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Original poster

Group of 30 from DD's school lured her to the park to attack, mug, and humiliate her

507 replies

user1468352691 · 07/03/2017 00:54

I'm absolutely going out of my mind with worry and my daughter is hysterical and is refusing to come out of her room, and is refusing to go to school tomorrow. I want to phone the police but she is begging me not to, so I need advice from my fellow mums of teens.

So, a bit of backstory. My daughter is 14, and started a new school 6 months ago. She fitted in extremely well at first, and befriended some of the girls from the "popular" clique. She was out nearly every day after school and at the weekends, they'd go into town or each others houses. I was thrilled because in her previous school she had always been left out, we moved school so she could have a fresh start, and it worked, so I though at the time.

Around a month ago, DD went into school and suddenly this group blanked her. The "clique" consists of around 30 people in her year, and is a mix of boys and girls. DD had (and still doesn't know) what she did to trigger this. In the weeks that followed, only one girl from the clique was still "friends" with her, and she claimed she had also been blanked by the clique. This was a lie as we'd later find out. On Friday, DD got a text from the friend asking if she wanted to meet up at the park and get something to eat in town afterwards. DD thought her and this girl were best friends, so she agreed.

DD walked to the park, and she says the friend was waiting for her at the gates, and told her "I have something amazing to show you.", and led her to the other end of the park. What awaited her, were 30 kids from her year standing in the field. She says the majority of the "clique" were there. They ran up to her, took pictures of her, hit her, pulled her hair and took her phone. The ones that weren't attacking her stood and watched, while laughing and filming. After they'd left (the attack lasted at least half an hour my DD said) she ran home and told me what happened. She's been locked up in her room most of the weekend and I let her miss school Monday and today, that may have been the wrong move but I couldn't bear the thought of going through that again.

I know I need to send her back to school tomorrow and we are both sick to our stomachs at the thought, but we already had the LEA on our backs a few months ago when we went on holiday for a week during term time. I wish I could just keep her safe at home for the rest of the year. I don't know what to do :(

OP posts:
ExplodedCloud · 07/03/2017 14:54

If she is available? After you mention refusing to speak to the newspapers, I'd suggest a time at which she will make herself available.
If the papers have found you, god knows what else they have without needing your cooperation. Bloody good job you shut down social media.

humourless · 07/03/2017 14:55

The Sun, absolute gutter feeders.... but nevertheless useful to drop into the conversation...

cestlavielife · 07/03/2017 14:58

op I would suggest if you go into school to talk to head/deputy you take someone else with you - have you informed the governors? maybe one of the governors would attend a meeting?

otherwise local parent partnership. look on council website.

I think you should think carefully about any meeting on your own - you have done what you need to do, police are in school, your dd is safe and you will keep her away...

do have any meeting on your terms,
with someone with you as note taker.

you could also preempt and speak to educational welfare officer at council LEA and explain why you not sending her to school until she she has seen CAMHS and had counselling set up. . Also ask LEA what alternative education they can offer.

Dont do this alone.
(I am sure a Mnetter would be around....)
take someone with you if you go into school.
this is far too serious to be in a situation where it may be you against a few of them...

cestlavielife · 07/03/2017 14:59

so, if you speak on phone tell her you want to arrange a formal meeting - at a time of your convenience (and when you can arrange for someone to be with you).
have you emailed the governors?

RicottaPancakes · 07/03/2017 15:02

Deregistering your daughter doesn't mean that the school will no longer be accountable for what has already happened, like some posters have suggested. It does mean that you can no longer be hassled about her attending school. However, if you would rather not HE , I'd contact the LEA first to see what alternatives they can offer.

cestlavielife · 07/03/2017 15:02

and please dont worry about her grades/education - she will be fine and will catch up when she ready. priority is emotional well being at this stage.

cestlavielife · 07/03/2017 15:04

key here is CAMHS appt, CAMHS to say she cant attend school and then LEA will have to offer alternative. For now, take her to GP so it is recorded that she cant go to school eg PTSD and make sure GP have referred. LEA alternative provision has to kick in after 10 or 15 days absence.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 07/03/2017 15:04

'If she's available'. I'd be expecting her to make herself available.

As others have said don't deregulated her. And get a copy of the school's complaints procedure. You'll need to follow this to the letter before you go to OFSTED.

HappyFlappy · 07/03/2017 15:22

do have any meeting on your terms, with someone with you as note taker

Cestlavie is right about this - you will be best to have a witness to everything which is said or agreed, otherwise things will be twisted and the school will put words into your mouth.

And I agree with everyone who has commented on the "if she is available" remark.

She should be making herself available - she should already have phoned you, and at the very worst should have asked you when would be a convenient time to call you. Does she think that her time is more important than yours?

I hope she gets slaughtered by Ofsted, or whatever body policies these matters.

Backingvocals · 07/03/2017 15:22

Is this the one good thing about the Sun being in touch? Tell the school that you are already being harassed by journalists from the Sun and so far have said nothing.... I'd have thought that would concentrate minds even if you have absolutely no intention of speaking to a journalist, ever.

HappyFlappy · 07/03/2017 15:22

*polices, not policies

Mind your own business autocorrect.

katronfon · 07/03/2017 15:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amusedbush · 07/03/2017 15:40

Err...how about she makes herself available or better yet, contacts you?

This.

PennysUnicornHoodie · 07/03/2017 15:41

Write everything down that you want to say to the deputy head tomorrow op so you don't get sidelined, as to be honest the school will probably be on operation cover up now that the police are involved.

Write all your questions down and if the deputy head tries to be evasive with questions keep going back to them until you are satisfied with the answer.

Make sure you have all the questions you want answering and have said everything you want to say before you answer any of their questions.
It's you and your dd that deserve answers here not the school.

Also as a minimum I would make sure every pupil involved has been suspended and if not demand to know why not.

Why the school didn't contact you after they knew about the situation?

Why the school didn't contact the police when they knew several of their students had committed a serious assault on another student.

And whatever else you can think of.

I'd also contact OFTED before speaking to the school and giving them your daughters version of events so that school can't try and cover their own arses by pretending they handled it well initially as they didn't and weren't interested until you involved the police.

PennysUnicornHoodie · 07/03/2017 15:45

I'd possibly even ask the school if they have checked with the police whether they are allowed to speak to you as now it's a legal / police matter they shouldn't be getting their own witness account etc even if it's just to frighten them!

Miserylovescompany2 · 07/03/2017 15:46

I wouldn't speak with the HT over the phone. I'd be requesting a formal meeting and taking along a legal representative. The school will of been advised by their legal team. It will be damage limitation on their part.

You are in a strong position right now because of how this has been dealt with so far.

I hope you get actual support for your DD via CAMHS, hopefully a referral will be rushed through. Get it documented with the GP ASAP.

Cocolepew · 07/03/2017 15:57

God this is awful, your poor, poor DD.
My DD was attacked a year or so ago by three girls. The police were wonderful and Victim Support got in touch with us, the police contacted them.
It got as far as court with one of the girls, DD had to give evidence via video from another room.
There was someone from VS and the NSPCC to support us/ her.

I hope the school gets trailed for this, horrendous reaction from them.
Wishing you and DD strength Flowers

dailyshite · 07/03/2017 16:00

I'm afraid that I have nothing useful to add but just wanted to add my voice to the support that you and DD have had so far.

My only bit of potentially useful advice would be to contact the chair of governors, oh and also its the GP who needs to refer DD to CAMHS.

AndKnowItsSeven · 07/03/2017 16:00

Lots of "identifying" information on this thread op.

Floggingmolly · 07/03/2017 16:02

What happened to the girls, Cocolepew?

cowgirlsareforever · 07/03/2017 16:11

I'm sick and tired of bullies getting away with this. It seems that bullying is getting worse in the UK, not better. It has to bloody stop. It needs to be made socially unacceptable to bully other people.

CuriousMary · 07/03/2017 16:12

Thinking of you and your DD Flowers

Blossomdeary · 07/03/2017 16:15

It is an assault - call the police.

The school do of course need to be involved - I am surprised you have not stormed up there already!

Blossomdeary · 07/03/2017 16:15

PS Call the police sooner rather than later - the evidence will have been removed from the mobiles otherwise.

ExplodedCloud · 07/03/2017 16:17

Blossom perhaps rtf.