Breast and bottle feeding query

[mum2b1]

Hi

I am planning to breast feed my first baby (due end of July) but I also want to express so that my husband can help with the feeding/ bond etc.
How long should I wait before introducing the bottle (containing breast milk).
My NCT teacher says 3 weeks but that seems a long time and it seems to me that the longer we wait the more confusing it will be for the baby.
Surely if we do it earlier say after about a week and a half the baby will be more likely to take to both and not really have a preference...

any suggestions?
Has anyone else tried this successfully?

LOL!

From the sound of things some of you are making unilateral decisions.

I agree there are drawbacks to both partners giving ebm, but there are drawbacks to them not. Two sides of a coin.

Mrs Badger, grow up. Dads can do everything a mum can do in terms of nurture, dont think because you're a woman that automatically makes you equipt to meet the babys emotional needs.

This isnt a Mum vs Dad argument, balance is the key. But I take serious point with people who say its a womans role.

jamila169... so now we're a gang.

This isnt a stranger feeding your baby, its your husband. The man you're going to spend the rest of your life with.

Parenting is partnership, get over it.

Mr umble i think the point that some of us are making is that feeding the baby is not the only way parents can fufill its emotional needs

I said absolutely nothing about emotional needs, I was talking about physical needs, of which feeding is one. Mothers lactate. Fathers don't. Both can nurture.

[grows up]
[totters away on walking sticks]

Surely there is a middle ground? I found that I could express in the morning at the same time as I fed dd (bit tricky...but I got there with practice!) which meant I wasn't having to express instaed of a feed. Dh fed her at the same time every night and after a few days my boobs got used to this, so I didn't get engorged etc.

This might not work for everyone, and I fully appreciate that Dads can bond without feeding, however I really welcomed the opportunity to go to the gym/walk/have a bath completely away from dd yet knowing her needs were being met.

witchandchips, totally agree with you that parents can fulfil the emotional needs in other ways.

Just got very annoyed with the "Why are you bothering" replies. Just because there are other ways doesnt mean feeding should be overlooked because its awkward at first.

But each to his own, everyone does what they think is best.

so you think that to allow our husbands to 'bond' we should risk upsetting the delicate balance that is the breastfeeding relationship - what i said about the mental and physical turmoil caused by oxytocin is a fundamental truth - that is what that hormone does, it makes the body respond to a baby's feeding cues by making it imperative for the mother to get to the baby and starting the letdown process -it still happens if someone else is feeding the baby. it's not ganging up, it's biology

MrUmble, Dads can do everything Mums can do in terms of nurture, but not in terms of feeding. Feeding is not a way of meeting emotional needs, and is not a prerequisite for bonding. Expressing may be beneficial for families who need to maintain bf through circumstances that prevent the baby being with Mum (e.g. Mum at work/in hospital/out etc) - but expressing under the illusion (as I was) that it is somehow necessary to artificially involve men in a process which they are biologically excluded from... I don't think so.

jamilia169... I think it says everything that you referred to you "allowing" your husband to bond. Nice.

mrUmble, your tone makes me wonder if on a certain level, you are only content when agreed with. Either that or you are supersmug about the decisions you have already made.

no one has said that a dad ought not feed ebm. it just turns out that from a list of varied experiences, it seems like a dad feeding ebm in order to bond does not hold much stock.

i also wonder how much time you have already had to reflect on dadhood so far.

Jamilia uses the right term - expressing is women putting in extra effort to allow a father to have an experience they think will 'help with bonding'.
Fathers actually bond pretty well without the mothers having to go to extra effort to 'allow' it.

come back when you partner has bf 4 dc's aand let us know how long you carried on before losing interest
BTW, my husband had no problem with my keeping breastfeeding between me and LO's , He'd rather change bums and do baths than risk bubba hurling all over him -and all the DC's worship him, and have never accused him of being a crap dad for not giving them a bottle

btw, jamila is right on the biological responses a woman feels to meeting the need to feed your own hungry baby.

Gawd, i once bawled my eyes out one time (not in front of her) when a new mum who was struggling to establish breastfeeding wouldn't just stop, sit down and feed her hysterical baby because she was embarrassed to feed in front of other (breastfeeding) women at a support group. She hurriedly left with her dd in the pushchair saying she'll feed as soon as she got home. (It also told me that I still had 'issues' with when i was struggling to establish feeding myself.)

Sometimes, in similar scenarios of difficultiy to this woman's or mine, a woman can also feel pressured to express so that someone else can feed the baby so that they can bond too.

I just find it disturbing that some of the replies seems to indicate an extreme possessiveness. Its a baby, not a handbag.

Its not ludicrous or a waste of time to involve Dad in feeding, as some posters have suggested.

Just because something is difficult doesn't mean its wrong (When I say difficult I mean Dads feeling awkward at first).

And I'm not super smug about my decisions, I'm here to stimulate a debate. If I was super smug and arrogant I wouldn't care what was said, instead I'm continuing to debate.

Let the battle continue!

MrUmble - am not extremely possessive over my child (not handbag). I am extremely protective over our bf relationship which took unbelievable determination to establish after difficult pg/birth/recovery. It wasn't so much that me and my dh were 'put off' expressing/feeding ebm after one awkward experience. More that we both saw what a bloody waste of time it was, and realised that we had been taken in by this myth of feeding to bond. My dh is equally involved in all aspects of care for our daughter, and makes decisions with me. He would be very insulted at the thought that I was being possessive in not 'letting' him feed our dd, that he was missing out on bonding opportunities... Am getting really angry now so I'm going to stop.

I think we're very much entitled to feel possesive about a small being who we have carried around for 9 months and gone through all manner of indignity to give life to - thats totally outwith the physiological experience of breastfeeding - I suggest you get a shed,Mr 'umble , breastfeeding isn't a hobby

Dad's 'losing interest' in feeding their babies. Not wanting to do it incase of getting hurled on - - - -

what is that about????

Yes, of course, MrU, it's a baby not a handbag - how insulting. I remind you that we were not the ones who talking about a 'monopoly' on feeding.

Actually, it can be a waste of time to involve dad in feeding ebm - who gains if the mother is in pain, or leaking, or awake and distressed? It's not always a waste of time, of course, and I have said more than once that it can be a convenient skill to have (generally, once bf is well-established and the mother is not going to be uncomfortable or can deal with her discomfort easily)....but I have come across mothers experiencing real pressure to do this expressing-so-dad-can-bottlefeed thing and it is not good.

I have acknowledged that for some families, the experience is worthwhile and enjoyable. Please acknowledge that for others it isn't, and promoting it generally to everyone as a bonding thing is unhelpful.

Sorry - but it IS ludicrous AND a waste of time to involve dad in feeding if a) it's not necessary for him to feed baby to bond AND b) expressing causes the mother physical and psychological discomfort at a time when she's already feeling under pressure and c) itmight actually endanger continued breastfeeding because baby becomes confused between breast and bottle.

And it's very sad that you see people's acknowledgement of the emotionally intense experience of mothering a breastfed newborn as some sort of expression of "extreme possessiveness".

I think you have very little understanding or respect for normal instinctive maternal behaviours.

"Let the battle continue!"

me, already: "no one has said that a dad ought not feed ebm."

you, afterwards: "Just because something is difficult doesn't mean its wrong "

i therefore am currently at a loss at what more there is to discuss, but hopefully i will be pleasantly surpised.

jamila169... possesive? As stated before its your husband, not some stranger.

HappyNappies... what Im saying is just because its not right for some people, doesnt mean its a waste of time for everyone.

People, dont get worked out, its a debate. Accept that someone can have a different point of view to your own... and also be right.

tittybangbang .... what absolute tripe. its not ludicrous or rubbish. Its a partnership. Its almost like some people where want to remain "special" by dominating certain aspects.

Dads should be involved or at least given the option to participate in feeding. The only myth here is that they will somehow bring out the end of the world if they do.

Nothing like a little drama.

yep, dads already have an opportunity to get involved in feeding.

it is called weaning onto solids.

mrumble, is your posting name meant to be ironic?

My goodness - I cant believe everyone is so anti men helping out with the feeding.

If it is too much pressure for the mother and it is messing up the routine etc then I can understand it but I am sure there are ways around these issues if you wnated to find them.

I think it is great that Mr Umble wants to be so involved.
women are always complaining that their husbands dont do enough and here we have a man wanting to do everything possible to be involved with his baby...

well done Mr Umble

Well can I ask how exactly Dadds participate in actually giving birth? I don't mean supporting their partner, I mean actually participate? Actually sharing the experience? Although I could not have given birth without the help and support of my dh, he would be the first to admit that he did not 'share' in the experience in the true sense of the word. It is perfectly normal - as men are not biologically capable of doing so. Just the same as breastfeeding. Men cannot breastfeed. Of course they can feed ebm - but as someone who absolutely would not jeopardise our bf in those early days, I would only express if I had good reason. I have yet to experience one such good reason, therefore dh has never needed to feed her again. I am all for parents making choices. We made ours and are happy with our choices. Feed expressed milk if you want to or need to, but I repeat, men don't bond through feeding.