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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

any other women who don't want or didn't want to breastfeed?

202 replies

Ema76 · 19/11/2008 13:58

feel like I am the only one in the world but really do not want to breastfeed. does anyone else out there feel the same? know lots of women who don't breastfeed because they couldn't and some that gave up very early on but no one who simply feel strongly that it wasn't for them and made the decision before the baby was born.just be nice to hear from someone who feels the same and did not breastfeed because of that. thank you

OP posts:
tiktok · 21/11/2008 13:33

It's lovely for the father to have skin to skin contact, but it's best done after the mother and the baby have had a l....o....n....g period together.

This is biology, really....the mother's smell and sound and taste and feel are familiar to the baby in the first minutes and hours after birth, and this supports the start of important neurological development and physiological, emotional and psychological links between the mother and the baby.

These can be shared in by the dad, too, but not at the expense of the very early contact between mum and baby. Dad does not need to feel he is missing out or that he needs a 'turn'. His turn will come! When possible, it's mummy who's first

rosbif · 21/11/2008 13:33

how passive aggressive was that for a posting???

tiktok · 21/11/2008 13:35

Shitemum - that's a bit blunt

Ema - you will have poo and sick and snot and wee all over you for the next several years, but maybe you're ok about that. Some women are only uptight about their own* body stuff and not their kids'.

  • not exactly all over you, I know, but you will definitely be in contact with all manner of lovely stuff!
tiktok · 21/11/2008 13:36

which posting, rosbif?

Ema76 · 21/11/2008 13:38

not worried about the sick and poo.

OP posts:
Shitemum · 21/11/2008 13:39

probably mine tiktok, will bow out now, should know better than to come near this topic!
good luck Ema!

popsycal · 21/11/2008 13:42

I agree with everything tiktok has said.

One of my sisters did not breast feed at all yet I breast fed for two weeks short of 3 years with ds2. Same family, upbringing etc. It has to do with personal issues and my sister felt similar to you (but not as strongly, if you don't mind me saying). I am now feeding ds3 (10 weeks) and she said to me the other day that she has regrets about not even trying.

With ds1, I did not want to feed in public and for me, that was the major factor about giving up earlier than I wanted to. I had a conversation yesterday with a shop assistant in Matalan (yes, I know....) about breastfeeding and she said she gave up as she felt it was so demanding and could not possibly feed in public or even in her own home if anyone other than her parnter was around. I gently suggested that I found formula feeding waaaay more demanding - go downstairs in the night, boil the kettle, heat the bottle, faff on with checking temperature, etc, wash bottles, sterilise. make up bottles, lose count of how many scoops of formula you have put in, bin the bottle and start again!!)

You do have to do what is right for you but I too feel it should as much as an informed decision not to breast feed as it is to breastfeed.

I hope that you can get some help to resolve the issues you are experiencing.

rosbif · 21/11/2008 13:42

shitemum's - a bit unneccesary about the pregnancy thing. OtherWise, I hope that Ema will give BF a try and not be put off. Best of luck

Shitemum · 21/11/2008 13:43

nope, can't keep away...

tiktok said:
"This is biology, really....the mother's smell and sound and taste and feel are familiar to the baby in the first minutes and hours after birth, and this supports the start of important neurological development and physiological, emotional and psychological links between the mother and the baby."

I found that giving birth brought me right down to earth with a huge bump, put me firmly in my biological place as it were, it strips you of all your civilised finery and links you in some primordial way to what being human and a woman is all about...

well, that was my feeling...

Ema76 · 21/11/2008 13:44

i found the statement a bit strange just because i don't like the thought of milk. hey ho!

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 21/11/2008 13:45

"Please dont take this badly but im amazed you ever got pregnant at all..." not very nice is that.

Would you have said the same thing to me? I was told from an early age that I was shit, that my body was shit, that I should have been a boy because I had no boobs, that I was unattractive, that I would probably end up a lesbian. Everything I wore was commented on in a negative way. That was my family.

My dh was the first man who made me feel comfortable about the way I was. He encouraged me to wear clothes that flattered my slim frame. But I still had very deep seated issues about my body and about sex, having been led to believe that it was dirty.

Not everyone is blessed with your confidence shitemum. As I said, I did breastfeed, but without the support of my lovely dh I doubt I would have attempted it. Only with my second did it feel natural. And of course it was an eye-opener going onto Mumsnet and finding out that people generally don't stare or give a monkeys if you bf in public.

I have every sympathy with Em. It's easy to criticise when you've never been there. But just take a step back and think about the issues surrounding her decision. She's being very brave in discussing this and admitting her feelings.

So perhaps think before you jump in to post next time.

tiktok · 21/11/2008 13:53

Good post, Rhubarb. None of us is to blame for the emotional and psychological baggage we bring to adulthood, but we can choose whether to be lumbered with it forever. Having children is often a psychological breakthrough, because we think 'I'm not going to pass on all this rubbish to them!' but it can still take a lot of bravery to see that thought through into action.

Like it or not, we do end up with the hang ups our parents bequeathe to us (and their parents gave it to them....yes, I know, P. Larkin put it a lot better than this!).

The chain has to stop somewhere, though. Or it goes on and on and on.

kerala · 21/11/2008 14:08

Well I am really really squeamish - no awful family problems that caused it or anything - although my dad is squeamish as well. I was dreading birth and even breastfeeding.

Now come out the other side and totally agree with what shitemum said - you are put in your place by the whole incredible expereince. It is very hard to say how you will feel about it before it happens. My only advice is try not to THINK too much about it just try and say to yourself what will be will be. Have you tried visulisation? That worked for me.

FWIW I had a c section (emergency) and then natural birth the second time. C secion was way more intrusive what with the catheter and machines. Seemed to involve lots of men shouting over me while I lay prone on an operating theatre. Natural birth was 2 lovely midwives - all females in the room except DH and nobody touched me except to stitch me up but by then the baby born so utterly distracted! Everyone experience different but thats what I found. Good luck wiht everything though.

Rhubarb · 21/11/2008 14:10

However that doesn't mean that Em experience the same treatment. Her mother breastfed. So Em it's really up to you to decide if you want to confront your fears and get rid of them, or not.

But TikToks point is a good one, how do you stop yourself from passing your fears onto your children? Our self image is important, and if children feel that their bodies are somehow to be ashamed of, then that's going to inhibit them for the rest of their lives.

It's important that you do what you feel is right to do in the here and now. But long-term, I think for your own sake and that of your children, you need to explore your feelings and try to change your mindset.

greenlawn · 21/11/2008 17:03

Just wanted to add to what kerala said about cs being intrusive - I've had 2 cs one elective one emergency, and one vaginal delivery - and the cs were way, way more intrusive. Vaginal delivery I was left to labour in my own way (I mean that in a good way), minimal intrusion, and a max of 2 mws in the room.

Both cs involved insertion of catheters, suppositories, cleaning up of lots of blood from vagina, etc - all of which done in front of a hell of a lot more people. First time (elective) I was left lying starkers in front of at least 10 people, and the 2nd was under a GA so God only knows who saw what. And don't even get me started on afterwards. I don't think I have ever, ever had so many people interested in my vagina and my bowels at any one time.

I actually don't have any issues with any of this, but it bothers me when people say daft things to me like oh at least having a cs is "more private" or "less embarrassing" or whatever. One colleague even thought you didn't have to take your knickers off for a cs. Well you do, and then some. None of this is directed at the OP by the way, she can do what she likes - and I would STRONGLY recommend that she discusses her issues with the person doing her cs so that any "privacy" issues are respected to the extent they can be - but this "less intrusive" business does not hold up in my experience.

BalloonSlayer · 21/11/2008 17:20

Ema you say: "i found [Shitemum's] statement a bit strange just because i don't like the thought of milk. hey ho!"

But you also don't like the thought of natural childbirth (fair enough) or being touched and are trying to avoid having a catheter...

(I can assure you having a catheter is the best bit).

And if drinking milk yourself makes you feel sick, how are you going to react when the baby vomits a whole feed all over you. Because it will.

I also think you need some professional help.

kerala · 21/11/2008 18:15

Estimated number of people involved in my c section - at least 15. Many of them men. two of them had a conversation about holidaying in Romania while dd born.

Estimated number involved in vbac - 2 female midwives, one female anaethatist (sp) and one female doctor who stood there saying "Ive got nothing to do". All totally focussed on me.

CS is definitely less private so if that is what bothers you I would think carefully about it.

Please dont dismiss breastfeeding. I also didnt like the idea but am a total convert. Also my body is very discreet yours may be too. I barely see any milk and both dds neat feeders so its not necessarily milky and messy if that is what bothers you. I had to feed dd2 ebm with a bottle the whole sterilising thing I found to be more of a hassle than bfing.

Do hope it works out and mirror others it may be a good idea to get some help with your feelings as it would be very sad if they marred your experience of early motherhood or you passed these feelings onto any daughter you may have.

CrushWithEyeliner · 21/11/2008 18:21

Ema you also had very strong feelings/ fears against natural childbirth I remember. I hope you work things out and have a positive experience from it all. I wouldn't dismiss BF, I tried and it failed (for all sorts of reasons) but it wasn't a bad experience and if I have another I would definately try again.

lauraloola · 21/11/2008 18:32

tiktok - I was depressed in late pregnancy and decided it was my choice and stuck to it. My midwives didnt say anything at all although I was expecting a lecture.

My reasons were - I am very self concious and there is no way I would get my boobs out in front of anyone, didnt want to be the only one feeding and wanted help at nights. (very selfish I know)

I wish now I had tried that first night when it was just me and dd together. When we have dc2 I will try when we are alone and see what happens.

GreenMonkies · 21/11/2008 18:40

"I found that giving birth brought me right down to earth with a huge bump, put me firmly in my biological place as it were, it strips you of all your civilised finery and links you in some primordial way to what being human and a woman is all about... "

I know exacctly what you mean, however, Ema is having an elective c-section, so she won't be giving birth, she'll be having surgery. (and by this I mean she won't be on her knees making cow noises and feeling her body do it's most basic, amazing and awesome function, not that anyone who has a section is not a real mum or anything like that.)

However, skin to skin is definately important as it will help baby adjust to being "outside". Elective c-sections are generally done before the EDD, so babies are not 100% mature and ready to be born, they are not expecting to be outside, they have not underfone the hormonal changes which prepare them for birth etc. For this reason a good long session of skin-to-skin with mum is just what they need, her smell and the sound of her voice is familiar and comforting, and will make thier sudden change of location a little less shocking.

Also, with regards to Dads bonding and sharing feeding duties, it is actually recommended that mums do all the feeds. Even if you are formula feeding you should attempt to mimic the way feeding etc works when breastfeeding, feed on demand not to a schedule, and so one. Babies "expect" a main carer, one single person to feed them (men don't lactate, it is not biologically normal for dads to feed newborn babies) and in order for a baby to form secure attachments it needs continuity of care. Babies shouldn't be fed by several people, in order for them to form strong bonds they need to first bond with thier mother. There are lots of ways for dads and babies to bond without a single feed being done by dad. My girls are both exclusively breastfed, they have had bottles of ebm at nursery and if I was out in the evening once they were at least 6 months old, but they have very strong bonds with thier dad, not because he fed them when they were tiny, but because he changed thier nappies, bathed them, cuddled them, played with them, walked with them and generally was a very hands on dad.

Ema, please don't think I am telling you off or anything, but I really feel I have to say this. I think you need to do some serious naval gazing in the next few months. You are about to produce a new human being, someone who is going to be utterly dependant on you, and what you want is going to have to come second to what your baby needs. I am saying this because you seem to be approaching this very much from the view-point of what you want/need to do, and this is not going to the most important thing once your baby is here. You have various reasons for not wanting to give birth vaginally (I remember the thread) so despite no clinical reason you have opted for a c-section even though it poses certain risks to you and your baby. Now you say you don't want to breastfeed because you find the idea revolting (or words to that effect.) Have you thought about what your baby needs? Your baby will need almost constant attention for the first few months, you will basically find your entire world will revolve around the baby, or at least it should. It might be an idea to stop stressing about the aspects of motherhood you find unpleasant and start examining why you find them so unappealing. If you are not going to inflict your own issues (or new ones based on what you feel you can't do for your baby because of the way it makes you feel) on your child then you need to tackle your issues. Instead of looking for people to condone your feelings about breastfeeding and tell you it's ok, you don't have to, it won't make any difference, I really (with the best motives in the world) think you need to get to grips with the fact that it is important, and it can make a difference.

Don't close your mind to it, open up and try to get to the rosts of these issues, and make a deal with yourself that you will do a first feed when you have baby skin-to-skin, and take it from there.

I hope you find peace and wish you luck.

monkeymonkeymonkey · 21/11/2008 18:44

Counselling might be a good thing to help you with these negative feelings.
I have friend who didnt breast feed, but bottle fed from birth. She had major self esteem issues and thought that she wasnt the type of woman who breastfed, that it was something that only middle class people did. I felt really bad for her, as she clearly said that breastfeeding was the best thing for a baby, but didnt feel she was good enough to.

SoupDragon · 21/11/2008 18:45

I do find it a little sad when someone says they don't want to breastfeed at all. Not from a judgey POV but just because I found it lovely and think it's sad that they'd dismiss it without trying it. It's not like trying it once would commit you to anything since you can give up very easily at any time.

I was a private feeder with DS1 as I'm painfully shy in RL. I actually enjoyed the solitary quiet time with my baby and no one interfering By the time I got to the 3rd born, I was happy to feed in the front window of Starbucks, despite still being painfully shy about anything else.

I would never judge someone's choice though. You have to be comfortable with what you're doing.

giantkatestacks · 21/11/2008 18:47

I agree with Kerala about the cs - although thats not whats being discussed here so good luck with it - just make sure that your dh speaks up for you if things arent going the way you want.

I would also make sure the midwives post-op know what you feel as otherwise the privacy issues will be very difficult. Are you in a private hospital? Otherwise you will probably be in a 4-bedder and need to make sure that you're ready for that.

can i ask you a question - and please dont feel you have to answer if it makes you uncomfy - have you leaked any colostrum thus far in your pregnancy - when you're in the bath or whatever? How did you feel about it?

monkeymonkeymonkey · 21/11/2008 18:54

I agree with greenmonkies. Also dont underestimate how easy it will be to put your babies interests first when they are born. I know that you said that you love your baby now, when your baby is born you may be surprised by how overwhelming that feeling is and how much you want to put your babies interests first.
I was surprised by how much I loved my DD1 when she was born. I feel guilty now looking back because I didnt make the decisions then that I would now that I actually know how important she is. For example I refused anti-D when I was pregnant because of my fear of blood bourne viruses. Now looking back, that feels selfish to me. I'm not saying that anyone else would be selfish to have done the same thing, just that priorities can look very different when the baby is born.

SoupDragon · 21/11/2008 18:57

My gut feeling is that it's wrong to make any firm decisions before you have that baby in your arms. Keep an open mind