SIL left her 5 wk old baby for 12 hrs without milk :S

[worriedwhocanadvise]

I have name changed for this.

Just after some advice really.

Quick background, SIL had first baby 5 weeks ago. She has (undiagnosed) SN and personally I was worried before she even had the baby as to how she was going to cope with one. MIL and FIL had to clear up their house 3 wks before baby was due because they were worried that SS would take the baby off their daughter. She is married to a total loser (another long long story), both SIL and BIL are on benefits (just saying so as to not dripfeed) but 'can't remember' what has happened to the £500 they got from the govt to help set them up. PIL's have so far provided all of the things for the baby (nursery, pram etc etc)

Anyway. Was on phone to MIL last night. She was really upset. Said that SIL wasn't supporting the baby's head correctly when she was holding him, and that she'd noticed he was looking very skinny/weak. She asked her daughter, how is he feeding, and SIL replied, he's not hungry so I don't give him any milk. Transpires he's had ONE feed in the last 12 hours.

From what we can gather, HV has commented that he's not gaining weight the way that he should be.

I don't have any children yet (due in 8 weeks), and I'm planning on BF'ing anyways. But my question is, how much FF milk should a baby be given during a 24 hr period? I'm really looking for some advice to give to MIL so that MIL is giving correct information to her daughter. MIL is concerned that SS are going to get involved and take her grandson away. Obviously, there are big issues going on here, but I'd just like some advice on how much milk a new baby should be getting.

[worriedwhocanadvise]

If I was in the area, I'd be over there myself in a flash, but we live miles away. :( I really want to see things for myself, see the state of play, so to speak.

Like I said, HV said she was keeping a close eye on things. Surely they see lots of different situations, and would report themselves to SS if serious enough?

I do hear all that you're saying though...trust me..it's ALL gone through my mind. :(

I'm not happy with MIL 'popping over' at all - I've told her I think she should move it until she's convinced her daughter is providing properly for the baby - but she won't/can't (?! not sure which) as she says they only live in a flat and there's not the room. MIL does know now that I'm literally going to be hounding her though for reassurance, which means her making sure she's going round and helping as much as possible.

As I said..I will ring SS myself if I hear anything else of any concern from MIL from the update later. (MIL on the bloody phone, typical!)

[Mama1980]

I'm sorry op but I agree totally with tiktok. If the baby is being fed from the same bottle they are at risk of gastro problems that can be very dangerous to a baby so young. That's without the dehydration risk etc. please don't leave it up to your mil and social services that's not ok, in a situation like this by the time the hv 'radar' has been alerted it could be very serious. Poor baby and poor mum they need help.

[JugglingWithPossibilities]

I think it's good you are keeping such a close eye on things, albeit through MIL - you could be a life-line to that baby - let's hope things are better than that (not read all recent updates, but alarmed at the earlier posts, so checking up on how things are going today for SIL and baby)

[HollaAtMeBaby]

I would ring SS. For an older child it might be OK to wait and see how things go but tiny babies are so fragile. Please ring them.

[LittleMissFlustered]

Why wait? Waiting can cause as many problems as your sister-in-laws attitude. Ring now. If there's no problem then there's no harm done. Your mother-in-law has already illustrated she'll backpedal with you, so can you really trust a damn thing she says now? Call. Please.

[perceptionreality]

When my dd was 5 weeks I think she had 5 ounces every 4 hours, and maybe 2 feeds at night.

[perceptionreality]

Ring social services? The child could end up in a children's home - not good from what I've heard. Why won't family step in and help? I'm sure I would...

[TheHeirOfSlytherin]

I would just call SS right now. The HV is not there all the time, neither is your MIL. This baby needs someone to step in and actually feed him properly immediately.

[perceptionreality]

It sounds like what SIL needs is someone to live with her for a few weeks and to show her exactly what to do with the baby to help get her in a routine. Could MIL do that?

[littlebluechair]

Its all well and good you feeling annoyed to be related to this person - I'm actually getting annoyed with you, you know this baby needs referring to SS but won't do it.

MAybe the HV has done it, maybe she hasn't. If you do it, then you know it is done.

Everything you are talking about is very serious, better two referrals to SS than none.

[JugglingWithPossibilities]

Have just read your updates for today, and thinking along with other posters that things don't sound good from what MIL has said today do they ? Perhaps we should all not be so reluctant as we sometimes are to seek advice and support from SS ? This is surely just the sort of situation that they and HV's are there for ? You may be the most responsible person in this baby's life worried
Sounds like he may need some help. And SIL need some support.

[OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere]

My niece has un dx LDs.
She wouldn't feed her baby at night because it was a faff to get out of bed.
At 8 weeks old he was the size of a newborn.

He came to me at that age but I had to hand him over everyday for contact. He would come home after 8-9 hours with full bottles.

He is my son now and is still suffering the consequences of that neglect.

It may be possible to help this woman. There should definitely be things put in place to give her the chance to learn how to look after the baby properly.
BUT she has to recognise she is not doing it properly now AND be able to take instruction.

This baby needs help now. Something HAS to be done.

[SuperB0F]

I'd call SS as an emergency referral. The baby needs to be seen immediately and probably be taken into temporary foster care, if not hospital. Tbh, it sounds like a medical emergency, but if you are only hearing this secondhand, I doubt an ambulance would attend. I'm not certain though.

[AvonCallingBarksdale]

Jesus Christ, this has brought tears to my eyes Young babies can get very ill very quickly
I wouldn't accept what MIL has said, or the HV. I would second calling SS - this poor baby can't speak up for itself, but you can, OP

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

SIL cannot be taught to care. She can be shown what to do. But it doesnt sound like she would do it even then.

This child is at serious risk and if you dont act OP you are partly responsible. Sorry if thats harsh. But a phonecall is all it would take.

[CaptainHetty]

I realise this is an awful situation for all involved but honestly, if I knew a baby had been 12 hours (maybe more than once) without being fed, I wouldn't have even waited for an update from the MIL - especially as it sounds like she could well be downplaying what's going on to protect the mother. The mother needs help, certainly, but that baby needs medical attention. Now. Surely someone can call SS and get them to do something urgently? As in, today?

[GotMyGoat]

They won't take the baby away! They will offer support and guidance for your sil and bil and mil.

Please call ss, just to ask for support, not to dob them in. It really isn't like that.

Please please please. You will understand how horrifying this is once your baby is here. Perhaps that will help to show mil how serious it is too, but 8 weeks could be too late by then - lifelong damage can be caused by malnutrition in the early weeks.

[GotMyGoat]

Honestly, i would call ss on your behalf if i knew your sils name and address.

But i wouldn't recommend giving out those details on a public forum, so please call yourself.

[CiderwithBuda]

SIL is INCAPABLE of mothering this baby. If MIL can't or won't see this then you or DH have to step in.

Is there anyone else who could visit? If not I would be putting it in the hands of SS. You have no choice really. The baby needs to come first. Poor wee mite. I would have him in a heartbeat.

[SuperB0F]

Yes, I can't pretend to know exactly what SS will do. But I would hope that they could get the baby medical care as a matter of urgency.

[FreddieMercuryforQueen]

Babies that don't feed become hypoglycaemic, hypoglycaemia will cause lethargy, listlessness, weakness and ultimately once a blood sugar drops below a certain level, fitting will occur and from thereon in serious brain damage will be sustained. Irreversible brain damage. Failure to thrive is treated very seriously, especially if neglect is the cause.

[CinnabarRed]

FFS. How many posters need to tell you? This isn't a wait-and-see situation.

Call SS. Now.

[perceptionreality]

How do you know she's incapable? She may just need help and guidance.

It's naive not to be wary of SS - remember the recent thread where a child was removed because of a few bruises?? I was also warned against contacting SS for a care assessment by someone on the SN board for my disabled daughter.

Children who are removed from their parents sometimes end up worse off.

[SchrodingersMew]

Please call someone, anyone. :(

Sorry to be blunt but that poor baby could be dead soon because it's family don't seem to be arsed to do anything for it or help it and if that happens and you haven't called someone apart from MIL you will partly be to blame, can you live with that on your conscience? :(

I'm almost in tears here thinking about that poor baby's cries being ignored, dirty nappies being ignored for television and being given a single bottle of bacteria ridden milk over a day.

[pumpkinsweetie]

perceptionreality That may be so but due to the facts op has given us, there doesn't seem to be any choice