Due March 2010 - do I look pregnant yet or just fat?

[annamama]

... starting a new thread as the old one was running out of space ...

No wise words - but keep strong.

I don't know your situation but I'm sure you have made your decision on sound grounds. Don't let your fear of being on your own sway you - you will get through ti and make loads of friends. Join NCT and your NHS baby classes and enjoy your pregnancy.

Awww - you poor thing... I can't blame you for feeling that you want your ex back, it's so hard to just "get over someone" without trying to make it work. Is there any realistic chance of that? Only you can decide when it's time to give up. Yes you will make lots of friends, not only in antenatal groups but also in baby groups after the baby is born! It can feel a bit weird at first but after you've seen some other mums a few times you will start to feel that you know them and after a while you will have swapped numbers and meet up for coffee/lunch etc!

Hi Anya! I'm pro-finding-out-sex... not until 5 Nov

DB - I understand your obsession with dates, induction seems to be quite awful! In Sweden they're more reluctant to induce, they usually just monitor up until 3 weeks overdue I think.

My cold is a lot better, thanks to making the decision to take a decongestant tablet (pseudoephedrine). After extensive googling I was confident that it will not affect my baby, especially since we're past the first trimester. And I have low BP. I'm not recommending this to anyone else though, just in case I'm wrong... Oh how awful with that drug in the 60's that caused all the birth defects.

Highlight of the weekend: I've been in love with this little girls bike from Halfords called Apollo Honeybee, it's so cute! Been so close to buying it (£50) even though DD is way to small yet. And guess what - yesterday our neighbours were throwing one out! Almost brand new! DD loves it even though she can't reach the pedals.

Really honestly just popping in - for two reasons

one: to ICWAS...

two: just gor nucal screening results back and they're 1:4600 and something. "A screen negative result" in obstetrician language.

WHOOOP WHOOOP!

Even though I don't set that much store by it all after last time, it's still great news and a huge relief

db
xx

IWCAS, I am sorry to hear you are in a bad place at the moment. I have read some of you previous threads, in particular that list of his behaviours and I have to say from the "outside" it certainly looks like you are far better off without him - and your "surprise" too. Life has a way of working itself out, don't you think? When you get overwhelmed can you kind of slow yourself down and only worry about today today, and about tomorrow tomorrow, IYKWIM? Easier said than done, I know . I do hope things will be better for you soon.

Arcadia, we are/were outside York in tiny village called Flawith - we are are going back home in about 1 hr. If was lovely; we stayed with BIL and family and enjoyed the warm weather and garden trampoline and feeding carrots to the horses...

Anyway, that's my place in this thread marked again. Hope you are all well.

ICWAS Many virtual hugs for you. I'm having a pretty stressful time right now with my ex-dh who seems ot have gone into a mini meltdown now that I'm pregnant with my new partner (ex-dh and I have been apart for 3 years and 4months). He had a breakdown with self harm, self medication etc when we broke up in 2000 and I started t osee someone else. He was, and still is, exptrememly immature to the point where it becomes abusive. A psychiatric nurse whooffered me advice when I was terrified he was going to kill himself advised me to distance myself as he was clearly trying to emotionally blackmail me. I've spent years walking on eggshells because I just know he'll react in an emotional way to any/everything... despite him believing he's been reasonable and I'm at fault for, well, everything.

Just to give you an idea of how far backwards I've bent trying to maintain his relationship with the children I have left my home for the last three years four months every weekend and he comes here to have them. He has a one bedroom flat that he hasn't bothered to make as somewhere that he could take them... it doesn't even have a fridge. And I know that in a sense I'm enabling him, but I don't know my real dad, and my step dad abandoned the family when i was 8 - I know how important it is to have your father in your life and I've tried to ensure that happens for my two.

Cut to me telling him our arrangementcouldn't really go on indefinitely anymore due to my pregnncy and ll the upheaval/change that would involve in my life. He's now saying he'll take DS to his flat but not DD because she won't give up football and he's not prepared to give her a lift there.

Oh, he's never financially provided either.

This stuff is literally just the tip of the iceberg and if I could turn the clock back I truly believe that the kids would have been better off without his manipulative ways (DS tells me he's always worried about pissing him off because he then blanks him out for the weekend and won't talk to him. I recognise this all too well myself...).

I think, from what I've seen of your OH's behaviour, that in many ways it's similar to what I've experienced (he was still telling me he 'loved' me until recently and would often try and initiate physical stuff even though he left so long ago nd is in a new relationship himself. How does he think that was ok?! I mean, come on!), and certainly abusive. I completely empathise with your feelings of helplessness when you're usually an intelligent capable woman; what I will say is that once you manage to pull yourself out of his orbit, as it were, you'll regain those strong qualities that will see you through without him.

More hugs for you. I'm gonna get in the bath to chill before I read this next email from him trying to justify why it's ok to wash his hands of DD because she wants to be dropped off to football on sunday mornings...

Pixie - not that I don't rate it as a diagnositc tool, just that I had a pretty terrible set of results for DD and she was fine, so am a bit philosophical about it and probably wouldn't have been jumping under a bus if I'd had a bad ratio...

Doesn't mean I'm not OVER THE MOON to get this one though!

IWCAS and Manda - you tow both ahve had a lot to deal with at the hands of dysfunctional men, it seems, and it's a hard call to make between the desire to have a father-figure in your DCs lives, and having one whose presence can/does call real difficulties for all concerned. Really feel for you - was in a manipulative abusive relationship for years, just thankful I got out before things went any further. I would say it's important, of course to consider what will be best for your DC in the long run, but also important to consider what will be best for YOU in the short/medium/long term... whatever happens, your DC will need their Mum to be OK and safe physically and emotionally and that's the most important thing, IMHO...

TBH I'd be inclined to keep him at arms length until you're feeling stronger, but not shut him out completely or burn any bridges... Things may look/feel differently for both of you in a few months.

Re: not coping... I have no doubt you'll do fine. TBH my DH, while well-meaning, was about as much use as snow in harvest in the early days...

Do you have family around? Your Mum?

NCT will be brilliant - just make sure you make the effort to keep meeting up after the course has finished. We met immediately after our last session for lunch, and then made it a regular tuesday lunch date for whoever could make it...

You already love and want this baby - that's the main thing he/she needs...

More to you.

db
xx

Flippin' heck. I REALLY can't type when pregnant... hope you could decipher that...

Good post DB! I agree, Manda you need to think of yourself too. Maybe your ex doesn't need to see the kids every weekend, perhaps every other would do...? That doesn't sound good how he treats your DS and how he's refusing to take DD to football... You always want to avoid the mistakes of your own parents and then sometimes you end up making other mistakes instead. Not saying you are in this case, I'm just being philosophical!

So great to hear such a supportive group. Looking back on how other people have managed crappy relationships, I've always admired people who seek out a better life for themselves and expect / demand more from their partners. Not easy though!

xx

Becky7000 15 February #4
Smac 25 February #2
DrSkid 22nd February #3
pureeandpearls 26 February #2
Tigresswoods 2 March #1
Donttrythisathome EDD 1 March #1
Potpourri 1 March #4
onlyanauntie 1 March #1
369thegoosedrankwine 1 March #2
MissieMoosMummy 1 March #2
cyphercat EDD 2 March #2
Caitni EDD 2 March #1
Horsiemummy 2 March #2
Oscarsmumm 2 March #2
Pipsonhisway 2 March #1
sarahmikeharryandrosie 3 March #3
BlueyDragon 3 March #2
TakeLovingChances 5 March #1
hecklephone 5 March #2
Dalrymps 6 March #2
Scooby26 6 March #1
Iwonka 6 March #1
Twofalls 7 March #2
Carrie2010 7 March #1
MandaHugNKiss 7 March #3
BYM 5 March #2
ilgb 9 March #2
Sariska 9 March #2
rebeccacad 9 March #1
therubyslippers 9 March #1
Summer2010 10 March #1
wilkos 11 March #2
Lemonadegirl 11 March #2
PacificDogwood 11 March #4
BulletProofMum 11 March #3
itwascertainlyasurprise 11 March #1
Minicooper 11 March #2
Anya4 11 March #4
Josie22 12 March #1
Swingsofglory 12 March #2
Vixie123 13 March #1
Walnut8 13 March #1
slackrunner 14 March #2
Poppyjen 15 March #1
Annamama 15 March #2
Retromum 15 March #2
Childofthe80s 16 March #1
mmtwgr 16 March #2
Scootergrrrl 17 March (??) #3
SleepWhenImDead 18 March #2
PixieOnaLeaf 18 March #4&#5
Kay1980 18 March #2
designerbaby 19 March #2
Luckysalem 22 March #2
Veryworriedme 22 March #1
Betterbitofbutter 23 March #2
Easydoesit 24 march #2
Rindercella 24 March #2
Arcadie 26 March #3
Fleximum 28 March #3

Welcome anya just reupdating you cos you copied and pasted from an old list and the inner librarian in my can't cope...... Not finding out sex here.

Weirdness of today. Phone call from my cousin to tell me that completely independently she's ended up pregnant with a due date within a few days of mine again. for the 3rd time!!!!

Hello all

First of all to IWCAS and Manda sorry to hear about the tough times you're having with your respective exes. I have no direct experience so no real wisdom to impart, but I'll be thinking about you and hoping your situations improve soon.

And greetings to Anya4! TLC hope you're feeling better - I'm currently coming down with the cold (passed on very kindly by DD) so am feeling sympathetic! Am not looking forward to next few days of sniffling, sneezing and the inevitable night-time coughing fits and accompanying fears for what remains of my pelvic floor!

On a much more positive note, I'm almost sure I felt some movement from DC2 tonight, which was pretty exciting and cheered me up no end! I remember the feeling from DD too - I would feel tiny wee twitches a few minutes after eating a meal. I'm really glad - have been so looking forward to another sign that it's not all just in my imagination!

As for finding out the sex, my 20 week scan's in about 3 weeks time and DH and I are currently engaged in a battle of wits. He wants to find out but I don't! We found out with DD because she was our first, it was all so new and we really wanted to be as prepared as possible for what was ahead, but this time round I think I'd enjoy the mystery of not knowing - and having that moment in the labour suite when someone (preferably DH) says "It's a ....whatever it is!" And I don't think I'd cope well with him knowing and me not knowing. I want us both to be in the same boat, not for him to know more about my body than I do!! Anybody else with other DCs ever experienced one of you knowing and the other not knowing? Did it work? Was it torture? Was there teasing??
Or if anyone can think of ways to convince DH NOT to find out all suggestions will be gratefully received...!

Sorry I haven't been around for a while. I have started back to work after maternity so don't get as much time to MN.

I have my 20 week scan tomorrow and can't decide whether to find out or not. DH says no and we didn't with the others but I am SO curious! I am going on my own (DH will have the kids- don't think I could face 3DCS in scan room!) and then straight to work so could find out without DH needing to know but then I think he would ask. I guess I will just have to wait another 20 weeks!

Hello and welcome to Anya - IWCAS and Manda - I really sympathise with all you're both facing - having a lo is a big thing in itself, so not easy when you've got other stuff on top. I hope you've both got the support you need.

My scan isn't til ealy Nov - similar to you again, Annamama! I'll be over 22 wks by then - seems ages! I am quite tempted to find out the sex this time - had a surprise last time and had rosy visions of the exciting announcement - 'it's a...' in the delivery room. Well, quite frankly, by the end of a long and painful delivery I couldn't have cared less what it was - I do remember asking if it was ok! But couldn't take in any more than that! So I'm tempted to find out this time at a point that I might actually be able to take it in! Still, I may change - I'm remarkably fickle!

TLC - hope you're on the mend.

TLC So sorry to hear how poorly you've been. FWIW my SIL says that swine flu / flu won't likely hurt the baby but is always worse if you're pregnant because your body just can't fight as hard. Hoping you're well on the mend.

DB Well done for braving the tube again!

Becky7000 Hope scan lots of fun between you and sonographer - our 12 week one was really lovely and friendly. We only took DS DD was sleeping at a friend's house. Wouldn't take 2 in let alone 3 so agree entirely. How are work about you starting back already half way along the next pregnancy!!!??

Minicooper My scan's early Nov as well. Feels like a lifetime away.

IWCAS and Manda Blimey wimmin! How strong are you both!? I would have dissolved into a tiny puddle of tears a long long time ago in your positions. Have no experience of abusive/ damaging relationships but would second the advice of - don't burn any bridges yet. (Although Manda - your XH does sound like a loon) IWCAS - if you have too much time on your hands take up watching ER and scrapbooking. Seems to be where 95% of my time is disappearing to!

PacificDogwood Flawith's a hike out of York but SUCH a pretty area- did you do Beningbrough from there? Hope it's been a good journey back NorfofDaBorda.

MUST go and iron...... No realy.... MUST.

(Have just come back from jogging so feeling virtuous)

hey ladies,
Anyone just had their 16 week appointment? My midwife was awful. She wouldn't do the heartbeat, didn't feel my tummy (which she did with my 1st dc) and then told me she didn't want to see me till 28 weeks! Surely that can't be right? That is 3 months away. Should I call her to query this? Feel really hacked off now. All she did was take my blood pressure and fill in my notes. Arrgg!

Jogging, Arcadie - that's very impressive. (If only it was impressive enough to get me out pounding the pavements too .)

Sarah - very good to know that I am not the only person to have a DC who is overfond of using his gnashers. Going into nursery later this week to discuss things. To be fair, the staff don't sound too perturbed (it's a common phase, we can help sort it... ). Bet the other parents aren't so phlegmatic though - and DH and I are mortified.

Heard DC2's heartbeat for the first time this morning. Was lovely; just wish I hadn't been half focussed on checking that DS wasn't scattering raisins over the floor. Also feel a bit bad that, somehow, I'm not focussing on this pregnancy in quite the same way as I did the first time - when I was glued to my pregnancy books and could have told anyone who asked (no-one did, but hey!) how long/heavy my bean should be at any given time and whether he had fingernails/lanugo/had started drinking the amniotic fluid etc. At any rate, have decided that I really must buy a baby book to chart this pregnancy and DC2's first year or so of life. DS has one and I don't fancy explaining to DC2 why s/he doesn't!

Finding out the sex? Yes, I think we will. Apart from anything else, I'm hoping it will help narrow down the name discussions.

Hello to Anya. And hoping that those of you who are dealing with less than helpful exes are OK. IWCAS - I reckon chocolate should definitely form part of your plans .

That does sound a bit weird, LouBudd. I thought they normally did try to listen to the heartbeat at that stage (and feel your tummy, too). And 12 weeks until your next appt also sounds a bit too long - even allowing for the fact that, if you're low risk, you often see the midwife less frequently than for a first pregnancy.

I saw the midwife today, too (17 weeks) and don't have to go back until 25 weeks. But 28 weeks? I think I'd be tempted to phone and check, especially as you're obviously not comfortable with what happened (or didn't happen). Can you ask to see someone else?

LouBudd Can't find you on the list to see how many DCs you've had but don't forget you'll also see a MW at the AnteNatal Clinic at your 20 week scan. I guess 16 - 20 isn't that long and 20- 28 isn't that long either.. But I'd be a little peeved if not concerned at how little your MW did. Did she not dip a urine sample? Not feel bump at all? Measurements? I'm fairly sure I never saw a MW without a urine sample and from 16 weeks they were deffo measurement fundus to pubis every time. Speak to practice manager.

I'll also ask a community mw friend of mine and see what the what is. Maybe you're just incredibly low risk [hopeful ?]

My my my, I go to work for 8 hours and come home and there are 100000 more posts! That's what it feels like anyway!

I'm sorry to read about the crappy relationships some of you lovely ladies have had to put up with That must be a big weight on your hearts.

Sorry to hear also, that so many people and DC are ill. I have passed my cold onto my DH He's slumped on sofa beside me watching TV, both of us blowing our noses every so often or coughing.

I had a midwife appt today. I'm 17+4 so I guess this is my 16 week appt. Loubudd my midwife took my blood pressure, felt my tummy and listened to heartbeat. I have my 20 week scan next month when I'll be 22 weeks, then I have another appt 3 weeks later with her in Nov. I too am 'low risk', but think that feeling your tummy and listening to heartbeat at this stage is just good manners!!!

Aracadie sorry, I have been incredibly lazy and haven't done the list yet. . I have 2 children and remember having an appointment just after my 20 week scan with them. She didn't do urine either. I was so shocked, I walked out without saying anything to her. She didn't do any measurements. Things must have really changed since 2 years ago when I was pregnant with dc2. Will call tomorrow to ask a few questions me thinks. Thanks for your comments. Thought I was just being picky, but am now thinking I haven't been treated to well by the mw.

Hello Ladies,

I haven't been here in almost 3 weeks! I know, very bad, many reasons for that, among them, v busy with deadlines, and tired like hell. I don't know what it is, I read that the second trimester is supposed to bring energy and vitality. I guess not for me.

I've spent the last few days trying to catch up on all the posts. Impossible!!! In the future, I will do better, I promise.

Just to say a big congratulation to PixieOnaLeaf! I know you got your big news several weeks ago, have you had time to absorb it yet? It will be so exciting to have twins!!!

To those not feeling well, I hope you all start feeling better soon! It must not be fun to be sick...

Wow, I've had a whole list of things I wanted to write about a few days ago, but now I'm not sure if they're relevant anymore. Annamama, I'm glad you are feeling better having done the quadruple test. Way back when, you were asking me about my results. Well, the bloods were what made the results so bad in my case. I went back to the private clinic at 14 weeks and had myself re-scanned and the baby is developing normally. I know I've gotten a better 2nd result, but I can't say it has completely put my worries to rest. I have my 20-week scan at the hospital at the end of October, but I am thinking of going to the private clinic instead. Better associations. I wish I could just relax completely and enjoy the pregnancy. These worries have been another reason for me not writing, needing some space to just re-focus and re-train myself to think positively. Not always easy.

I found out that there is a huge sale on at Mammas and Pappas, now not only on maternity wear but also on strollers, furniture etc. I am thinking of going, but not sure if it's not too early. I'm almost scared to be happy and to think all will be ok. We also don't have a house but a smallish flat, with not too much storage space. Wish I was living somewhere in the country, like some of you...

As for the sex of the baby, I think we will want to know. We have talked about it only briefly, mostly agreeing on finding out. But most of all, I think we will be overjoyed when we know that the baby is healthy and developing normally.

Some of you have mentioned feeling some movements. I have too! They're very subtle but I've started having little 'butterfly' sensations since about a week ago. It's so exciting!!!

Ok, it's late. I wish everyone a good night's sleep. Just got one of those maternity pillows, can't wait to try it. Hopefully Ill be sleeping better now that I have one.