SIL left her 5 wk old baby for 12 hrs without milk :S

[worriedwhocanadvise]

I have name changed for this.

Just after some advice really.

Quick background, SIL had first baby 5 weeks ago. She has (undiagnosed) SN and personally I was worried before she even had the baby as to how she was going to cope with one. MIL and FIL had to clear up their house 3 wks before baby was due because they were worried that SS would take the baby off their daughter. She is married to a total loser (another long long story), both SIL and BIL are on benefits (just saying so as to not dripfeed) but 'can't remember' what has happened to the £500 they got from the govt to help set them up. PIL's have so far provided all of the things for the baby (nursery, pram etc etc)

Anyway. Was on phone to MIL last night. She was really upset. Said that SIL wasn't supporting the baby's head correctly when she was holding him, and that she'd noticed he was looking very skinny/weak. She asked her daughter, how is he feeding, and SIL replied, he's not hungry so I don't give him any milk. Transpires he's had ONE feed in the last 12 hours.

From what we can gather, HV has commented that he's not gaining weight the way that he should be.

I don't have any children yet (due in 8 weeks), and I'm planning on BF'ing anyways. But my question is, how much FF milk should a baby be given during a 24 hr period? I'm really looking for some advice to give to MIL so that MIL is giving correct information to her daughter. MIL is concerned that SS are going to get involved and take her grandson away. Obviously, there are big issues going on here, but I'd just like some advice on how much milk a new baby should be getting.

[SuperB0F]

It sounds like a medical emergency though, don't you think? It would be downright irresponsible to sit back and hope for the best.

[ZuleikaD]

I'm a childminder and if a child was being treated like this on my radar I would be obliged to call social services. Please call them - they won't swoop down and take the baby - but if they did would it be such a bad thing? I'm sorry to diss your SIL but it sounds like she really doesn't want this baby. She doesn't want to be bothered with it - either feeding or changing or generally caring for it (either in the practical or emotional senses) - and a foster family would at least be feeding, cuddling and changing him on a regular basis.

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

Worse off than brain damage or death?

[stifnstav]

I cannot believe that you have been fuming on here, have received countless suggestions to ring someone, anyone, everyone and have decided to wait and see!

What if you wait and that helpless baby dies?

I wouldn't trust the HV's radar to be the only safeguard for this child. He could be dying. Not in a few days or a few weeks. Now.

Don't stand by and let it happen. Ring someone who is going to act now.

[TheLightPassenger]

perception, I am an SN board regular, and aware that people always don't find SS supportive but in this instance this is a child apparently at risk of serious physical harm. I agree with the other posters about calling SS.

[pumpkinsweetie]

Report, report, report Op you must.
The baby is at risk from all the things tiktok has mention, if the baby ends up seriously ill or even dies would you want it on your consuinse? I wouldn't, please don't delay, by the sounds of it the baby is better off in care than with these parents anyway

[Rubirosa]

And sometimes they aren't removed and end up dead perceptionreality, especially when they are helpless 5 week olds.

OP, I would at least call SS to discuss your concerns. Either your SIL will already be on their radar and they will know it already, or no-one has informed them and they do need to know about a vulnerable baby. What do you feel you have to lose by calling them?

[OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere]

I do not agree that the SIL is incapable.
She may be but it is unfair to assert that she is without a proper assessment.

Parents with LDs can do very well given the right support.
But they have to cooperate and those around them have to stop shilly shallying around and DO something.

It is a huge step contacting SS and will set a difficult process in motion but she is not meeting the baby's basic needs.

She may need a residential assessment. Better to tackle this sooner rather than later.

My DS goes to special school. He has LDs. He has attachment problems.
He suffered this sort of neglect.

The baby's brain is developing, making all sorts of vital connections. This cannot happen without the right care.

[maxijazz]

IMO a 5 week old baby should be offered milk whenever it peeps. Mine fed sometimes every 1.5 hrs sometimes every 2-3. They don't necessarily work to a schedule. They may also only take an ounce or two at a time, sometimes much more.

I'm glad this baby has you and MIL in its life to watch out for it. Please please do what you can to help this baby. It is totally helpless and deserves the best start possible. I feel very very sad for your situation.

[OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere]

I wish I could put a video of my DS on here to show you what happens to children who are neglected as babies.

[stifnstav]

Its about 30 hours since you started this thread OP.

In that time, my DS has been fed at least 11 times. Your nephew has been fed 2 maybe 3 times, if that.

He needs someone to help him. Now.

[sweetkitty]

How sad. I echo everyone else's posts about phoning SS yourself.

When DS was 8 weeks old he refused to be fed for 10 hours, he was arching his back and screaming everytime I tried to feed him he was BF but I phoned NHS direct who told me to take him to A&E as you cannot be too careful with young babies and a baby that young should be feeding more. Of course he fell asleep on the way to A&E woke up, got examined then had a huge BF!

That poor wee baby, what's going inbetween MIL visits??

[Mydogsleepsonthebed]

You really really really need to ring SS. Today. Now. Please. For the sake of the baby.

[worriedwhocanadvise]

I hear you all...I do....I'm not ignoring anything OR refusing to call SS...I never said that....

I was waiting to speak to MIL for an update today....after speaking to MIL...I'm not convinced/not happy - going to ring SS now.

This has been incredibly hard- I have zero relationship with SIL and my relationship with MIL isn't great (number of reasons) so it's been very hard to chase up without sounding judgemental etc..HOWEVER...I don't really care if that's how MIL sees me..ultimately, it's HER daughter who is not providing basic care for a baby....as she won't take matters any further (just said to me (almost wailing) well what can I do, X (daughter) is an adult, she won't listen to me) I will.

As it stands at the minute, I don't see any future for this poor little baby other than a sad one - what hope does he have with parents like he has? :(

SS it is.

[SparklyGothKat]

My ds2 had severe failure to thrive. He was breastfeeding regularly but wasn't taking enough to gain weight. He looked ill and was only 5lb at 6 weeks old (born weighing 4lb 8oz at 33 weeks) I had to top his feeds up with high energy formula via a tube in his nose. He was under an consultant for it. He looked skinny and his body fat disappeared so his skin was baggy. I did everything I could to help him but your sil is doing this to her son.

[scentednappyhag]

Good for you OP, you and this poor little mite are in my thoughts. The situation can only get better now, and you will be the cause of that.

[OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere]

I know its hard but it is the right thing to do OP.
Well done.

[SchrodingersMew]

Thank you! I am so glad you have decided to do this.

It's an honourable decision to make when it comes to having to do this with family.

[SparklyGothKat]

X post. Glad you are going to phone ss now.

[7to25]

hello OP
I contributed at the beginning of this thread.
I am sure that the baby is hypoglycaemic although, of course, none of us has had the chance to see or appraise him.
tell your MIL to go there now and try and feed him every one to two hours, including during the night, with formula. Tell her to wake the baby to feed him. This is the only thing I can think to say for a baby who, in reality, needs MEDICAL attention.
SS can wait for another day.
This is a serious situation

[FreddieMercuryforQueen]

It's the right thing to do worried, if there are no problems then nothing will happen, if there are then this baby will get the help it needs.

[littlebluechair]

I know it's hard but well done. There's a thread in AIBU where someone had to call the police after seeing someone hit a child, it is hard when it falls to you but I think it's the right thing to do.

really hope the baby is ok, if you can update that would be very much appreciated by me as I have thought about this thread a fair bit.

[CaptainHetty]

Well done worried, really, you are doing the right thing.

[SuperB0F]

I'm glad you are calling them, well done.

They will get the baby medical attention, I'm sure.

7to25's advice is misguided, I think: MIL doesn't sound capable of intervening in a meaningful way, and the baby needs to be seen by a doctor immediately by the sound of it.

[7to25]

I forgot to say, get MIL to check that the baby is having wet nappies