Tandem feeding support thread

[EauRouge]

In anticipation of some graduates from the BF and pregnant thread, here's a shiny new thread for tandem feeders to laugh, moan and puzzle over the ins and outs of BF a baby and toddler.

Things are going pretty well for us, we are having a bit of hair-pulling at the moment though. DD2 is 7 mo and loves grabbing hair. DD1 (3 in just over a week!) is not so keen and sometimes wraps her arms around her head.

Another issue is DD1's latch. She's not even close to self-weaning but her latch has been really lazy the last few months. I googled and found this which has been really helpful.

Aside from that, things are brilliant and I'm really glad I'm still BF DD1. It's my one-stop parenting tool for fixing everything

Hi EauRouge - I 'still' tandem nursing at 1.11 & 3.10.

DD2 has some latching issues at times if she has a cold as she sucks, gasps for air, latches back on then sucks some more, gasps.....At least her feeds are very short though she does have to have both sides each time. Strangely DD3 doesn't have a problem nursing through colds

I find bfing fixes a lot too. DD2 asked to nurse earlier as her arm hurt so I nursed her and then she was fine. Best medicine out there and my DH loves the packaging

Hi - I am tandem feeding a 3yo and a 4 week old; it's not going well. the 3yo is a bit jealous naturally of all the attention I need to give the baby and although feeding does not take long it can be continuous at times and ds2 cries when put down so I spend a lot of time carrying him/he's on my lap a lot. The trouble is ds1 asks for baboo (his word for bf) every time I am bfing the baby - ds1 usually has bf at night and since I have been on mat leave, in the morning too. When I say he has his baboo at bedtime, he starts jumping on me, squashing ds2 or squeezing him really tight and hitting him on the head

cbeebies/books etc do not distract him

bedtime is also a nightmare as ds2 feeds from around 5pm to 9-11pm and I have had the situation of both dcs crying as both want bf at the same time
i have tried feeding both at the same time but that makes me feel sick
we have tried dp sitting downstairs with ds2 and try him with a dummy - but this has not stopped him crying
also when i feel ds1 has had enough and try to put him to bed he makes a fuss wanting books read etc (he used to go to bed beautifully, no problem)

i suppose we're all adjusting - but any words of encouragement or advice would be welcome

thank you

I found the first few weeks really tough too but I think this is normal whether you are tandem feeding or not! In the early weeks I used to feed DD2 and leave her downstairs with DH so I could get DD1 to bed- have you got a bouncy chair? This meant that we had lots of time together to cuddle and DH would bring DD2 up when she woke up (usually after a couple of hours). We still do that sometimes if DD2 isn't going to sleep. I think you just have to do whatever works that day and tell yourself it won't last!

Your DS1 should settle down in time, it's nigh on impossible in the early days but try and grab some one-to-one time with him if you can. I used to jump in the bath with DD1 too, she loved that, and DD2 would sit and watch from her bouncy chair.

Hang in there, it gets so much easier and when they start giggling and smiling at each other during feeds it's priceless

Thanks for starting this thread Eau. Marking my place for when DD arrives hopefully soon DS's latch can be atrocious, and sometimes my breasts feel really bruised. I do try to get him to open up properly, but as he often just has a couple of sucks to check they are still there, it can be very difficult.

I am dreading the first few weeks, tbh Mona, my DS already gets impatient if I refuse him a feed in the day and will actually just help himself. I can distract him by taking him outside or if DH is around by him playing with daddy, but given the fact that I am bloody lazy too big and bulky to run about, i mostly just give in and feed him.

I am particularly worried about the nights as we still co-sleep and mostly DS wants to sleep on top of my head, he is accepting my back more often now but he won't sleep next to DH, so we have been having him in-between us, with my back turned to him. I'm really not sure what we'll do when DD is born. Ideally, I would get a sidecar cot, but we just can't afford it.

Hope to see join you on here as a graduate soon.

What's your budget, MBJ ? We have a sidecar cot of sorts, we just modded a cheapo Ikea one like this (they don't do the one we have any more), just put the mattress at the highest level and take one side off. Hey presto, sidecar cot Then you either tie it to your bed-frame or jam it against the wall to prevent any gaps. You may have to raise it or cut a bit off the legs depending on your bed height. Our original plan (after we totally abandoned the 'DD1 sleeps in her own bed plan') was that DD1 would sleep in the side car cot but this wouldn't work for us because I didn't want DD2 in the middle and she prefers to sleep next to me rather than half-on me like DD1 does. I'll get a photo later and upload it to my profile.

Anyway, I think you just have to try a few things before you find something that works. I've found very little info on co-sleeping with a baby and toddler so it's all been made up as I went along. The important thing is that you are in the middle of them so that the toddler doesn't roll onto the newborn.

Thanks Eau our budget is £0, so unfortunately even the cheepo ones too expensive. However, have been giving it some thought today, and we have a spare single bed which is the same height as our king size and if we jig things around, I think we can fit it flush against the wall.

Marking my place...thanks eaurouge.

I'm 40+1 with dc2 and ds is 19m.

He too loves bf, inc at night (having previously slept through) and is also rough.

While pg i've been pretending to bf his toys and lately he has simultaniously tandemed with them and he's even told dh to hop on the other side! but i'm hoping this night stand us in good stead when the baby arrives...unless it freaks me out.

Mona i hope things feel easier soon.

we have same cot set up as eau, but ds never goes in it atm...new baby might, if i can put ds on other, open, side...hmm. Hope your bed plan works mbj.
(cor, tis so quick to type on this thread coming from the pg/bf one!)

Must stop procrastinating and knuckle down to doing my ABM module.....

Hello everyone

Can I join this thread in anticipation of tandem feeding in a few weeks?

DD is 2.9-ish and I am 37 weeks with DC2.

At the moment I hate bf. Hate.

DD just fed for an hour & 20 mins to fall asleep and I am left lying here feeling sore & frustrated.

Does it get easier post-birth? I'm hoping the irritation is related to pregnancy & will pass.

We too cosleep so I'm a bit anxious about getting enough sleep. DH sleeps downstairs at the moment so it'll be DD & I in the kingsize bed and DC2 in the side car cot (eBay £79 btw - parents bought it as baby's present).

I don't want to carry on feeling like this toward DD about feeding so I'm hoping for some reassurance from you all

Hello Kelly Have you see the BF and pregnant thread too? There are a few people around the same stage as you. I hated BF towards the end too, but it did get so much better as soon as DD2 was born. I think any kind of irritation is pretty normal in pregnancy but it does get better.

I've heard some people say that they don't like feeding both children together but I don't mind it at all it gives me an excuse to lounge on the sofa, it's very sweet when they hold hands as they're feeding.

KellyKettle, I was having moments of not being able to stand it with ds1 when I was pg.

He never latched on well, and although it didn't hurt, it produced slurping and smacking noises that did my head in and made me raging!

I think it was because he couldn't get in so close because of my bump and I couldn't sit/lie in many different positions because I had my leg in plaster too.

EauRouge, I didn't like feeding them together at first either. It was like a mouse on one side and an elephant on the other. But now they are (almost) 6yo and 19months, it's just like two elephants and they now both prefer to nurse together because it makes the milk go faster apparently.

Hello everyone, can I join too?

Thanks for setting this up, eaurouge, it will be great to share stories and experiences as there is not much opportunity in rl.

I have 2yo dd1 and 2 week old dd2. Tandem feeding going pretty well so far, I think largely due to the fact that dd2 seems a pretty natural feeder and already has decent head control and latches on without much fuss. Any blips we've had so far are not related to the feeding itself imo.

My biggest bugbear is the fact that dd1 is waking me more than dd2...grrrr... and that makes me feel annoyed with her when nursing. Daytime is fine, but I've already snapped at her a couple of times in the night, poor little thing! We are all in a double bed (since going back to work dh has moved downstairs), and I really only want to see this as a temporary situation, but have a feeling it might last a while! What cot have you got, Kelly? We got a Arms-Reach and it was the biggest waste of money ever- it is used as a giant bedside table for all dd1's crap!

Anyway, lovely to join you all. I'm not a very regular poster I'm afraid, but try to visit at least weekly!

Thanks so much for the reassurance. I feel terrible but the way feeding makes me feel I just want her to wean. I really hope it improves when then baby arrives.

Her latch isn't great either but trying to teach her to do it better usually just means she puts her mouth around half of my boob.

This is the cosleeper :

item.mobileweb.ebay.co.uk/viewitem?itemId=360367495415

It's a mobile link sorry, posting from my phone and can't seem to change it. It hasn't arrived yet but I like the fact that it has a ledge to bridge the gap between the cot and bed.

I don't plan on leaving all the yellow crap on there!

Eau I post sporadically on the pg & bf thread too. I have already whinged about this on there. I thought if I posted her I'd get info from women on the other side of birth!

Ah, good thinking! Yes, it does get easier and not just because you've got a lovely little newborn to snuggle I definitely felt like I lost the don't-touch-me reflex within a day of DD2 being born.

Whoohoo, moon has had her baby! Born today, just after 12, at home

Congratulations to MoonFaceMamaaargh (probably go the last bit wrong so apologies ).

are in order for the new mama and possible too

Fantastic news and congrats to you and babymoonface.

Hope the tandemming goes well.

Hi monapoma and everyone else, i am still feeding both my ds's 31/2 and 15mnths and I never managed not wanting to scream if feeding at the same time; have only atchually tandem fed a few times if they where ill or it was 4am and I wanted some sleep.

Feeding a toddler is blooming annoying sometimes whether there is a new baby or not , but on the whole I am glad I still feed ds1 and think it helped to reassure him of his place in the family

hello all and thank you for your well wishes.

Dd is doing well. Didn't feed much for the first 24hrs but has now discovered the boob. Ds (19m) has been pretending to simultaniously nurse with toys (and even with dh, ds's idea!) for a while and is very pleased to have a partner in crime. He keeps indicating for her to go on the other boob saying "more? Owa (other) one!"

Cosleeping last night was fine, but worried about tonight now dd has found her appetite and ds has passed out early so may want to get up in the night.

I had varying degrees of bf agitation while pg, but don't feel it now, even when they are nursing at once.

Can I join? I'd hoped ds2 (3 years 9m) would have stopped by now but he still asks for "mookie" at bedtime. I'm due any day so looks like I'll be tandeming

Also ds2 still cosleeping (despite him having a lovely bedroom and bed of his own). Got cot next to bed ready for baby as worried about baby in bed with ds2 as he clambers over me. Dh on sofa bless him

hi awen and welcome.

Bless all our dh's and their sleeping arrangements!

Best of luck for the birth...thinking of you. Do you know what you're having?

Hi Awen and upsydaisy. :)

Morning all, I got a pretty good night's sleep last night . We did a switch around because DD1 wanted to sleep in the sidecar cot. This is an improvement from the night before when she wanted to sleep in the cat bed. I think she enjoyed the extra space and I know DH enjoyed not being kicked in the back so we'll do it again tonight and see how it goes.

It's DD1's 3rd birthday party today so I'm soooo glad we all slept well. I'm going to have a house full of toddlers (OK, 5 of them).