Things they don't tell you about childbirth... but are in fact normal

[mumclaire]

Following on from the very enlightening thread about pregnancy I thought I'd start one about childbirth and see what happens!!

I'll start with a very tame one - nobody told me that you can have strong contractions for 48 hours and only be 2cm dialated - I was ready to hit the next person who said that I wasn't in 'real' labour!

"Poo-ing a melon" is as good a description as any I feel!!

that you will call for your mummy when pushing (dh was a bit freaked out by that)

that you will tell your poor dh who's doing all the things they've taught him at nct to shut the fu*k up i can't focus on the mw

that you will love your midwife completely and utterly and you'll want her to come home and be your best friend forever (and try to fix her up with your friend on finding out she's single)

that pethidine is simply the best drug ever- no, make that the best thing ever.

that you will simply not believe it when they tell you "now hold your baby" (i honestly asked the mw- what baby?? and was really surprised there was a a baby at the end of it all)

that, miraculously, among all the gore and mess and body fluids, your baby can emerge wonderfully clean (bar a bit of lovely varnix) and smelling delicious!!

that you will actually give the guy who's stitching you up a complete, detailed account of the amazing trip you're having while high as a kite on g&a, tell him to make it nice and tight (and see your dh blush in shame), and conclude by blessing him- twice.

beforesunrise, your account is so true and made me piss myself laughing. My midwife was totally fantastic as well. I don't think I shouted for mummy, but I do remember very feebly whimpering to the midwife,'please don't take the gas and air away. I promise I'll try to push if you give it back'. (I had it taken off me for second stage as she felt i needed to be more awake to push!) Oh and also, that once the baby's out, you really won't gove a fuck about anything. I had gas and air again for the stitching up, and at one point the canister ran out and I had a few stitches while sucking on nothing! In the cold light of day the thought of stitches in your fanjo with no pain relief makes your blood run cold, but believe me, when you've just pushed a baby out with no pain relief nothing seems so bad after!!

mmmhhh not sure i agree with you tehere inthegutter... the stitching up was waaaaay worse than the birth itself..... though must admit that the g&a part of it was nice :-)