Mum not going to "bother" getting hair done for my wedding

[namechangedforthisaibu]

Just name changed for this as I don't know what to think about it. My wedding is coming up and my mum planned to have her hair done and now she is saying she isn't going to bother.

She is saying because of covid and stuff she doesn't want to be sat in the hairdressers too long. But she still goes shopping and does everything as normal.

I don't want to sound mean as I love my mum to bits and I do everything for her. But her hair looks terrible! It has thinned terribly at the back so she has a patch of skin with no hair on at the back. She still has her hair round the sides so she tries to pull it over the bald spot and puts it in a tiny bobble. Her hair is very very very short.

I don't want to look back at my wedding photos and my mum just doesn't look good.

I hope this doesn't sound horrible I'm just trying to be honest.

My mum died when I was a child but I still agree with you op.

Just get her a nice wig OP and all will be well. Braids might be a bit too heavy for thinning hair

@NotSoNewAndShiny

Hi OP. I too have afro hair and I've always hated my hair as a child. There's nothing wrong with it other than its quite thick and hard to mange (always wanted hair like my mum's as she is mixed race) and has a silky curl.

A lot to unpack here.

Honestly!😭

OP - Of course you want your DM to look and feel nice for your Wedding. Who wouldn't. I don't understand why you are getting so much flack.
For her to say 'I won't bother' means that she's accepted that even if she tries, she doesn't feel she'll be happy. That's sad.
I'd have a word with your own hairdresser, show her a photo and ask what they suggest. Then have a gentle word with your DM and take it from there.

@ScatteredMama82

My mum lost her hair to chemotherapy and died before I got married. Get a grip and rethink your priorities. I would give anything to have my mum, bald or otherwise, in my wedding photos.

I’m not sure using your mum’s memory to score points against someone on mn gives you quite the moral high ground you think it does my DM is undergoing chemo and I would never use her to make a point this way!

OP, I’m sorry you’ve had such a hard time. It’s quite clear you’re concerned for your mum’s sake, not your wedding photos, and I hope you manage to get it sorted. I’m sure you will both look fabulous on your wedding day!

Getting her hair braided when it's already thinning is a really bad idea; it will make things worse due to the tightness pulling at the root.

Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable wearing a wig, your DM may feel the same way.

I'd recommend to your DM to just shave her whole head, and wear it with pride. She'll feel so much better once she stops worrying about what's left of her hair.

The OP stated quite clearly 'I don't want to look back at my wedding photos and my mum just doesn't look good.' Now she's furiously backpedalling to make it sound like concern for her mum.

@redpeppersoup I'm very sorry your mum is undergoing chemo, I know all too well how hard that is to watch and I hope her prognosis is good.

@NotSoNewAndShiny

Hi OP. I too have afro hair and I've always hated my hair as a child. There's nothing wrong with it other than its quite thick and hard to mange (always wanted hair like my mum's as she is mixed race) and has a silky curl.

A lot to unpack here.

Such as what?

As a child I had a complex. What is your point exactly.

Could it be that your mum can’t afford to get her hair done, or is too embarrassed? Is there a mobile hairdresser that could come to your home if she’s embarrassed?
I’d ask her why she doesn’t want to have it done, and tell her that you want her to be comfortable with the way she looks so will help her in whatever way you can.

@ScatteredMama82 I don’t think OP is back-pedalling, I’ve read all her replies and believe she just phrased her first post poorly. However I am sorry for my comment to you, that was unnecessary and I regretted it as soon as I hit post. My mum does have a good prognosis thankfully, it is hard though and I’m so sorry about your mum, and for taking my bad day out on you

[quote redpeppersoup]@ScatteredMama82 I don’t think OP is back-pedalling, I’ve read all her replies and believe she just phrased her first post poorly. However I am sorry for my comment to you, that was unnecessary and I regretted it as soon as I hit post. My mum does have a good prognosis thankfully, it is hard though and I’m so sorry about your mum, and for taking my bad day out on you [/quote]
Don't give it another thought, I'm really pleased to hear that the outlook for your Mum is good. x

Thanks so much @ScatteredMama82 xx

Congratulations on your wedding OP.
If your mum doesn't want to go to the hairdressers can you make a suggestion of someone coming home to her to do her braids for her?

Or maybe go shopping for a wig for her together if she's comfortable with that.

My mums hair is thinning and she has a bald round patch which is quite central.
My cousin who does hair and beauty had managed to do her hair in such a way that it covered her bald patch. She also used products that made my mums hair look thicker, I think it was some sort of powder that coats your hair. And this was for my brothers wedding.

I hope this helps! I understand you just want your mum to look good for own sake so when she looks back at your pics, she doesn't feel like she looks crap and made more of an effort.

Such as what?

As a child I had a complex. What is your point exactly.

I think you've just made it, although only half of it. It's obvious in that post and your other post at 17:00. But I'm not trying to put you on the spot or make you uncomfortable by saying anything further. I only pointed out what jumped out at me.

@NotSoNewAndShiny you have a chip on your shoulder hunni. I'm glad you "think". My Grandma swore by blue magic hair Greece... anyway I don't need to name hair products to prove I can relate to OP as I've got afro hair or justify myself to you that I'm black. FFS.

You know what they say about those who can't hear...

I have no idea what you think I'm saying. Have not accused you of not being black or not having afro hair.

I have no idea what you're saying either because your post didn't make sense at all, besides the fact that you so readily went into racist trope and insult. Chip on my shoulder? Interesting.

I'll leave it here because I don't think I'm talking to an emotionally-mature and rational person. Obviously.

Didn't think so.

OP! My mum died in childbirth when I was 6. I'ld use my last penny on my mum if I could! I still have lovely images of her photos on my mind and I hope my grandchildren will see and cherish them.

I love that you want your mum to look fab on your wedding! Many brides prefer they alone look fab. Bridesmaids, family, aso ebi guests etc Enjoy your wedding and the photos afterwards.

Most Afro hair dressers know how to use a mesh cloth to provide a wide enough area to sew a weave or she could have just a four or so tracks sewn in. She can wear a large fascinator, a hat or traditional head-tie if applicable.

Finally, do try to enjoy the process and not stress. On that day, once you're dressed and on your way to church all you're interested in is saying I DO and nothing else will matter.

Congratulations and here's to a marriage full of love, laughs and bliss!

I love love!! Xxx

@Delectable

OP! My mum died in childbirth when I was 6. I'ld use my last penny on my mum if I could! I still have lovely images of her photos on my mind and I hope my grandchildren will see and cherish them.

I love that you want your mum to look fab on your wedding! Many brides prefer they alone look fab. Bridesmaids, family, aso ebi guests etc Enjoy your wedding and the photos afterwards.

Most Afro hair dressers know how to use a mesh cloth to provide a wide enough area to sew a weave or she could have just a four or so tracks sewn in. She can wear a large fascinator, a hat or traditional head-tie if applicable.

Finally, do try to enjoy the process and not stress. On that day, once you're dressed and on your way to church all you're interested in is saying I DO and nothing else will matter.

Congratulations and here's to a marriage full of love, laughs and bliss!

I love love!! Xxx

What a lovely post.