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Original poster

Group of 30 from DD's school lured her to the park to attack, mug, and humiliate her

507 replies

user1468352691 · 07/03/2017 00:54

I'm absolutely going out of my mind with worry and my daughter is hysterical and is refusing to come out of her room, and is refusing to go to school tomorrow. I want to phone the police but she is begging me not to, so I need advice from my fellow mums of teens.

So, a bit of backstory. My daughter is 14, and started a new school 6 months ago. She fitted in extremely well at first, and befriended some of the girls from the "popular" clique. She was out nearly every day after school and at the weekends, they'd go into town or each others houses. I was thrilled because in her previous school she had always been left out, we moved school so she could have a fresh start, and it worked, so I though at the time.

Around a month ago, DD went into school and suddenly this group blanked her. The "clique" consists of around 30 people in her year, and is a mix of boys and girls. DD had (and still doesn't know) what she did to trigger this. In the weeks that followed, only one girl from the clique was still "friends" with her, and she claimed she had also been blanked by the clique. This was a lie as we'd later find out. On Friday, DD got a text from the friend asking if she wanted to meet up at the park and get something to eat in town afterwards. DD thought her and this girl were best friends, so she agreed.

DD walked to the park, and she says the friend was waiting for her at the gates, and told her "I have something amazing to show you.", and led her to the other end of the park. What awaited her, were 30 kids from her year standing in the field. She says the majority of the "clique" were there. They ran up to her, took pictures of her, hit her, pulled her hair and took her phone. The ones that weren't attacking her stood and watched, while laughing and filming. After they'd left (the attack lasted at least half an hour my DD said) she ran home and told me what happened. She's been locked up in her room most of the weekend and I let her miss school Monday and today, that may have been the wrong move but I couldn't bear the thought of going through that again.

I know I need to send her back to school tomorrow and we are both sick to our stomachs at the thought, but we already had the LEA on our backs a few months ago when we went on holiday for a week during term time. I wish I could just keep her safe at home for the rest of the year. I don't know what to do :(

OP posts:
Cocolepew · 07/03/2017 18:37

Flogging, one of the girls stood back so hadn't touched DD, another told one to attack DD and she did, pulling DD to the ground by her hair and kicking her into the road. Before this one of them had poured a litre bottle of coke over her head.
The police spoke to the one who didn't do anything and the girl who touched her, they both accepted a police caution.
The other girl denied even being there, but the other two said she was. Because she wouldn't admit it the CPS took her to court for incitment to cause bodily harm.
She was found guilty.
I'm a bit hazy (we left as soon as DD had spoken and didn't go into the courtroom at all) but she got something like a court warning which will stay on her record until a certain age.
Not much, but it helped give DD her confidence back, the NSPCC man said she was a great witness.
DD is a fast runner but didn't run away because she would have left her friend behind.

PollytheDolly · 07/03/2017 18:48

Oh my god!! This is appalling.

This must go to the endth degree. They must not get away with assault. This is more than bullying. It's malicious harassment too. The school are being quite frankly, CRAP, because they bloody know how serious this is and are brushing it under the carpet.

The police will take this very seriously. There was a vid recently on fb (not as bad as this) it went viral and the offenders were promptly arrested.

30 of them, Jesus, she must have been scared for her life!

Please take care of yourselves and be strong.

(If one of mine were involved in something like this, police would be the least of their worries - hoping some of them have decent parents and feel the full force)

Hugs Flowers

HappyFlappy · 07/03/2017 18:50

Pollyanna

Your post was very moving and sensible. Thank you.

It is the fear of the pack turning on the weak members that makes a lot of children (and adults) cruel and unfeeling. And in order to curry favour with the "Queen Bees" they try to outdo each other in cruelty.

It is the same ethos that allowed the Jews to be abused and slaughtered during the Holocaust - just on a smaller scale.

If these feral little monsters aren't stopped they will continue to behave in an abusive way long not adulthood because they will have learned that that is the way to be safe and gain approval. They will become work[;ace bullies and toddler-grot bullies and every type of bully, because that is what they have become comfortable with.

HappyFlappy · 07/03/2017 18:51

*into - not "not"

nigelforgotthepassword · 07/03/2017 18:52

I've just read the op and updates or to my DD's 9.5 and 11-just to open a discussion with them about what can happen and what the should do if they see this happening.Both of them are in bits on your DD's behalf op...and send her their love.

HappyFlappy · 07/03/2017 18:54

If one of mine were involved in something like this, police would be the least of their worries

Same here, Polly.

And I would also look t myself yotxry to see what I had done in their upbringing that made them think they could treat another person like that - I hope that there's no way I would make excuses for them.

BeanBabies · 07/03/2017 18:56

Sorry but you're doing a disservice by not phoning the police. Get them involved and hold the school accountable. Demand they get her a place in another school ASAP or you'll take further action.

theothercatpurred · 07/03/2017 19:03

BeanBabies maybe try RTFT before commenting?

lazytuesday · 07/03/2017 19:04

Your poor DD!! I think you have done all the right things OP! Cant believe the school took this long to take it seriously, i assume they have done so now because the police visited. In your shoes id seriously be considering deregistering as well. Your DD is lucky to have a mum who puts her well being first and did not force her to return to school. Hopefully the police will have put the fear of God into those awful children.

HappyFlappy · 07/03/2017 19:09

At least read the last page Bean Babies

DoubleR · 07/03/2017 19:11

I'm also disgusted at the behaviour of the children and the school OP, but I just have to say what a great job you are doing looking after your poor DD and fighting her corner, you are an absolutely amazing Mum. Flowers for you and your DD.

FannyWisdom · 07/03/2017 19:14

And me Polly I was just pondering the 20+ sets of parents who are in for a shock.

I just imagine a teacher or worse telling my Parents I had ganged up and bullied, nvm the endless torture of the Internet.
Something is very wrong that this can happen and no one help, add insult to injury, and the school responses (?) immediately start covering their arse.

It's being ignored because of self interest.

(If this goes poof do come back should you need help OP I've seen some of the help on legal matters, mnetters really have got lots of experience. Good luck)

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/03/2017 19:16

While I agree The Sun's interest is worth mentioning, it might be that no matter how it's put, the school - desperate to reclaim some kind of moral high ground - will try to claim that OP threatened them

Which is precisely why it's so important that any meetings are fully witnessed

Bluntness100 · 07/03/2017 19:17

Bean Babies are you kidding, read the thread before criticising the op. That's very off.

OpalFruitsMarathonsandSpira · 07/03/2017 19:23

A parent's nightmare. Glad you are getting somewhere with this and well done for being your daughters advocate when she needed you most. Flowers

Italiangreyhound · 07/03/2017 19:56

HappyFlappy Re Eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing (EMDR)

"It is remarkably effective Greyhound (I am a qualified clinical hypnotherapist - I found many hypnotherapy techniques effective in Speech Therapy)."

Excellent, i was so pleased when i read about it, I have not got any PTSD but it is wonderful to know that people who have can get help. Someone said to me once, it was just for soldiers but i had read it works for survivors of abuse and also for families where there is an autistic child and family life has been quite severely stressful.

debbs77 · 07/03/2017 20:01

This just prompted me to chat to my children about never going along with the crowd, never being dragged along with the in crowd, never be the one videoing it! But to always be the one to go for help xx

Needmoresleep · 07/03/2017 20:07

This is so sad.

What are the other parents doing? Presumably some at least have heard something. My daughter once received an very unacceptable text, sent from a phone a girl had borrowed. The dad of the girl who owned the phone saw the text, contacted me straight away to apologise and to get his daughter to apologise to mine. He also phoned the school. He did not want his daughter party to that sort of behavior. At least some of the parents of the children involved should feel the same. Though nothing as serious as what has happened to your daughter it made a big difference.

DavetheCat2001 · 07/03/2017 20:08

How is your DD this evening OP? x

HappyFlappy · 07/03/2017 20:12

It can be very effective for phobias and compulsive behaviours, too Greyhound.

It somehow breaks the neural pathway between particular behaviours and the associated feelings and allows new and more appropriate reactions to be instilled.

Original poster
user1468352691 · 07/03/2017 20:15

Davethecat2001 She is doing a lot better x She is still very shaken but she's calmed down a lot, I think it's the relief of knowing she doesn't have to go back to that vile school anytime soon, and no longer being on social media.

OP posts:
ClaudiaWankleman · 07/03/2017 20:17

This is really sickening. I really hope that your DD has found some peace this evening, OP. Even though it may take some time, I hope she will eventually come to realise that none of this is her own fault - it is impossible for her to have done anything that would warrant even a tenth of this reaction.

chocolateneededplease · 07/03/2017 20:17

Flowers for your DD x

MakeItStopNeville · 07/03/2017 20:21

This is one of the things I was thinking last night when I opened the thread. Can you imagine the utter devastation you'd feel as a parent if your own kid did something like that? I'd be heartbroken that I'd managed to fuck up my child raising so badly.

Am also going to chat to my teens about this thread when they get home from school. We can all teach our kids to be the one that says no.

OP, love and peace to you and DD.

NumanoidNancy · 07/03/2017 20:22

I cannot believe the head has not immediately phoned you directly about this. It is astonishingly poor on their behalf. The head of the school I used to work at would have instantly had the police in and the school in lockdown until every single person involved was in her office and every single item of tech used to video or share the footage was confiscated.