Breast and bottle feeding query

[mum2b1]

Hi

I am planning to breast feed my first baby (due end of July) but I also want to express so that my husband can help with the feeding/ bond etc.
How long should I wait before introducing the bottle (containing breast milk).
My NCT teacher says 3 weeks but that seems a long time and it seems to me that the longer we wait the more confusing it will be for the baby.
Surely if we do it earlier say after about a week and a half the baby will be more likely to take to both and not really have a preference...

any suggestions?
Has anyone else tried this successfully?

Well, it is about 'allowing' or at least 'facilitating' fathers to feed, because, as they can't lactate, they need outside input.
And the breasts are part of our bodies. We get to say how they are used. Yes yes, after reasonable discussion with the ultimate aim of benefiting the whole family etc, but they are, ultimately, female assets.

Im a little sad there is so much agression and fury being vented. We all came here to learn. (well i did)

No one, not MrUmble, not MrsBadger not even the breastfeeding counsellors on here knows EVERYTHING about BF.... so lets try not to kill each other.

... and now I have to get rid of the ridiculous image in my head of DH sneaking in with the breast pump while I am asleep to sneakily help himself without my "allowing" it.

"Yes yes, I am an arse for questioning that a mother should make a decision that could affect the relationship between a father and child."

And your evidence for this claim can be found precisely where.......?

If you were no so blinded by your own beliefs you'd be able to see that Ive presented a balanced argument, which you might not agree with, but should certain accept has a right to exist.

I didn't have this belief back when dd was 9 wks old and already refusing a bottle. Back then, I lacking a lot of confidence in my bfing, not knowing whether I would be bfing the next day. i was frankly just muddling through. This is what we (dh and I) learnt from our experience which has now been substantiated other anecdotal accounts. But more valuable to everyone, by research in attachment theory, research in breastfeeding physiology, mother and infant sleep research.

"As for the women not having disinterested DH, I'm sure some don't. Just as I am sure that some DH have been cowed into submission by the shrieking banshees that some posters appear to embody. "

or more simply put.

before bottles, how in the world did fathers cope with missing out on feeding his baby?

Cowed? You should meet dh. Built like a brick shithouse. ExRoyal Marine and ex semi-pro Rugby player. Can't see how his 50 kilo wife and 13 kilo dd can cow him! It takes a strong man to recognise when he shouldn't have a say in the decision.

Yes MrsBadger they are female assets, but irrespective of that the discussion needs to take place without "they are my breasts, I decide" being the crux of the opposition to dad feeding.

"It takes a strong man to recognise when he shouldn't have a say in the decision."

Unbelievable that you decided he should have a say in the decision, howabout a little teamwork.

yep. teamwork.

sometimes i am the slavedriver and he his my minion.

sometimes he is the slavedriver and I am the minion.

we have different stong points and are intelligent and confident enough in ourselves as a couple and as individuals to know when to relinquish the decisonmaking to the other half. It optimises the benefits for everyone then.

breastfeeding happens to be the strong point we are discussing at this time.

no?

What would have been the harm in discussing it?

I have to disagree with you hear MrU.

IMO DH and I are a great team and most things are discussed and agreed between us. We did discuss expressing and and the end of the day I did do quite a lot but ultimately it was my decision and it would be dishonest for me to say otherwise. If I had not wanted to do it there was untimately nothing he could have done about it. Sticking a plastic cone onto your breast and watching your nipple behave in a most peculiar way is an intensely personal activity and nobody, not even DH has the right to make me do it. I will listen to every argument he has to make and will be as openminded as possible, but at the end of the day it is my breast and therefore my decision. I can only think of a small handful of decisions that affected the dc that I feel were not fully joint decisions and this is one of them. In my case the whole discussion was able to be a lot more reasoned and balanced because DH was able to accept that in this case it was ultimately my decision.

love2sleep:

Ill modify my opinion slightly:

"Dad not feeding is not something that should be assumed. It is something that should be discussed. Even if the eventual outcome is not to feed, the Dad must feel involved and understand that decision."

I posted this thread for some simple advice yet the hostility and aggressive opinionated replies have really upset me.
After an NCT breastfeeding class the otherday I was feeling very confident and happy with everything yet you have all made me feel very negatively towards the whole issue.

I doubt I will come back to Mumsnet as so many of you 'attack' others just of your opionions and experiences are not 'heeded to'.

We are make ouur own way and our own decisions and we all have very different relationships with our parteners and want different things from them.
Realise this before trying to ram your own ideals down people's throats.

Mr Umble I am glad you are taking such an avid interest in your wife and the baby and I wish you all the best.
I think I understood the points you were trying to make...
Good luck

Mr U - I'll agree with that.

As long as this would constitute "a discussion"

NewDad: Would you consider expressing so that I can give LO a feed?
NewMum: You've got to be kidding! I'm exhausted and can't even find time to have a shower let alone work out how to make my milk go into a bottle.
NewDad: OK. Maybe in a couple of weeks.

love2sleep... yep

Kiskidee, I like your posts!

This 'debate' seems to be descending further into bunfight status though!

MrU, as an argumentative little pig myself, I'm starting to suspect that for you the 'debate' really is the most important past of this thread. I say 'debate', I mean 'argument'. If your genuine opinion is as stated, and in it's simple summarised form it sounds quite reasonable, then I am surprised at your apparent assumption that those who don't agree are 'banshees' trying to domineer their husbands. The summary I suggested earlier is what comes across from the 6 pages of discussion before I arrived. Has there really been any need to be so offensive to express such a simple argument?

mum2b1 I am very sorry if I am one of the 'aggressive and opinionated' posters who has made you come to the decision to leave MN.

I hope you are able to separate the debate which your post sparked off from the early posts on this thread which were directly aimed at giving you advice.
Part of the problem joy of MN is that a question like yours often leads to in depth conversation about wider issues, which may not be directly related to the original post.

None of the posters were having a go at you or your DH, none of them were trying to force their beliefs down your throat, but all of them were trying to convey an idea that they felt was important and was close to their hearts.

You have a few months for this all to recede before the baby is born - hope you get some of your positive vibes back.
If you have a Baby Cafe near you they are very welcoming to mums-to-be and usually full of people with great positive bf stories .

Good luck!

mum2b1 don't pay any attention to this thread its turned into a battleground, some people, including myself, have very strong opinions, and not all can convey them in a non aggressive way.

The NCT classes are very good, and I'm sure if you talk to your counsellor they will be able to reassure you, also be sure to let your DH know what you're feeling so he can (hopefully) be supportive.

Ladies, in light of mum2b1 comments and the fact she was the original poster, I suggest that we let this thread die.

Looking forward to plenty more skirmishes elsewhere .

MrU.
I really need to go and do some work now so I'm glad we can agree. While there are clearly some minor disagreements here I do find it cheering to find how important these issues are to so many parents (both mums and dads) and this debate has certainly made me reflect a little more on some of our/my decisions.

Before everyone goes - can anyone tell me where you get the breast shields that collect the leaking milk?

I (and DH ) would still like to have ashot at those even though I'm past the worst!!

please stay Mum2b1
love
a harmless banshee

Mothercare
also bigger Boots etc

little pig most branches of boots do them
x

can you remember what they're called?

Thanks