Tandem feeding support thread

[EauRouge]

In anticipation of some graduates from the BF and pregnant thread, here's a shiny new thread for tandem feeders to laugh, moan and puzzle over the ins and outs of BF a baby and toddler.

Things are going pretty well for us, we are having a bit of hair-pulling at the moment though. DD2 is 7 mo and loves grabbing hair. DD1 (3 in just over a week!) is not so keen and sometimes wraps her arms around her head.

Another issue is DD1's latch. She's not even close to self-weaning but her latch has been really lazy the last few months. I googled and found this which has been really helpful.

Aside from that, things are brilliant and I'm really glad I'm still BF DD1. It's my one-stop parenting tool for fixing everything

Well, it turns put he is ill . Raging fever .

At least that examines it.

Explains

Poor boy - hope he's better soon.

Sorry MBJ, we've been out all day too. Glad to hear you've got a reason for the increased clinginess etc, hope it passes quickly for you.

DD is still as obsessive as ever - frequently demanding milk, particularly if she hasn't seen me for a while (then I get greeted with "Bee-bee! Bee-bee! Bee-bee!" - DH tells her off for it now as she doesn't even acknowledge me, just demands boob, but I don't even really notice any more!) undressing me (which I hate) etc. At least the demanding-milk-while-I'm-driving phase seems to be over.

At the other end of the spectrum, DS really just doesn't seem particularly interested in boob. Why use me for milk when I could be a teething ring instead? Constantly bites me, actually drew blood today and then puked it back up on me this evening and on a clean cardigan too Constantly latches on and off if when do feed him so he can look around and see what else is going on while milk fountains over his neck and clothes. Will NOT feed back to sleep, we have to stand up and rock him instead. FFS! The whole point of co-sleeping is that you don't have to stand up/wake up, just latch them on and go back to sleep! Argh.

Glad I've had the experience of both - v useful for trainee BFC plus now I know that it wasn't anything I did that made DD such a milkmonster. Plus DS is actually more annoying to feed than DD - at least she gets in, gets the job done and gets out again, without drenching or lacerating me.

I've always thought DS will wean first, but it occurred to me today that if he does wean in four months then that might be a good time to wean DD too. I'm quite excited - nice to have a possible end in view.

Last thing from me - we've had tentative success night weaning DD with a sleep trainer clock, no milk until the alarm goes off. And (pleasedon'tletitbeaflukepleasedon'tletitbeafluke) think it may have helped with her sleeping through the night too ...

"You're so beautiful [my heart starts to swell] bee-bee"
"Is mummy beautiful too?"
"Yes."
"Which do you like best, mummy or bee-bee?"
"Bee-bee."
Right.

DD has just told me that she is a big girl and doesn't need me any more, she just needs bee bee. We are having a bad day and this has made me really sad :(

I'm still tandemming. It's been two years now.

DS1 is 6.5yo, it's getting ridiculous. I wish he would stop. We have cut down to just on a Friday and he looks forward to Fridays with such anticipation.

I have drastically cut down ds2. Some days we only do morning and night, but I will feed him through the day if he is ill/distressed/hurt. I thought it would be hard, but it just took me saying no a couple of times and he often is happy to accept that. I just can't imagine that ever having worked with ds1.

6.5 Though I guess I could live with one day a week. Maybe.

DD has told me she is never going to stop (I have been trying to introduce the notion of weaning. It's not going very well, clearly.)

I am very familiar with the idea of weaning not going well Dita. ds1 used to say that he was never going to stop, but now he says he will stop when he is 7.

I think he would have stopped long ago if it weren't for the fact he is sooo jealous of ds2 feeding

Oh, I've only just seen this, sorry Dita. I hope you're OK. It's not a nice feeling when you just feel like a pair of walking boobs. :(

DD1 says she is never going to stop either but she's only 3.6 and I think she's losing her sucking reflex. Rather than cut down though, she is feeding more often (at home, she's too busy when we're out) but she's still saying there's no milk and has now started asking for food

Well, I've had a kind of breakthrough ... We've established that DD will not still be bfing when she's 90 like great-granny, 60 like granny or 40 like daddy ... She now accepts that she will one day wean. Atm she's putting that age as 19. Yikes.

I'm struggling again today. DS bit me about half a dozen times this evening during his bedtime feed - suck suck suck BITE suck suck suck BITE etc. Then I got the serious heebiejeebies when feeding DD to sleep - sometimes it's fine, other times it just leaves me shuddering for minutes afterwards. Ugh. Think it was partly because she was waving her arms around and clearly not going to sleep, made me wonder why I was bothering.

Anyway, still hoping to wean them both when DS turns one at the end of July but tonight was wondering whether I should be looking to finish then rather than starting to finish them iyswim - I can just about handle another three months, not sure I can do another six months.

(I wanted to cry this evening I hated it so much. DH just says "Well wean then" but I know it will break DD's heart. But then I would also hate it if DH told me I couldn't wean because it would upset her, he really can't win!)

So here are my plans:

• atm we only have bf in the house. Will try to cut out daytime feeds so it's only in bed, so then we'll be down to mornings and evenings. May need to make more effort to interact with DD instead (/recompense with biscuits? Prob a bad idea - she might accept books instead)

• might be able to cut out the morning one by getting up earlier, but UGH. Atm bfing is the price I pay for a lie-in of sorts. Occasionally when DD has overslept and I've got up first, she's not actually asked for the feed. But currently she comes and gets into bed with us about 6.30 and waits for her alarm to go off at 7. Perhaps i can drug her ... This one might need more thought. Can start by limiting length of feeds maybe?

• bedtime one. Currently feed her to sleep. Thought I could change it to quick feed followed by book and back rub, gradually decreasing length of feed and then swap to something else?

What do you think? Might start shiny new weaning thread to see if any other wise MNers have any words of advice :)

Hello all. Hope you are all well.

Just wanted to update. We've now cut feeds down to mornings and evenings only for DD - she still asks quite a lot (including at preschool the other day, that was fun) but more or less seems to accept that it's just something we do in bed now. And she's revised her age for weaning down to 8. Woo hoo!

Yesterday we visited my granny and did dinner and bath there as we do every week. DD didn't ask for boob there, as she usually does. I thought she'd completely forgotten but on the way home she asked me to put a cup of cow's milk in her room for her to drink in the night (she usually has water). Tonight she had a brief feed before bed then asked for a book instead (I was going out and told her she couldn't have both). Hmm.

hiya, I'm a recent 'graduate' from being pg and bfing, and have been tandem feeding for 4 whole days now!

is it normal for nipples to hurt when feeding a newborn even though I'm still feeding 32 month old DS? I'm planning to go to local bfing clinic tomorrow to get latch checked but thought I would ask here too!

Kveta!! Congratulations

Your newborn (tell us all the details!) is learning to BF so the latch might not be perfect every time. If it's painful during a feed then you could try unlatching and starting over. You could also try biological nurturing, that often helps.

I found it weird the second time around because you get so used to feeding a toddler/older child that a) knows exactly how to latch on and b) is done and dusted in about 5 minutes. And then you have this tiny newborn that you have to be so patient with.

thanks Eau! DD is 6 days old, and a big baby (9lb 4oz at birth, has barely lost anything from her birth weight!), was a fairly hideous delivery, but once I got to hold her she latched on like a natural and fed for 40 minutes without a pause.

hospital turfed us out without any pain relief for me less than 24 hrs post delivery, so the 1st 3 days bit of a blur, but I'm drugged and happier now!!

DS is very excited by my milk coming in, and keeps telling DD to 'like mummy's big milks now'. he is still only feeding once a day, and isn't asking for milk any other time, but seems happy for his sister to feed a lot (so far!). she isn't as incessant a feeder as he was, so am hoping it stays that way!

I can't believe they just kicked you out like that! Glad you're feeling better now.

Bless your DS, is he pleased about being a big brother?

discovered a bonus to tandem feeding today - DD had her 10 day weigh in with MW, and has gained back her birth weight and more (was 4.2kg at birth, 4.06 at 5 days, and 4.4kg at 10 days!) and lovely MW was explaining to her student 'this is because mum has been nursing the older child too - learn from this!' which was nice :)

we were getting worried too, because DD feeds so infrequently compared to DS at the same age!! but she's clearly an efficient feeder :)

is anyone else still tandem-ing on this thread?

Aw, your MW sounds lovely :) That's brilliant that your DD has gained, things must be going well.

I'm still going, DDs are 16mo and 3.8yo now.

That's really good to hear Kveta, sorry about your not very pleasant delivery though. Good that you have some drugs on board now Big thumbs up to the MW!

DD2 has bf again just when I thought she was going to wean (I could remember her last feed but not when it was) but this morning she asked for bah as she was feeling sad. I have to sit with my legs apart to keep all of her on my lap (and failing but at least she doesn't fall off now!) as she is so tall. I think I need mawbroon to give me a hint on positions for DD2 (111cm tall and the size of DD1's Y1 classmates!!). I think she will at least make it until Sept when DD4 is due (And when DD2 is at school).

MW has been lovely all through this pg - sadly she is retiring next week, and other local MWs have been known to be less supportive of tandem feeding. luckily my HV is also very supportive, or she was last time I saw her, pre baby arrival.

Truth you are amazing to still be nursing in your 4th pregnancy! I have been bfing since september 2009 now, and have been told by friends that I'm hardcore - feel like directing them to MN and pointing out what a featherweight I am in comparison to you ladies! :o it's funny though, talking to you about tandemming last november made me much more confident about it, so thanks for that :) when I was pg with DS I thought bfing past 6 months was weird, MN has shown me otherwise!!

Kveta - Bfing since Sept 09 is a massive achievement especially as you had a pretty rough pg (IIRC!). I didn't even know you could bf past 6m until DD1 was about 3/4m old - until then I thought you stopped bfing and started food at 6m and now look at me - I am now into my 128th month of bfing (cumulatively) and my 75th month of bfing (consecutively) by the time DD4 weans I guess I could well have been bfing for 10 years solidly (DD1 will be 6 1/2y when DD4 is born). And I still don't need to roll them up to put on my bra . Tell that to your friends if they say anything!

10 years bfing - wow! that's awesome :)

DD is now on the 98th centile for everything, so had one HV ask how much formula we were giving her - was quite proud to say none, and HV was impressed and told me to keep up the good work!

it's funny how much more confident I am this time - just took DD into town, she's 2 weeks old now, and I was feeding her everywhere, even whilst opening her bank account :o with DS it took me a good 6 weeks to feel confident whipping a boob out to feed him in public!

is it normal for the older child to ask to nurse much more frequently btw? DS wants mummy milk for pudding every night (even when given the option of chocolate buttons or milk, he opts for milk, which is flattering :o), and is asking to nurse everytime he sees DD nursing. I'm not letting him, as was quite relieved to get him down to 1 or 2 feeds a day, so want to keep it that way as much as possible!

We are technically still tandemming, but it's been a few weeks since ds1 actually had any milk.

I have told him he can have milk on a friday, and that it is his responsibility to remember about it and to ask for it.

He always remembers on a thursday that tomorrow is milk day, and then on saturday he usually remembers that he forgot!

I have told him that we are not going past his 7th birthday which is in October. Not sure how he will take that!

Kveta - pretty normal. DD1 stopped eating for 2 weeks and fed every time DD2 fed and then fed in between as well (prob 20 feeds a day!). She decided that food was still good though and drastically dropped back when she started eating again (DD1 was 20m when DD2 was born).

Funnily enough DD2 (then 22m) only slightly increased her nursing when DD3 was born and I have never fed them together, DD2 always had to wait her turn (I couldn't cope with tandem nursing at the same time so only did it for 8 weeks with DD1 & DD2).

It will be interesting to see what happens with DD2 & 3 when DD4 is born as they are both very infrequent nursers at the moment.

Cheeky bump. Congrats Kveta! Hope it's all going well still. DD nursed like a newborn when DS was, well, a newborn. Actually more than DS I think (bigger tummy I guess).

I have a favour to ask of you ladies - I want to write an article about tandemming for our local NCT newsletter and would be incredibly grateful for a brief paragraph from anyone just about their experience of tandem feeding. I was going to do it myself but I think just me will be too negative! You can post on here or message me if you'd prefer. Many thanks in advance :)