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Bullying

Find advice from others who have experienced school or workplace bullying on our Bulllying forum.

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Original poster

Kid keeps attacking my 3 year old

130 replies

Mamalexi343 · 13/03/2017 16:15

So I'm fuming right now!

My 3 year old dd keeps getting hit and pushed and kicked by the same kid at her nursery.

Now this kid has special needs and whilst I do understand (my niece is autistic) I don't understand why nothing is being done about it. I'm not angry at him (well I am a bit, he hurt my baby) nor am I angry at his parents (slightly annoyed) I'm furious with his care givers, that they know he lashes out yet nothing is being done.

He went to her old nursery and bit her twice on the same finger, breaking the skin both times and I didn't realise he had moved over to her new nursery until I saw him a couple of weeks ago and it all clicked together all the time she was coming home saying xxxxx had hurt her again.

As soon as I realised he was there I immediately took her teachers to the side and quietly explained their history and he seems to have taken a disliking to her, they assured me they would be vigilant in watching and on hand if any situation looks like it's forming.

I pick her up today to be called into the classroom and she is uncontrollably crying and they inform me she has hit her eye, it's only once we've got home and her eye has swollen up and turned into a black eye and I ask her what happened and she again tells me xxxxx has thumped her in the eye.

I am beyond angry and waiting for her next nursery day to get to the bottom of this, she wouldn't say someone did something if they didn't and I said a few of the other kids names and she assured me it was him.

Why is the nursery not doing anything about it? Why did they lie to me? Why aren't they getting this boy the help he so obviously needs? My dd isn't the first child he's gone for, I've had several conversations with other parents of children he's hurt.

I already struggle to get her in there every morning let alone with all this now going on.

I don't care if I'm over reacting I'm not having this!!!! How would you guys handle it?

OP posts:

Badders123 · 13/03/2017 18:50

If you already know what you are going to say and have it all worked out, why post then? 🙄
You are very cross none of us have been as angry as you!!

LouKout · 13/03/2017 18:51

Shes had lots of advice

Badders123 · 13/03/2017 18:51

Yeah...maybe head over the netmums?

I'm sure lots of "Huns" will agree with you over there

Donsoftheworld · 13/03/2017 19:05

OP, if I were you I would pull my DD out of the Nursery immediately, then I would complain to the management and if I thought they were unable/uninterested to protect my DD I would move her to another Nursery. The situation is heartbreaking, your DD is so little and can't protect herself, you need to make sure she is happy and safe, whatever it takes 💐

BackforGood · 13/03/2017 19:42

No-one has attacked you.
Almost everyone has empathised with you over the situation you are in. Almost everyone has acknowledged it is upsetting, but we are trying to help you. Just because that advice isn't what you want to hear, doesn't mean people are trying to attack you.

Re funding - as I said - there is a tiny fraction of the amount needed. The fact that you know another child has some funding doesn't change that fact. I know a couple of dozen children who have a small amount of funding, but I also know of several hundred who would really benefit from it, who 'need it' or 'deserve it' if you like, who don't have it. You mention in your first post that you have a niece with autism, but again, only that she is in the same Nursery and that she has some SEN funding after my reply - so there is no reason to be shouting - again, no-one can mind read. Either way, it doesn't alter the fact above.

If it's not gossiping, what do you call 'other parents all talking about this child' ? I absolutely will challenge that. It is atrocious behaviour. When any parent has an issue with what is going on at Nursery, you go in and speak to the Nursery management. You do NOT talk about another child with fellow parents. I totally stand by that. You don't 'say nothing' but you say something to people who might be able to do try to do more about it.

Your post at 18:32 is the first time you have said anything about being told your dd hit her eye on the table. How can people responding to you before that know that? No-one here is a mind reader - that is a pretty crucial piece of information if you are looking for advice as to handle a situation.

DixieNormas · 13/03/2017 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

isadoradancing123 · 13/03/2017 20:02

How dare people intimate that it's ok because he has special needs, he is def targeting this child and his special needs are not the little girls problem. She has a right to be safe and not terrified. I would be furious

LouKout · 13/03/2017 20:08

Yes loads of people said it was ok. Or err none.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 13/03/2017 20:13

isadoradancing123 copy and paste one, just one post which says it's ok because he has SN. You won't be able to, because nobody did.

F1ipFlopFrus · 13/03/2017 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

isadoradancing123 · 13/03/2017 20:21

I didn't say anyone said it, I said intimating. Also of course other mums will talk together in playgrounds all over the world

Annahibiscuits · 13/03/2017 20:23

mama my 6 yo was repeatedly attacked by a boy with suspected autism since the age of 3. I have only recently realised it IS bullying. It doesn't matter the reason that the child acts like that, it fits the description of bullying EXACTLY and the effects is the same

IME schools do fuck all to support the victim and only support the harmful child. My dd has experienced severe psychological effects manifesting as physical symptoms. She is under the care of a clinical paedeatrician, a community paedeatrician and a social worker. She was out of school for 2 months and is now having to adjust to a new school. So, I get it.

Now with this experience, I would advise you to escalate to governors and ofsted and/or find another nursery

Happy to chat by messenger, if you want

isadoradancing123 · 13/03/2017 20:25

Meeting with the nursery staff has not achieved anything as this has happened in a different setting and staff are aware.

LouKout · 13/03/2017 20:25

No-one intimated it either.

isadoradancing123 · 13/03/2017 20:27

Exactly as Anna says And yes it is bullying

isadoradancing123 · 13/03/2017 20:31

How is it a three year old girls prob if " he finds something about her stressful" ?

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 13/03/2017 20:35

The staff need to be aware of his triggers and flash points and step in to ensure no incidents happen. As I said repeatedly upthread, nobody is saying that the OP should be prepared to allow her child to get hurt, but it is a different situation when there are special needs involved and requires different approaches and handling. Also what I said upthread. The nursery has a duty of care to both children, and currently they are failing both children. That needs to change.

LouKout · 13/03/2017 20:36

I didnt say it was

Lots of projecting here. As if people want a bunfight

Thirtyrock39 · 13/03/2017 20:37

Regardless of funding issues if a child is aggressive for whatever reason repeatedly the setting should be putting a plan in place to minimise the chance of this happening. At my local preschool there's a very aggressive child and they have employed an extra staff member to be 1:1 with this child - the setting cant afford it BUT their priority is keeping all the children safe.
I have been in this situation as a parent and it's awful and all parents go into lioness mode when their children are hurt by another child. And you do get resentful to the other child and their parents because it's instinctive and parents do talk about the difficult children that is u avoidable. Yes we know it's not kind or understanding but it is rotten having your child physically injured by another child and as a parent your priority will always be your child.

LouKout · 13/03/2017 20:39

I didn't feel resentful when my child was hit. As i understood it wasn't the child or her parents fault.

LouKout · 13/03/2017 20:40

If it happened repeatedly id have kicked the schools ass only.

Porpoiselife · 13/03/2017 20:45

3 year olds can bully another child. I'm so sorry your daughter is going through this op.

You seem very rational imo as the little boy in question has Sen and so makes it more difficult for the nursery to deal with and you fully understand that. I don't think it's at all unreasonable to be angry about it, your child has a black eye! It's not just a bit of pushing and pigtail pulling.

It does not sound though that the nursery are dealing with it if it keeps happening to your child and also to other children. As the child has Sen they are unlikely to do much about it as they always seem to prioritise the needs of a Sen child over others. Even if the other child is being hurt unfortunately.

LouKout · 13/03/2017 20:46

And more of the usual.

LouKout · 13/03/2017 20:47

they always seem to prioritise the needs of a Sen child over others

Original poster

Mamalexi343 · 13/03/2017 20:52

Thank you to everyone who has been kind

I've requested that this thread be deleted as I have got the advice I needed but also because it has got heated and stressful why more than it needed too so let's leave it at that. Thank you

OP posts:

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