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Black Mumsnetters

This board exists primarily for the use of Black Mumsnetters. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful.

Original poster

"I've never slept with a black woman before"

237 replies

Blackisblackisblack · 05/01/2022 21:07

I'm looking for black perspective, please.

So, been single a while and had been talking to this guy, online.

Met up for coffee earlier today, and it went well. We both have a lot in common, work-wise, and we have adult children the same age (although I have a younger child as well).

We arranged to meet again tomorrow, and we've been talking/texting throughout today.

I've not long checked my phone and there's a message from him: "I've never slept with a black woman before."

So, wise black mumsnetters, do I let him know why I no longer wish to be involved or do I just cut him off?

I thought to cut him off, but my friend thinks that's harsh, since I've met him..

OP posts:
Quornflakegirl · 05/01/2022 21:08

You owe this man nothing, cut him off.

TheSpottedZebra · 05/01/2022 21:09

Sometimes harsh is perfect.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 05/01/2022 21:09

I would cut him off and let him think about why…

Glitterkitten24 · 05/01/2022 21:09

Gross. Cut him off.

chineybumps · 05/01/2022 21:10

What a loser! I'd make sure he knew that comment was inappropriate and let him know that was the reason I was cutting him off. You're well within your rights to just block and move on but you may wish you had said something

Lacedwithgrace · 05/01/2022 21:11

Get rid.

CaramelFlaneur · 05/01/2022 21:11

Run for the hills. He might have met you but that text shows he clearly doesn't see you as Blackisblack but as an exotic prospect. What on earth is he expecting as a reply? The mind boggles...

Popstarrrrr · 05/01/2022 21:12

Just block. If he has half a brain cell he'll work it out. If no brain cells, then you're well shot.

DrSophia · 05/01/2022 21:13

Cut him off. It makes me so angry.

On my first day in a new job, one of the other managers was introduced to me (it was also his first day) and said 'oh pleased to meet you, I've never slept with a black woman before'. I called him out but he didn't care.

Dickhead

Original poster
Blackisblackisblack · 05/01/2022 21:15

Run for the hills. He might have met you but that text shows he clearly doesn't see you as Blackisblack but as an exotic prospect. What on earth is he expecting as a reply? The mind boggles...

My instinct was to cut him off. But when speaking to my bezzie, she thinks it's harsh.. but then she's not had years and years of hearing this kind of bs.

OP posts:
Equalizer · 05/01/2022 21:16

Oh gosh...! No point trying to educate someone at this stage of his life, just labour for yourself that he will prob turn into an argument how he isn't like that.....

Reading this made me think of Chewing Gum TV show Confused

Dindundundundeeer · 05/01/2022 21:17

WTF?! Twats aren’t appealing.

Original poster
Blackisblackisblack · 05/01/2022 21:18

On my first day in a new job, one of the other managers was introduced to me (it was also his first day) and said 'oh pleased to meet you, I've never slept with a black woman before'. I called him out but he didn't care.

Oh my goodness! Shock

Do some of them come with a handbook on how to approach black women?!

That's appalling!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Blackisblackisblack · 05/01/2022 21:20

Oh gosh...! No point trying to educate someone at this stage of his life, just labour for yourself that he will prob turn into an argument how he isn't like that.....

My friend thinks it could be a 'teachable' moment. However, if you're in your 40s and still don't know the appropriate way to talk to a woman..

OP posts:
ashorterday · 05/01/2022 21:20

@DrSophia

Cut him off. It makes me so angry.

On my first day in a new job, one of the other managers was introduced to me (it was also his first day) and said 'oh pleased to meet you, I've never slept with a black woman before'. I called him out but he didn't care.

Dickhead

Slept with or worked with?
givethatbabyaname · 05/01/2022 21:21

I would text back every reason why you won’t be seeing him again. You don’t owe him the reasons, but phrase it right and it could make you feel you’ve put the dickhead where he belongs.

MoiraNotRuby · 05/01/2022 21:22

Maybe one reply then block?... 'I've never slept with a racist before and I'm not about to start now' ?

overnightangel · 05/01/2022 21:22

Start your reply with “well I’ve told lots of nobheads to fuck off before so….”

DrSophia · 05/01/2022 21:24

It's so shocking. I actually couldn't believe I'd heard him correctly but then realised there wasn't much to mishear! What else could be said that was similar.. nothing!.

There were three or four other people there. Two others also challenged him but he was senior to us all and didn't give a damn.

Orchidflower1 · 05/01/2022 21:27

@MoiraNotRuby

Maybe one reply then block?... 'I've never slept with a racist before and I'm not about to start now' ?
I think this is perfect.

So sorry you met a twonk when you thought it was going ok. Only tiny silver lining is at least he said it BEFORE you even came close to dtd.

Nsky · 05/01/2022 21:29

Seems stupid, if factual from his view, ignore

WimpoleHat · 05/01/2022 21:30

“And I’ve never slept with someone who makes such idiotic comments and I don’t intend to start now….”

Maybe he hasn’t ever been with a black woman - but why say it? It’s just so crass.

Original poster
Blackisblackisblack · 05/01/2022 21:31

Maybe one reply then block?... 'I've never slept with a racist before and I'm not about to start now' ?

Well, I told my friend I thought he was racist for saying that, but she doesn't see how Hmm And she's now starting to pee me off but we've been very good friends for years but I'm now beginning to feel like I'm the unreasonable one!

I'll go and see her at the weekend and talk it out. I am going to text him but rather than an eff off, I will let him know the reasons.

Thanks for all your advice 😊

OP posts:
DrSophia · 05/01/2022 21:32

@ashorterday he said slept with.

We repeated what he had said in a 'did you honestly just say that' type way and it went unchallenged.

gavisconismyfriend · 05/01/2022 21:32

@MoiraNotRuby - great reply!