SIL left her 5 wk old baby for 12 hrs without milk :S

[worriedwhocanadvise]

I have name changed for this.

Just after some advice really.

Quick background, SIL had first baby 5 weeks ago. She has (undiagnosed) SN and personally I was worried before she even had the baby as to how she was going to cope with one. MIL and FIL had to clear up their house 3 wks before baby was due because they were worried that SS would take the baby off their daughter. She is married to a total loser (another long long story), both SIL and BIL are on benefits (just saying so as to not dripfeed) but 'can't remember' what has happened to the £500 they got from the govt to help set them up. PIL's have so far provided all of the things for the baby (nursery, pram etc etc)

Anyway. Was on phone to MIL last night. She was really upset. Said that SIL wasn't supporting the baby's head correctly when she was holding him, and that she'd noticed he was looking very skinny/weak. She asked her daughter, how is he feeding, and SIL replied, he's not hungry so I don't give him any milk. Transpires he's had ONE feed in the last 12 hours.

From what we can gather, HV has commented that he's not gaining weight the way that he should be.

I don't have any children yet (due in 8 weeks), and I'm planning on BF'ing anyways. But my question is, how much FF milk should a baby be given during a 24 hr period? I'm really looking for some advice to give to MIL so that MIL is giving correct information to her daughter. MIL is concerned that SS are going to get involved and take her grandson away. Obviously, there are big issues going on here, but I'd just like some advice on how much milk a new baby should be getting.

When my 3day old dd missed a feed, I slept through, and we realised she was very sleepy .... We phoned the hospital and they had an ambulance at our door within 5 mins! I know this baby is 5 weeks old, but I would be very very concerned re dehydration etc. you could ph NHL helpline and ask them what to do. I would say this is serious.

Oh my god. Get this child to a doctor NOW. He needs his sodium checking and is likely very dehydrated. I speak as a health professional and based on the info you have given he needs to be seen ASAP.

MIL is in denial (of sorts)...there have been huge issues with SIL over the years, and MIL didn't address any of them. I too personally feel this is a MAJOR issue and if I were MIL I'd be kicking off big time and dealing with it. He's definitely not thriving - he's only put on 1 pound in two weeks..and MIL said he's a very quiet baby...all this to me sounds alarm bells...

Right. Will emphasise now to DH how serious and get him to get the message across to MIL. Not sure she'll take it from me :S...she just keeps saying things like, you'll realise how hard it is very soon when your baby arrives

Won't give water.

If DH can't get throught to MIL, I'll just ring SS myself. I'm not bothered that she's family if I'm totally honest...I'm bothered about the baby. :(

that baby really really needs to go to the hospital right now.

He's definitely not thriving - he's only put on 1 pound in two weeks

Is this a typo? 1 pound in two weeks is very much a thriving baby.

Oh god

You need to act now on this. If this baby gets ill or dies you will never forgive yourself. MIL is too emotionally involved to see the reality of the situation.

It's tricky to know what to do if you're too far away to go over. You could phone the police and ask them - they will have contacts in SS who could make an emergency visit, perhaps. Please, please, phone someone NOW. Do not wait - this baby is potentially going to dehydrate and starve to death. That's not an exaggeration.

So the baby has had 1 feed in the past 12 hours but what about the previous 12 hours? Or the previous 24? From what you say OP it sounds like this is an ongoing problem.

SS's primary concern will be the welfare of the baby and that should be yours and your MIL's too. If I were in your shoes I would be ringing SS myself right now.

pretty soon it may not matter how tricky the situation is, how much SiL loves the baby or how upset MiL is, if the baby does get proper care there is a very real danger that he could die or be permanently damaged.

i'm sorry to be so straightforward but all the other issues (like peoples sensitivities) can wait and be addressed later but this baby needs proper care now and at the very least it sounds like SiL needs some proffessional support and advice.

That's true though, a pound in a fortnight is fine in terms of growth.

If MIL won't take that baby to the hospital RIGHT NOW TODAY THIS INSTANT then you MUST ring SS and tell them. TODAY. NOW. Please don't wait.

If all this info were true I would be ringing them too not leaving DH to call his ineffective mother.

Please listen to these posters. This baby need a hospital now.
Mil shouldn't be worried that ss would tak her grandson but be more concerned that Sil will kill him.
Ss will only remove if needed and may suggest shared houses, on going support but clearly something need to be done!

Don't bother with MIL, she obviously has conflicting feelings about the whole thing. Ring SS immediately and let them sort it. If there isn't a problem then it won't matter.

I can't understand where the hell people get this 'cooled boiled water is necessary for formula fed babies' rubbish. It's frightening to think that it's accepted as the truth when it's actually very dangerous.

SORRY..I meant one pound since he was born. I don't think this sounds much? I don't know...like I said, I don't have any children yet.

RING SOCIAL SERVICES RIGHT NOW PLEASE I'm really worried abot that baby

Id second the idea that SS need to get involved. SS are not there to take children away, but they will support the family and keep an eye on the baby's progress and health. Ask them to keep it as anonymous as possible (ie a member of the family rather than OP). Then at least family are on SS radar and HV will keep a more careful eye on him.

I dont get the cooled boiled water thing either. DD never had it and shes fine.

Please let us know what happens. I am sitting here in total at this and I am so worried for that poor baby.

If it was me I would be phoning Police in order to get them and SS to that house immediately.

I wasnt suggesting you tell MIL to give baby a bit of water now (instead of a feed!!) but, in future babies needs water in between feeds (iam saying this so 7 will stop using her capitals )

I would also suggest AnE, this is quite worrying !

domestic godness was your baby breastfed?

a pound in 5 weeks is not much no - a pound is about 250g (i think) although a lot of babys may struggle in the first two weeks to gain weight - if they have had him weighed recently by hv im surprised he / she didnt have concerns / ask about eating routine. please do something to make sure this baby is ok...

The last thing an underfed baby needs is to waste precious energy on sucking on a bottle of water ffs. If it hasn't fed for 12 hours, and didn't have much before that it won't be able to suck at all soon.

I'm worried too. I just wanted confirmation that I wasn't overreacting. Like posters have said, I'd never forgive myself if something happened to this little baby.

MIL rang us last night about 7pm with the 'one feed in 12 hrs' story...Right..DH hasn't responded yet to my message (he's at work today) I'll ring MIL now and find out what the update is and strongly strongly advise intervention. If she's not listening to me (like I suspect she might not, or might just shake it off) I'll take matters into my own hands.

Will update when I know more.

Babies don't need water between feeds, they just need milk, unless it is exceptionally hot weather. No baby in the UK in september needs extra water.

Once again i was not suggesting that the child is now given water. Just that in future it in important to give children their appriopate feeds AND boiled water.

Jesus.