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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

any other women who don't want or didn't want to breastfeed?

202 replies

Ema76 · 19/11/2008 13:58

feel like I am the only one in the world but really do not want to breastfeed. does anyone else out there feel the same? know lots of women who don't breastfeed because they couldn't and some that gave up very early on but no one who simply feel strongly that it wasn't for them and made the decision before the baby was born.just be nice to hear from someone who feels the same and did not breastfeed because of that. thank you

OP posts:
Lotster · 19/11/2008 15:44

You have aright to your feelings, and your comfort zone with your body.

You can also find you feel one way in the run up, then can completely change your mind. You might find that after a peaceful C/S, and lots of time with your LO when recovering that it's something you enjoy and never thought you would! Not saying this to try and convert you, because I was the other way around TBH.

I really thought I'd be so earth mother about the B/F and was really looking forward to proudly doing a great job. Not to mention sussing out my mum who never gave me a drop and this always bugged me...
When it came to it, I felt completely put upon and claustrophobic about it. This perhaps wasn't helped by PTSD from the birth and painful thrush, but the situation was what it was at the time, which is my point, you never know what will happen. I carried on anyway for months, knowing my IL's would be horrified if I didn't, (my MIL breastfed 7 kids, some till they were 3), and despite my mum constantly chanting "Oh put him on the bottle" every time she saw me wincing in pain. There were some lovely times, and in the end it was hard to say goodbye to it, but it was a long road, during which I did it to please some people, and prove a point to others, but I didn't consider myself really which is sad.

So it's good you are addressing your own feelings in advance, because those hormones that come with the milk can do all sorts of things to you!

If you can bear it, you could give it a go, in private, with no-one grabbing your boobs and showing you etc, then make an informed decision.

Original poster
Ema76 · 19/11/2008 15:48

i agree lotster. i will see how i feel although knowing how i feel now and that it might change.

Someone mentioned about putting it in my birth plan about not b/f. when do you do one as i haven't yet? am having a c/s so do you still do one?

OP posts:
Lotster · 19/11/2008 16:00

Exactly, you could even grin and bear the colostrum bit (or express it) then move to the bottle if you hate it.

You still can have a birth plan for C/S, things like "a moment of quiet when the baby is born please" are good to put in.
I have to have a C/S with my 2nd due end feb and will be putting that. Otherwise you can get well meaning cheers that you may not want - your babe was minding their own business then is suddenly grabbed out of the womb, so a bit of quiet is the least they should get I reckon
You might also ask if your birth partner can cut the cord if they allow it. And if you'd like the screen lowered slightly at the moment of birth - not so you se anything gory, just enough to watch the baby emerge.

Best thing is not to put too much down, a few simple bullet points will do, otherwise it can get ignored and you look a bit neurotic! Probably more easily done with the unpredictable vaginal deliveries though, my first had all sorts of "I would like"'s which in hindsight are quite irrelevant when baby does what it wants!

mamadiva · 19/11/2008 16:11

I didnt want to BF at all hated the thought of it for some reason, I think its because no one I knew did it and it just seemed odd and I had the perception that it was right thats it babys hungry tits out in the street

But a few months later my friend had her baby and I used to sit with her whilst she was feeding, now Id defo BF my next one because I know its not as cliche as I thought.

Although she did have another baby 11 months later and said she couldnt be arsed with the hasssle ...

JessJess3908 · 19/11/2008 16:40

totally off topic now but going back to a comment op made earlier... dr brown bottles are expensive and a pita to sterilise (loads of bits to put together). plus you'll only need them if you're unlucky and your baby is colicy (but dd is colicy and screamed all night after i tried dr brown). I ended up with tommy tippees as they are meant to be better if you are combining breast and bottle feeding. friends seem v happy with avent bottles too.

just wondering, would you feeel the same way about expressing then bottle feeding?

mamadiva · 19/11/2008 16:43

I used Tommee Tippee closer to nature bottles too and they stopped DS colic they were fab!

Original poster
Ema76 · 19/11/2008 17:06

so dr brown's aren't good then are they? heard they are fab. will read about tommy tippees too.
no i don't want to express the thought of milk coming through the nipple is enough - hoping it doesn't happen and i am milkless if i am honest.

OP posts:
lizandlulu · 19/11/2008 17:12

i didnt want to breast feed, never tried it amd had no desire to even try it a tiny little bit.
i cant stand the thought of a baby sucking at my nipple even just for one feed.

if thats what other want to do i am perfectly fine with that, no problem, i can sit next to a woman in public doing it, and think it is perfectly natural and acceptable to do it in a public place, but it was not for me.

there, said it!

Original poster
Ema76 · 19/11/2008 17:17

lizandlulu - thank you so much for your post it makes me feel much better as i feel the same as you.
thanks

OP posts:
tiktok · 19/11/2008 17:18

Ema, please don't think of this as pressurising: your mental and emotional health is precious for you and your baby....and maybe now is not the right time to tackle these big questions...but your feelings of worry even at the idea of making milk are a symptom of deep body/motherhood issues that could be getting in the way of , well, making the most of your life, and they could affect your baby, too, in time.

What you are expressing here is more than a fairly strong preference for bottle feeding. There is 'stuff' going on inside! Just a thought - as I say, now may not be the right time to confront it all, but don't put it off forever

tiktok · 19/11/2008 17:20

Em, but you don't feel the same as lizandlulu, as she is ok with seeing other people bf, and you were pretty clear you are not!

Not your fault....no need to feel guilt or anything self-blaming, but it's better to be honest about the depth of what you're feeling.

lizandlulu · 19/11/2008 17:20

so tiktok are you saying that if ema doesnt breast feed she isnt making the most of her life and she will be damaging her baby?

tiktok · 19/11/2008 17:23

Absolutely not, lizandlulu!

I am saying that deep-seated fears and anxieties about one's body and its functions, to the extent that Ema has expressed these anxieties here, do get in the way of making the most of one's life.

And yes, a mother's anxieties and stressors and feelings about her body and its functions certainly do impact on her children, wouldn't you say?!

lizandlulu · 19/11/2008 17:24

oh, i see, sorry i jumper on my high horse a bit there

lizandlulu · 19/11/2008 17:24

or jumped

tiktok · 19/11/2008 17:25
Smile
NotanOtterOHappyDay · 19/11/2008 17:28

I do feed and am currently feeding but like Rhubarb it is not for me

you may find it is not as bad as you expect

Original poster
Ema76 · 19/11/2008 17:28

i don't like the thought of any milk - i don't personally drink milk makes me feel sick to think of drinking it myself. don't care if others do.
i don't mind that other people breastfeed just wouldn't want to watch them doing it. it just seems something private and personal to me. i don't object to women doing it in public but just wouldn't look.

OP posts:
NotanOtterOHappyDay · 19/11/2008 17:31

no one 'looks' ema

thats how i manage to do it...no one actually looks

Original poster
Ema76 · 19/11/2008 17:31

how long are you going to do it for then notanotterohappyday? if it is not for you i mean.

OP posts:
NotanOtterOHappyDay · 19/11/2008 17:33

i am on my 6th baby and he has just turned 4 months

you feel very pleased with yourself at the end

honestly

its worth it!

Original poster
Ema76 · 19/11/2008 17:35

surly people do look it would be hard not to look if it was right there in front of you so i personally would rather not be sat next to someone doing it, although I have no problem with anyone breastfeeding. it just seems too private for me to be anywhere near. a friend of a friend breastfeeds and when they visited and she was going to feed - i made sure i made more drinks etc... just seems weird being there at such a moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ema76 · 19/11/2008 17:36

6th baby - wow you should be proud of yourself!

OP posts:
tiktok · 19/11/2008 17:45

Ema....you say you are unwilling to 'be anywhere near' someone bf because it's 'private' and as a result it feels 'weird' to be there (to the extent you have to leave the room). That's a lot, lot stronger a negative reaction than most people have.

Plenty of people who have never seen bf before may feel a tad twitchy being in a room with a bf woman, but that's because they are not sure of the etiquette (do you deliberately not look, or not? ) and are worried they may inadvertently embarrass the mum.

But what you are feeling sounds deep in your gut and your heart, and it's a shame...you prob don't want anyone to be sad or sorry for you, but I am, 'cos what you are feeling are not feel-good feelings!

SquiffyHock · 19/11/2008 17:45

I tried to feed DS basically because I'm middle class and that's what we do

Seriously though, I failed miserably at it and gave up by 4 weeks. DD I tried for the first 12 hours then gave up. Now with number 3 am am happy to say that I really don't want to feed and am not going to. My 2 other children are fit as a fiddle and won't feel any guilt or pressure this time. (well, not much)