrible.

This is genuinely horrific.

If you’re stable, Uber. Fuck that. Hoping baby is with you by this morning.

AnxietyLevelMax

Really sue the hospital ? For what ? The delayed ambulance? Acting cautiously with a newborn. I have every sympathy with OP but honestly give your head a wobble, there is no negligence here.

OP., what a horrible thing to happen to you. Especially as your baby is healthy and didn’t need to go. You’re in a very vulnerable place now - post C section and post birth.

something similar happened to me in that DS was taken in SCBU and placed on antibiotics as he was breathing quickly. Turns out he was just a bit cold. I just remember seeing him in the incubator looking ridiculous as he was over 9lb at birth! But I was in the same hospital. I’d have gone spare if he was so far away from me.

On reflection, 13 years later, it still hurts but I have made my peace with it as I know the consultant was being over cautious (although if I had the strength I’d have made a complaint at the time as other staff commented on it to me that it was too cautious). I worried about everything - delayed BF, the fact he had antibiotics and didn’t need to, the fact I had that gap of not holding him. That guilt lasted a long time even though it was not my fault.

So OP, the best you can do is try and rest as much as possible so you can get discharged. As soon as they say you’re fit (but if you’re kept waiting until a doctor is available), then discharge yourself. Ask your husband to visit DS and take lot of pictures and give him lots of cuddles.

Be mindful that when you get home this may hit you again in unexpected ways, especially when sleep deprived and if you have trouble with feeding - so if there is someone you can talk to then please do.

sending you all the best and soon you’ll be back with your baby.

She can complain and absolutely should when she is ready.

I couldn't see my baby for 6 days after she was born as I had covid and had her at 28 weeks. It was really, really tough. But you'll be back together and it will be a distant memory. Pump for 40 mins every three hours, you won't get much for the first couple of days as you're waiting for your milk to come in but it will eventually.

Oh you poor thing!! Look at photos of you little one, for some reason that seems to work. Can you request donor breast milk to be used instead of formula? I hope you get there soon!

Complain ? by all means, contact PALS ? absolutely. Sue ? there is no case, it will take years.

So sorry you're going through this. Definitely complain. You'll be with your baba soon. Sending all my love 💓 x

I’m sorry that’s so tough. Don’t worry about him having formula, not sure if they are feeding him via bottle but if they are just wanted to say my middle child was fed via bottle for first month (I expressed, he couldn’t latch properly) and he had some formula at first until my milk came in properly. It takes a couple of days, and it will be harder with baby not there. But then I switched him to 100% breast at 1 month and fed him exclusively until 8 months. So don’t worry too much about the bf journey, it’s still very possible. Hope you can get there asap. I’d get them to remove anything unnecessary and discharge yourself if you’re feeling ok. They could always readmit you at the other hospital if necessary. Don’t take any risks though medically. Please let us know when you’re reunited

Don’t be so ridiculous

The ambulance didn't come in the night unfortunately. My husband is with him having skin to skin and sending lots of photos but I've not managed more milk yet I had a break down a couple of hours ago and the midwife phoned the other hospital and they've said if the ambulance doesn't get here this morning they will let me transfer as an inpatient in my own transport to the other hospital as it's just the catheter keeping me in at this point. If baby is still only receiving antibiotics then he can leave SCBU and come be with me on the ward. I just hope it happens quickly

@AnxietyLevelMax sue ??? Are you serious ? Very sad for OP but they have transferred the baby as they were worried about his condition. Hoping OP is reunited with her baby very soon .

OP I am so sorry you're going through this. I recall that physical pain being separated from my son too.

I did end up discharging myself from hospital early (6hrs post section, in terrible pain), made the most painful car journey of my life. But I'm glad I did. Once I was at the other hospital, they gave me a bed and gave me another catheter (I had simialr issues to you), they made me a patient there once they saw the pain I was in upon arrival. But it was a relief to be back close to my son, it made expressing so much easier to do it by is incubator.

It's a difficult choice to make, no right or wrong, but I just wanted to give you reassurance that a hospital won't just ignore you if you're in pain (the NICU Dr even prescribed my husband antibiotics as he suddenly developed an eye infection when there).

(Note, this was 3 years ago, I know NHS is struggling more now so maybe they won't have quote the same immediate response but I shouldn't think they'd ignore you if you need medical help when you arrive there).

This sounds awful. Im so sorry. Can you prepare to have lots of time at home over the next few weeks, by yourself with the baby? No/few visitors, just sitting skin to skin and bonding/healing from this separation?

Baby will be thriving on formula, and breastfeeding will be fine when you start again very soon. It's still very, very early days. Give yourself time for milk to come in (usually not until days 3-5!) Juts little drops of colostrum until then. Hopefully today- soon- you'll be cuddling. Good news that baby has dad with him!