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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

BF 'didn't work out' - what does this mean?

222 replies

sasamax · 01/01/2009 13:42

I'm not looking to start an argument - honestly.
If I've heard this phrase once I've heard it a million times. Either this one or 'I couldn't bf'.
But can people please tell me what exactly this means? What happened that meant that bf 'didn't work out'? What was the reason?
Can it really be that common? Far, far, far more people in my life couldn't bf than could - what on earth is the reason for this?
Again - I am really not looking to be inflammatory but all I get when I ask are shrugged shoulders and shaking heads...

OP posts:
mamadiva · 10/01/2009 17:11

WTF???

What a load of bollocks jojo. I am not sure whether you have pissed me off or have made me feel extremely sorry for you, you moron.

MarlaSinger · 10/01/2009 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Qally · 10/01/2009 17:37

Tiktok - thanks, and that is exactly what I've concluded. DS still has a tiny mouth and a stubby tongue, but he can now feed, with expert help. If only I'd had that within a week or two, all this could have been avoided. I was just getting the usual advice for a dodgy latch, which was trying to catch Niagara in a bucket, really.

By the way, I'm so sorry I never replied to thank you for your help on a thread I posted at the start of it all, when he lost so much weight. You and a couple of others were so lovely, but as the situation deteriorated, I couldn't face replying, to explain. So belated thanks, and apologies.

Jojo - bit ironic to feel injured by the insensitivity shown you, when you display zero to sexual assault victims.

jojoisamum · 10/01/2009 17:37

Right. Let me explain and I will provide evidence to the forum moderators of this if necessary.

My cousin who was in my house today was looking at mumsnet and came across this thread. She wanted to post her thoughts and feelings so I said on you go. She posted under my name as it was on my pc and in my home.

Anyone wanting evidence can obtain this from the forum moderators if they decide that any further explanation is needed.

pooka · 10/01/2009 17:44

There are no forum moderators on here. Just MNHQ.

You could have changed names for your cousin to post.

Your cousin could have set up her own registration.

THe problem now is that people will doubt you. I really don't know how you would go about proving the explanation.

CharCharGabor · 10/01/2009 17:46

Yes, that is an entirely realistic explanation Here, have a spade.

Turniphead1 · 10/01/2009 17:47

qally - sorry onehanded typing. iam in awe of you. that has to be the most determined b'f story i have ever heard. i too love dr jack whose website is the best b'f resource i have encountered - after 3 babies. i would say i have "struggled" to est b'fing in the past but when i read your story i realise that there is struggling and then there is climbing a mountain....hope it continues to improve. your little boy has one hell of a mummy no matter whether he ends up fully ff or not. please let us know the outcome of your story if you wouldn't mind. take care.

tiktok · 10/01/2009 17:53

You're welcome, qally.

jojo - yeah yeah yeah, whatever. Now go and report the post, why doncha. Good that you have apologised for the misunderstanding, though....oh, whoops, you haven't, soz.

I'd suggest a name change, too, if you post again, 'cos we'll all remember you

ilovelovemydog · 10/01/2009 18:02

Qally - wow. Am in awe of your efforts/success!

The latch is hard and it sounds so patronising when people suggest to those with problems to 'check the latch...'

I b/f DD for a year, and thought it would be simple with no 2. Wrong! I had such problems with DS, I asked to stay in hospital to get help.

Would be interesting to know how many women give up due to latch alone... (women who wanted to b/f)

EBenes · 10/01/2009 18:20

"I'd suggest a name change, too, if you post again, 'cos we'll all remember you"

Think this is a bit harsh, tbh.

tiktok · 10/01/2009 18:26

EBenes - harsh??? It's bloody good advice! If she posts again in her current name, not having reported her post, asking for support or advice on anything to do with feeding, there'll be people telling her (or thinking) that her pants are on fire....don't you think?

Anyone can make a mistake and put their foot in it, and all thats needed is a 'sorry, I don't know what came over me' and we'll all be friends!

sunnygirl1412 · 10/01/2009 18:35

For me, saying that breastfeeding 'didn't work out' means that none of my babies put on weight on my milk. I never worked out why this was - poor latch, poor quality milk - I honestly don't know, but like an early poster on this thread, one of my babies ended up in hospital too - and was diagnosed as 'failing to thrive.' He didn't start to put on weight until I started introducing formula feeds (he'd lost 10oz from his birthweight and hadn't regained that by 6 weeks old).

With ds3, I ended up mixed feeding - me during the day and formula at night, but again, if I tried to drop a formula feed, he stopped gaining weight. Having had ds2, who'd looked so pale and thin in his baby pics, I didn't want to go that way again, so carried on with what worked for us.

Saying 'breastfeeding didn't work out for me' is better for my (low) self-esteem than saying that I failed to breastfeed, or that I couldn't make decent milk.

MarlaSinger · 10/01/2009 18:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sunnygirl1412 · 10/01/2009 18:38

Oh - and for the record, the person who made me feel worst about not managing to breastfeed my boys was me. My three closest friends all breastfed, and I was a very active NCT member, and I never found anything other than support there - I judged myself, no-one else did.

StealthPo09IsHere · 10/01/2009 19:06

"Anyone wanting evidence can obtain this from the forum moderators if they decide that any further explanation is needed. "

What sort of evidence did you have in mind? Comparison of writing style?

Notreallycutoutforthis · 10/01/2009 19:07

Tiktok - 'proving her story' could mean supplying a police report to mnhq. I'm standing up and saying I believe her.

StealthPo09IsHere · 10/01/2009 19:08

If I were MNHQ I wouldn't get involved

tiktok · 10/01/2009 22:53

For goodness sake....I wouldn't challenge her to prove it!

Notreallycutoutforthis · 10/01/2009 23:02

No tt but you were asking what the proof might be?

tiktok · 10/01/2009 23:21

I wasn't - you're mixing me up with someone else

Mummy2Will · 10/01/2009 23:22

I've come to this thread late, but in case anyone is still curious about why it doesn't work out:

  • I fully expected and looked forward to breastfeeding - it was a no-brainer when you look at the benefits (reading about these twists the knife when you really can't achieve it)
  • I had a horrendous labour and birth, haemhorraged and was told I wouldn't produce milk until transfusions and building myself back up. We had no skin to skin contact etc
  • at the same time, baby needed relatively large amounts formula every 3 hours as part of UV therapy protocol, at a time when he should have been licking colostrum
  • he has never got the hang of suckling, and cries, pushes me away. I have had several midwives provide hands-on support, one of them calling him "a silly little man" in frustration
  • he has nipple confusion from syringe feeding in my opinion, even though teats were avoided for the hospital formula feeds
  • I have large flat areolae and find pumping doesn't keep the nipple erct for long enough, while nipple shields don't work because he has no suck to enable me to fill them
  • I am expressing and on domperidone, but my supply is diminishing
  • It upsets me a great deal, to the extent it would be too painful for me to be in the presence of others who are bfing

I have read some of the other mothers' experiences in this thread and have to say I feel for you all - what some of you have been through is atrocious.

bubbleymummy · 10/01/2009 23:28

Mummy2will - it sounds like you have been through a lot. Although you have mentioned help from midwives you haven't mentioned seeing a bfc who would be able to give you expert help and advice. It might be worth while seeing one in person who can watch your DS trying to latch on and see what the problems are.

IorekByrnison · 10/01/2009 23:36

Mummy2will - so sorry you have had such a horrendous time. Very angry on your behalf with the midwife who said this to you. Midwives not always brilliant at solving breastfeeding problems though: have you tried ringing La Leche League or NCT breastfeeding line? I would think you need expert help like this after all you've been through. Good luck - really hope you can get some help.

StealthPo09IsHere · 11/01/2009 08:35

I was asking about the proof that her cousin wrote the post, as IMO that's what she was implying.
Why would her cousin want to prove the facts of what happened to MNHQ?? AFAIK she's not an MNer, as she posted under jojo's name. Can no-one else see that this is ridiculous?

StealthPo09IsHere · 11/01/2009 08:36

BTW I don't want to see proof, am just interested to know how jojo can 'prove' that someone else wrote a post on her computer, logged in as her.