Breast and bottle feeding query

[mum2b1]

Hi

I am planning to breast feed my first baby (due end of July) but I also want to express so that my husband can help with the feeding/ bond etc.
How long should I wait before introducing the bottle (containing breast milk).
My NCT teacher says 3 weeks but that seems a long time and it seems to me that the longer we wait the more confusing it will be for the baby.
Surely if we do it earlier say after about a week and a half the baby will be more likely to take to both and not really have a preference...

any suggestions?
Has anyone else tried this successfully?

OK mrumble - i am going to brave your wrath.

It's a great idea to share feeding, give it a go. just be prepared (as with everything in child rearing) to change the game plan if it is not working. Breastfeeding is not always simple to establish and may take your partner and baby a while to get used to - on the other hand both may take to it like a duck to water. If shared feeding is essential for you both then you will probably end up formula feeding - which is fine if that's what you both want.

My DH really liked feeding and wanted to do it as much as possible, but we had a problem establishing bf and in the end we stopped giving her bottles as it was more important for us that she had breast milk than shared feeding.

And please be very aware and sensitive to your partner's emotional rollercoaster of birth and motherhood caused by the powerful hormones. good luck!

I can't take this seriously any more

Now we're 'wanting to remain special by dominating certain aspects'.

[rofl]

Out of interest, MrUmble, if you wholeheartedly endorse this equal partnership, no differentiation between parental roles thing, why not just use formula and be done, eh?

I am not anti men helping with feeding by the way. My dh helped when dd was newborn by ensuring I had enough to eat and drink, and by sitting with me while I fed every hour, then every two hours, then every three hours through the nights. He is more than involved, thankyou.

jamila169 you reminded me, I've leaked when I've been out she was hungry and with Mum, she didn't even have regular feed times, but I seemed to know just when she was hungry.

I think it is entirely subjective to say men dont bond through feeding.
It is likley that there is some bonding processing happening.
of course it isnt the only way to bond and of course nothing awful will happen if they dont feed but I dont agree at all that there is no bonding at all with a feed.

dads 'sharing' feeding is soooooooooooo over-rated, IMO. I think this comes from the old-fashioned thinking that the only time a baby should be touched or hugged is during feeding time - the rest of the time they should be asleep in their cots. Sadly, I believed that with DS1, so I dutifully expressed like mad when he was 6 weeks so that Dh could 'feed and bond'. What a faff. What a waste of time. DH was just as happy with DS1 in the sling, pottering about gadget shops. So he never had a bottle after 8 weeks.

With DS2 in the evenings, I used to feed him, then DH would sit and cuddle him whilst watching TV or reading. This gave me a bit of non-baby time and allowed DH to snuggle and 'bond' with DS2. DH also would spend most of the day with DS2 in the sling. Everyone happy

If we want to keep things natural then your husbands should be out killing mammoths and dragging them back to the cave, and also trying to impregnate every female them come across. But humanity has evolved.. join us.

If you husband looses interest ... what the hell kind of guy have you married. If hes not at all interested to begin with... again... wtf? But if he is interested, and really wants to, to just make the decision that "No, I'm the source of food, you bond somewhere else" is foolish.

It would appear that I've stumbled on the last bastion of female chauvinism. The mother is vital to feeding, of course, but the assumed exclusion of the father is several millennia out of date.

Oh please Mrs Badger - give formula!!
Obviously there are benefits to breast milk over formula.
Just because a woman has boobs doesnt mean she HAS to be the sole provider of breast milk.

No, no, that's inverted logic.
'Feeding is not necessary for bonding' not 'Feeding is unconnected to bonding'

The bonding doesn't occur because of the process of feeding. "bonding" or attachment, comes about through sensitive caregiving, which can be provided by a male, a female, or both. It has nothing to do with the act of feeding, hence why people who have never fed their lo develop perfectly healthy emotional bonds with their baby. With respect - it is well-supported by psychological research, research which I lecture on in the course of my work.

omy... no wrath here . What you said makes perfect sense. If its not working, then sure change the gameplan.

I just have issue with anyone who sets the gameplan to exclude their partner from the start.

so who else's breasts will it come from, if not the mother's, eh?

I can't believe I'm getting so worked up about this

'gameplan to exclude their partner'

what?

[runs away]

no, I can't either Mrs Badger. I will invite my dh to participate in this thread so that MrUmble can see that it is not the case that I set the gameplan to exclude him from the start, more the case that we both decide on what is in the best interests of our daughter and happened to agree that expressing was not.

oh, yes, men can feed ebm in this millenia.

it is especially helpful when they have to work split shifts in order to make the ends of the family budget meet as well as cover childcare.

i have no probs with a man feeding ebm when it is part of a solution rather than another chore for a lazy busy mum like myself.

OP: will be genuinely interested in your POV of expressing and feeding ebm in the early weeks after you have been tehre and done that.

Sorry taht sounds too blunt but I have to rush off to collect my dd who was fed EBM at nursery for months on end because mummy had to go back to work early and she weaned really late onto solids.

I want to hear from MrsUmble

Of course it is the cuddling and care giving that give the bonding experience. which is why it isnt a disaster if the father doesnt feed BUT it would be lovely if he could give the baby all that the mum does.
I am not taling about Dad doing as many feeds as Mum I am saying teh odd feed here and there would be a good experinec for both.
So what that Mum is awake and so isnt getting sleep while Dad is feeding.
When Mum is feeding, Dad should be there helping out too - - - equal partnership!
Helping out in every way possible.

There doenst need to be pressure just if thatis what feels right for you as a couple then super.
But this whole negativity towards men helping with feeding is a shock to me...

wait and see, mum2b1

if your dh is nagging that he wants to do a feed just because he wants to when you are sore and exhausted and expressing is the last thing you want to do, MN will still be here for you

in fact it'll be here for you whatever the hell happens...

Mrs Badger what do you mean who else breasts will the milk come from?
There is no issue here that the mother produces the milk, just that if possible it would be nice for the father to expererience giving his baby a feed or two.

my point is, as others have said, that involved Dads who go for the 'feed to bond' fairytale rarely do it a second time because
a: they find out that it's just as much a bonding experience bathing/changing/playing/tooling around B+Q
b: they realise that the breastfeeding relationship is more important than their need to feel important

ask mums who FF who does the night feeds,the ones when match of the day's on, the ones when both parents are busy- your answer will come from the sheer amazement and covert jealousy women get when their partner really does equal duty

Mrumble - it is not female chauvenism - just reality. the hormones are so powerful that a bf woman really does 'suffer' (emotional pain) if she is not able to breastfeed for some reason. I know it is hard to believe or even understand (as my DH found it ) - it is not logical it is hormonal!

You both have to decide if breastfeeding is really important to you.

sorry, that was in response to 'just because the woman has the boobs doesn't mean she has to be the sole provider of breastmilk'

er, yes it does

i did exactly what tinkerbelles did. get dh to do other things because once you are on own all day feeding you will more than likely enjoy the break of dh bathing etc.

expressing can be time consuming but useful for the occassional evening out but be fully prepared for baby to change their mind about taking a bottle.

mine refused about 4.5m then took again about 6m. i reckon she will always be this contrary

mum2b1 good luck with your bf journey. I would caution against expressing too early like your NCT teacher said because it can disrupt your supply. I think this is an emotive issue because without wishing to sound all 'horror story', bf can be quite hard work to establish. Once you're there - great. Expressing might enable you to get out more, to return to work, to go away... whatever. Whatever works. Whatever makes everyone happy. I think you'll find that your dp is more than happy just being there, and sharing in the miracle. My personal experience is that the odd feed here or there was not lovely, and caused anxiety for all concerned.

Through out this "discussion" it has become apparent is that some of you seem to have unilaterally come to conclusions regarding the involvement of your husbands.

I'm not sure if its the result of wanting to remain as the center of attention, or that your husbands can't be bothered, but whatever the underlying cause youve then come up with reasons, research and facts to support this dubious position. Which removes the responsibility from a disinterested partner.

DISCLAIMER : If you sit down with your husband and both of you agree that he doesnt need to be involved in feeding, then that is a totally different matter and I have never said otherwise.