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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Breast and bottle feeding query

208 replies

mum2b1 · 03/06/2008 15:58

Hi

I am planning to breast feed my first baby (due end of July) but I also want to express so that my husband can help with the feeding/ bond etc.
How long should I wait before introducing the bottle (containing breast milk).
My NCT teacher says 3 weeks but that seems a long time and it seems to me that the longer we wait the more confusing it will be for the baby.
Surely if we do it earlier say after about a week and a half the baby will be more likely to take to both and not really have a preference...

any suggestions?
Has anyone else tried this successfully?

OP posts:
andiem · 03/06/2008 16:00

I think the consensus is between 3 and 6 weeks as you need to make sure your supply is sorted before you start expressing
I waited till 6 weeks before I expressed for both mine

ConnorTraceptive · 03/06/2008 16:01

Actually you should really wait atleast 6 to 8 weeks so that you can estsblish supply.

I did it with ds1 from 8 weeks and it was fine. In the meantime there's lots of ways for your dh to help out/bond. My dh has always done bathtime and that's always his time with the boys and gives me a break

DonDons · 03/06/2008 16:02

I started expressing at 2 weeks for the same reason despite all advice to the contrary. (MW/HV/various reading materials - but I was absolutely exhausted after e-CS).

DD happily took bottle from either me or DH and we had no issues with nipple confusion etc. Still going well at 6 weeks and have a freezer full of excess milk to help us through growth spurts.

(although bloody breast pump has broken this morning so think I am going to give it up now).

andiem · 03/06/2008 16:03

agree with connor re bonding my dh has never fed either of mine and ds2 is a real daddy's boy he always did bath to give me a break in the early weeks

witchandchips · 03/06/2008 16:04

Its not a good idea to start before your supply is properly established. The best way to stimulate your supply is by breastfeeding. You may also find your lo wishes to feed every hour or so which leaves you no time for expressing. tbh i would think of other ways of getting your dh to bond with your baby (winding, dancing, nappy changing etc) and leave the bottles till the second month or so

ConnorTraceptive · 03/06/2008 16:05

The benefits of not expressing to soon is that people can't pressure you into leaving your baby until you are ready (grr in-laws - may become an extended feeder just spite them )

ConnorTraceptive · 03/06/2008 16:07

Witch makes a good point. DS1 always fed at regular intervals but DS2 has no rhyme or reason to his feeding pattern.

ChairmumMiaow · 03/06/2008 16:16

We expressed and fed from 4 weeks, just to give me more sleep, but DH didn't really enjoy it and when we got caught up with the sleep it wasn't worth the hassle. We could have been just lucky and I would probably wait till 6 weeks for another.

He stopped taking a bottle at all at about 12 weeks, but we've managed to convince him to start again now I'm trying to go to work for a few hours a week and am going back to my amateur operatics group once a week.

DH much prefers to bond with DS in other ways - a walk with DS in the sling, snuggles on the sofa, nappy change in the morning with a good play (DS is normally all smiles then) and bathtime.

I'd wait and see how you feel TBH, but I really wouldn't do it before 3 weeks, even if you feel you've got BF well established.

Original poster
mum2b1 · 03/06/2008 16:24

Thanks ladies - good advice
x

OP posts:
tiktok · 03/06/2008 16:40

Dads do not need to feed to bond - it's a myth that's a bit insulting to all the dh's (like mine) who never gave a bottle of ebm but who have all managed to bond perfectly well

It is not helping you with the feeding if you have to fit in several expressing sessions a day to get a bottle - you have enough to do!

Expressing is a great skill to have, as long as it is convenient for you - and when you have a little baby and you and the baby are just getting feeding going, pressure to express is precisely what you don't need. Your baby is perfectly capable of developing an inconvenient preference weeks down the line, even if he has had a bottle every day (see many posts on this on mumsnet!) and conversely, many will take a bottle with no bother at all weeks down the line. You cannot predict

There are no rules about any of this, but it's helpful to know you don't have to express by a certain time!

catwoman75 · 04/06/2008 08:26

I did from 3 weeks but when dh gave a bottle every night it meant I was going 6 hours without feeding and I woke up in agony with engorged boobs. Think this could possibly have been the cause of mastitis as well.

Anyway, I still express but dh doesn't give a bottle evry night - just when I'm going out etc

tiktok · 04/06/2008 09:03

Excellent point, catwoman - the bottle of ebm (to give mum a break)can mean the mum suffers with uncomfortably full breasts, then what is the point? She can express while the dad feeds the bottle, but then where is the break? Dads are grown ups - they do not need to feed to bond (there are many ways to make a relationship with their baby - do I have to list 'em? ) .

Expressing can be a good thing for convenience - but it's pointless if it is invovenient!

witchandchips · 04/06/2008 10:04

in the early days you may find that you leak a lot between feeds or from one breast while feeding from the other. You can get breast shields that allow you to collect this milk. I could collect about 1 oz a feed this way. Freeze it and then you have a spare supply of ebm without the hassle of pumping. Lots of women with good supply just don't get the let down with expressing.

MrUmble · 04/06/2008 12:50

tiktok... of course Dads can bond in other ways, but to suggest that there's no value in the dad feeding is bizarre to say the least.

VictorianSqualor · 04/06/2008 13:01

I don't think there is any value in Dad feeding tbh, DS2 is 7 weeks old.
I expressed one bottle for DP to feed him. DP was uncomfortable and awkward, DS2 was still 'hungry' afterwards, not hungry because he hadn't had anything, but hungry for a comfort feed and I was sat with painful breasts because they needed to feed!
Pointless and didn't in anyway help bonding.
Needless to say we don't bother with the faff now, DP&DS2 have their one to one time in the bath.

tiktok · 04/06/2008 13:31

I didn't say there was no value in dads giving a bottle - I asked what the point was, if it was meant to give mum a break (it may not) and said there were other ways to bond.

Individual families may feel this is an important thing for them to do, and I wouldn't want to stop them! But they need to know the downsides.

I come across many new and expectant mothers who are under real pressure to express so dad/grandma/auntie nellie can 'have a go' at feeding. In the early weeks there is enough to do without looking after everyone else's developing relationship in that particular way.

Dads have a unique and priceless opportunity to show the baby, from the start, that love and comfort don't have to come as part of a meal, and that hairy arms and chests are lovely to snuggle with too They don't have to give a bottle, they really don't.

TinkerbellesMum · 04/06/2008 13:40

Night feeds are really important as that?s when you make the most milk and that helps up your supply during the day. Having dad doing that feed and missing out on the night feeds will leave you uncomfortable and could affect your supply. If you are finding you are up a lot in the night cosleeping can help as baby can latch themselves so you only have to wake enough to help them on/expose your breast if at all.

I used the ?but I breastfeed? line to get him to do nappy changes, get me food and drink?

It has happened that a baby has taken a bottle and refused to take the breast after that, some will take it for awhile and some never have a problem. It?s a risk you take and you have to decide which is more important, dad getting to do the odd feed or being able to continue breastfeeding. I decided to never give a bottle, on the occasions she did need to be given milk I had begged 2oz syringes from the GP and hospital. That way it was never easier for her to have a bottle from anyone?s point of view.

MrUmble, TikTok didn?t say there was ?no value in the dad feeding? just that they don?t need to feed to bond. It does dads everywhere a disservice when you say they can?t bond unless they give a bottle.

(BTW TikTok, OT, I did find where that came from, Cmot posted a quote from a parenting manual from the 1940s/50s(?) awhile ago and that's where I had remembered it from, she just happened to quote it again this week after I had been racking my brains trying to work out where I had read it)

TinkerbellesMum · 04/06/2008 13:45

Sorry, you hadn't posted when I opened this thread.

I'd forgotten something I was told until reading TikToks last post, dads have absolutely nothing to give or take from a baby (unlike mum) and they don't have to be there. By being there, giving the child love, looking after them and doing things with them they teach a child about unconditional love.

MrUmble · 04/06/2008 14:20

Im not saying that Dads that dont feed wont bond, what I am saying is that dont undermine the role of a father, mums shouldnt have an assumed monopoly on feeding.

Its up to personal choice, some dads dont want to do it. Personally I think its one of the strongest bonding opportunities during the first few months.

Original poster
mum2b1 · 04/06/2008 14:27

I agree MrUmble. Dad's should be able to do everything the Mum does.
It should all be shared as much as possible (if that is what you both want)

OP posts:
tiktok · 04/06/2008 14:47

For goodness sake.

I am not 'undermining' the role of the father - how you get that from my posts I don't know! I am emphasising that in these precious early weeks, the dad has a unique, caring and loving role that doesn't have to involve using a non-breast to get milk into the baby

And the language you use - 'assumed monopoly on feeding' makes my toes curl...this isn't territory you are arguing over, but a tiny baby and a tiny baby's needs. Your own needs to undermine the 'assumed monopoly' can surely take second place to that, don't you think? Some guys are actually jealous of breastfeeding. This might not apply to you. To those people I say, 'grow up'

Look - if both partners want to give the baby ebm and feel this is something special and important to them, then that is absolutely fine and dandy. But there are drawbacks to it - and anyone who wants to do it needs to know about them, and to feel this is no more than an option, not something they have to do to bond, or to help, or anything.

MrsBadger · 04/06/2008 14:52

'dads should be able to do everything the mum does'

what, like carry them for 9m and give birth?

men and women are different
mothers and father have different roles when it comes to small babies
tis a fact and is undermining to both to suggest this is not the case.

happynappies · 04/06/2008 14:54

Here here Tiktok. My personal experience was that I imagined it would be nice for dh to give a bottle of expressed milk. When we tried, dd hated it, dh found it really uncomfortable, and we decided there was no way we were going to do it again. Dd has been bf for 18 months now (exclusively for first 6 months) and she is as close to dh as she is to me. I'm glad my dh is (a) relaxed enough about it not to feel undermined and (b) sufficiently informed about the mechanics of bf to understand why expressing wasn't an option for us for the first couple of months. This, I guess, is one of those 'each to their own' issues - I just remember a girl at my antenatal classes saying that she wanted to express so that her dh could 'bond' and personally I disagree about 'bonding' via feeding. Speaking as someone who lectures on this, it isn't the passing of food to the baby that creates the opportunity for bonding, it is sensitive loving care, which Mums and Dads obviously both provide whether ff, bf, feeding ebm or whatever.

witchandchips · 04/06/2008 14:55

here here tiktok
men don't have an assumed monopoly on sperm production and injection
women don't have an assumed monopoly on being pregnant and giving birth.
its just that one gender has a willy and the other gender has norks, womb and can make milk
no need to over inflate the importance of one role vis a vis the other OR to create an kind of psuedo equality by making men wear a prosthetic belly for 9 months or for women to stress themselves unduly by expressing

jamila169 · 04/06/2008 15:02

The thing that the 'express so dad can bond' gang always forget is that, when they are getting their 'valuable' bonding time mum is awake, with breasts leaking and in mental turmoil because her baby calling for food , even if they aren't in the room causes physiological responses that don't respect any notion that anyone other than mum is the prime nurturer