any other women who don't want or didn't want to breastfeed?

[Ema76]

feel like I am the only one in the world but really do not want to breastfeed. does anyone else out there feel the same? know lots of women who don't breastfeed because they couldn't and some that gave up very early on but no one who simply feel strongly that it wasn't for them and made the decision before the baby was born.just be nice to hear from someone who feels the same and did not breastfeed because of that. thank you

I see where you are coming from ema but people really dont look

i have one friend who when i gave birth to dc4 was soooo gushy she used to go up close to my boob and look
very unnerving but she said she was soo jealous of my feeding - she was an exception though ( she still worships that boy 5 year on)

I think when you meet a lot of new mums it will 'normalise' feeding and it will feel more natural

it isn't something you come across everyday though is it. only 'seen' it twice in my life and didn't look.

i saw a lady breastfeeding today in starbucks, i just registered it then didnt know where to put my eyes.
i feel like if i dont look, i somehow disaproving of her, but if i do look then i might look like a wierdo, or she might think i AM disaproving of her.

i know what you mean lizandlulu.

I started with tommee tippee closer to nature bottles but switched to MAM which I found fabulous (am mixed feeding) they do come apart but not a hassle to sterilise in my opinion.

The anti-colic mechanism in them is fab, dd hardly ever brings up wind after, which she did with the tommee tippee ones. I guess every baby is different though.

I switched because MAM are bpa free.

surely you get into a routine of when they roughly want a feed? first few weeks i assume are the most difficult as you are getting to know each other. going to get ready made formula so it is quicker and have a good equipment to make life easier and one for the bedroom that stores milk cold and heats it when you want it.

Ema, I think the feelings of not wanting to breastfeed are not uncommon, nor are the feelings of not wanting to bf in public (I know I never really felt comfortable with the notion of getting my boobs out in public although for me it never came to that), similarly I think the fear of childbirth is not uncommon.

But I don't think the way you feel about yourself is common, or normal, and that is very sad.

Can I ask why you feel so strongly about your body?

I do agree that it is something that needs to be addressed, and tbh I think that it needs to be addressed before your baby is born, because having a new baby is stressful enough, without throwing other things that might cause stress (such as milk production) into the mix. Also I fear that something like you leaking milk might cause you to have negative feelings towards your baby (the milk is there as a result of the baby after all) and if your baby crying causes your breasts to leak then the baby crying might invoke a negative reaction?

It is highly likely you will leak milk, even if you don't breastfeed. Most women do (I didn't but I think i'm the exception among all the people I know), so if this is something you are afraid of then you need to address it before it happens.

Please do seak some professional help.

it is easier to get into a routine with formula imo, and bottles can be made up in advance (although tbh I wouldn't buy ready-made as it is prohibitively expensive).

But the difference between bf and ff is that with ff you do have to spend the time sterilising/making up bottles etc and that can be a pain, whereas bf is instant milk on tap .

i did get into the habit of having plenty of bottles made because my dd didnt ever get into any kind of routine, and sometimes ran out of bottles and she would have to wait till i made one and cooled it down, screaming her head off all the while, but it didnt really hurt her to wait for a bit.

Re: the feeding in public thing.

Before I had DD I thought I would be fine feeding in public but didn't think I would want to feed in front of PIL or my Dad.

I started a thread about it on here when I was pregnant and everyone told me I would change my mind and be fine feeding in front of them. Actually I haven't and won't feed in front of them, although have never had any problem feeding in public places (usually starbucks a couple of times a week).

So, although sometimes your feelings may change once the baby arrives for some those feelings may not, there is no way of knowing.

Ema - you've had some really good advice and i hope that talking about this has helped a bit.

Just regards being uncomfortable around people bf'ing - on many many occasions people haven't even noticed i'm feeding including waitresses who offered to warm bottles and my step-father who only realised when my mum mentioned it in passing.

Good luck with the birth (i've had 2 c-sections and found them very positive). Don't put too many expectations on yourself regarding routines etc - i did that with my first and it went a little skewiff

Ema are you able to say why exactly you feel uncomfortable about leaking milk or Milk production or is it just a "yuk" feeling you can't explain?

The reason I ask is that it is such a natural process and I do feel it is unusual to have such strong negative feelings as you are describing. I am not getting at you btw I just want to understand your pov.

I also thought I wouldn't be able to bf in front of my dad. Within days I was quite happy for him to come and stroke DS1's cheek whilst I was bfing. There is no 'strange' feeling about it all. My mum bf me and my 2 sisters, so he sees it as entirely normal. I still wouldn't want him seeing me in my bra and knickers though, although when we lived in Cyprus, I was regularly in a bikini. Bfing feels somehow completely different.

I lied when I earlier said that I'd never been touched when bfing. A very very lovely MW actually, completely on my request, physically showed me where to put my fingers to express milk for DS2 who was in the SCBU/NICU. I'd said to her that I couldn't hand express (although I'd fed DS1 for 22m), and she assured me that I could. Managed to with no problems

Anyway, when it came to feeding, noone needed to lay a hand on me. DS1 was placed face to breast whilst I was lying on my side (2 hrs post c/s), and he latched on and fed for an hour. DS2 wasn't supposed to be bfing at all as he was too ill I said that I wanted to hold him skin to skin to help with expressing milk for him (he was nearly 24 hours old, and still on a drip at that point). Anyway, he turned his head, opened his mouth, latched on and fed. I just said to the SCBU nurses that since he'd initiated feeding, he was obviously fine to do so. He never looked back and bf fine from then onwards.

With regards to the c/s, consider your underwear as the gown has an open back. Thongs wouldn't look good! I had a catheter after the op. They also inserted some sort of pain relief pessary (up the bum) during the op. I told DH after the op that they'd forgotten to do it (they'd asked in advance I think?), but he said 'don't worry, I saw them do it . You could no doubt request not to have this if it worries you.

DS2 was a VBAC, but in case of a ec/s if things went wrong, I got a severe bikini wax a week or so before my due date. I had terrible razor burn after DS1's c/s. This was more irritating than the scar pain. So if I was you, I'd consider that, or at least shave yourself (or ask your DP/DH) when you can do it with a fab quality razor and shaving gel.

thanks for all advise.
yes fourarms i am having legs, underarms, bikini line and nails (well why not i do anyway) done before hospital - am a girly girl and don't fancy an nhs razor anywhere near me. wish i could wax myself but i know that it will get more and more difficult! How far down is the scar - for waxing purposes - inch down or more?

I would say if you wanted to give it a try then don't wait until you are home altho this is where you feel more relaxed, as by that time your supply might have been affected esp if you are staying in longer & it may be more difficult to get a decent feed going & there would be no-one to help you if you wanted a hand.
Having a baby is such a major thing that it can be difficult to predict how you will feel when babe actually arrives. I had some issues due to past abuse & totally switched off from my body during the pregnancy but I eventually had a vaginal delivery & breastfeeding because intellectually at some level I had managed to realise this was best for baby. I do have some relatively minor post-birth issues from certain things that happened during my time in hospital but in the wider context of having my DS I'm so happy & find I can deal with it (at the moment anyway).
With this being the first baby it would really be the time to make sure your relationship is special as with a second baby there is just less time & opportunity, so as some have said here in future if you felt bad you didn't bf first child & wanted to try with a subsequent child then it won't be as easy purely froma practical point of view - but it is hard to decide personal stuff on future things that may or may not happen! I am not really happy feeding in public for my own personal reasons but DS has been bf for 7mths so there are ways round it.
In terms of exposure, you can get tops with vertical slits in for feeding so only the minimum would be exposed (or you can make your own from any cami-top, just cut slits in at the appropriate place) and also various designs of special bf-ing covers - if you were genuinely serioius about giving it a trial go, have everything you might need available so there aren't any excuses as to why it didn't work. It would probably be worth going to the maternity unit & speaking with their lactation consultant or a midwife about it beforehand.
By the way, if you do have stuff in a birth plan be prepared for it to be totally ignored as things can go very much their own way on the day!

I didnt. Dd is 5mo old now and I do regret not trying. Dd is perfecly healthy, a good weight and has only had one cold.

I just didnt want to. I was very hormonal and depressed towards the end of my pregnancy and I think I just wanted my body back. No other reason, I also wanted my dp to share in the bonding when feeding and I do feel it has helped him a lot.

I do hate that people used to ask me if I was bf - Uh none of your bloody business! I said 'no, cant be doing with that' to shut them up!!

At end of the day its your choice. If its isnt for you dont worry xxx

Ps Midwives at the hospital didnt say anything when I told them how I was going to feed and went and got loads of SMA Gold ready made bottles for me.

Inreresting posts, laura. You say you regret not trying. What might have encouraged you to try at the time? Would you have objected to a midwife just talking to you about it and being gently encouraging?

Ema - I FF my DD from the start, and she was and is fine. I tried to bf DS, and failed miserably. That was partly because I had no support, but also because I didn't really want to - I did it because I felt pressurised by midwives, hvs, and my own lovely DH (who had a rosy view of the Perfect Breastfeeding Mummy)...

I did bf DD for a couple of days, then expressed a bit, then went on to ff. I had fewer problems with bf her, but I just didn't want to do it. I didn't want all the soreness and leakiness; with a toddler, a new baby, and a painful c-section I wanted a night's sleep - which meant DH feeding DD at night. I wasn't happy with the idea of feeding in public. I also didn't want to take root on the sofa, unable to do anything with very active DS! In the end, I told the hv I was bfing, as I knew she would not approve of ff...

I don't think bf ever appealed to me, really, either before or after the children were born. If it doesn't appeal to you, don't let anyone pressurise you! A new baby is enough to worry about, without feeling you have to do something you're not comfortable with.

Ema,

Try not to make a definate decision right now. Wait until your baby is born, do skin-to-skin (important no matter how your baby is fed) and see how it feels. Take it one feed at a time, just do one, if it is not for you then don't do it again. There are several women on this thread who have said they didn't try and now wish they had, one feed is not going to blight your feelings for your baby if you really find it impossible, but it would be dreadful to feel reget forever just for the sake of trying. You are having an elective c-section, so you won't be tired or stressed, so just ask them to put baby on your chest for skin-to-skin and see how you feel at that point.

Ideally it would be better to get your issues sorted before your baby is born and then breastfeed, but if you can't or won't then don't put yourself under loads of pressure by getting worked up about breastfeeding/not breastfeeding and how the staff will be, why not write it in your birth plan so that it's easy to explain to the staff, that way they are likely to be supportive and helpful without being pushy or making you feel bad.

One feed, it's worth a go, you never know, you might find it's nothing like you thought it was going to be and love it. But you'll never know if you don't try. And one feed is worth it for your baby too.

Dottoressa, I think your feelings about bf just not 'appealing' to you, with added concerns about bf in public and being 'rooted' to the sofa, are not terribly unusual in societies (like ours) where bottle feeding is very common.

But Ema's feelings sound a lot more intense because she is actively repelled by the thought of even making milk, to the extent she hopes she won't make any, and that is a different kettle of fish.

Greenmonkies - good point about skin to skin. It's a wonderfully important 'event' for any baby, and any mother, and there is really no reason why any baby should miss out on this, regardless of his mum's fears and doubts.

If a mum needs/asks for privacy and quiet for this, and no one watching, it makes it even nicer!

even the father should have skin to skin contact i believe.

I agree with tiktok, you seem to have a lot of negative issues surrounding your body and motherhood (well, the physical part), i feel sad for you. How are you going to cope with being covered in bodily fluids and puke for the next few decades months?
Please dont take this badly but im amazed you ever got pregnant at all...
Won't say anything else as i am apt to be heavy handed...
Just wish you luck and i think you should try and keep an open mind about how you may feel and what you may want to do about feeding etc. after the baby is actually born and in your arms. Maybe you need to open your mind in general in fact and stop being so scared/sqeamish?