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Original poster

Group of 30 from DD's school lured her to the park to attack, mug, and humiliate her

507 replies

user1468352691 · 07/03/2017 00:54

I'm absolutely going out of my mind with worry and my daughter is hysterical and is refusing to come out of her room, and is refusing to go to school tomorrow. I want to phone the police but she is begging me not to, so I need advice from my fellow mums of teens.

So, a bit of backstory. My daughter is 14, and started a new school 6 months ago. She fitted in extremely well at first, and befriended some of the girls from the "popular" clique. She was out nearly every day after school and at the weekends, they'd go into town or each others houses. I was thrilled because in her previous school she had always been left out, we moved school so she could have a fresh start, and it worked, so I though at the time.

Around a month ago, DD went into school and suddenly this group blanked her. The "clique" consists of around 30 people in her year, and is a mix of boys and girls. DD had (and still doesn't know) what she did to trigger this. In the weeks that followed, only one girl from the clique was still "friends" with her, and she claimed she had also been blanked by the clique. This was a lie as we'd later find out. On Friday, DD got a text from the friend asking if she wanted to meet up at the park and get something to eat in town afterwards. DD thought her and this girl were best friends, so she agreed.

DD walked to the park, and she says the friend was waiting for her at the gates, and told her "I have something amazing to show you.", and led her to the other end of the park. What awaited her, were 30 kids from her year standing in the field. She says the majority of the "clique" were there. They ran up to her, took pictures of her, hit her, pulled her hair and took her phone. The ones that weren't attacking her stood and watched, while laughing and filming. After they'd left (the attack lasted at least half an hour my DD said) she ran home and told me what happened. She's been locked up in her room most of the weekend and I let her miss school Monday and today, that may have been the wrong move but I couldn't bear the thought of going through that again.

I know I need to send her back to school tomorrow and we are both sick to our stomachs at the thought, but we already had the LEA on our backs a few months ago when we went on holiday for a week during term time. I wish I could just keep her safe at home for the rest of the year. I don't know what to do :(

OP posts:
Underparmummy · 07/03/2017 13:01

Travelling for work does not make you uncontactable.

Serialweightwatcher · 07/03/2017 13:01

They should have no other course of action but to exclude those pupils who are the ring leaders - if not, I'd take it further. What they have done to her is shocking, frightening and will stay with her for a very long time. She may find it hard to trust anyone again, but you need to keep reiterating that this is definitely not her fault - she was being a kind, decent, normal child and they are warped and evil in this pack mentality. I hope the parents of these shits deal with them properly at their end too and explain what is right and wrong because they obviously don't know or don't care to know - poor kid Sad

Kskifred · 07/03/2017 13:01

I cried when I read your first post OP, and then the more recent posts have left my blood boiling Angry

How bloody dare the school downplay the incident, has the unthinkable happened and the rumours were true, did they expect that to just go away as long as you didn't ring in about it?! I'd be fucking livid.

I would now be composing an email/letter (where you can sit calm and collected and know what you want to say) to the school and tell them that you are appalled with the way the incident has been so far dealt with and that you will not be accepting anything less than suspension/expulsion for the little shits culprits involved. Tell them the school governors will be involved shortly as you feel that the school alone clearly can't manage an incident of such seriousness, and if you do not deem the repercussions satisfactory you will be naming and shaming the school without a second thought.

What a bunch of fucking little shits!!! Your poor daughter.

DoctorDonnaNoble · 07/03/2017 13:01

There will be someone responsible for safeguarding in their absence. There has to be by law. It is also a tad inappropriate for both the Head and DH to be off on the same trip like that (obviously sometimes SMT are out together for meetings and the like). Ask who the person responsible for safeguarding is. That person has NOT done their job. How DARE they know about what was going on and not inform the parent or the police. For all they know the rumours about your daughter's response to this could have been true. This school really needs to get a grip on its procedures and these nasty little bullies, no call them what they are, criminals!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/03/2017 13:02

Sorry OP - cross posted with you Blush

I thought school told you the HT was in a meeting? Anyway it doesn't matter; someone else will have been left with delegated authority and should have acted ... if they weren't sure what to do they could always have contacted the LEA for guidance and told you that advice was being taken since it's such a serious matter

debbs77 · 07/03/2017 13:03

This is horrific. I can't believe this has happened and that the school have been so awful about it.

I would be home schooling now too, without a doubt

And I would be dragging the school through the ringer!!!

Blastandtroph · 07/03/2017 13:03

Though it's bad timing and I'm surprised they've planned that HT and Deputy are both away (though there is often more than one DHT), imo it needs escalating beyond them.

Movelikethat · 07/03/2017 13:03

I have nothing to add that hasn't already been said but I'm sending all my love to you and your daughter OP Flowers

Sososososo · 07/03/2017 13:05

I am so sorry for you and your daughter. It is horrific. I am shocked at the cruelty of it all.

If any of my children were involved in anything like this I would be so ashamed. I hope the parent's of the bullies are like minded.

ExplodedCloud · 07/03/2017 13:05

I suspect you have to sit tight now and wait for the police to get back to you now. Ideallly the school would have spoken to the head who surely should be speaking to you.
If the head and deputy head are abroad is it reasonable to demand a response from the governors instead?

Annesmyth123 · 07/03/2017 13:07

I would honestly get this taken down now that the police are involved. I would be terrified of doing anything that might hinder or harm the police investigation.

myoriginal3 · 07/03/2017 13:07

Why did the school offer for you to go back in btw?

myoriginal3 · 07/03/2017 13:09

They have phones in Spain.

Original poster
user1468352691 · 07/03/2017 13:09

Puzzledandpissedoff Yes, the woman in reception did tell me HT was in a meeting, not sure why they told me that if im honest. I'm looking on the school websites staff page and seeing who's screwed up here

OP posts:
Original poster
user1468352691 · 07/03/2017 13:11

Not that I don't already have a good knowledge as to who!

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 07/03/2017 13:11

The Head and the deputy Head are in a school trip with the Year 10's?? That is not possible. Not in a normal school Hmm

Harree · 07/03/2017 13:11

Hope your daughter is ok OP! Flowers

PoundlandUK · 07/03/2017 13:11

Big hugs to your DD and you. I hope the perpetrators are held to full account and the school is hauled over coals for their unprofessional and totally inadequate response. Absolutely horrifying to read this.

Miserylovescompany2 · 07/03/2017 13:12

I school have done themselves absolutely no favours here. They should of contacted the police yesterday. They didn't. They've fucked up big style here. Personally, I'd be doing my damnedest to make sure each and everyone of those people who did this are prosecuted. They are all legally responsible for their own actions.

I would contact OFSTED and request a full investigation.

You get offered to keep your daughter safe for a few weeks? Erm, nope. These monsters need to excluded permanently. Each and every one of them given ASBO's!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/03/2017 13:12

If the head and deputy head are abroad is it reasonable to demand a response from the governors instead?

I doubt there's much point, to be honest; most governors are lay people who'd probably do a very good "rabbit in the headlights" impression if confronted with something like this

I hope the police can be trusted to do their job, but in the meantime I'd personally be contacting the LEA; if it comes to a change of schools they'll probably need to be involved anyway, so bringing them in at this stage may be no bad thing

xStefx · 07/03/2017 13:14

Hope your daughter is ok OP, I found it so hard when I was a child and could never see a life past school. Now im older I realise most of my bullies lead really crappy lives now and ive since surrounded myself with amazingly nice people. Poor girl

milliemolliemou · 07/03/2017 13:16

OP agree with PPs - keep a record of what your daughter said, hunt down any facebook videos, your emailsl to the school and your written and dated record of their responses. They clearly have an anti bullying policy in place that they don't use. I'd be contacting a solicitor because the school has clearly not got any idea about how to implement an anti bullying policy even if it happened outside their hours of care and were callous over your report. I think you are a SAHM since you mention home schooling but a working mum would be losing income as well and you may be with part time work. The teenagers involved seem to be feral.

Teacupinastorm · 07/03/2017 13:19

Jesus OP this is awful. Tears in my eyes reading this.
The school have acted horrendously and I cannot believe that they heard rumours of potential suicide and did absolutely nothing.
You are doing the right thing not sending her back.

Thinking of you both.

Original poster
user1468352691 · 07/03/2017 13:21

milliemolliemou I went on maternity leave when I had my LB 11 months ago, but decided not to return to that job. I am currently in the process of looking for another job that fits in with his childcare arrangements but those plans will have to be changed.

OP posts:
Rioja123 · 07/03/2017 13:23

Your poor daughter :( and the school sounds utterly incompetent.