on the 1st day of christmas my true love sent to me a moosy and a baby

[tinkerbellstinkerbells]

new thread ladies

Yes, but there is a big difference between wanting another and having another. Have tried 3 times to word this next bit in a way it will make sense and I can't, if you ignore the repeated words it's easier! For every reason to have another, there is a reason not to have another. And for every reason not to have another, there is a reason to have another. DYKWIM?

I think what also makes it tricky is if I knew we'd have a girl, I would be pregnant already, which does make me feel guilty, the boys are great and I wouldn't change a hair on any of their head's, (well except maybe the ones that always stick up on DS2's! ), but I would love a little girl. I watched some of that 8 boys and wanting a girl in between nodding off last night, and when one of the women found out she was having a boy, she cried her heart out, half of me was disgusted thinking what's that little lad going to think when he grows up, bearing in mind it's on national telly, and part of me almost agreed with her .

Oh also there is the slight problem of DH never agreeing to TTC again, and whether I'd even be able to carry a baby, any baby, boy, girl, octopus.... Think getting pregnant isn't a problem, just staying that way, and TBH, even if I did and the pregnancy went as smoothly as possible, I would be bricking it all the way through. I'd be old and grey by the time it was over!

I understand that Nat. It makes sense to me.

We are hoping to use that Shettles method for a girl but my cycle makes no sense at all. My temps are all over the place and my chart looks like a mountain range.

I've never done the temping thing, and know SFA about them, so can't help you with that I'm afraid! Tink seems your best bet for a resident wagoner, seem to remember Sorky knowing her stuff as well.

I've got the doc's on Monday to go on the pill for the trial month, am still getting aches and twinges in my belly, and the bleeding is on and off, just hope it's stopped because I know they'll send me for a smear (am well overdue one) and I don't want them doing it while it's erm, not very nice down there, and I also don't want to tell them about the MC, don't know whether to delay the appt, but then I am risking not having the prescription in time for next period, if they won't give me it before smear results etc. ahhh decision decisions.

Morning! Hello fellow-mucky mouther You ttc talk makes sense to me too. I sense that you will indeed go for no.4 - I think if you don't (and I'm talking to you too CANT ) you will look back and regret it.
CANT, working part time sounds a good compromise, if it's purely the money issue that's bothering dh.
I also watched '8 boys and wanting a girl', and did feel quite cross about the sense of entitlement that Nicola esp seemed to want. I know so many people who have had really bad things wrong with their baby at the 20 week scan (comes with my age I suppose!) so felt quite cross at her tears on having a baby that was healthy. I think it's fine to admit that you'd prefer one or the other, but there's preference and then there's obsession!

I'm not as bad as you, you just bring out the best worst in me

Anyway, all this talk of babies for me is a waste of time, like I said DH really doesn't want anymore, and I have so many real fears over another pregnancy, it's never work. I suppose that feeling of always wanting another will just have to stay where it is. We would be bordering on being stupid for planning another... see still trying to talk myself out of it.

Strange thing is before last week, I was dead sure that I'd like another, but we'd never cope, now after spending the week trying to decide whether we'd terminate or not, I am now more convinced that we'd deffo cope, which doesn't really help... at all.

morning will read later hope all good

NAT. Remember you are YOUNG, you don't have to make any definitive plans as yet, you have years ahead! Things can change very quickly, and even in 10 years time (if I have your age right) you'll still be good to go I didn't start having babies until I was 31, and then had 4, so I'm sure you'll either persuade dh in that time, or things will change in your circumstances that make your previous worries about no.4 disappear

Oh and hello TINKS! I have done a bit of shopping this morning, a quilt and cushion from aspace for ds's room, 50% off. Now don't get me started on Aspace (still waiting for missing part of chest of drawers that was ordered October , and the sneery staff on the phone make my blood boil...but you can't pass up 50% off can you?

I would be fine in 10 years, I'd only be 36, but DH would be 49, he has already made noises about being an 'old' dad to DS3, which kind of goes over my head a bit, 20-30 years ago he'd have been an 'old' dad, I don't think it's the same now-a-days.

No, you can't pass up 50% off. And don't talk to me about shops and furniture, we've still not got our chairs from Debenhams, we've got the table, but no chairs for it. Luckily our proper dining table and chairs is the same type of furniture, so we are using those chairs, but when we move we'll have two tables and 6 chairs! How are you meant to split that up?

I think you're right about age and parenting these days. Dh is 48 this year, but is very active and fit etc with cycling everywhere; probably fitter than some people in their early 20s. I don't think your dh would be an old dad at all, and that's assuming you wait 10 years!
That's bad about the chairs . What's debs excuse? Have they deducted the money yet for them?

Oh yes, they were quick enough to take the money, when they eventually got returned to the warehouse they issued an automatic refund, which was supposed to take 48 hours, a week later it came into our bank, then they said they'd ring when they were ready to be dispatched again, not heard a peep from them since. TBH, I should have rang them but there has always been something going on, there was xmas and then the snow and ice (thought there's no point ringing when they won't be able to deliver them) then getting ready for going to mum's, then last week, now the sodding car...

If he rings me again to tell me one more reason why we have to get another Vectra, I might scream. What he doesn't realise was the reason we changed the Vectra was when I got pregnant with Mikey, because DH decided it wasn't big enough for 3 kids, so why is it now big enough? Grrrr. Oh and all the while he's telling me it's my choice because it will essentially be my car.

hi ladies good shopping diege

nat - i know whwre u r coming from
u seem to have older dhs them here
i am 32 this year dh will be 33

received boden bits r great

Diege, Mr Diege is never that old he doesn't look that old!!

My DH is 28 this year, he keeps complaining he is old.

LOL Kay, DH keeps arsing around telling me I'm nearly 30, (as I make it perfectly clear to him) he is in no shoes to take the piss out of me, he is 40 this year!

Yes Tink, 13 years between us, doesn't seem to even register with most people now, was a bit different when I was 17 and he was 30! It is a bit weird, it'll be our 10th wedding anniversary this year, and I'm 26, but I wouldn't change it, I couldn't have cared less if he was the same age or 26 years older. Glad your Boden stuff is nice

Think he might be coming round to my way of thinking on the car, I am plumping for a big 7 seater kid-mobile, probably either the 807/C8/Ulysse (same cars just badged up differently) he is still after the Vectra/Audi A6/BMW 3 series, the Audi and the BM are out, they are saloons, no way would we get the kid's junk stuff in them, and he only want's the Vectra because it's fast, I wouldn't mind but when we're driving neither of us drive partic. fast, but he reckons he's been into a Fiat dealer, they didn't have any Uylsse's (or they did but it was too old) but they have got an 807 that might be worth a look at.

Not that I'm making room for a 4th.... no no no no no, I HAVE to stop doing this. We need the 7 seats for the room, so we don't have to have 3 car seats on one row. Sensible thinking Nat, sensible thinking....

It's not going to work, have been on MC and Babies R Us, and JoJo, and others already this morning

Nat. I would bet a million quid you will have a 4th by the time you are 30. You'll just have to persuade your DH.

I've got the Mumsnet Pregnancy book and it is the best pregnancy book I've read. And I have read a few.

I have one of the MN ones, can't remember if it is the pregnancy one or the baby one, it'll be packed up in the garage along with most of the rest of the house....

And I doubt very much we'll have a 4th, it's like I said before, huge difference between wanting another, and actually having another.

Besides of my last 3 pregnancies, 2 have been MC's, and one was IUGR along with all the other problems, I don't think it's meant to be!

Meant to be or not NAT, I'm with KAYZ, you'll have another by the time you're 30 . BTW, when is your dh's birthday? I am also the dreaded 40 this year
Glad you're pleased with boden bits TINKS. Mine arrived weds and also lovely. Ds's 18-24 mth t-shirts are just a little long on the body, so will be perfect for summer.
KAYZ, is the MN book a compilation of quotes/threads etc?

Nat is IUGR something that could happen again or is it a one off thing?

Diege, it's like a proper pregnancy book but with quotes in from MNers. I wonder if any of us are in it.

Mmm that sounds a good read KAYZ. Shame I won't need it again

It's in August Diege, 5th. It's like I said earlier though, 40 is no where near old, my mum is 60 next year and even she's not old, DH's mum is nearly 70, she's not old, I remember my gran being 70 and she was old, old is just different these days, people don't seem to get old like they used to.

Kay it depends on what caused it, they never found the cause so it is just a hit or miss thing, I think it was my leaky waters, but because they tested for amniotic fluid and didn't find any (over a week after they first leaked) they wouldn't investigate any more, but I find it hard to believe how they leaked, they scanned, waters were low, they stopped leaking, next scan the waters had gone up slightly, waters leaked again, next scan waters dangerously low, and they won't test again for leaky waters? And they also leaked very slowly for a long time with DS2 (fond memories of sticking pads under DH's unsuspecting nose and asking if he could smell licor on (MN's) LuLu's demand, and then reporting back to MN pronto!) but when he was born I had gallons of fluid left. In fact it is making me cross now, I know they are the experts and I'm not trying to tell them how to do their job, blah blah blah but, well it doesn't take a genius does it?!

Ah so he is younger than me , albeit by 3 months . It does sound like you didn't get the best care there NAT. As you say, it's only certain cases of IUGR that seem to follow (had suspected with dd1 so read up - that turned out to be utter bollocks)in the next pregnancies, dependant on what caused them. I remember my mw saying that it's usual for it to show in first preg, and then subsequent,if the type caused by those factors. Most cases happen for no reason it seems, and of cause a massive difference between suspected IUGR and actual cases

TBH I don't know an awful lot about it, he was our last, didn't feel the need to know every single thing about it, all I can gather from what I do know is that it seems to be a generalised term for any baby that for whatever reason stops thriving in the womb, it's not just a low birth weight, it is whatever is behind them stopping growing. Obviously the low birth weight could be nothing, just that that is how the baby is supposed to be, but if it's caused by something (in my case, I believe the leaky waters, and I'll not even start on the what if's of infections etc.) then it get's labelled with the IUGR.

What I will never understand is how they don't manage or deal with the info they've got, the second growth scan that showed the waters had gotten really low and that he'd only put on 5oz in 4 weeks, it was DH that asked if that was a good weight gain (they'd measured in kilo's which I'm useless at, DH had converted it in his head and come up with the 5oz. if I'd have been alone that day, I wouldn't have known the kilo's and wouldn't have questioned it, assuming that if they hadn't said anything that it was OK) it was only when he asked that they worked it out and then took any notice of the lack of weight gain, and it obviously worried the MW because she said she'd have to speak to the cons again but not to expect to be going home without a baby in our arms. So they sent me for growth scans and then don't even compare them?! It just seems like madness to me.

That's appalling NAT. I don't know much myself, but did pick up from my consultant with dd1 that growth scans without comparing them (ie. serial growth scans) are totally meaningless. I think it would be well worth your while making an appointment with the supervisor of midwives, who will go throguh your notes, if necessary with the consultant there. They are legally required to do this, and whether you go on to have other babies or not, will place things clearly in your mind, rather than having a lot of what ifs and/or unanswered questions.

TBH, I'm not bothered enough to go through it all, I feel I know as much (and probably more) than they'd be willing to admit to, he's here and fine, I don't lay awake at night thinking about it, though if - IF - we were to have another I'd deffo foloow it up, and if they weren't willing to scan me regulary towards the end (don't know if it would be an automatic thing after last time or not?) I'd go private.

One thing that I always wondered about, is that whenever I do read about IUGR, it is very often linked to smoking in pregnancy, now I didn't smoke so I know it wasn't that, but only once was I asked if I did smoke, and that was when he kept stopping moving so before IUGR was even diagnosed, I'd have thought they'd have been questioning every 5 minutes since it is something like 85% of cases are linked to smoking (might be wrong on that, just a figure I remember reading somewhere). I don't remember them doing anything to find out why it had happened, the only other tests they did was checking the cord/placenta and the heart rate monitoring. Not exactly sure what else I'd expect them to check for, but I think they should have tried to find a cause.