The PESH deli for those who are realising there are real live baybees at the end of this.

[rots]

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, Bay Amaryllis born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April
FannyPriceless, boy, born June 8

UPDIFFED
CUNextTuesday, takes no shit from the Daily Mail, due June 28
IggyPiggy, The one who loves BUMSEX, due July 20
CurlyCasper, hospital botherer due July 21 (girl)
Skihorse, cradle snatching web geek, due July 22 (boy)
Carrots, organic hippy hunter, due July 25 (boy)
Cosmosis, the one that likes a good ride, due August 22
backinthebox, she bought a racehorse, due September 6
skatergrrrl, the one that overtook the rest, September ??
VAG, lives in De Nile, due 19 September
silversky, the biggest farter, due 21 October (first baybee)
Honeymoo, no it's not fucking indigestion, due November 2 (boy)
okiecokie, self-confessed control freak, due November 6
SomethingSuitablyWitty, benelux babe, due November 14
ReginaMonologue, big pants, 5* hotels, Bridget Jones due November 20
maswera, jungle hottie - due November (???)
PollyPoo, wants to name her baybee after the dog, The New Messiah is due December 25

Ski I cannot believe I just read a post by you pointing out the bright side of you pukiness and even noting that in some ways you were "lucky". I think I just combusted with admiration - you are a trooper with a very philosophical streak . Thanks for the kudos on the creche finding too - we will probably still have to set up some back-up plans if poss - places are like gold in Brussels. Lucky you to have a flexible set-up, but I agree that the creche at least part-time is still a good option! Now get cooking unless you want grumpy hungry midwives.

So last night in bed, I had this really sharp pain between my ribs on the right, above the bump. Anyone any idea what that would be? It lasted quite a while and was worse when I leaned towards it. Any thoughts? I figured trapped wind maybe?? (Had had a big dinner...)

silver - you may have experience ?

Switty I bought a 30% off digital Philips sterilser in M&Ps. No idea if any good. But had bottles, a newborn teat and brush and stuff in it, so looked like a good start and I can get other bits as and when I need them. The thing I liked about it, is that its on a continuous cycle for 24 hours so you don't need to switch it on, just take the bottles out as and when you need them if you see what I mean.

Silver I am so with you. Nothing fucking fits. I look fat and I'm fed up that I have nothing cool to wear, having split curry down my white linen trousers. In such a bad mood today, probably linked to the fact I can't stop coughing and need to go to the doctors.

To add to that our back garden is covered in dog chews, chewed tissue, several unattended dog poos and sudden growing weeds. Mr Moo has completed neglected to water anything including the plants I bought (which need planting). Added to which the remains of 2 nights of dinner need wiping off the surfaces. DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING???!!!! how the hell are we going to manage with a baby as well?

Can't go and see my friends with newborns tomorrow now (having taken about 3 months to organise a date) so they will probably be a bit fed up with me. And I've bought presents which will now languish in wardrobe for 6 months.

Also, I clean the sofa, the dog jumps up, I clean the sofa, the dog jumps up, I clean the sofa, the dog jumps up. ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

silver See if you can coax iggy/moo into revealing the secrets of where to buy a dress to accommodate comedy-style tits. I'm now down to only one maxi dress and whilst it's a size bigger than I normall wear and my tits are bursting out of it - quite frankly at this stage I can no longer be arsed caring.

I'm just back from the stables - very pleasant at that time of morning. Tidied up the crap haircut and tried to put a few layers in the forelock - Vidal Sassoon I ain't! Gave her a bath then let her out in the field where upon she immediately ran up to her boyfriend, bit him and turned around to display her pulsating giant vagina and he mounted her. Just like mum.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off that since I told the two girls they did a "bad job" and offered to help them out with horsey "know how" (I actually said I won't patronise, but if you want to learn) that one replied "we didn't know it was my first time" (there are lots of things I've never done but I look around and observe how others do it iykwim - how hard would it've been to look at the length of the other tails?) - and the other just said "sorry" but hasn't said anything else since? I didn't ask for help just for exercise - I don't have the energy to be going to the yard and doing all the maintenance myself.

switty I puked twice yesterday and again this morning - it's clearly just my pregnancy thing, but really, it could be worse. Once I've puked and leaked from every oriface I can get on with my day. Am getting bored of pissing myself though. We also want him in creche so that he can get used to people speaking Dutch to him.

honeymoo Oh, I see you have some anger issues with your husband right now too. Obviously the answer is to make him a dogshit sandwich and then storm out of the house slamming the door as you go. I don't have much to wear either. One pair of "smartish" jeans, one pair of stables-only jeans, the aforementioned maxi-dress and a variety of t-shirts. But I can't be arsed anymore. I intend to spend the next couple of weeks in my pants. You're taking this housework lark far too seriously - live by my motto "I sweep the room with a glance". Btw, "do I have to do everything?" - yesterday I took the plastic recycling downstairs - he asked why I did that. Well dur... because it's been sat in the fucking kitchen for 2 days. I can't even take the fucking bin out because he hides the chargecardthingummy in his wallet - how is it that the fucking bill is ALWAYS full? Can it not for even just 10-20 minutes be empty?

To celebrate the start of my ML I'm off to treat myself to an ipod docking station today so that I can listen to my hypnotherapy stuff without having to use earphones. Oooh la la. I also want some chanel foundation but fear this is pointless - I may as well just smear it down my sweaty face & neck and be done with it. Crappy time of year too to buy foundation isn't it? Not pale, not yet really tanned...

swits just quickly as I can do no more than lift one finger at a time due to the heat but I have had one night when I had some pain on right side under rib - I had a big fart and it went! I think a lot of the abdo pains I have had have been due to trapped wind as the always seem to ease up once everything has moved around a bit... Though if it's unbearable and lasts even after releasing the pressure you may well want to get it checked out just incase.

I have been super organized this morning since I was up at the crack of dawn yet again due to peeing and general uncomfortableness in bed - anyway the result of which has produced a baby, nursery and hospital bag (baby and me) list which is the result of refining many different websites advice and the pesh recommendations too! It's also allowed me to get an idea of all the things I want to review on the which guide website whist we abuse their £1 first month subscription plan!

Anyway signing off now hope u all have a good weekend .

honey your house sounds like mine. Dog shit covered garden, dog hair covered furniture, a lazy bastard husband. It is driving me nuts. I feel like his mother, constantly picking up after him. In fact, I am so I'm going to have to list what he does that annoys me.... (Sorry, feel free to skip to end...)

• Does huge stinky shits in toilet and leaves skid marks in bowl, despite being asked repeatedly to look in the toilet when he's done and just chuck some bleach down before he puts lid down.
• Comes in from work, dumps laptop bag in middle of floor where I trip over it, opens post leaving envelopes/letters/packaging trailed around downstairs, chucks tie up the stairs where is stays until someone (i.e. me) picks it up.
• Will occasionally take dirty glasses/plates to kitchen. Where he leaves them ON TOP of the dishwasher. Or on the (clean) draining board. Or in the sink. His excuse? He doesn't know whether the dishwasher is clean or dirty. FUCKING OPEN IT AND USE YOUR EYES THEN!
• Complains he does not have enough clean clothes but rarely uses the washing machine. If he notices that I have done a load and the wash has finished, he will ignore it and wait for me to remember to hang it out. (And he never gets washing off the line - it could stay there for days.)
• Never puts away the clothes that I have washed and dried. (I used to put them away until he had 6 months off work and never once put any of my clothes away for me - apparently he didn't know where they went... again, OPEN THE FUCKING DRAWER AND LOOK.) Grrr
• My biggest annoyance is when he says on a weekend 'oh you have a lie-in tomorrow, I'll get up with Boo'. Reasonable? Yes, except that all he does is look after Boo, who actually needs very little looking after. So I get up a few hours later to find the two of them in front of the tv, a trashed kitchen, no washing on, dishwasher half full of dirty stuff/full of clean stuff. Oh and he cooks bacon in the grill pan which he never cleans so the whole house stinks of stale burnt pig fat. GAHHHHHH.
• He cannot make even coffee and toast without sploshing coffee and crumbs all over the surface, which he NEVER cleans.
• When Boo has finished eating a meal, he leaves the leftover food to solidify and stick to plate/dish and then ignores the mess she's made on the table, so that I need a chisel to get it off later.

He is away at the mo for 4 days - utter bliss, but it has made me realise what a messy dirty fucker he is and how much nicer the house is when he isn't here!

Disclaimer: I have realised I am slightly ARGHHHH and maybe it isn't all him. The thing that made me realise this was when he rolled over in bed and breathed on me and I was so fucking angry I had to sleep in the spare room. Hormonal? Moi?

Sorry that was sooo mememe. I just feel like a volcano of bubbling rage atm.

Fanny sorry to hear about the fanjo, I hope all is ok and you are back at home already.

Enjoy your mat leave Ski!

Cunty I actually leaked a bit of wee at your 'so I punched him in the head. Twice' comment.

ski Nothing, just heatstroke and stitches when I move quickly. Had a poke this morning so that might have helped.

I thought I might have helped things along last night by watching Groove Armada on Glasto coverage and bouncing on ball in time to beat. It was ace, I really enjoyed myself Had my hands in the air like I just didn't care...

But it dislodged nothing

fellowNoBleedingClothesMoo it's enuff to make a preggo suicidal non? Going to start shopping for wedding outfit soon. If I can't find owt I am going for hotpants and a Hooters tshirt. Uber classy?

Bloody dog! Put some fox poo on the garden and you won't see your do for days. Simples.

Man it's too hot fo' sho'. Today I am gardening and struggling. Having preggo bump and crouching or sitting down is so uncomfortable. I really am going at a snails pace. I am ready to give up already and admit defeat.

Happy weekend all. May Sunday night never come!

Polly I just weed myself coughing/laughing at your post. Read it out to mr moo who basically does ALL of those things. Denies it vehemently. Oh and NEVER puts the loo seat down and has massive issues aiming.

Nearly had a fit in Pretty Pregnant shop earlier when the fucking sales assistant wound me up trying to tell me what the dress (too tight) looked like when I could see with my own eyes. Close to actually telling her to F OFF.

oh dear hormones aren't being kind today.

Silver can u do my gardening? Dog goes nuts whenever i start sweeping the decking and then tries to carry the debris into the house. GREAT.

Im having beer watching flo and the machine at glasto. Sofa much better than needing the loo in that crowd.

id like an outfit like that.

polly/honey I too have just read that list out loud. If we need a new thread title, might it be something along the lines of this: "Is your house like mine? Dog shit covered garden, dog hair covered furniture, a lazy bastard husband."

I found a floater in the loo on Friday morning. Yeh, cheers for that with my ms & all.

honey I managed to get a permanent seat-down deal on the loo quite early in my pregnancy. I staggered in to the loo in the early hours and didn't switch the light on - but SCREAMED as my arse hit the bowl rather than the seat. He came running in thinking I was bleeding or something... since then he has never left the seat up. Worth a shot?

It is hawt out there, am back home in pants via Baby Mexx. Well... it'd be rude not to given the sales. Julian will NEVER be dressed from there in their normal prices. 25 euros for a newborn romper? Get tae fuck!

I want a beer.

reggie You are far too organised and I fear you're not allowing any room for panic. You have a plan, a masterplan and a Plan B! You've probably already put the maternity ward into the satnav haven't you?

Beer sent me to sleep for 2 hours. Bliss.

I am trying the seat down tactic when he next does it.

Reggie you are more like me then me. Only difference as my darling husband would say is that I just buy most expensive version of item on the list. I say, when you write the list, you choose.

Shall i send him to supermarket for ultimate punishment? Only problem with that is I still have to write a fucking list. Easier to go.

i seem to recognise that list, are you married to TGO???

That list is brilliant and Totally reasonable. Is it time to list all the faults of our menfolk?

Never brings the washing in. Sometimes puts away.

Bathroom floor constantly covered in a talc film.

Never strips or washes the bed linen.

Never opens his post. Post lies everywhere, kitchen, the stairs, landing window. All the house admin is left to me so have gone on strike so you can imagine the mess I face everyday.

When he cooks the place ends up looking like Baghdad in the war zone.

Always leaves crumbs on the chopping board.

Hates recycling.

However on the plus side - he never leaves the seat up. EVER.

Is good at cleaning when he does it which is not regular but not unheard of.

Enjoys walking the dog.

Plus he is an awesome hand in the kitchen.

He's a bit of a catch even if I say so myself. But when he gets on my nerves I just see red. Double red. Super red like murderous red. Geddit? Crime of passion n'est pas?

Honey I think our husbands are from the same egg. I've basically spent all day cleaning as I have a friend coming to stay for a couple of nights. I have just cleaned all 3 bogs in our house and with each one I had to get on hands and knees and scrub piss stains off the wall/tiles behind the toilet. That is it - he can piss in the garden when he gets home.

Even when overdue with Boo I was still doing all the shopping and cleaning. Apparently his aggrophobia stops prohibits him from going to tesco/sainsburys to do a weeks shop. Strange that it does not stop him going to London for a weekend to visit friends. Or even to Waitrose to buy specialist yeast-free bread and cider. Oh yes, and his excuse for not cleaning? He doesn't notice things need cleaning because he is colour blind. WTF?

I have to shut up now as I am winding myself up again.

Mmmm beer would go down so well now. I have put a box of wine in the fridge for later so I think I will have to treat myself to a few glasses. Would be rude not to. Told friend I had enough wine to last her until dinner and she might want to bring more. She likes a drink does J!

I am back home from hossie. All is OK. They wanted to monitor me overnight as it was such intense pain and heavy bleeding later than they would usually expect. But nothing further happened after about 9pm, I felt fine through the night, and the blood results etc were all clear this morning.

They think the explanation is delayed contraction of the uterus causing sudden intense pains / bleeding. The consultant today said although we all expect the bleeding afterwards to be all sensible and gradually decrease in a straight line, often it jumps around a bit in fits and starts (but not usually as menkul as mine).

Weirdly I had quite a good sleep. Boy slept really solidly in the little hospital cot without any breathing problems - maybe because the room was so hot? Glad to be home though. Now will catch up.

I'm sure he would go to Waitrose if pushed. But first that would involve me using my brain to extensively work out what we need. It would be impossible for him to think about meals as he shopped. Let alone cleaning products or any other necessity. This will have to change.

And yes what is it with opening post? I discover bills from a month ago etc. Drives me insane. Incidentally his ex was the very same and apparently got her car towed from outside the house because she hadn't bothered to pay the tax for months. I am like the polar opposite.

Silver good your bloke can cook. Mine can't break an egg.

I do love him though and he does walk the dog. Any ideas for stuff to do in London on his birthday before/after a nice lunch???

PollyPoo cleaner, seriously. Life is too short for arguments over housework. £10-£20 a week, even just a fortnight, and so much stress would be gone.

Also, supermarkets are hideous. Online delivery is the way to go. Shop with a cup of tea in one hand. And you can save a list so next time you can just do one-click shopping. Bliss.

Glad you are ok Fanny.

Muser you would think a cleaner would solve problems. We have one for 4 hours a week, but our house still manages to look like a shithole after about 48 hours. Ocado is def the answer, I just need to sort my life out. I once did it on my iPhone when I was very bored on a shoot. Yes I know. Anyway, it was ridiculous as I ended up ordering a load of stuff in stupid sizes - e.g. the miniest packet of new potatoes with about 3 potatoes and a container of butter the size of a box of ice cream. Needless to say, I didn't try that again. How are you feeling? OK I hope...

Evening, how is everyone? Muserama would you care to join me in The Dance of Paranoia? And - a- one-two-three-check gusset-four five, and-a one-two three-pray for symptoms0four -five..

no? just mee then...

Haha salty, I am still gusset checking. I nearly bought a pregnancy book today and decided I shouldn't as maybe it would be tempting fate. I feel like I'm on pause at the moment.

How are your symptoms?

How long til your scan muse?