"I found that giving birth brought me right down to earth with a huge bump, put me firmly in my biological place as it were, it strips you of all your civilised finery and links you in some primordial way to what being human and a woman is all about... "
I know exacctly what you mean, however, Ema is having an elective c-section, so she won't be giving birth, she'll be having surgery. (and by this I mean she won't be on her knees making cow noises and feeling her body do it's most basic, amazing and awesome function, not that anyone who has a section is not a real mum or anything like that.)
However, skin to skin is definately important as it will help baby adjust to being "outside". Elective c-sections are generally done before the EDD, so babies are not 100% mature and ready to be born, they are not expecting to be outside, they have not underfone the hormonal changes which prepare them for birth etc. For this reason a good long session of skin-to-skin with mum is just what they need, her smell and the sound of her voice is familiar and comforting, and will make thier sudden change of location a little less shocking.
Also, with regards to Dads bonding and sharing feeding duties, it is actually recommended that mums do all the feeds. Even if you are formula feeding you should attempt to mimic the way feeding etc works when breastfeeding, feed on demand not to a schedule, and so one. Babies "expect" a main carer, one single person to feed them (men don't lactate, it is not biologically normal for dads to feed newborn babies) and in order for a baby to form secure attachments it needs continuity of care. Babies shouldn't be fed by several people, in order for them to form strong bonds they need to first bond with thier mother. There are lots of ways for dads and babies to bond without a single feed being done by dad. My girls are both exclusively breastfed, they have had bottles of ebm at nursery and if I was out in the evening once they were at least 6 months old, but they have very strong bonds with thier dad, not because he fed them when they were tiny, but because he changed thier nappies, bathed them, cuddled them, played with them, walked with them and generally was a very hands on dad.
Ema, please don't think I am telling you off or anything, but I really feel I have to say this. I think you need to do some serious naval gazing in the next few months. You are about to produce a new human being, someone who is going to be utterly dependant on you, and what you want is going to have to come second to what your baby needs. I am saying this because you seem to be approaching this very much from the view-point of what you want/need to do, and this is not going to the most important thing once your baby is here. You have various reasons for not wanting to give birth vaginally (I remember the thread) so despite no clinical reason you have opted for a c-section even though it poses certain risks to you and your baby. Now you say you don't want to breastfeed because you find the idea revolting (or words to that effect.) Have you thought about what your baby needs? Your baby will need almost constant attention for the first few months, you will basically find your entire world will revolve around the baby, or at least it should. It might be an idea to stop stressing about the aspects of motherhood you find unpleasant and start examining why you find them so unappealing. If you are not going to inflict your own issues (or new ones based on what you feel you can't do for your baby because of the way it makes you feel) on your child then you need to tackle your issues. Instead of looking for people to condone your feelings about breastfeeding and tell you it's ok, you don't have to, it won't make any difference, I really (with the best motives in the world) think you need to get to grips with the fact that it is important, and it can make a difference.
Don't close your mind to it, open up and try to get to the rosts of these issues, and make a deal with yourself that you will do a first feed when you have baby skin-to-skin, and take it from there.
I hope you find peace and wish you luck.