Petrified of Birth

[Pegasus1234]

Hi,

Im new on here. Im 21 weeks+ and this is my first baby.

I met with my consultant today for the first time. I am consultant led because of fibroids and previous overactive bladder problems for which I was under the gynaecologist.

I explained that I was terrified of giving birth and wished to be considered for C section.

I am not too posh to push, just have an absolute deep rooted fear, it makes me physically sick, cant sleep due to anxiety etc. Having nightmares. I also have personal reasons I wont go into going back to my teens.

I felt totally indimidated there were 4 people in the room in total all staring at me, judging me.

The consultant basically didnt listen to me, and asked if a tour of the labour ward would help!!

Being a health professional myself I explained that I knew exactly what was involved. I have observed both births and c sections as part of my nurse training.

He said they dont perform sections for women without a medical reason.
I would have thought that fibroids, bladder weakness and absolute fear would be reasons.

Im not a particularly confident person, and make it difficult to have my voice heard sometimes. I just felt I was being dismissed as a silly woman who needed to go home .

I feel helpless, so upset and alone.

Can anyone offer any advice, or has been through a similar situation.

Thanks

Thank you for sharing ladies. GlitterJunkie I'm so happy for you, best of luck with your birth, keep us updated! Ambellina that sounds amazing too, I'm glad that people are out there understanding how we feel, it's wonderful you got exactly what you needed :)

I've made an appointment with the GP for next week. No idea what to say though, as I don't even know what I need to help me feel better about this - both VB and CS are equally as terrifying - I'm very fit with weightlifting/high intensity training so the idea of being out for weeks recovering from a CS and having to look down and see the wound is making me feel just as anxious as a VB :( I guess I'll just see how it goes, suppose that ultimately I just want 'people' to be aware of how frightened I am so I get the right type of support at every stage? Whatever that may mean
Wish we could order our babies from the Stalk delivery company, how lovely would that be. None of this terror, can't believe the nightmares I'm having x

I was on this thread previously...

It was horrendous and I sympathise with those of you going through what I went through previously. I'm glad that part of my life is over.

I now have a 1 year old boy who is awesome (and a right handful!)

I got an appointment before ttc. Got support and guarantee I needed of a CS. I was promised to be booked in early to avoid all this nonsense of having to wait until X weeks before they could. Was told DH could stay with me afterwards. All in writing. Though not at my local hospital but one slightly further afield.

They were good on their word. I was told that an ELCS would be no problem at booking in due to the appointments I'd had previously, and I was formerly booked in for CS at 16 weeks. I burst into tears at the weight being lifted off me at that point as I was convinced they would change their minds. I wouldn't say I enjoyed pregnancy after that, but it did make it bareable and I was able to cope, which I don't think I would have been able to without this early booking. I had a private room and DH stayed with me throughout the OP and for the 2 days and nights after.

They could not have been better.

You CAN do all this on the NHS.

I had run through all the possibilities and costs of going private and with the benefit of hindsight, I'm so glad I didn't because of the extra pressures of a different nature that would have brought. The logistics and finance would have been awful.

I would say the best advice I can give for those of you needing to sort things out prior to ttc its about researching the policies and facilities of your local hospitals and being aware of which have better mental health support than others. Have a look at this map as it may help (my hospital only got a low amber rating FWIW).

Stressing that the hoop jumping was part of the problem and was causing me anxiety was also very useful. If you have a prior history of mental health related issues, this is also helpful particularly as the latest NICE guidance for women with mental health issues is that they should have access to discussing pregnancy and childbirth before ttc. (The NICE Guidelines on CS are well known, but this is another, more recent, piece of guidance which will be equally useful to some of you).

I just wanted to add in because I just had an experience that floored me

A bit of background I have one ds aged 3 .... He was born 37 /1 via sect (hospital terms it elective.... I term it a very sensible doc told me too many risks involved so they were advising c sect... Not elective in my mind, I clarify because the term us on occasion been virtually spat at me by midwives now)

I'm literally now in hospital at 36/5 with ds2, cholestasis
Diabetes the beginnings of pre eclampsia etc etc admitted today ... Lots of fun moments where my bp skyrocketed as I threw up everywhere

Anyway also you should know I'm a bolshy sod but I'm smart.... I had a long discussion at my obstetrician appt a week ago where I was very clearly advised the safest best thing for my child in my circumstances was a c sect

Sorry I'm going somewhere with this

After a day of pain and stress and fear I just got a lovely visit from the on call registrar to review me as frankly my body's falling apart I'm halfway through steroids (made by the consultant today) just in case things get worse nod there was a debate about delivering before the morning

So what did this darling do ? Promptly berated me and extremely heavily pushed me for agreeing to a sect at 38 wks and spent twenty minutes pushing me to change my mind to an induction, she bullied and berated and gaslit me

The midwife looked embarrassed

I reiterated the reasons and medical advice that led to this, also that I was seeing the consultant again tomm and I would make the safest decision for my child at the time

But it reminded me.... Listen ex work colleagues will tell you I'm known for standing up to drug dealers and gangs professionally, I've public ally shouted down medical consultants when necessary .... When i need to be I'm fucking terrifying to cross... But there for a split second ... For one moment... She got to me

I am sat hooked up to wires in a vulnerable situation and the bitch made me feel shit ..... A single doctor against her senior docs advice for a single moment crushed me and made me feel like a terrible lazy mother

So please understand I mean it when I tell you I understand how scary it is to tick to your guns about your birth, she crushed a woman nicknamed the Rottweiler by previous colleagues (for good reason)

BUT only for a moment because please hear the one important thing I've learned through all the stillbirth warnings, through the fear and the sleepless nights

You won't be wrong, or lazy or uncaring, you need to do what is right for the baby AND you, and if that is fighting for a sect that makes you a good mother because you care enough to fight

Yes listen to the medical advice they are saying it for a reason and they mostly know their stuff, but use your instincts listen to the knowledgable and ignore the bullies with their own agenda BUT you need to factor in your mental health and that's part of being a good mum

I'm sorry this is so long but I mean it, you've got this, you can handle making sure you have the support you need.... Go in and damn well get it

And this regs tear ? I may be on my backside in my pyjamas with lines left right and centre , I'm alone and scared..... But without raising my voice or being remotely rude she will not be dealing with me again.... Her colleague is taking my reviews for a good reason

Be your own advocate if you have to

You are right to make the decision that's right for you.... Your medical procedure your body