any other women who don't want or didn't want to breastfeed?

[Ema76]

feel like I am the only one in the world but really do not want to breastfeed. does anyone else out there feel the same? know lots of women who don't breastfeed because they couldn't and some that gave up very early on but no one who simply feel strongly that it wasn't for them and made the decision before the baby was born.just be nice to hear from someone who feels the same and did not breastfeed because of that. thank you

I have at least two friends who didn't. One tried with her first and didn't get on with it, and just didn't want to bother with the other two as didn't feel that it was for her, the other had no desire to bf at all and ff both of her dc.

At the end of the day it's your choice. Although I'm sure someone will be along in a bit to tell you how sad it is that you "don't want to do the best for your baby" yada yada.

I have a few friends who didn't want to and didn't. Do you feel under pressure?

yes i do feel under pressure and am concerned with attitudes. my partner also thinks i should but then that is easy for him to say. i can't stress how much i do not want to do it and i love my baby more than anything. it certainly doesn't mean i love the baby less.just feel like the only one in the world that doesn't want to even start it.

I have a couple of friends who didn't want to. One did bf her baby just for a few days to give him the colostrum, but then moved onto bottles.

You do what's right for you.

Ema - my friend really did not want to bf but when she actually had the baby she found that she could.

Of course, if you don't want to bf that doesn't mean you don't want the best for your child, and if you want to ff then of course it's your choice! I would just say, wait and see how you feel when your baby's born and go from there, taking one day at a time.

You won't be alone and it is your decision. Everyone has an opinion about everything to do with bringing up children. People are judgemental about Bfing too. I have another "friend" who said she thinks women only BF to make baby reliant on them alone - a kind of needy thing! Do what you think is right for you and your baby.

Breathing a sigh of relief at response. I take on board the comment that says I should see how I feel when the baby is born although I am convinced I won't so I'll get all the equipment needed. was going to get Dr Browns bottles heard these are good.
So glad I won't be alone in my decision.

Ema,

I agree with thesuburbandryad, lots of things about pregnancy etc freaked me out when I thought about it beforehand, but I felt differently at the time.

I ebf, but i still bought bottles just in case and used them for ebm.

Just don't get yourself stressed out about it all!!

think i'm worried about hospital nurses attitude when i get there are say i'm not b/f. don't want the spanish inquisition after having the baby when i'll prob feel at my most emotional.

I didn't want to. My attitudes entirely. My mother never breastfed. I always had a hangup about my body and my boobs in particular thanks to my mum and other family members. So I had to get my head around all of that. The thought of other people seeing or being anywhere near my boobs just made me cringe. Which was silly considering I was about to be examined by lots of different people in places much more private than that!

I did breastfeed. Because my dh wanted me to. Because his family would have looked down their noses even more if I didn't. Because I knew it would be best for the baby. But none of these reasons were for me.

When I did bf I always found a private room to go in. I NEVER bf in front of friends or family and I would rather sit on a public toilet and feed than feed in a café.

In fact one of my very first postings on Mumsnet was about my fear of feeding in public. Such was my hangup about my body.

But since becoming aware that actually, everyone else thought that bf was natural and normal and that I was, in fact, drawing more attention to myself feeding in private than I was in public, my own attitude slowly began to change.

I only bf dd for 4 months, I was so relieved to get her onto the bottle! But then as time went on I began to regret not feeding her for longer. When I gave birth to ds I fed him for 8 months and I found myself a much more confident feeder. I no longer worried about feeding in public or in front of family. They never ever saw even the merest glimpse of flesh, I was so practised at doing it discreetly!

I don't know what advice I could give you. I don't know the reasons you don't want to bf. But don't bow down to pressure. This is YOUR baby and whatever decision you make, it affects YOU the most. They don't have to feed the baby every 2 hours in the middle of the night, so sod what they think. You do what you feel comfortable with. Because if bf will ruin your enjoyment of your baby, then don't do it.

heard that you can get given a hard time but suppose that depends on the luck of where you are.

Do you think this goes hand in hand with your fear about childbirth (I think you posted about wanting an elective CS because you have a fear of giving birth vaginally).

Not that I think there's anything wrong with FF (DS was only BF for a few days)

Ema, the stats show that most UK women plan to breasfeed but it's not an overwhelming majority - I think it's something like 85 per cent, so more than one in 10 does not plan to do so.

Midwives doing their job well will make sure you have the same information as anyone else on breastfeeding, as they need to make sure your choice not to breastfeed is an informed one ... but that should not mean they pressurise you to change your mind if you are sure you don't want to.

I remember your thread on your fear of childbirth, so clearly your feelings on this run very deep. I think that strength of feeling is probably quite rare - of the 15 per cent who don't want to breastfeed, most of them will not feel fearful or 'turned off' in a deep way so you are probably unusual in this...this is not meaning to criticise as none of us can help having these sorts of feelings. However, we can decide if we want to seek to resolve them.

Your own mental and emotional well-being is an important part of any decision you make about feeding. Yet feeling very strongly about not breastfeeding is, as I say, not something most women recognise. Is now the time to think about seeking help for these deep feelings - just a gentle suggestion, believe me. Pregnancy and motherhood is often a time for taking stock and thinking hard not just about physical fitness and healthy lifestyle, but also about one's emotional outlook - both physical health and emotional health have an impact on the next generation, and they both matter.

Sorry if this isn't 100 per cent what you want to hear....

Thanks Rhubarb - I would be exactly like that if i was made to b/f. I have told my partner that not even he could look and that would mean i'd be on my own for half hour every 3 probably. i could never in a billion years do it outside so i would have to stay in or just go out inbetween feeding and just the thought makes my toes curl.

Ema - wrt the hospital's attitude I am afraid that it is the luck of the draw.

When I had my ds I was the only one on the ward who was bf-ing and the staff were quite dismissive of bf-ing in general. My friend who ff from birth had a much easier time in hospital (which is why I'm hopefully having a home delivery this time round!!)

At the end of the day, if you're secure in your decision then don't worry about what other people have to say about it! It's not their baby!

hi Ema

I felt v v v strongly with DC1 I did not want to breastfeed, and did not.

I felt v v v strongly with DC2, that I did, but started bottle feeding her, when my milk came in, i then desperately wanted to feed and could not. I had no idea where to get help nd my MW did not assist at all, so I kept bottle feeding. it is my biggest regret now, especially as I have learnt a lot more about breastfeeding over the last couple of years, and it still makes me sad. so, never say never!

if you are also fearful of childbirth, it would be an idea to perhaps work through some of those feelings now, and you might find you feel differently, or not. but at least then you know you have made an informed decision and you won;t be filled with regret later

all the best whatever you decide

Oh wow - I remember that thread. About you wanting/needing a c-section.

Time flies! You must be due soon?

it also means other people can feed the baby and help them bond. but can't wait to do it myself. good for my partner

in march so not long - it'll fly. yes am having a c-section i can't wait! can't wait to meet my baby. been feeling kicks and it is magical.

But Ema, I can honestly say that those negative feelings do go away. I know exactly what you mean, but because I breastfed I suddenly discovered that my boobs weren't horrible hideous things, but beautiful things that served a purpose. It made me more confident about my body.

I still don't like getting changed in front of other women, doubt I'd ever be seen in a bikini etc, but I'm now happy to wear things that show my body off. I'm not as "stiff" with my dh as I used to be (even leave the lights on a couple of times!).

My mother has a LOT to answer for. But part of the healing that TikTok is talking about can be achieved.

However if this means that the first few months of your experience as a new mum will be spoiled by your anxieties, then don't do it. Just consider counselling for next time perhaps.

Besides, once the midwives and doctors and goodness knows who else has seen your bits, you might not be too arsed about who sees your boobs!

thanks rhubarb you never know.
I've spoken to my mum and she agrees with you - don;t start if it going to cause anxiety better to enjoy time with baby and bottlefeed - a lot of people do for whatever reason.

Just realised too that they won't see your bits as you are having a cs!

Do you know why you feel that way about your body?

Ema - what does your mum feel about breastfeeding? I mean, in general?

Before DS1 was born, I wanted to bf, but was scared of how it would feel, and if I would be able to cope with 'exposing' myself. I don't like DH touching my boobs, it does nothing for me, and could only liken bfing to that sensation. I thought that it would be horrible and toe-curling the whole time.

As it turns out, it has been absolutely fine. The sensation of feeding a baby is completely different, and although I still don't like DH to touch my boobs, bfing is no problem at all.

I started off being quite discreet about feeding, but couldn't care less about it now. I've fed anywhere, everywhere and in front of anyone. However, you'd still never catch me topless in front of someone I knew, that would be very

Try your best to keep an open mind, and give it a go if at all possible. Make sure that the MW's are very aware of your issues regarding it, and that you don't want to be touched, seen... whatever is required. Some babies don't need any help, you seldom hear about these on here, but both of mine latched on and fed absolutely fine from day 1. I have never had a MW touch my breasts, watch me feeding or anything like that. You might be one of the lucky ones and get one like this too.

Best wishes with whatever you decide