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Black Mumsnetters

This board exists primarily for the use of Black Mumsnetters. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful.

Original poster

"I've never slept with a black woman before"

237 replies

Blackisblackisblack · 05/01/2022 21:07

I'm looking for black perspective, please.

So, been single a while and had been talking to this guy, online.

Met up for coffee earlier today, and it went well. We both have a lot in common, work-wise, and we have adult children the same age (although I have a younger child as well).

We arranged to meet again tomorrow, and we've been talking/texting throughout today.

I've not long checked my phone and there's a message from him: "I've never slept with a black woman before."

So, wise black mumsnetters, do I let him know why I no longer wish to be involved or do I just cut him off?

I thought to cut him off, but my friend thinks that's harsh, since I've met him..

OP posts:
Original poster
Blackisblackisblack · 05/01/2022 23:14

BlackandGreen

Thanks. I wish I hadn't phoned him..

I find it quite humiliating that I've now become the dumpee Hmm

I'm even more angry than before.

Wish I'd listened to y'all.

Back to the drawing board..

OP posts:
PlasticPlantsDontDie · 05/01/2022 23:15

OP he just hung up to save face when he realised he’d fucked up.

Twat of the highest order.

StrifeOfBath · 05/01/2022 23:17

OMG! Well he double downed his tosserdom there!

Good days work getting rid of him! Righteous rest!

Honeyroar · 05/01/2022 23:20

You did well! He didn’t dump you, you’d properly told him off, quite rightly. He just tried to claw back some ground, but he didn’t. He knew you were going to dump him.

StrifeOfBath · 05/01/2022 23:20

You are not the dumpeee - he knew he was dumped so he tried to turn it on you.

I bet he was shocked that you had the staunch approach to speak directly to him.

Bloody hell, these men.

DipYourPenisInMyBeaker · 05/01/2022 23:21

@StellaGibson118 I wasn’t making excuses, I was merely suggesting that not everything someone says is racist and provided one example - you realise this is an open forum, right?

MaryStuart · 05/01/2022 23:22

@givethatbabyaname

The crassness is the least of it!
  1. If he’s trying to woo someone (sorry for twee language), is this the best he can do?
  1. What makes him think sex is on the cards?
  1. Is your blackness A Thing for him? Would he still be interested if you weren’t black?
  1. Is your blackness the only thing for him? Has he reduced you to this?
  1. What difference does his not ever having slept with a black woman before make, anyway?
  1. Is he expecting the experience to be different in some way?
  1. Extremely immature behaviour from someone old enough to have adult children. Very unsexy.
I’m not black, but I’m pissed of at him and your friend. Some great replies from PPs to consider sending to him, and then block. And then this list ^ is great for your friend, maybe she’ll then get it (though I don’t understand why she doesn’t already…)
MaryStuart · 05/01/2022 23:24

I’ve just seen your update Op.
you are definitely not the dumpee.
I’d say you’re a lucky escapee.
What an absolute prick.

maddy68 · 05/01/2022 23:25

It's no different to saying "I've never slept with a blonde woman, or a red head , or a French woman.
It matters more in the context it was used.

DipYourPenisInMyBeaker · 05/01/2022 23:26

@Blackisblackisblack definitely not the dumpee, how could you be - you’d bollocked him?!

MarieKlepto · 05/01/2022 23:26

Yuck, yuck, yuck. Later on in a relationship, I don't really see the problem in folks who are committed (whether male or female) casually chatting that they have not had a relationship with a German/vegetarian/white person, etc before (it's just a point of difference that makes no difference, if that makes sense). First coffee? Weird. Just weird.

BlackandGreen · 05/01/2022 23:26

@Blackisblackisblack

Well it's ok to feel meh! But it tells the rest of us that you are someone with a good set of values who likes to give people a chance. You gave him a chance, and he showed his true self. He's the loser here.
Head up.

You conducted yourself with dignity. He didn't. He'll be smarting like hell because you called him out.

You "angry black woman" you. FlowersWink

Keep your standards, beware of Buster Gonads pretending to be cool. Phoney as hell.

Block the sod, everywhere. He might try and ring again.
Sleep well, defo dodged a bad un there.

StrifeOfBath · 05/01/2022 23:27

@maddy68

It's no different to saying "I've never slept with a blonde woman, or a red head , or a French woman. It matters more in the context it was used.
Which context?

A man talking to a woman he has had one coffee with
Or
The fact that we live in a world where black women are subject to racism, sexual fetishisation etc etc?

KerryWeaver · 05/01/2022 23:28

“Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.”

Cut him off immediately. There is nothing to be gained from getting into a discussion with him.

Mother87 · 05/01/2022 23:30

@overnightangel

Start your reply with “well I’ve told lots of nobheads to fuck off before so….”
ThisGrin
expat101 · 05/01/2022 23:34

What a knob head, did he even apologize? Best you saw this early on though...

DrGoogleSaysSo · 05/01/2022 23:34

What a nasty piece of s*! You dodged a bullet OP. All the best Flowers

YuleiamsaidI · 05/01/2022 23:36

I would be reply that he isn't about to start with you!!!

FitnessKeepItGoing · 05/01/2022 23:42

What a sicko. You're well rid OP.

Gintime74 · 05/01/2022 23:43

It’s racist and sexist. I am white British and have had similar from men.
Sorry that you were disappointed but I’m sure there will be someone worthy of your time and attention in your life very soon .

Tavelo · 05/01/2022 23:56

Don't worry about being harsh! Surely it's more harsh to send someone such a disrespectful and frankly appalling message. So many men get away with shit like this.

PiffleWiffleWoozle · 05/01/2022 23:58

Wow what an unbelievable arse. Lucky early escape. And we all know who dumped who first here, we see him.

Rightshoardingsaurus · 05/01/2022 23:59

Wow! What a hoofspangling wanksock!

ThatWasThat · 06/01/2022 00:05

I'm so very annoyed on your behalf. I hope he comes to his senses and realises where he screwed up (though he'll probably never admit it to you).

Nancydrawn · 06/01/2022 00:29

Chimed in to say not the dumpee. What you are is someone who called someone on his shit, and in return he had a dumb defensive little temper tantrum.