SIL left her 5 wk old baby for 12 hrs without milk :S

[worriedwhocanadvise]

I have name changed for this.

Just after some advice really.

Quick background, SIL had first baby 5 weeks ago. She has (undiagnosed) SN and personally I was worried before she even had the baby as to how she was going to cope with one. MIL and FIL had to clear up their house 3 wks before baby was due because they were worried that SS would take the baby off their daughter. She is married to a total loser (another long long story), both SIL and BIL are on benefits (just saying so as to not dripfeed) but 'can't remember' what has happened to the £500 they got from the govt to help set them up. PIL's have so far provided all of the things for the baby (nursery, pram etc etc)

Anyway. Was on phone to MIL last night. She was really upset. Said that SIL wasn't supporting the baby's head correctly when she was holding him, and that she'd noticed he was looking very skinny/weak. She asked her daughter, how is he feeding, and SIL replied, he's not hungry so I don't give him any milk. Transpires he's had ONE feed in the last 12 hours.

From what we can gather, HV has commented that he's not gaining weight the way that he should be.

I don't have any children yet (due in 8 weeks), and I'm planning on BF'ing anyways. But my question is, how much FF milk should a baby be given during a 24 hr period? I'm really looking for some advice to give to MIL so that MIL is giving correct information to her daughter. MIL is concerned that SS are going to get involved and take her grandson away. Obviously, there are big issues going on here, but I'd just like some advice on how much milk a new baby should be getting.

[HappySunflower]

Thank heavens that baby has you in his life.

[LittleMissFlustered]

Thank you for coming to your senses. It's good that you are ringing, but I have to say I would not have waited in your shoes.

[stifnstav]

If you are happy to call SS then please ring an ambulance or at the very least NHSDirect - the baby has urgent medical needs.

[SomebodySaveMe]

I hope SS can help OP. you're doing the right thing for the baby and maybe SIL will get the help she needs to care for him.

[maxijazz]

Good for you for taking control on behalf of that little baby. He needs you.

[clam]

littlemissflustered What do you mean, "glad you have come to your senses?" FFS, the OP said she was concerned right from scratch but has tried to get her mil to act initially and get basic information from the sil. It's only today that it's become totally clear what's going on, or not going on.
Comments like that, and "I have to say I would not have waited" help no one.
Go and be judgey somewhere else. The OP is doing all she can, and has been all along. She's in a difficult position but has gone ahead and done a potentially divisive thing that could split the family even further.

[IShallPracticeMyCurtsey]

Well done op. I hope your Dh is supporting you. Do show him this thread. He might not have realised just how serious this is if he has no experience of small babies.

When you have your baby, op, you may find that you are overwhelmed with protective-type hormones for the first few months of your baby's life and probably forever more. But in those first few months you may feel extreme distress at the thought of anything bad happening to a baby, anywhere. You will be so glad to have taken action. Well done again. You're in a horrible situation.

[BonnieBumble]

I agree with Clam.

The OP did also report this to her HV. If the OP told the HV what she has said on here I imagine the HV has already alerted SS.

[7to25]

SuperBOF
Please read my posts.
I have been begging for medical attention for this baby from the outset.
I am trying to get the MIL to do something rather than nothing

[maxijazz]

Any update? I can't stop thinking about the baby...

Everyone supports you OP, we're behind you 100%. I totally agree with what ishallpracticemycurtsey says. My DS is 6.5 months and I still have those feelings...

[BabylonPI]

stifanstav I was thinking the same as you - DS is feeding now again and I've lost count how many times he's been fed since I first read the post yesterday

[WakeyCakey]

OP Well done you, this must be really difficult being pregnant yourself.
You will make a great mum and just be stong. SS is the right way to go, this baby needs help and it's lucky you have intervened. hope everything is ok

[SuperB0F]

7, I'm not suggesting that you aren't concerned. I just think that the only sensible way to guarantee the baby some help is to go through the official channels.

[TheOneWithTheHair]

Well done OP. It is the right thing to do. I hope they keep you up dated and make sure you give them all the info you can. No matter how small it seems.

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

Well done OP.

[Pajimjams]

Well done. You have taken a brave decision and I really hope this baby gets some help. You have done the right thing and I hope SS take action- make sure they know you are concerned about its immediate welfare and believe it to need urgent medical attention.

[tasmaniandevilchaser]

well done worried, better to have 2 referrals to SS (one from you and one from the HV) than none. Keep them all updated on any new developments.

It really doesn't sound like your MIL is getting a grip on the situation, this baby needs help very urgently.

When you have your baby, it will really hit you, in a more intense way, how vulnerable tiny babies are and how this situation is really really messed up. Like ishallpracticemycurtsey says -

When you have your baby, op, you may find that you are overwhelmed with protective-type hormones for the first few months of your baby's life and probably forever more. But in those first few months you may feel extreme distress at the thought of anything bad happening to a baby, anywhere

[handbagCrab]

Christ almighty. I hope to god someone swoops in and gets the baby some medical attention because this is the first time I've read this and it's already been 24 hours before you've actually plucked up the courage to ring ss. If you'd done it this morning it would have been sorted by now because most social workers, health visitors, gps, police and hospital staff work 9-5, god knows who or what services can help at 8pm. Your mil has had 5 fucking weeks to get her act together so I don't see why you waited.

When you have your little one in a couple of weeks you will look back on this and will be so angry. I think babies can be abstract before you become a parent yourself and then once you do and you realise how amazing they are and how much they need you, you just can't imagine how someone could mistreat them or stand by and let someone mistreat them when you could have done something to help.

I hope for everyone's sake you have acted in time.

[clam]

She can't go through the official channels without gleaning information from her MIL. The OP hasn't been able to see any of this for herself so she is reliant on information from the mil before has anything to report.

[clam]

And that post is helpful how, exactly, handbagcrab?

[GotMyGoat]

Thank you OP, I think everyone who's been a bit sharp with you on here has only done so out of worry, Am so glad that the baby will get some care - I can sleep now!

I'm sure your SIL could be a great mum, but she needs proper support and SS will be able to put that all into place.

I hope this hasn't caused too much stress for you, have a cup of tea, put your feet up. You deserve it.

[handbagCrab]

Because people were being nice and softly, softly but pointing out baby needed medical attention at 1pm yesterday afternoon clam and yet here we are at 8.30 on Monday night and still nothing has been done.

She knows when baby was born, sils name and where sil lives. A quick google would have given the duty social workers number in sils area. Alternatively she could ring ss in her area and they could pass on the details if she can't find the ones for there.

Op don't minimise, if you can't find ss number for your sils area, ring yours and explain and see if they can find a number or put you through.

[clam]

Yes, things have been done. She has spoken to the HV, who has said as much as she can on the subject without breaking confidentiality but that she's aware of the situation. It's therefore very likely that SS already know.

[handbagCrab]

And I know families are hard, and this situation is impossible and op is doing her best. And generally I am supportive and I will be once op has contacted ss and someone is helping the baby.

[CinnabarRed]

I'm really, really proud of you, OP.