SIL left her 5 wk old baby for 12 hrs without milk :S

[worriedwhocanadvise]

I have name changed for this.

Just after some advice really.

Quick background, SIL had first baby 5 weeks ago. She has (undiagnosed) SN and personally I was worried before she even had the baby as to how she was going to cope with one. MIL and FIL had to clear up their house 3 wks before baby was due because they were worried that SS would take the baby off their daughter. She is married to a total loser (another long long story), both SIL and BIL are on benefits (just saying so as to not dripfeed) but 'can't remember' what has happened to the £500 they got from the govt to help set them up. PIL's have so far provided all of the things for the baby (nursery, pram etc etc)

Anyway. Was on phone to MIL last night. She was really upset. Said that SIL wasn't supporting the baby's head correctly when she was holding him, and that she'd noticed he was looking very skinny/weak. She asked her daughter, how is he feeding, and SIL replied, he's not hungry so I don't give him any milk. Transpires he's had ONE feed in the last 12 hours.

From what we can gather, HV has commented that he's not gaining weight the way that he should be.

I don't have any children yet (due in 8 weeks), and I'm planning on BF'ing anyways. But my question is, how much FF milk should a baby be given during a 24 hr period? I'm really looking for some advice to give to MIL so that MIL is giving correct information to her daughter. MIL is concerned that SS are going to get involved and take her grandson away. Obviously, there are big issues going on here, but I'd just like some advice on how much milk a new baby should be getting.

[showtunesgirl]

Well someone's sure got their judgey pants hoiked up high.

The OP has been doing her best to help and this kind of sniping does no-one any favours.

Yes, things could have been done quicker but surely the most important thing is that something has been done instead of nothing?

[SarryB]

Glad to hear that things are moving in the right direction.

And Orange, you sound like an amazing person :)

[Sunnywithachanceofshowers]

Well done OP - you've done the right thing.

[lisad123]

There is always always a trained social worker at the desks 24/7. Just because it's later in the day, it makes no difference, they will act the same to the information received no matter what time of day.
In all likelihood there is already a flag over this one, unless she hasn't seen any professional.
Hopefully now they will get help and support they need.

[hzgreen]

I used to work for SMS out of hours team, it doesn't matter what time a referral goes in there will always be someone on call. Well done op, you did the right thing for all concerned but especially for the baby.

[hzgreen]

SMS? Damn you auto correct! I meant ss.

[morethanpotatoprints]

Please call their local ss out of hours. You can do this annonomously. Tell them you fear the baby is in danger as it clearly is. Explain about the feeds and the sn of the mother. Children are only taken away if they need to be.
You would never forgive yourself if anything happened to this baby.
&to25 is correct. You can't let this go on, call now.

[morethanpotatoprints]

Stupid me, sleep deprivation here. Didn't read all the posts.
It was hard to do this and think you did really fine job and the right thing.

[maxijazz]

Any update OP? Thinking of you.

[worriedwhocanadvise]

Deed done. Just waiting for the shit to hit the fan..so to speak..because obviously ( well..I would hope now) SIL will say something to MIL about SS coming round etc...MIL will no doubt ask if I've said something.

Frankly, I don't care. I think MIL should have acted sooner and done something, however hard it is to see your own daughter make such a crap job out of parenting. :(

Thank you for all the lovely supportive messages. I haven't deliberately waited at all..for those few who thought i was being stupid and should have reacted quicker..I was waiting to get as much info as I could before phoning..A delicate situation, not one that's easy to get a balance in. Also..I don't think I need my own baby here to understand the severity of the situation, I lost my first baby last year..I am very very aware of how precious life is.

Anyway. Feel relieved that I've instigated action. Hopefully, this little man has half a chance now. Thank you supportive mumsnetters!

[tiktok]

Well done.

FWIW, I thought urging you to get an ambulance was a poor idea and people berating you for inaction were totally out of order.

The HV knows the situation - you checked. SS know the situation. You have explained to your unhelpful MIL how bad the situation is. That's is all anyone 4 hrs away can do, IMO.

[pumpkinsweetie]

Well done op, you have done your very best in a bad situation x

[anniewoo]

Worriedwhocanadvise- remember the quotation -'bad things happen because good people do nothing'
You are fantastic- hope it all goes well for you and your as yet to be born baby- they will have a lovely kind Mum

[CinnabarRed]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[NorksAreMessy]

I didn't realize how worried I have been about this poor little scrap of life, until I just read your latest post. Daft really, just words on a screen and all that, but I am so grateful that you have done this.
I want to live n a world that has people like worried in it.

Thank you for the update

[OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere]

I am sorry you lost your baby

If the MIL asks you its ok to say NO. Deny any involvement. If that keeps the crap from your door its ok to lie about it.

The important thing is that you have done something and I understand why you had to wait.

[Chocolateporridge]

I've been watching your thread with my heart in my mouth and I'm so relieved that you called SS. You are very brave and you should be proud of yourself.

Please could you update this thread when you know how things progress and, if you get the chance, please give the little man a big hug from us mumsnetters?

[JugglingWithPossibilities]

I guess you could tell MIL that you'd had a word with HV about your concerns as feel SIL may need some support - so a partial truth, and let her think that HV talked to SS - which indeed they may have done - or should have done
I'm so sorry for your loss

[MrsCampbellBlack]

Well done worried. You've definitely the right thing and in a calm and sensible way.

I agree with MrsDeVere though - I'd just deny. Suggest it was the HV or possibly a neighbour - it could have been anyone and for all you know someone else may have been concerned too.

Also the fact that your mil told you so much whilst not having the best relationship with you - well perhaps she was hoping someone else would act as she felt unable to due to loyalty albeit misplaced to her daughter.

[tiredteddy]

I've been watching this thread and I think you have handled a difficult situation really well. Hope the little boy and his mum get help. Best wishes for your upcoming arrival too.

[fuzzpig]

Only just seen this thread and am very glad you've called SS.

What I was wanting to say as I read the first part of the thread - and it still stands although isn't so urgent as you've reported now - do not trust your mil to give you accurate updates. The way you described her backtracking about the feeding has really hit my radar. There is a part of her that is not putting baby first.

[maxijazz]

I'm so sorry to hear you lost your baby. I take my hat off to you for what you have done for your SILs baby. He will have a better chance now. Best wishes and enjoy your own little one when he/she arrives, no doubt you'll be a fabulous mum.

[HiHowAreYou]

You handled this awful situation as well as anyone could have done I think. I hope your SIL gets the help she needs.
Good luck with the birth of your baby, and I'm sorry for your loss last year.

[HiHowAreYou]

You handled this awful situation as well as anyone could have done I think. I hope your SIL gets the help she needs.
Good luck with the birth of your baby, and I'm sorry for your loss last year.

[puds11]

Hi op hope you are feeling ok. You did the right thing.