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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Breast and bottle feeding query

208 replies

mum2b1 · 03/06/2008 15:58

Hi

I am planning to breast feed my first baby (due end of July) but I also want to express so that my husband can help with the feeding/ bond etc.
How long should I wait before introducing the bottle (containing breast milk).
My NCT teacher says 3 weeks but that seems a long time and it seems to me that the longer we wait the more confusing it will be for the baby.
Surely if we do it earlier say after about a week and a half the baby will be more likely to take to both and not really have a preference...

any suggestions?
Has anyone else tried this successfully?

OP posts:
Original poster
mum2b1 · 04/06/2008 16:25

I know that my husband will not 'nag' me for anything.
he will be the most supportive and caring husband imaginable... and I am not just saying that.
We will do whatever is wright for us and what we agree as a couple.
Of course the most imprtant thing is that the baby gets the proper nutrition from the feeds and in our opinion that is breast milk.
I want to share every aspect of the baby and the birth with my husband.
At the moment I describe every sensation every thought feeling etc and he is more involved than I could have hoped for.
It is a partnership and yes fine I am the one going into labour and carrying for thr 9months and going through the pain etc but he is my supprt and he does his own things to assist with the pregnancy and birth.

OP posts:
MrUmble · 04/06/2008 16:26

Mrs Badger:

"sorry, that was in response to 'just because the woman has the boobs doesn't mean she has to be the sole provider of breastmilk'

er, yes it does "

Producer is different from provider.

MrUmble · 04/06/2008 16:28

mum2b1: great to hear your husband is such a great guy.

Take what these ladies tell you with a pinch of salt, not everyone has someone as supportive as that.

Good luck on your journey!

jamila169 · 04/06/2008 16:30

mum2b1- when you have experienced the flood of oxytocin triggered by your baby's feeding cues, and been unable to feed at the time, because someone else was doing it, or you couldn't get there quickly,then you will get what we are on about,I promise you - the feeling is not just being uncomfortable, it can verge on panic, despair and the desire to tear trees up to get to your baby-it's that primeval, it's how the human race is programmed to behave and the thin veneer of civilisation we have is at it's thinnest in the bond between mother and child

omy · 04/06/2008 16:30

mum2b1 - you are very lucky to have a partner who wants to be so involved.

happynappies · 04/06/2008 16:30

MrUmble I suggest you could read up on attachment theory and research studies which refute the 'cupboard love' explanation of attachment . It is not a dubious position. I'm glad you have enjoyed being involved in the feeding process and that it has not had any adverse effects on either your baby or your partner. When did your partner start expressing?

omy · 04/06/2008 16:34

Have to say i know where you are coming from jamila. Been there!!

jamila169 · 04/06/2008 16:38

where did anyone say that our partners were disinterested? I can't speak for everyone, but DH did do the 'bonding' feed with DS1, but when he realised that it was causing me distress and disrupting breastfeeding we stopped and agreed that we weren't doing it again. He'd take great exception to any suggestion that he was disinterested - plus, he'd rather not be barfed on either

MilaMae · 04/06/2008 17:07

I had to share the feeding with my dp as I had twins then another in quick succession. We shared everything from day 1 and I can't recommend it enough. I'm extremely close to all my dc and didn't get this "panic and despair"just because somebody else was feeding my baby. I breast fed for 6 weeks ,never felt those emotions when dp was feeding 1 twin and I the other just joy and relief that my baby was being fed by such a lovely dad.

As a twin family we have shared every single bit of parenting from day one the feeding,getting up in the night everything and people often comment on how close the kids are to their daddy. If they wake up in the night they sometimes call for daddy,sometimes me, they are equally close to both of us and I love that. We're like a complete unit. I'm sure it's because dp has had such an involvement with everything(including feeding)from day 1 so I agree with mrumble and think it's a very valuable thing for dad's to do.

happynappies · 04/06/2008 17:19

MilaMae I can't imagine how difficult it must be to have twins!! If you were feeding the other twin at the same time as dp was feeding, perhaps that is why you didn't feel the 'panic'? Whenever my dd cried out, it was then that I felt the panic - so getting up in the middle of the night for the umpteenth time was second nature to me! I didn't feel at all panicky seeing my dh with a bottle feeding dd, but did suffer with engorged boobs afterwards, and it did mess up the routine that dd had loosely established. The thing is - all of us on here have got our anecdotal evidence - we can't scientifically evaluate though. For example, your dp sounds like a loving, caring Dad, and I don't doubt that whether he'd been feeding expressed milk or not you would have developed a fantastic close-knot family unit, and that the dc's would have bonded with him. People say the same about my dh - he is very close to my dd because we share her childcare between us, so he has had to reduce his hours at work to enable him to do this. There are so many variables involved... I'm garbling - I'm not against feeding expressed bm, not at all! I personally wouldn't express with the sole intention of Dad feeding to bond. There are plenty of other sanity-saving reasons to do it though!

MilaMae · 04/06/2008 17:31

Thanks for your post happy, it's quite an interesting thread,not something you often see discussed.

tittybangbang · 04/06/2008 17:34

My husband has never fed our babies and yet couldn't be more bonded to them - he's a wonderful father.

I personally would not risk the success of long term breastfeeding to provide my husband with the pleasure of feeding his baby with a bottle, as I feel my children can bond well with their father without this. Both dh and I put our baby's needs first - and that meant protecting breastfeeding.

And there's no independent proof that men who take part in feeding their babies are any more emotionally involved than the fathers of breastfed babies. Interestingly, absent fathers are MASSIVELY more common in groups where bottlefeeding is the norm than in groups where exclusive, long term breastfeeding is practiced.

kiskideesameanoldmother · 04/06/2008 17:48

oh, whatever you decide will happen wrt to expressing feeds or not, remember that your baby has the last say.

my dd refused the occasional bottle she got from from 9 or 10 wks old.

there were floods of tears, mine and dd's when she went to nursery and we had to get her to feed when mummy's norks were not available.

lots of tales of those on MN too.

kiskideesameanoldmother · 04/06/2008 17:49

"my dd refused the occasional bottle she got from from 9 or 10 wks old."

my dd began to refuse the occasional bottle around 9 or 10 wks old.

ChairmumMiaow · 04/06/2008 20:58

I've just had a chat to my DH about this and to start with he asked if MrUmble actually had any kids (he knows what a hassle it is expressing, especially if, like me, you need 2 expressing sessions to get a whole 4oz out, which just about does a feed)

He feels that it is natural for (at this point) me to feed DS. He can (and does at various times) do everything else (he's reading to DS atm while I type this so I can use both hands!) As I've already said, he prefers sling and cuddle time. He's a wonderful Dad and DS adores him. (You should see the beaming smile when he gets home)

He then thought about it a bit more and said "don't feed the troll dear"

MrUmble - you're one of very few people on here I've actually felt like insulting, with your constant misinterpretation of every comment.

Elasticwoman · 04/06/2008 21:18

My dc were exclusively bf, no bottles given by any one, and their father bonded with them all from the start. It is helpful if at least one of you doesn't smell of milk when coping with a newborn.

MrUmble's attitude demonstrates the triumph of marketing over common sense. Does she have shares in a bottle or teat manufacturer?

MrUmble · 05/06/2008 09:29

I think its perfectly fine not to bottle feed, if that's a joint decision.

I pity the women that have written on here about how their husbands cant be bothered or its too much hassle.

Whenever someone has posted a comment saying theyve discussed it with their DH, Ive never attacked them, in fact Ive supported them.

I think some of the posters need to take a bigger look at their relationship with their SO, as the issue probably goes a lot deeper.

Elasticwoman · 05/06/2008 09:37

Sorry, SO is not on the acronym list. What does it mean?

MrUmble · 05/06/2008 09:43

Sorry, "Significant Other", DH I guess... but you never know.

tittybangbang · 05/06/2008 10:33

MrUmble - are you a man?

You must be - only someone with not direct experience of expressing or breastfeeding would take the stance on bottlefeeding that you do.

You seem to take shared feeds as the 'default mode' - ie that unless you have express agreement from your partner you SHOULD squeeze milk out of your breasts, put it in a bottle and give it to them to feed their baby - as though this is the 'natural' and 'right thinking' thing to do.

Sorry - this is just bizarre.

If you BOTH want to share feeds AND you are aware of the disadvantages to mum and baby of doing so then fine.

But suggesting that women OUGHT do something that can a) be difficult b) put them under pressure at a difficult time c) endanger continued breastfeeding d) put her at risk of mastitis.........

For what?

When men can bond just as well with their breastfed babies without having to feed them?

Personally I think you have breast envy.

I pity you.

MrUmble · 05/06/2008 10:49

Save your pity for yourself! Its obvious that there is a lot of fear mongering going on here, "oh no, Ill mess up the bf schedule" etc etc.

I cant help wondering if there is a bigger underlying issue. Some of the posters seem to use BF as the main definition of being a mother, and so feel justified excluding husbands.

I suspect the reason for this is because they are worried that other aspects of motherhood, maybe they are returning to work early or something else. So somehow feel that by ensuring they are the only one that can feed enshrines their role as mother, no matter what the other shortcomings.

MrsBadger · 05/06/2008 10:54

is your SO on MN, MrUmble?

witchandchips · 05/06/2008 10:54

why oh why are you twisting things MrUmble?

MilaMae · 05/06/2008 11:06

I don't understand the aggressive threads towards mrumble-he only wants to take part in feeding his child not exactly a crime is it!!!

jamila169 · 05/06/2008 11:06

missed you last night Mrumble - do you do nights on your particular bridge?

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