"I've never slept with a black woman before"

[Blackisblackisblack]

I'm looking for black perspective, please.

So, been single a while and had been talking to this guy, online.

Met up for coffee earlier today, and it went well. We both have a lot in common, work-wise, and we have adult children the same age (although I have a younger child as well).

We arranged to meet again tomorrow, and we've been talking/texting throughout today.

I've not long checked my phone and there's a message from him: "I've never slept with a black woman before."

So, wise black mumsnetters, do I let him know why I no longer wish to be involved or do I just cut him off?

I thought to cut him off, but my friend thinks that's harsh, since I've met him..

Maybe he hasn’t ever been with a black woman - but why say it? It’s just so crass.

That's the bit I don't get!

Horrible man. If it were me I would come back with a witty retort but, I so struggle not to call dickheads out.

"And I imagine you never will"

Good luck @Blackisblackisblack

"And I imagine you never will"

Love this!

DrSophia

Thank you.

I'm not black but I am shocked that you have to put up with this sort of thing. I think i would be tempted to text back I've never slept with a dinosaur so sod off!

@DrSophia

Cut him off. It makes me so angry.

On my first day in a new job, one of the other managers was introduced to me (it was also his first day) and said 'oh pleased to meet you, I've never slept with a black woman before'. I called him out but he didn't care.

Dickhead

Wait...what?!

OP I was disappointed to hear an ex had said of me that I was "exotic looking".

@Jjjayfee

I'm not black but I am shocked that you have to put up with this sort of thing. I think i would be tempted to text back I've never slept with a dinosaur so sod off!

Love this! 😂

I'm not black but I am shocked that you have to put up with this sort of thing. I think i would be tempted to text back I've never slept with a dinosaur so sod off!

It happens a lot. I have several sisters, and they have reported this. Also my adult daughter has had this said to her, numerous times. So, it's a thing, sadly.

Reply that you’ve never slept with an idiot before either. You find them a complete turn off.

The crassness is the least of it!

1. If he’s trying to woo someone (sorry for twee language), is this the best he can do?

1. What makes him think sex is on the cards?

1. Is your blackness A Thing for him? Would he still be interested if you weren’t black?

1. Is your blackness the only thing for him? Has he reduced you to this?

1. What difference does his not ever having slept with a black woman before make, anyway?

1. Is he expecting the experience to be different in some way?

1. Extremely immature behaviour from someone old enough to have adult children. Very unsexy.

OP I was disappointed to hear an ex had said of me that I was "exotic looking".

It's just awful, isn't it. I know my adult daughter has had this said to her a lot, as well.

I'm bloody shocked too and to find out it's bloody common!!!!

White privilege strikes again.

Although I have had comments about my unusual colouring and unusual height

givethatbabyaname, you've hit the nail on the head. Especially #2.

I think my reply would be "And you won't be starting with me!"

I'm bloody shocked too and to find out it's bloody common!!!!

White privilege strikes again.

Although I have had comments about my unusual colouring and unusual height

I don't want to speak on behalf of all black women, as some may not have experienced it. But I think the fact that my siblings, daughter, and black/mixed friends all have, says a lot.

He sounds like a creep and is fetishizing your skin colour. At his age it ain't a teachable moment, sack him off.

Yes that was my thought exactly

@givethatbabyaname

The crassness is the least of it!

1. If he’s trying to woo someone (sorry for twee language), is this the best he can do?

1. What makes him think sex is on the cards?

1. Is your blackness A Thing for him? Would he still be interested if you weren’t black?

1. Is your blackness the only thing for him? Has he reduced you to this?

1. What difference does his not ever having slept with a black woman before make, anyway?

1. Is he expecting the experience to be different in some way?

1. Extremely immature behaviour from someone old enough to have adult children. Very unsexy.

You've put this perfectly. Have been thinking of how to word the few things that concern me about this and your post is exactly how I felt reading the OP.

Sex talk just after one date (assuming you both haven't had this talk), and a possibly fetishist sex talk at that. Ew!

@Blackisblackisblack I'd give this one a miss on either of those two counts. Both, I'd call a double whammy!

Yeah ghost him like it's hot

I’m white, I hope you don’t mind me posting. My boyfriend is black, it wouldn’t cross my mind too think that, let alone say it get rid, you deserve better.

"and I've never slept with a white man either, and have no intention of doing so, but apparently they all have tiny penis's". Then block!

Yeah ghost him like it's hot

"I've never slept with a black woman before."

Well you won't be starting your quest with me!