The PESH Deli - where black-humoured diffed BESHes turn to hormonal mush.

[CurlyCasper]

If you don't like the title, tough. I'm still talking

BESH BABYWIN STATS

This isn?t a fucking list ? right?

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, Bay Amaryllis born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April 12

UPDIFFED
Ponymum, the one with the worst hips, due mid June
CUNextTuesday, takes no shit from the Daily Mail, due June 28
IggyPiggy, The one who loves BUMSEX, due July 20
CurlyCasper, the ginger with the dodgy joints due July 21 (girl)
Skihorse, cradle snatching web geek, due July 22 (boy)
Carrots, organic hippy hunter, due July 25 (boy)
Cosmosis, the one that likes a good ride, due August 22
Pandora, She's got wings, due September 6
skatergrrrl, the one that overtook the rest, September ??
VAG, lives in De Nile, due 19 September
Honeymoo, puppy lover, due November 1
silversky, the biggest farter, due 21 October (first baybee)
okiecokie, self-confessed control freak, due November 6
SomethingSuitablyWitty, benelux babe, due November
ReginaMonologue, must-get-the-goss-from-ski, due November 20

Hi all. I go away for 2 days and you 1/2 fill a flipping thread!

Hi maxwee great to see you! honey I am also punching the air .

So my weekend:

As Douglas Adams pointed out, much of the universe's problems are caused by an excess of stress. It's going to take me a while to write the story of my weekend, but I feel it's important to state at this stage that the outcomes were as follows, and that there were no human injuries, and injuries to animals were minor and recoverable. I repeat, NO lasting damage was caused to anyone and every thing Is Ok. So Please Don't Worry. No white mice, sperm whales or bowls of petunias were involved either. Although there was a mention of "oh no, not again".

List of injuries:

• One horse with recoverable cuts and bruises, no lasting damage
• One perfectly fine horse
• One dog with psychological damage
• Two destroyed carriages
• One smashed back of landrover
• 2 broken tent guy lines
• One slightly damaged horsebox
• One driver with a bruised leg
• One shaken and not just a little stirred carrot

Just to keep some level of interest and suspense in the story, I'll not tell you just yet which of the guy lines were broken - at least until the end of the post which will take me all day to write in between working. Will write more later.

Rots have you been chariot racing again?

Not me, the wrinklies. They came 3rd in their class though (single horse open) with the 2 that beat them being international competitors so they were pretty chuffed! So that was the good news of the weekend! Mind you, they were Reserve National Champions last year (ie they came second...) so they are very good, but they only compete nationally, not in the World Championships. It was only a club event, not a National level though.

It was at Catton Park. Has anyone been there? There's a fantastic X country course (ie ridden) with loads of levels all along it. I had lots of fun looking at the different jumps and deciding which I would have jumped and which not. There were levels from beginner through to sort of intermediate - brilliant fun to look at.

Yes re Catton Park! We do a 24 hour mountain race there every summer Although not this as it?s 3 wks before due date. That?s the one where I was 4th last year, on my 35th birthday.

Well that's a bloody lousy excuse Cossie!

I'm inspired by your horsey weekend rots, so much so that I'm off to watch an event this weekend - and, as you so rightly stated, stalk around the x-country course hypothesising my route. And being a big, fat preggo who will probably have to sit down, have a drink and nip behind a tree for a wee every 200m anyway.

Iggy, what did you think of the Portland open day? And what time did you go, maybe I saw you!

My take on the Portland: Bets bit of tour: Talking to consultants and midwives. Worst bit: the "refreshments" were a let down. Not-posh biscuits and orange juice. Pah.

So - it looks like a smart hotel, all clean/new/shiny with glass waterfalls + arty baby photos + flowers everywhere. Went with my sister who was very impressed and kept saying "It's so clean and pretty, you must have your baby here". However I was more concerned about ICU for newborns, being transferred to St Marys, security on the wards, whether husbands can stay over, breastfeeding support and of course what the food is like! Grilled our poor tour guide on the above.

On balance, I would prefer to deliver at a big NHS hospital with a private room to recover in. But they all seem to be in West London (Hammersmith/Notting Hill). From what I hear about my local NHS hospital the labour ward is good but if you have to stay overnight, you might get cockroaches in the ward, blood in the showers, no food if the kitchens are closed, no DH/DP with you. So considering Portland mainly for postnatal care. They keep you in a couple of nights, teach you to bath the baby, have hot & cold running breast-feeding consultants etc. Was very impressed with the midwife I met, young, calm, down to earth, sense of humour - I really liked her attitude.

The goody bag:

• Big vat of Neals Yard Mother's Balm worth about £30 I reckon
• Merino wool baby's hat
• Bottle
• Various sample sizes of creams and balms
• Bra fitting voucher
• DVD on becoming a dad
• Tons of flyers and pamphlets - baby photography etc
• Baby socks as mentioned by Iggy.

Also anyone looking at nursery furniture, Homebase has some nice stuff on sale. We bought 2 chests of drawers for the price of one "drawer and baby changer unit" at John Lewis. Add matt: hey presto, baby changer! They are the right height for changing babies as I cross-referenced stats with Mamas & Papas catalogue of nursery furniture.

Regina cant wait to hear about scan! I had scan on Saturday, SkaterBabe very wriggly, saw hands, feet and face.

That's quite a list of injuries, carrots!

Gas & Air - a friend who I used to party with is now a mother of two. She assures me that if you used to dabble in... recreational narcotics, you will take to G&A like a duck to water. ;)

ski I was actually recently offered a place on a womens team, but i politely declined! I hope to be spending that weekend at a preggo ladies spa day (have informed hinted to TGO about my choice of present).

skater Wot no leather bound Tory manifesto?

No Horse & Hound either

The Lady? For hiring one's staff of course.

Wimmins who were doing the gardening this weekend - I know there were a few of you, how are you feeling about plant food? I'm thinking it can't be good for the baybee to be in contact with it so I'm going to fill a carrier with Ginger poo next time I'm at the yard. Can I post anyone some poo?

Cossie That is a wise choice!

ski

There was a time when I was considering lion poo to keep the cats away...

I don't generally use any feed. But have just this weekend added some to an asiatic lily that had started to come through and which we potted up to take with us. I really hope it returns to its full potential this year because it is usually stunning.

Might get some tomato food to use on my salad crops, but otherwise nada. I'm more concerned with getting some dog/child/me friendly slug killer. Off to hunt the shops for Ferramol later...

Compare and contrast:

• You lot are worried about plant food.
• This morning I had to leap off the loo to extract the rat poison trap from my toddler's mitts before she put it in her mouth.

pony I think plant food is evil "normally" - OK, it's no pre-90s sheep-dip, but I'd still rather not. Anyway, there's something grotesquely fascinating about coming home with a placcy bag full of pferde apfels! Obv. you is the worst muvva evah!

curly I thought you were meant to drown slugs in a saucer full of beer?

Skater I fink you are making wise decision. Not that I've seen the place with my own eyes inside. But I did used to work next door and that obviously makes me an expert. The hospital's new bit at the top of Gt Portland Street used to be an ad agency and I used to look out onto GPS watching all the preggy celebs ponce in and out. I once had a client whose wife was labouring there and he "popped" in to sign off some outdoor poster artwork. WHAT A NOB HE WAS.

Also thought your observation about recreational users of narcotics was quite funny. IS THAT TRUE???? My dentist used to say I had the best functioning liver of any of his patients as he would have to triple inject me with numbing stuff as it wore off so damn quick. Let's say my liver has been put through it's paces in years gone by...

I just had a right go at manager in M&P's for selling me the wrong size bra. Her defence was that they don't puport to be bra fitters. Well don't sell fecking bras then!! I may have got a bit overly annoyed about it.

I'm doing my garden (decked area) this weekend. Can I see pictures for inspiration pleeezze?

slug killer - one only product to use - nemaslug. Works like a dream and is totally animal (other than slug!) friendly, baby, preggo, bird, dog, cat etc safe. AND it works underground not just above ground. It kills the slugs (most of which are below ground) rather than just creating a barrier. Fantastic. Google it but I get mine from Wriggly Wrigglers.

While you're on their site, get yourself a couple of Bokashi bins. Now I can get a little bit boring about composting, but being a good Tory lass I do like to get something for nothing and what you get from a Bokashi is you turn really yucky stuff like chicken bones/fish bones/bread/ etc, ie stuff you can't compost, into freebie fabby plant food and drain cleaner. Yes, drain cleaner.

You can also add in anything else you would normally compost if you want, and it makes the mix a bit better if there's the odd bit of carrot peeling in there, but if you're already composting don't worry too much as you'll just fill the bin faster.

After each nasty item is dropped in, chuck over a good handful of special active Bokashi Bran, and seal the lid. Every now and then (at the very least once a week) open the tap at the bottom and stick a jar underneath (not in that order) to release the foul-smelling but magic liquid. Tip it neat down the drain to keep the drains fresh, or drop a couple of tea spoons into a watering can and water the plants with it. Tomatoes like it especially, but it's good for pretty much anything.

It's totally eco friendly and safe, and the only problem people have is the tap leaking which is caused by it not being fitted tightly enough, but is easily fixed.

Once the box is full, leave it for about a fortnight then tip it onto the compost bin or dig it really well straight into the soil. It will look like a slimy, stinky, smelly, yucky mess and it won't really have broken things down like a composter, and it should be mouldy (nice). But the plants love it - there's no accounting for taste, after all.

Having two bins means you can use one while the other pickles.

So, while getting rid of stinky waste that would be landfilled, you get really good stuff for the garden, totally organic, safe and everyone friendly. Job's a guddun.

"being a good Tory lass I do like to get something for nothing" obviously meant to read "DESPITE being a good Tory lass".

Eee buggery, if I can't do my stupid political comments right, there's no hope.

rots I think you had it right the first time.

Thanks carrots. I am very aware of the Wiggly Wrigglers and have met the lovely people behind the business. Very good Tweeters too!

pony

cas our main veg patch is in the woods, covered by (guess wot, in a wood), trees. Very damp and sluggy so carrots (sob), taties, etc get eaten right up, but last year we had a fine crop thanks to "Nemaslug" (holds up packet and smiles toothy smile).

Will be contacting the Wrigglers asap to purchase rots! Though I might hold off on the full treatment until we've moved and put the plants in the patch, which has yet to be dug...

My current slugs are very good and eating and running. One munched french bean stalk in the greenhouse, then disappeared

Can I interupt the slug chat and tell you had a very successful 12 week scan please? Well, I had a successful 12 week (and 2 days) scan this morning. I even got a wave from mini cokester (Dad thinks it was directed at him)! The sonogragher kept saying "I am very comfortable in what I can see" which I think also means all seems as it should be.

She receommends next one at 21 weeks. Mwahhhhh do I have to wait that long!! I want more waves!

Will get blood results on Wed but all looks OK stats wise.

My boss is over here for a last minute meeting so I am seeing him tomorrow and will break the news, then I can come clean with the world - although I am paranoid the guys in the office already can see my expanding tum tum and have guessed already.

I did some gardening yesterday and I don't think we have slugs yet. My beautiful Camelia is in full bloom. I also have had a nice Asos package of reduced maternity clothes delieverd! All is good in the world of Cokie.

Back! That was quite possibly the best thing I've ever done... MiniMono is alive and well - 36mm CRL and producing a nice 168 bpm - v. relaxed baby so the lady said, though we got to see a tiny bit of jigging and jumping, a head, 2 arms, 2 legs, the heart and all the other good stuff that should be there! No need for dildocam either! Yay! She did however make me pee after the first attempt because my bladder was too big... meh! Dates remain the same, so that's one thing I've managed to get right so far!

V. relieved, OH amazed at what we got to see, and finally I've twigged I'm up the duff . Now I'm going to chase my Dr. as I've not had any dates for my NHS scan and the lady suggested it needed to be done in 2 weeks time for the nuchel stuff.

Lots of Monday morning scanning going on! Reggie, lady at Beard mill is very nice, isn't she?

As for slugs - chickens eat slugs. Unfortunately in the grand scheme of things, foxes eat chickens. Bum! Last night I turned into a parody of myself (if that is possible.) I stood by the yard gate firing my unloaded air rifle down the field to scare the pigeons off my grass seed. If you don't load it, it makes a much louder 'pop' noise, and is an easier bird-scaring method than running down the field shouting at them. I have turned into the mad-haired gun-lady!

Box my husband would love you, a girl with an air rifle.