Am I in labour?

[slithytove]

Third baby, 40+5, trying for a home vbac

Previous stillbirth and sections so this is my first 'normal' gestation and labour.

I had a sweep on Sunday and been losing bits of mucus plug ever since, no bloody show though.

I've been getting irregular contractions since midnight, sometimes 1 every 10 mins, sometimes 1 a minute. They take my breath away and I feel like I need to poo with each one. Also have a fair bit of back pain but this is pretty normal for me.

I am constipated and have terrible wind

Could this be labour? Should I take any paracetemol or Fybogel or anything? If I'm going to have a baby tm I'd really like to get some sleep and at the moment contractions are preventing that.

OHHHH, there was a US Telly show where the mum used to grab her baby away from the grandfather as he was always " snuffling the youth out of it's head!"..

I promise not to suffle any glorious youth, I just want the tiniest nibble on a toe..

Oh I love that smell - both my boys used to smell like strawberry shortcake! No idea why, I didn't use any perfumed products on either of them, it must have just been their smell. Gorgeous!

DS2's skin, at nearly 2, is still beautifully soft and petal-like to stroke - and luckily for me he likes to have his face stroked while he's falling asleep, so I get to feel it quite a lot!

Love that photo of Livvy being all milk-drunk - such a fantastic thing to watch, I always thought. Glad your DS is being so lovely with her too. x

I'm jealous of the nice smells. My boys just smell of vomit and piddle to me

Well there was also the not so occasional smell of rotten milk/cheese too, MrsK, when some had got into a crevice that I'd obviously missed in their baths (behind the ears was favourite ). DS1 was never pukey, but DS2 refluxed all over the place.
Mine never smelt of wee unless their nappies were full because I always dunked them in a bowl/tub of water - I found the only times I cleaned them with wipes, there was that whole "missed crevice" thing going on again, and they smelt of wee despite being "clean". Sitting in water gets rid of it all, even though it's more time/labour intensive. :)

We have a pongy umbilical cord today if that helps?

oh god that rotting flesh/fishy smell. DS1's was left really long for any iv needed and it bloody stank. By day 5 the whole house reeked and ds kicked it off.

Lovely story!

Well we did delayed cc so Olivia's has fallen off really fast, but it's left a nasty little rotting stump too short to clamp, so I have to wait for it to rot, and then flake off! It's disgusting and I live in fear of it being infected because it's so deep inside what will be her belly button.

I feel weirdly, inexplicably low tonight.

Sad that I might have had my last child. Sad that I'm not being the best mum I can be to DS right now. Sad that the baby stage is over so fast and I'm being reminded daily of all the things I've forgotten about when DS was tiny. Sad that I'm being useless in the house.

I know it's ridiculous. But I still feel very down.

We can't help our feelings, we can rationalise them & pretend we shouldn't have them but they are what they are.

I "only" have my DS so can't comment on the feelings about letting DC1 down after the arrival of DC2 but I know I felt wobbly enough emotionally a few days after his birth so can only imagine how much harder it is the next time.

The baby stage does fly by but you know that every stage has it's own special moments and try to enjoy them along the way.

Oh Slithy
It's normal to feel 'low' and you can't help that but try not to be too hard on yourself.
Ds will soon forget if mummy can't give him 100% right at the moment. I promise you that he will never remember.
The house will still be standing when you're fighting fit, albeit a bit messier but still there :) Try not to stress about it and get Dh to keep on top of it. You've just had a baby Mrs, get those feet up :)
Is Livvy definitely your last?

Hope you feel a little better tomorrow
Take care X

Six days on? Sounds like baby blues. I had it on day 5 after Ds1 was born, cried my eyes out most of the day and wondered what the fuck I'd done. Luckily I phoned a friend who had also had day 5/6 baby blues - it's just yer 'ormones playing tricks on you.
I'm not entirely sure which ones, possibly a sudden drop in oxytocin, which, while still needed for breastmilk production, isn't needed in such high amounts as it is for labour. Oxytocin is also a "feel good" hormone, so a sudden drop might explain the baby blues (just thinking about it, I don't know this to be the case).

BUT! the good news is that you should feel fine tomorrow so hurrah!

Have you tried washing the stump in diluted antiseptic? I don't know if that's even recommended, but it's what I'd probably do.

(((hugs))) and

sorry you are feeling low Slithy. i think it must be quite normal to feel torn about your older dc when a new one comes along. i feel guilty and sad everyday that i can't spend enough one on one time with either - guilty/sad because i miss just being ds and me and guilty/sad that ds2 wont have my undivided attention for 2 yrs like ds1 did. i feel like i'm letting them both down.

Try not to be so hard on yourself and get as much rest as you can.

Hope you feel better today

(warm boiled salt water for the cord stump?)

Aw, slithy, I hope today is a better day for you .
Yes, it does sound like baby blues and I hope it lifts quickly.

You know how they say that every baby arrives with its own portion of love? And that's why we can all love ALL of our children rather than 'running out' of love?
Well, IMO every baby arrives with its own portion of guilt as well. Mother's Guilt (as an aside, I am not aware of men feeling Father's Guilt?) at not being able to be able to divide yourself, mainly.
I try to be The Best Mother I Can Be, but accept that sometimes Good Enough Parenting will have to do.

Euch cord stumps - disgusting things.
You can give it a gentle wash with warm water and baby shampoo, then gently shower it out. Or any of the suggestions above - stumps still stink though. DS1 had a granuloma for months after his cord stump fell off which really worried me - he still has the most perfect tummy button now (aged 11).

I do feel a a bit better today, and thanks for replies.

I managed to make dinner last night, and have got up with both kids today, giving DH a lie in and getting some good playtime in with DS. I'm still struggling with the guilt of far too much TV, but I have to tell myself it won't be forever. He is still a bit unsettled but the more normal I can be the better I suppose.

Next step, getting us all out of the house, as DS desperately needs a decent run around.

I had a proper attack of the baby blues on day 3, didn't think it would happen twice, but as you said pacific, it's mothers guilt too. Which I'm sure I will keep on feeling.

Another stupid thought I keep having and I'm wondering if it's normal - I keep getting this horrible fear I will lose Olivia to something like SIDS. I felt this with DS too and it went away, but it's just a sickening fear. Do others get this?

Slithy, i'll let you into a secret i cannot share with anyone in real life... But i am terrified i am going to throw the baby over the balcony . I worry that i will go outside and trip or something and let him go. But more dark is this terrible fear i will momentarily lose my mind and throw him over the side. I feel tearful just typing that.

I have a similar fear of jumping off of high buildings, but now it has been projected to me doing it to my dc. I suppose it is the worst thing i can imagine doing and it is playing on my subconscious.

I can also empathise with the too much TV for older dc - poor DS has been almost solidly in front of it for 2 months. I haven't taken the children out by myself yet and he is bouncing off the walls. On sat i am moving in with M&D for a month so dad will be able to help me go to the park with him which he will love.

I feel like the worst parent in the world most of the time. It's so hard to balance establishing breast feeding, moving house and giving DS1 proper attention. I am hoping that when we move in it will become easier.

You sound like you are doing really well. Is DH helping out more? has he stopped sighing at night? (i think i would karate chop dh in the wind pipe if he did that so you are definitely a better person than i am!)

Glad you're feeling better, Slithy

What you and MrsK are saying all sounds highly familiar to me too. :(

With DS1, my bedroom door opened out onto a small landing, about 2'6" square, and then straight down the stairs. I also had a step down from bedroom to this landing. I used to visualise myself tripping down that step and throwing DS1 down the stairs; or tripping and both of us falling down the stairs. I also suffered from intermittent vertigo (bad neck, treated by osteopath successfully, but would go "out" again from time to time) and worried ^enORMously that I would have an attack at the top of the stairs and not be able to save DS1 and/or myself.

I also had a massive fear of SIDS but that was pretty much sorted because I co-slept with DS1 til he was nearly 6m, and I still haven't got rid of DS2 and he'll be 2 in about 3 weeks time! The first time Ds1 slept through the night though, OMG! I woke up with my heart racing when i realised what the time was and nearly fell over myself to get to his room to see if he was ok. He was fine!

Now though (dark innermost thought time) I have The Fear that I will lose one or other of them to childhood leukaemia. It's an incredibly long-standing fear of mine, ever since I first read about it when I was a youngish child. At first my fear was for me, but since having the boys, it's transferred to them. I even got DS1's blood checked because he kept having coughs and colds - and I'm about to do the same with DS2 for the same reason. I know there are other symptoms but but but... (and I should, I worked in hospital labs and in blood transfusion, including a tissue typing lab that tested for bone marrow transplants)

AND I was a bad mum to DS1 when DS2 was first around; because he was nearly 5, he was able to get on with stuff by himself so much more, whereas I had this little tiny helpless creature who just couldn't do anything for himself, so of course most of my energies went towards looking after him. It evens out again when they stop being so entirely dependent (and probably before if your DHs are better than mine at stepping in and taking the baby for a while! )

Thumb, i often joke that my imagination has become just one long scene from final destination and that i reckon the writers of it must be new parents. You see danger everywhere, and not just normal danger, convoluted 1 in a million freak accident danger.

DS is 2 and has still only ever slept in our bed. i just couldn't sleep if he was in another bedroom. I am in awe of other parents who can. i wake in a panic and have to poke both of them to make sure. I love that the baby snores as it means i can hear him breathing. DH however, i'm not so concerned about and am happy for him to stop snoring!

Both of mine are absolutely silent sleepers unless they have the sniffles. Can you imagine! I've been lying there next to them and had to poke them to see if they're still breathing! And as for when DS1 moved into the cot, jeez that was hard, I had to get right down inside, or put my hand on his tummy to check he was still breathing!

Hahaha re final destination script writers - absolutely!

Thanks for replying, sorry I haven't been back sooner, I've had what I think is horrendous trapped wind today. Anyone had that? It was nearly as painful as the contractions, had me crying yet again. Now I'm just left with very sore achy muscles.

Mumsnet is great isn't it? Thank you both for sharing, it can't have been easy and it did make me feel more normal about my irrational fears. Stress and hormones have so much to answer for don't they? Mums really do have a difficult time of it and I doubt there is a dad in the world who could really understand.

I showered with both kids (in turn) earlier today, that was nice. Relaxing for Livvy and I managed to get her manky cord stump lovely and clean. It's very swollen but I think it's just going to be that way for a while. MrsK is Lulus flat yet?

We coslept with DS till 6 months and are doing so with Liv now. Does it reduce the risk of SIDS then? I just wake up from a really deep sleep sometimes and have to wake her up as you have both said, she sleeps too quietly! Plus since babies are so floppy that makes me panic too. I think sometimes I am too lucky with both my kids and husband and that I'm tempting fate. But then I think well we had dd1 taken from us, we deserve to keep the rest of our kids. I know life doesn't work like that though.

R.e. The leukaemia thing, yep, me too! Makes you feel not quite sane doesn't it? Thing is DS had a few issues in his first few months of life including massive weight loss, low white blood cell count, abnormal blood work and abnormal liver function. Batteries of tests showed that he had an under active thyroid causing this cascade of other problems, and once that was fixed the others self corrected - but I lived for 6 months waiting to be told it was cancer.

I also KNEW I would die during my section to the point of asking my mum to make sure my husband was taken care of financially. Ditto this time I was sure I would have a pph and die.

Makes me sound mad doesn't it.

Nope, normal! Well normal in my experience, anyway!

Sounds completely normal to me. first labour was awful and by day 3 i just 'knew' i wasn't going to make it. And then the second time (as you know) i had PP and a section and was convinced i was going to bleed to death on the table. I was quietly sobbing on the walk to theatre and whilst it was happening i was using all my power not to freak out. Both times i told dh to promise me he'd do x, y and z in the event of my death. Rationally i knew people have sections everyday, but it seemed terrifying to me. i feel bad because dh way preferred it and wants another one if we have a 3rd dc.

As for trapped wind, i had it really badly this time. Have you tried peppermint tea?

Will buy peppermint tea today, I'm well and truly constipated now and it's agony! Shame, I was doing so well.

Really annoyed with DH again, he stayed up till 11 playing fifa (we hadn't had dinner) and then went to bed at 1. He is now complaining of being tired and is still in bed. I'm up with both kids and DS is very teary. He also (and I'm furious with this) didn't put Liv down in her crib so when I went up she was asleep on his chest. He was fast asleep snoring, and he had been drinking, was exhausted, and she was under the duvet. So not worth the bloody risk and I will be telling him so probably not nicely when he deigns to join us.

oh dear, that sounds crap. i wont tolerate DH saying he's tired or laying in at all atm. Last week he decided to catch up on utopia by watching 4 episodes in the night. Tough if he's tired because of something he chose to do. DS goes to bed at about 9.30-10pm and we all go to bed then too (if i'm not feeding). Everything comes second to sleeping in this house.

i would defo be having words if i were you. i don't think you get the luxury of a late night and a lay in with a little one and a new baby. I just about manage if i'm on my own (by feeding one and leaving the other to cry/be in a dirty nappy etc), but it doesn't mean i have to if DH is here, regardless of what time he went to bed.

Have you tried fibrogel and lactulose for the constipation? i was prescribed it after both the births.

OMG slithy, rip him a new one! For ALL of the above - but mostly for the risk to Livvy, stupid unthinking man!

As for the "I'm so tired I stayed up playing stupid games til stupid o'clock" - tough shit mate! Up you get!

When DS1 was 9mo, DH went out on a works do, on a boat. He invited me too but with DS so small and it being a boat trip, I refused as if anything happened I wouldn't be able to get back to DH. Anyway. He said he wouldn't drink too much because a) he didn't want the hangover, b) he didn't want to embarrass himself in front of colleagues and c) he didn't want any shit from me for a). He was due back at a set time because they were bussed there and back, so I knew when he'd be home - and I told him that if he couldn't get up the stairs without tripping, not to bother. Well he tripped on the second step (I heard him come in) then spent the next couple of hours retching and throwing up in the downstairs loo; apparently he then slept under the dining room table until about 5am (fuck knows why he didn't go on the sofa!) and then crawled up to bed after that. I think I oh-so-kindly gave him until about 9:30am before I took Ds1 into the spare room and dumped him on DH! Who of course had a massive hangover. I was really mean to him - but as his mother once said, the main "bargain" she made with her own DH, DH's dad, was that he could do what he liked so long as it had no negative impact on his family - and I liked it so much I took it to heart.

He still remembers that weekend... evil