Group of 30 from DD's school lured her to the park to attack, mug, and humiliate her

[user1468352691]

I'm absolutely going out of my mind with worry and my daughter is hysterical and is refusing to come out of her room, and is refusing to go to school tomorrow. I want to phone the police but she is begging me not to, so I need advice from my fellow mums of teens.

So, a bit of backstory. My daughter is 14, and started a new school 6 months ago. She fitted in extremely well at first, and befriended some of the girls from the "popular" clique. She was out nearly every day after school and at the weekends, they'd go into town or each others houses. I was thrilled because in her previous school she had always been left out, we moved school so she could have a fresh start, and it worked, so I though at the time.

Around a month ago, DD went into school and suddenly this group blanked her. The "clique" consists of around 30 people in her year, and is a mix of boys and girls. DD had (and still doesn't know) what she did to trigger this. In the weeks that followed, only one girl from the clique was still "friends" with her, and she claimed she had also been blanked by the clique. This was a lie as we'd later find out. On Friday, DD got a text from the friend asking if she wanted to meet up at the park and get something to eat in town afterwards. DD thought her and this girl were best friends, so she agreed.

DD walked to the park, and she says the friend was waiting for her at the gates, and told her "I have something amazing to show you.", and led her to the other end of the park. What awaited her, were 30 kids from her year standing in the field. She says the majority of the "clique" were there. They ran up to her, took pictures of her, hit her, pulled her hair and took her phone. The ones that weren't attacking her stood and watched, while laughing and filming. After they'd left (the attack lasted at least half an hour my DD said) she ran home and told me what happened. She's been locked up in her room most of the weekend and I let her miss school Monday and today, that may have been the wrong move but I couldn't bear the thought of going through that again.

I know I need to send her back to school tomorrow and we are both sick to our stomachs at the thought, but we already had the LEA on our backs a few months ago when we went on holiday for a week during term time. I wish I could just keep her safe at home for the rest of the year. I don't know what to do :(

Rtft dyac

My daughter was bullied in a similar way, but not to this extreme. My heart breaks for you op, you seem to have every thing under control as much as you can.
one day not too far in the distance these children will grown up and will realise what they have done, some of them may even beg for forgiveness.
Tell your daughter too hold her head high.
Things will get better, sending you guys LOVE xx

I'm sorry I have only skim read the thread so this may have already been suggested - I think you should take photos of any bruising your daughter has now. A GP appointment would be a good idea - if you have a problem getting an appointment say that your daughter has been assaulted and you would like her to be checked and injuries recorded.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I thought the Sun contacting you was appalling,,,but yes...what a comment to be able to drop in to a conversation with the Deputy Head tomorrow. They WILL want to deal with this.

IF - she's avaiable. IF.
WTAF?? IF????

Omg. Im disgusted at the dep heads lame attempt in this matter.

Awful all round.

Im so sorry you and your daughter are going through this. My teen dd has been on tbe receiving end of some awful behaviour. Its shocking how it can escalate.

Death threats are illegal to make.
Inciting hatred and intention to harm is illegal too.
I hope the police have details of the the Snapchat video of them threatening to kill your DD.
They will pay for this.
Op it sounds like you're doing everything brilliantly, given how distressing it must be for both of you.
I'm glad you have your Mil who can help.
You may need more of that when you have to attend other meeting relating to this awful attack.
I agree that you should definitely have somebody with you in any meeting with the school, and yes to legal representation as well.
The is a criminal matter after all.
Thinking of you.

Just received an email from the deputy head

Clearly as a result of the police becoming involved, rather than because of what actually happened - otherwise someone from the school would have called when they first found out about it

I absolutely agree with cestlavielife's advice to have a witness to any discussions with the school. Having been caught out they'll now try to put a good face on things, but it's essential to realize that despite the fancy phrases you'll probably hear, damage limitation is now likely to be their priority

I don't know if it will be help or hindrance but have you looked for videos of the attack?

I wouldn't be able to handle it, you are doing great and don't need extra anguish.
I'm thinking that having the evidence in your possession will put a stop to any minimising from the culprits and also put DD at ease (easier?) knowing she can use their weapon back at em.

I'm also wondering if what happened has been fully explained to the Head/DH over in Spain, or if those left in charge - realizing they've fouled up big time and trying to cover themselves - have painted it as "a bit of a fall out" which the parents are "blowing out of all proportion" in involving the police

While this would be very, very foolish of them, it might explain (though definitely not excuse) the flaccid response from the deputy ...

user1468352691 I have been thinking of you and your dd, and I pray that you will both get through this OK.

"...there is a fake picture going round on social media of a dead body with my daughters face photoshopped onto it." This is so fucking serious, the school must take massive action, what a fucking shit school.

"School told me they would let her spend the next few weeks in a "safe space" but it's not good enough IMO!"

School does not get to dictate when or if your dd returns.

What are they doing about the assault?

"...she's going to bloody run into some no matter how "isolated" she is at the school. DH thinks I should deregister her, and I'm in a right mind to. The only other school within our catchment is way over full capacity but I'm happy to home educate."

I would not allow my child to return but others may be right about not de-registering yet.

"...show them the bruises on her arm." Can I just ask if you or the police photographed these, if not, please do.

"We had a row afterwards because she was upset I had phoned the police, but we've made up." She will be upset but when she looks back she will know you have done what is needed.

"I rang the GP but there are no appointments free until next Friday" Please just tell them this is an emergency, you can just say your daughter has been attacked if you need to say anything.

"... though they recommended I look into getting a CAMHS referral." Who is going to do the referral, you can self refer but I am not sure under what circumstances, I know the GP can do it.

I agree with pps take someone with you but I'd be tempted to call again and say that the sun want a story and if they don't meet with you asap you're going to give it to them.

I mean obviously we know you won't and you aren't going to but a bit of a twist of the truth might boot their arses into gear. They've clearly only contacted you cause the police are involved now.

Also agree don't take your daughter out of school on a permanent basis just yet, if you do it at this point they won't need to pursue. Also they'll be worried about their absence rates if she's being classed as that for the time being. They need to be made to take this seriously and by affecting their performance you have the upper hand

I'd let her take a year out and focus on things that will boost her confidence after this horrendous experience.

Art classes, kick boxing, drama... She will need to get her mojo back after this.

I think your dd needs to heal at home with some time to build her confidence. Things like martial arts can be quite helpful in building both physical and mental confidence. Is it possible to register her in time for a class in an adjacent town so she will not run into the shitbags? Or see if the oversubscribed school has any such classes she may be abel to just attend while she is getting herself together, so to speak? Just an idea.

When you have a chance, talk to the other oversubscribed school and just begin a dialogue with them so your dd may be able to go there in time.

I think I would also keep a record of all the schools responses with a view to sending this to Ofsted.

OP please do not name the school here, because it is a private matter for your dd but I agree with 2014newme "....But I would be telling the HT that the sun have the story and use that as leverage."

I can only say personally I would want to see justice for my dd but that school would have no part in her future but it may be worth not de-registering her yet as others have said.

If you need any help to get an appointment with your GP now, remember it is an emergency and mental health is just as vital as physical health.

Annesmyth123 "TBH I'd even look at getting this thread down as the situation is unusual enough to possibly be identifying."

If you do have the thread taken down you can start a new thread for support with only very general details.

Re "One of them had the nerve to say "We have many students here and each one has their own set of problems and difficulties." Please write that down, that shows the contempt they have for your dd's situation.

hellokittymania I am very sorry to hear your experience. Has this left you with any stress disorder? Have you had counselling?

I know it does not work for all but it can help.

user1468352691 counselling on the NHS may help your dd too, this page has some information to explore counselling on the NHS. www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Post-traumatic-stress-disorder/Pages/Treatment.aspx

I am interested in Eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing (EMDR), which seems to be very effective. Although I have no experience of this but it sounds interesting.

I had CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) for anxiety (not related to bullying and as an adult) but I am a big fan of counselling (and marital arts).

XXX [hugs]

"If she's available" is she having a laugh? Ffs.

Complain to ofsted, not for revenge but for the simple reason the scum running the school lack any form of morals or humanity and as such they need to be dealt with appropriately before other kids get harmed.

Wonder what they would do if it was their kid....

Wow!!!! This is so so horrible OP. I am so shocked at how cruel children are and also that the school have been so unresponsive.

Your poor DD. What a horrific experience for her - and how brave she has been.

How on earth can the dep head and the head teacher go on a jolly together!!!!!! And this happens while they are away!!!!! I am so angry I can't imagine how you feel.

I really hope there are serious consequences including criminal convictions for those involved. This is frightening - what society has come too

Im actually outraged, I genuinely am. "Very concerning and contact me if I'm available",,,so you have kids being interviewed by police and child threatened with murder oh and she thinks it's very concerning..so if it was her kid she'd just say "contact me if available, that's very concerning" like fuck she would she'd be baying for blood..

Absolute and utter lack of any moral fibre. Seriously she should be removed from post immediately. No one who behaves like this should be anywhere near children.

I am interested in Eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing (EMDR), which seems to be very effective. Although I have no experience of this but it sounds interesting.

It is remarkably effective Greyhound (I am a qualified clinical hypnotherapist - I found many hypnotherapy techniques effective in Speech Therapy).

call again and say that the sun want a story and if they don't meet with you asap you're going to give it to them

This would be a bad idea.

There's much good advice on the thread. Having a meeting soon with someone senior from the school and having someone with you would be a good idea. You should ask them for a chronology of events as they understand it, including what they knew when. I'd put good money on them changing their story about this in the near future.

To be fair, the fact that journalists have contacted you after seeing details of this on social media should tell the school something - that it's extreme!

Bullying is common but this sort of thing is rare and incredibly serious. That first teacher you spoke to is an idiot

I'm sick and tired of bullies getting away with this. It seems that bullying is getting worse in the UK, not better. It has to bloody stop. It needs to be made socially unacceptable to bully other people

I said this on another thread and I'll say it here:

The example is set by the parents. Here on MN there is more than enough bullying

Someone asked me recently if it was my DDs fault that last summer she was cast out by her BFF and her entire friendship group, because she'd just been dumped/had to dump (quite recently) a teen NPD 'friend' who was driving her nuts (and then decided to do her best to ruin a v expensive abroad trip with school).

What you need to understand is this. U don't have to have done something wrong. You don't need to be the weird kid, the kid with personality or learning difficutlies, the smelly kid, nothing. If there comes into that child's group a beeatch of the highest order who is an agitator extraordainare, the rest of the group (who have not been picked on for ostracising purposes), will be SO terrified of getting lumped in with the ostracised one, that they do nothing to help. It's not their fault really. They are tuned in to a life where you present a lot of yourself on social media, and they understandably don't want to be tarnished with the 'you're out' brush. Its social suicide.

So they just sit by. They sit by while my DD spent the whole of last summer in her room, on her own, because NO ONE was her friend. She BEGGED me not to get school involved, and things have improved a fair bit now, albeit it has been SOOOOOO difficult I cannot tell you; but it has got a bit better. You can't make people be your child's friend and that is partly where the difficulty lies. They're all hamstringed by this 'friendship group' thing that they can't act.

I've got to say OP, I totally, utterly feel for you and any PP who has gone through any of this type of stuff. My heart absolutely broke for my DD; I think in some ways at times I struggled with it more than she did! It literally rips your heart open.

If something like this had taken place I would definitely have contacted the police, no question, and I applaud you OP for your intention of doing exactly that. Their behaviour is reprihensible, and criminal. The school's response is absolutely pathetic and beyond inadequate, but that's not a surprise really.

Keep on it. I wish you the best with your DD, poor, poor girl. This world is an unreasonably harsh place and this lack of humanity between people really upsets me.

Certainly Rubies12345, the fact that The Sun is pursuing the story is well worth mentioning. But that is a very different thing to threatening to go to The Sun with the story.

The OP would do much better interacting with the school being completely in the right while they're in the wrong. Giving the school the impression they're being blackmailed would be counterproductive.

OP I am a magistrate. I don't do youth court but regularly talk to youth magistrates and this is the sort of thing that ends up there. The police may well try to deal with it without going to court if the kids involved are not already in the system but they will take it seriously. It sounds like it has got worse already, your poor DD. Good luck.

Nauticant I didn't post that she should blackmail the school! I don't know who posted that, someone crazy