Things they don't tell you about childbirth... but are in fact normal

[mumclaire]

Following on from the very enlightening thread about pregnancy I thought I'd start one about childbirth and see what happens!!

I'll start with a very tame one - nobody told me that you can have strong contractions for 48 hours and only be 2cm dialated - I was ready to hit the next person who said that I wasn't in 'real' labour!

Me too! They kept telling me it was "normal" and not to worry but I just wanted to hear that at least I got to be exceptional for being in labour for 2 days!

Also, no one warned me just how much I would bleed. They said, bring a few sanitary napkins. They didn't warn me that I would go through 2 boxes in the next two days!

That being stitched up afterwards is almost more painful than giving birth, a different sort of agonising needling pain.
Oh yes, the bleeding, and the HUGE clots that fall out when you sit up/stand up.

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Catheters
That you won't give a rats ass who looks up your front bum after a while
Gas and air is a spectacularly wonderful invention!

That in no time at all you really don't mind the millions of people who seem to need to stick their hands up you.

That they might need to stick a clip onto your baby's head - that really freaked me out at the time.

You will probably poo a bit when pushing the baby out.

ooh yes - not only don't you mind having a catheter in, but after a c-section I was begging them to leave it in for just another day..!

that even the tamest women can become roaring tigressess in the throes of labour

that you can poo/ wee/ vomit/ bleed/ gush fluid everywhere and your birth attendants won;t bat an eyelid

you will find inner strength you did not know you had

when you hear"push out from your bottom" do it, it really feels like you want a massive poo

That midwives will not only tell you that "you are not in real labour" but they will also suggest that you "take a couple of paracetamol" as though you just have a slight headache, blithely ignoring the fact that you have been having strong contractions every five minutes for 48 hours. Or more.

That you will worship and adore your midwives and anaesthetist (once the eipdural's in).

Yes! I was given paracetomol - really helped (not). Also I apparently proposed to the anethetist (sorry can't spell) which my dh was most upset at!!

Shaking after the birth. Puking during it.

It doesn't have to be like this - my DW gave birth to our daughter with strength, grace and determination.

And she wasn't begging for drugs, and it didn't descend into a gore-filled horror and she didn't bat an eyelid at being stitched for a little tear.

And little dd is ab-so-lutely lovely.

Oh, and everybody you know will take huge delight in telling you horror stories about birth. It's not inevitable...

You poo. you poo you poo you poo.

That was a surprise too far, all things considered.

As was the doctor suddenly shoving her finger up my bum. I never found out why because she never did volunteer an explanation and I was slightly afraid of asking, in case she said she did it for kicks.

It hurts!

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Oh... and that approximately 7 people seemed to turn up at nearly the exact moment of the birth but they nearly all disappeared immediately...

mumclaire - I proposed to the anaethstetist (sp?) also! (I guess they get used to it...)

herdnerd and lulumama are right - nowhere near enough people tell you that it can be fantastic and you can do it without intervention, you can become a roaring tigress and miraculously create new life.

On a more prosaic note, we had been warned about the swearing, which was lucky as I spat appalling obscenities at dh when he dared to blow his nose during a contraction.

You may find knickers unbearable uncomfortable during labour hence flash your bits to all and sundry when contracting in the corridors, even if you're wearing a nightie.

Following m2p - not only do you poo but you don't notice. I gleefully anounced to dh that i hadn't

It hugely surprised me that there was a clear, calm space in between each contraction, rather than constant pain. I rationally knew it, but it was rather odd....:
Aggggggghhhhhhhhhhh
Anyway, what were you saying about Eastenders? really I had no idea that
Aggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh
Ian was actually a woman. And you say that
Agggggghhhhhhhhh
etc etc

Also, agree with theherdnerd - dd's birth was absouletly the most transcendental experience of my little life - closest I've ever managed to come to describing it is somehow like an orgasm (simultaneously totally 'in' your body, and utterly elsewhere iykwim

That even if you're too scared to get your ears pierced and cry if you drop a perfume bottle on your toe...you can still do it, nay, even enjoy it.

that I wouldn't have the strength in my tummy muscles to blow my nose!