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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

BF 'didn't work out' - what does this mean?

222 replies

sasamax · 01/01/2009 13:42

I'm not looking to start an argument - honestly.
If I've heard this phrase once I've heard it a million times. Either this one or 'I couldn't bf'.
But can people please tell me what exactly this means? What happened that meant that bf 'didn't work out'? What was the reason?
Can it really be that common? Far, far, far more people in my life couldn't bf than could - what on earth is the reason for this?
Again - I am really not looking to be inflammatory but all I get when I ask are shrugged shoulders and shaking heads...

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Caz10 · 01/01/2009 14:03

Yip, agree again - I have never told anyone unless they asked directly that I am bf-ing dd - it seems to really wind people up if they did not bf. For whatever reason there is a feeling of implied criticism.

Original poster
sasamax · 01/01/2009 14:04

What about the ones who clearly disapprove but still say it. (eg MILS who think it's disgusting)?

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chequersandroastedchestnuts · 01/01/2009 14:04

Why are they telling you? We don't know? Who are these people you're talking about.

You've said you don't want to start an argument about this so you obviously know it's a very delicated subject.

I'd just leave it there if I were you.

Or rephrase your question 'I'm interested as to why b/f doesn't work out for people, what was your experience?'

Original poster
sasamax · 01/01/2009 14:06

Me too Caz - I feel frostiness in the air when they ask. For this reason, I very rarely bf in public

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Original poster
sasamax · 01/01/2009 14:08

Why are you being so abrasive chequers?
I'm just trying to have an adult conversation and I won't be bullied into shutting up. I am allowed to ask people their opinions.

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chequersandroastedchestnuts · 01/01/2009 14:09

It's a silly question. None of us knows the reason why the individual people you've met have given up breastfeeding. Why would we?

laumiere · 01/01/2009 14:10

In my case I say it because DS1 had undiagnosed CP and BFing exhausted him, so we switched to ff to avoid him being readmitted to hospital, as I'd already expressed for 3 weeks solid (I BFed for 8 weeks) and was becoming phobic about either pumping or anything touching my breasts.

I do think more support/information about BFing a preemie/child with CP would have helped me carry on a bit longer.

Original poster
sasamax · 01/01/2009 14:11

Well plenty of people have given extremely helpful explanations as to why it didn't work out for them.
I'm afraid I don't anger easily so there's no point in trying to start an argument with me.

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Original poster
sasamax · 01/01/2009 14:13

Sorry for my ignorance laumiere - what's CP?

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chequersandroastedchestnuts · 01/01/2009 14:13

I'm not trying to argue with you, I'm explaining to you that we don't know these people you're talking about, so we can't possibly know why breastfeeding work out for them.

"What happened that meant that bf 'didn't work out'? What was the reason?"

It's just a silly question.

Original poster
sasamax · 01/01/2009 14:15

You're entitled to your opinion, and I'm entitled to ask a question whether you deem it 'silly' or not.

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chequersandroastedchestnuts · 01/01/2009 14:15

Indeed you are. And I am entitled to tell you that I think your question is phrased in a silly way.

hercules1 · 01/01/2009 14:17

I agree that the question is not possible to answer. There are (too obvious to state) countless reasons why breastfeeding doesnt work out but it seems a bit pointless to list them.

People probably say that to you as they see no point in rehashing it out.

spongebrainbigpants · 01/01/2009 14:18

Sasamax, I think because a lot of people feel hugely judged that they "didn't try hard enough" - esp on MN. I have read so many posters saying things along the lines of "I respect people who try but those who can't be arsed really make me angry, etc, etc".

Who's to say whether we tried hard enough, long enough, etc.

It's a very emotive subject and it makes alot of people very angry because the prevailing opinion of many MN posters seems to be if you ff you just really don't quite care as much as those who bf.

It is, of course, complete shite but it doesn't stop people repeating it ad nauseum.

bronze · 01/01/2009 14:18

I've had people donate the fact that 'it didnt work for them' also though I've never asked and am not really that bothered what other people do. Can't say I've understood it either.

Original poster
sasamax · 01/01/2009 14:19

And I am entitled to tell you that although you think my question is phrased in a silly way, I feel that silliness is in the eye of the beholder, who may be silly or non-silly LOL

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chequersandroastedchestnuts · 01/01/2009 14:20

Indeed Sasamax. You carry on now, but be aware that you run the risk of uspetting people who may feel quite emotive about this.

hercules1 · 01/01/2009 14:22

Why dont you look at the breastfeeding/bottlefeeding threads. There are millions of them describing countless reasons why bf didnt work out.

bangandthedirtisgone · 01/01/2009 14:22

Presume you b/f sasamax. Why do you think it worked out for you?

Caz10 · 01/01/2009 14:23

But I don't think sasamax is asking people "Why didn't you Bf?" which would be upsetting, but rather asking "why do you think people feel the need to say it didn't work out?"

hercules1 · 01/01/2009 14:24

Surely that's obvious though. Why would anyone want to go into detail with all in sundry?

Original poster
sasamax · 01/01/2009 14:25

Thank you Caz - yes, that's what I'm asking.

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Caz10 · 01/01/2009 14:25

The reasons it nearly didn't work out for me were:

  • low weight non latching baby
  • poor advice in hospital
  • pressurising/bullying HV/GP team
  • pure bloody exhaustion

The reasons it did work out in the end were

  • BFN support
  • DH support
  • stubborness of the highest degree from me!
laumiere · 01/01/2009 14:25

Sorry Sasamax, CP = cerebral palsy, which can make muscles spasm or become weaker. DS1 was born 7 weeks early, and couldn't support his head or swallow well for a long time, so BFing was really, really hard for him.

No one explained this at the time (although they'd noticed that his muscles were hypotonic (weak) at 4 days old) and I was left thinking I was doing something wrong.

Original poster
sasamax · 01/01/2009 14:26

Hercules - they have VOLUNTEERED the information.

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