The PESH Deli - where black-humoured diffed BESHes turn to hormonal mush.

[CurlyCasper]

If you don't like the title, tough. I'm still talking

BESH BABYWIN STATS

This isn?t a fucking list ? right?

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, Bay Amaryllis born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April 12

UPDIFFED
Ponymum, the one with the worst hips, due mid June
CUNextTuesday, takes no shit from the Daily Mail, due June 28
IggyPiggy, The one who loves BUMSEX, due July 20
CurlyCasper, the ginger with the dodgy joints due July 21 (girl)
Skihorse, cradle snatching web geek, due July 22 (boy)
Carrots, organic hippy hunter, due July 25 (boy)
Cosmosis, the one that likes a good ride, due August 22
Pandora, She's got wings, due September 6
skatergrrrl, the one that overtook the rest, September ??
VAG, lives in De Nile, due 19 September
Honeymoo, puppy lover, due November 1
silversky, the biggest farter, due 21 October (first baybee)
okiecokie, self-confessed control freak, due November 6
SomethingSuitablyWitty, benelux babe, due November
ReginaMonologue, must-get-the-goss-from-ski, due November 20

Thanks boxy we are using normal sun cream on her for now, but she really licks at it and has quite a sensitive constitution. Will get the baby stuff next (why do the pink bits have to be around her mouth?). Silly little sun worshipper she is.

ski we had the bbq conversation yesterday. Him saying my dad would love one of the fancy gas ones but he prefers proper fire. (yes, there is a pyromaniac in every fireman). At one point last night he had roaring fire and big stick - primal man at his happiest!

I'm thinking if we raise this little girl in a house next to a field full of horses, it will only be a matter of time before she asks for one. The village seems very equine-oriented. SFF is now horrified at the prospect of an "expensive hobby". This from him who spends loads on kit and drives for miles so he can hurl himself down waterfalls in a lump of plastic

Packing is boring me. I have too much stuff, but nothing to throw away...

Hi dont nice to hear from you! Hope you and Bay are well. Sure we'll correct her DOB on the next not-a-list.

Actually come to think of it - it doesn't matter at all. Wot a pedant...

Oooh being pregnant is so exciting. Hope you are all enjoying it. Mind you I had no ishoos so was lucky.

curls Expensive hobby? Pah! Compared to other methods of keeping her away from boys ponies are a whole lot cheaper than shipping her off to an exclusive Swiss convent school.

And besides, my sister has six children and is married to a noble but lowly painter. Yet my neice manages to be the most pony mad creature I've ever encountered. She spends every weekend and after school working at the equestrian centre in return for lessons, won a scholarship to the local pony club, and asks for all her birthday presents to be money or pony equipment. (She might also have a doting aunt who provides her with new jodhpurs, riding hat, etc in return for tales about her latest gymkhana / pony club camp adventures.)

Happy Monday one and all! How is everyone feeling today? I've been up since 3am my time and at the office since half six - seems little point racking up hours at home when I can sit here & get paid for them.

I like my BBQ like I like my men - hot, black & tasty!

curly Ponies are a whole lot cheaper than a Top Shop/make-up addiction - and living in the country, it's easy enough to beg, borrow or steal a ride. I always had a mount for pony club (and camp!) despite not owning my own horse until I was 30! In fact I took a very nice race horse to camp one year... the year previous I'd taken a farmer's hunter - real men don't ride in the summer it seems.

I had quite a shock at the pool yesterday and I wanted to raise the issue here. Childhood obesity! Now to me, generally here the population is far slimmer than seems evident in the UK. My ex-BFF told me that in Liverpool the kids were immense, but I was seriously shocked to see the rolls (!) of flab on the kids yesterday. What the hell is going on?

STOPPRESS

I haz bought the first thing for my baybee

ski that is far too early to start on a monday...

casps I second the kids sunscreen - is fine on dogs. Plus if she gets burnt then aloe vera gel is v. good - mine burnt his nose once...

Good moaning!

ski you should see some of the kids on our street. One has the skinniest father and fattest mother. I reckon he came out the womb obese. And he's a little fucker - about 7 years old with a skinhead and permanent grimace, and always in a footie kit, but never playing football. God I can't wait to move!

Thanks for the reassurances re BabyCasp's future pony obsession. Plenty of time yet before we have to worry about that anyway. It all came up in a conversation about activities she will have to do (like learn to swim), and those we'd like her to try but would not push if she didn't like it(gymnastics/dancing). And then there are those that she will bring to the table: "Mummy, I'd like to become a belly-dancing snake charmer!". "Ok, darling, but finish your nuggets and baked beans first".

House being surveyed today - the final barrier to exchange of contracts. I'm going to play the poor pregnant woman card in the hope that the surveyor will process his report quickly

Dentist tomorrow, consultant and parentcraft thursday, then off to my parents on Friday!. I think this week is going to be a quick one...

Hope you are all well and sickness levels are low.

iggy what did you get? (And about time too!)

casp you paint an attractive picture of that kid

Went into John Lewis and the first thing we picked up was a cuddly toy lamb... but then also bought a pack of those white little vest things and 3 sleep suits...

I also got my goody bag from the Portland Hosp visit - which had somethings in it inc. baby socks and hat...

That's quite a few things iggy. Hope you have recovered...

Did any PESHs meet at the Portland event? Was it as glam as it sounded?

Still shopping here. Curtains for nursery should arrive any day. Bought a moses basket stand yesterday (will probably only use it when at grandparents' houses)

iggy whaddidyabuy whaddidyabuy?

I haz 2 black dogs - we haz no sunburn here.

curly If it's any consolation, it was with great pride I announced (loudly) at around aged 7 that I "wanted to do soliciting".

Good luck for the house, play the pregnant woman card and do anything you can to grease the wheels - you need this done asap for peace of mind!

What did the dentist say about your tooth? Sounds like you've got a lovely busy week.

It's Queen's day here on Friday which means a bank holiday (I love this time of year). "We" don't really do Queen's day in the south - but no doubt there will be drinking and eating festivities.

at soliciting! Apparently when I was not long able to talk in proper sentences, my desire was to have five children but there wasn't to be a daddy/husband involved

Will see what dentist says tomorrow - I'm not in pain yet so just waiting till then to see what they say.

at bank hol on Friday - but then we have one on Monday. I will be spending it on the M74/M6. Staying in the Lakes on Friday night and have booked us in for a posh meal. Venison with chocolate here I come! Well, it is our wedding anniversary next week.

I get to see my niece on Saturday!

iggy your mention of John Lewis made me go and find that advert everyone's blubbing at. No effect on me whatsoever.

Off into a meeting all morning. Might catch up on some sleep...

well ladies the big day has arrived - first scan imminent, threat of dildocam means required remedial topiary at the front line will take up most of my morning! ;-)

ski you were right about not sleeping the night before, work up at 2AM in a blind panic after having a nightmare that I crushed the baby's head, and then the dog got blown up by a firework... spent the rest of the morning watching Dr. Who, Embarrassing Bodies, and whatever other toss was on to fill the wee hours of the morning, stuffing my face with grapes and ginger beer... oh and angel cake.

I too second the irrational emotional reaction to the John Lewis advert, I was a gibbering mess in less than 15 seconds. Even the dog walked away in shame....

reggie Exciting! Have you been necking back the liquids? Your bladder should be the size of a small football for best scan effects.*

I must go watch this John lewis ad. Mind you, I cry at pictures of baby animals, the story in the papers last week of the young girl who commited suicide because she couldn't get a job and the shop running out of salad.

*I've read that the full bladder thing is pretty much a myth these days and it's a relic of days gone by. My first scan was at 10am (or so I thought) - I just about pissed in the car-seat. So once I realised that in fact I'd got the wrong time I emptied my bladder. Actual appointment was 2pm, bladder MUCH emptier - baby still very much visible. This was an abdominal scan btw.

Topiary? Well as we went to the pool yesterday it seemed only fair so as not to make children scream. My trimmer died about 20 seconds in to the job without having touched the sides - which obviously are the most important bits. Jailbait whipped out his hair trimmers and did the job for me as I was bitching about not being able to see properly.

Top tip: Next tankini - if you're buying, I'd recommend ordering a size down - once wet it expanded enormously and was gaping around the tummy region - I'll need to pad it out with a cushion.

Cas you must live on the street I used to live on. I weep for the future of our country when I see kids like that. It's no wonder I have retreated to a gingerbread house in the woods and would like to 'not take part' in the rest of the world sometimes. We get really fat kids at our swimming pool too. If mine ever looked like that I would hide them and try and sort it out. Not that I am an obsessive thin-freak, but I eat tons, and have never got over a large size 12. I cannot imagine just how much you need to eat to get that fat!

Ski Soliciting And now you live in Holland! Queen's day - will you be painting yourself orange and only eating and drinking orange things, then?

Iggy get yer shopping done now while you can still get out without going 'oof.' As this will be DD 2 the poor mite will most likely be using all the stuff from first time round.

Forgot to tell you all, when I was in exile I had the HALFWAY scan and it was confirmed it is definitely (well, about 95% sure) a boy. So gender crisis for him then, when we take him home from hospital in a pink car seat! I am now at the stage where I can't roll over in bed without the bump going 'ba-dum!' I thought 'aargh! Already?' Then I remembered I had the 'difficult to roll over' stage, followed byt the 'I can't roll over at all' stage. Last time the only way I could sleep at the end was propped upright surrounded by lots of pillows to stop me flopping over. Ah, joy! Got all that to come!

casp It doesn't makie me cry either... and i don't think I saw any PESHes... but who knows!

ski my stupid black dog still managed to get a sunburnt nose one year

I want queens day

re: shitland - you know I don't need to buy a poneee - cos I already haz the ponee for the baybee

backinthebox Funny you should mention that, there was a story in the British media a few years ago about a job-centre in Holland advertising the role of "prostitute". That's the town I live that is. There was one boy who was very, very overweight - jailbait said he'd not have taken Julian out looking like that. I don't want the kid inheriting all my food anxieties - so we're just going to have to turn him in to a little exercise freak.

I will not be wearing orange because orange does not sit well with us Celts - unless upon our heads of course. The shops are full of crazy orange shit - because of course the football is just around the corner too.

reggie How many weeks is it now?

boxy I suspect I may go shopping crazy now... Excellent news about the scan and having a boy too!

We have taken bets against each other on the gender of this baby...

haha really iggy? What's at stake?

do you not have a big funfair then ski? that's my main memory of queens day from when I was little.

Cossie Definitely in the north - but down here they're all a bit "religious" and "republican". You know how of course the whole orange movement originated in NL? Well down here they're well in to their Catholicism and whilst they don't openly hate the queen, they don't give a monkey's about it all.

See, it just goes to prove how, just like in the UK, the north is betterer.

iggs we too are in disagreement, he says boy, I say girl.

ski 10+2 - 208 days to go

cossie/iggs You two had best get cracking on number two then because you can't have both in one go!

reggie It'll fly by after 12 weeks. I had my dating scan at 9+6 and was told that it was extremely unlikely that anything would go wrong from there on, he was healthy at that point and there was no reason for anything to go wrong - so this should be it for you!

I'm feeling quite nauseous, he's been kicking the life out of me since 3am and doing what feels like running Freddie Kreuger gloves down my uterine wall. A few kicks are nice but these make me feel really pukey and sick. I am also somewhat "fatigued" with sporting broken blood vessels all over my face, particularly around my eyes, from the heaving.

ski Soliciting? MrP's little brother famously announced one day that he wanted to be a 'Doctor of pussies'. Cue MIL trotting him out at every dinner party and getting guests to ask him what he wanted to be. Shameful! (It was the 70s.)

I too despair at observing children. We don't really see many problems in the country but when I venture into the scary city they're either overweight, or appear malnourished and pasty with black circles under their eyes. What is going on?

I made MrP watch the John Lewis ad so he could understand what I'm feeling but he just laughed at me! I was crying, and he was laughing and saying 'I don't get it. You'll have to explain it to me.'

Poor sicky ski.

Yay for the boxy boy! Same as us; girl then boy (I mean, girl then girl-with-willy).