Due March 2010 - do I look pregnant yet or just fat?

[annamama]

... starting a new thread as the old one was running out of space ...

The last few days have been really hard for me and I haven't had the energy to post anything. My scan on Tuesday was great and DH and I were overjoyed when the sonographer said that everything looked normal. Then we were called in to discuss the blood results and got devastating news. I am so heart broken. The test showed up that I am high risk, which means my baby may not be developing normally. I need to decide whether or not to do further diagnostic tests to see whether or not there really is a problem. It has been hard to be positive, I feel that my world is caving in. I love my baby so much and feel so attached already. I can't imagine the worst. I have been praying and meditating and trying to find peace but it is really hard to be given this kind of news. If I decide (which I pretty much have) I will have an amnio in 2-3 weeks time. There is a 1% chance of miscarriage, but I can't imagine going on with the pregnancy not knowing what is going on with the baby. I know this must be difficult to read, I also wish that we only had positive news to share. All I can say is that I will continue to pray for the best.

Hey all - I have made it to 12 weeks finally. The joy. Still mad on nectarines though.
Bluey I think I've confirmed you now.

Staying with ILs in Oxford (saw lead singer of Radiohead in Ox cty centre the other day doncha know!?) and struggling with meals that MIL is making. Meatballs / tinned chicken supreme / mince... anything that has a strong meaty smell or flavour just makes me want to hurl and I can't say anything because she presents the meals as a fait accompli.... and [fussy]. Tried to offer to cook but am not allowed in kitchen.

Sorry iwonka posted at same time so didn't see your news. How horrible being back at the "don't know what's happeneing" phase....I'm so so so sorry. Will pray with you...

Oh Iwonka, I'm sorry to hear that you're having such an unpsetting and stressful time. I went through similar stuff with DD, and I know how difficult it can be to get your head around what you're hearing.

A few things to keep in mind which may ease your anxiety:

Firstly the fact that everything looked good on your scan, means they didn't see a significantly high nucal fold measurement or any other soft markers for things like Downs. They also didn't see any fluid around organs or any under-development. This is all REALLY good news. They haven't actually SEEN anything worng with your baby.

Did they give you a ratio based on your bloods for the main trisomies?

If they just said 'high risk' it's worth bearing in mind that they consider a 1:250 chance of an abnormality as "high risk" - but that looked at another way, it also means that there's a 249:250 chance that everything is fine. If I was a betting person I know where I'd lay my cash.

All there are saying at the moment is that your blood results indicate it may be worth some further investigation. This is ALL they are saying, really. Try to keep that in mind and try and stop running worst case scenarios in your head.

An amnio is quite a scary prospect - I had something similar (called a CVS) with DD. I was dreading it, but it didn't end up being half as bad as I imagined. You'll probably see a really good consultant who can discuss the actual risks with you (not just the general ones we all hear about), his/her own opinions on the testing. They will probably also do a more thorough scan which may in itself help ease your concerns a bit. And you can decide not to go through with it AT ANY POINT. It may be worth going along to the appointment and talking to the consultant even if you've not made up your mind about whether to have the amnio.

And it might help to hear that even though we ended up with pretty terrible ratios (1:80 for Edwards and 1:150 for Downs, I think and another one I forget) our DD was and is perfectly healthy.

All is not gloomy - there is in fact every chance your baby is perfectly healthy and well. Try and hold on to the positives and try not to dwell on the what-ifs. Continue to love and cherish your little one as you have been - whatever the outcome they need that more than anything else.

Big hugs to you sweetheart. I know how awful it is, and that no-ones words can really offer much comfort.

Concentrate on the good things that you KNOW - there are many positives here.

((((hugs))))

db
xx

Iwonka: I agree with everything DB said. You must try and hang on to the positives because there is every chance that your baby is fine. (FWIW, my cousin had high risk bloods following normal scans in both her pregnancies. She had an amnio each time and now has two perfectly healthy children.)

Hang in there. Thinking of you.

Thanks for your support in this difficult and scary time, I really appreciate it. I'm trying the best that I can to hold on to the positive things and give my baby lots of love. I have the photo from the scan taped to our bedroom mirror.

The scan itself was completely normal, the baby had a nasal bone, which I was told was positive, the nucal fold measurement was 1.3 mm, which is also completely normal. But the blood ratio for Downs was 1:16, which is very high. I am 36 years old and my age ratio was 1:215, which I was expecting but was definately not expecting the other result.

DB, they offered me the test that you had but I felt it was too high risk and I would have had to have it this week - it was just too early for me to absorb the news to decide on it. The amnio does sound a bit scary, I am not worried about the pain I might feel but but the effect it can have on the baby. The counsellor at the hospital said there are three very good consultants that do the procedure so I shouldn't worry. But easier said than done. I completely don't understand why my bloods turned out so bad, I don't smoke, I take care of myself...I also don't know what is the more significant result, the blood test or the scan, or the combination? This is all so very upsetting...

sorry have been lurking (as due feb/march), but just wanted to respond to Iwonka. It's the combined result that is really important. They are giving you a risk assesment (one in whatever) and the more markers you look at the more accurate the risk prediciton becomes. I had very high bllods and a normal nuchal- came back 1 in 150 combined, which put me into high risk category. After some mumsnet advice (there is a thread called antenatal choices). I then went for another test at the Fetal Medicine centre in London (privatley), here they take bloods and nuchal, but also 4-5 other markers, nasal bone, heart blood flow etc. This gives the most accurate picture without amnio and reduced my risk to 1 in 1000- much more reassuring. I don't know your dates, but you could can have this unitl 13 weeks and 6 days...... SO don't think the odds you currently have mean anything one way or another- amnio will give you a definate result and I ahve my fingers crossed for you.

Iwonka I recently had a nuchal fold scan and the sonographer there told me to avoid having blood tests as its much less accurate than the scan. I had an amnio with DS1 but would never do the same again after meeting 2 people who had mc following the procedure. Sorry for sharing that last part but the risks are real. It's your choice but as other people have said the chance of your baby having a genetic defect are really small. xx

Big chocolate muffin - christ that's good.

Sometimes it is great to be pregnant

Dophus Mr Kipling Chocolate Slices. That's what I'm talking about.

IWonka, aggree you need to at least get your combined scan and bloods ratio before you make any decisions. You'd think they'd automatically do that, but t'aint necessarily so, unfortunately.

You should also be able to request an appointment with a consultant for another scan at least, to have a close look in the light of your blood results and to talk through your actual risks and options in more detail.

It certainly doesn't feel like you have all the information you should have... and at the very least you need to get some proper advice from a fetal medicine consultant IMHO.

I'd push for that. 2 weeks sounds like a long time to wait with only half the info (and twice the worry). Can you get your DP to push for this on your behalf - you should be able to get this at your own hospital, but it might take some pushing. Your DP may be in a better position right now to do that - and he can also explain how distressed you are.

And also, yes, keep praying. FWIW, DH was convinced that with DD we experienced a miracle, and I have to say fact that an exomphalos was apparently clearly visible on the Wednesday, but not visible on the Friday is a little hard to explain... It can't hurt anyway, right? (takes off God botherer hat).

db
xx

IWonka, I don't have any useful advice to give I'm afraid. I just wanted to wish you luck and to let you know that my thoughts are with you xxx

iwonka, I'm so sorry to hear that things are so complex. Db has put things so well, I don't think I need to add more except to say that you'll be in our thoughts and prayers. Hope you get more support and information soon - at the very least.

Iwonka, I am sorry you had worrying news, but agree with everything encouraging others have said, so will not repeat (you'll be glad to hear ).

I have had CVS x3 and amnio x1. IME amnio is a quick and simple, pretty painfree procedure; I certainly found CVS more painful. Bear in mind the 1:100 risk of miscarriage includes the baseline miscarriage risk at the gestation you are having the test done. FWIW, I did not miscarry after any of my procedures, although I have also had 4 MCs without any previous intervention.
Also, statistically speaking I have a 1:4 risk of Patau Syndrome (Trisomie 13) however I have had 3 healthy DSs and expected DS4 is ok too [v v happy and relieved emoticon]. It has been explained to me that nature has a way of recting "faulty" egg/semen cells in favour of healthy ones. This may be irrelevant in your case, however it just puts another positive slant on things.

Oh, and BTW, I was a few weeks shy of my 37th birthday when I had DS1, am now 43 . So you are really a mere child .

V best of luck to you and do try to stay positive.

Thanks to all for your amazing support!!! You guys have been so kind, it's really touching. After hettie's post, I decided to call the Fetal Medicine clinic and book an appointment. Today was basically the last day I could have the repeat blood test and scan as I'm already 13 wks, and 5 days. I ran like mad to make it there on time. I am so glad I went. I had my bloods re-checked and the scan lasted for more than an hour. The doctor was so kind and very thorough. The final result was 1:548!!! I am so incredibly relieved. I almost lost my voice from emotion. I feel like a huge rock has been lifted from my heart. I am completely exhausted from worrying and crying for the past 4 days and I am so happy that I will finally be able to enjoy my pregnancy knowing that everything is alright. So elated that this story has a happy ending. Thanks so much again for all your support!!! hettie thanks so much for telling me about the clinic.

So glad for you, Iwonka!

Good night, all.

Oh, Iwonka that's brilliant - I had a feeling that the info you had wasn't quite right. I'm glad you were able to go to the clinic and not have to undertake lengthy battles with your hospital (well found, hettie - glad you were lurking - please continue to!).

It does make me a bit though that misinformation and partial information, and, frankly not anywhere near enough exploration is undertaken before delivering devastating staistics like this to pregnant women.

It's not very humane, I don't think. I had thought I was particularly unfortunate to have been put in the situation I was with DD, but I'm really saddened to see here on MN the numbers of other women put through the same kind of trauma for no good reason.

I'm especially sad because while most posters on here are well-educated, literate and are able to question what they're being told, request further investigation, or, as you had to, go privately to find out what you need to know - there will be scores of others less fortunate, who will just take what they're being told without question and act on that.

It chills me to think that we were offered a termination of our DD, when she was and is perfectly healthy.

It's just really very and makes me quite .

But enough said, rant over.

Really really good news Iwonka - I'm just so happy for you.

Hugs to all,

db
xx

p.s. Jealous of the chocolate cookies. I'm paranoid about my blood sugar and have sworn off all sweet things. EVEN CHOCOLATE. . It probably won't make the slightest bit of difference, but I wanted to feel like I'm doing everything I can to avoid unwanted interventions in my pregnancy!

I know DB, I feel the same way as you do. It is completely mad to think that there are other women like me getting horrible news and being told that their only option is to undergo diagnostic treatment, or to wait and see, while worrying themselves of their mind, as I had been, that something is wrong with their baby.

I am just thankful that I found MN, and had decided to write about what happened to me, and got the kind of support I needed. I am new to London (moved here from Canada a little while ago) so I didn't know that the Fetal medicine clinic existed nor how things are done in the UK. The counsellor at the hospital didn't even suggest that re-doing the scan/bloods was an option. I am just so relieved that I had myself re-checked.

I can't believe they suggested to you that you terminate your pregnancy! It's good that you didn't listen to them.

PacificDogwood , I like your comment about me being a 'mere child'. 36 is my biological age, but I do feel much younger.

Hope everyone is doing great.

Yay, Iwonka!!!

Iwonka - So happy your sad news has turned to positive news. Sorry you had to go through the worry though... Now you can breathe a sigh of relief

Iwonka, I am sure they do it just to scare us. Maybe it's a test. Makes me mad.

Can't believe how much you miss on here if you don't come on for a couple of days.

A quick question- is anyone going to have a 2 year age gap between children when the new lo comes along. Am already worrying about whether I will need a double pushchair or not. Far too soon to worry I know, but with the third on the way, I feel I need to be really organised and know what I am going to do.

Brain is all over the place at the moment cause my eldest starts school for the first time next week and I feel quite sad about it. He's all grown up.

Great idea Arcadie about facebook. Am going to look now.

Sorry about the chaotic post

Iwonka - what a relief - fantastic news and thank goodness for all the great advice you got on here. Here's to a happy and worry-free pregnancy from now on

loubudd- I have a 2 year gap between my DD and DS (and will have another 2 year gap between DS and this one). I was quite determined not to get a double pushchair (can't remember why) and battled on for a couple of months with sling/pushchair or DD walking and pushchair combination and it was horrendous. Finally gave in and got a Phil&Teds double pushchair and I can't tell you the difference it made. I would HIGHLY reccommend getting one - you can get them 2nd hand for about £200 if you shop around and then resell them for about the same - ours is still going strong 18 months later and has made my life 100 times easier!

Arcadie - you're in Oxford?! That's where I am! Sympathies on MIL's dinners - sound pretty vomitsome even when not pg! Come round to ours for some lentils and organic mushrooms if you can't bear it anymore! Oh and Thom Yorke is often seen around these parts - in fact his child (not sure of sex) goes the the school DD is going to go to - oh yes I'll be rubbing shoulders with the stars at the school gates...)

DS has the most revolting stomach bug I have ever witnessed - don't think I have had diarrohea dripping down my wrists before not to mention regular vomit-wiping - oh can't wait to have 3 DCs and be doing this even more often....

loubud, i too am having my third, DS will be 5 in Jan, DD 2 in feb and baby due march 3rd!!!!!OMG i too am worrying!!!!LOL

i have got a double buggy 2nd hand from a friend for the wet days on school run and for if dd is tired, but i am hoping she will use the buggy board and walk more often than not!!!!!lol

glad to hear your feeling better IWONKA!!!

hurrah Iwonka- oh I'm so pleased for you and glad you managed to squeeze the test in in time (me too- plus I don't live in London so had to take a train.....) Was a bloody worring time, and luckily for us turned out ok. I too am cross that lots of people don't get the best info.....or can afford a private test. Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well.

Iwonka, that's great news - Mumsnet is great for things like this, isn't it???! Last time I was pg my gp told me I was miscarrying - well, long story short, another mumsnetter suggested I go to an epu (sounds stupid but I didn't know there was such a thing!) and all was well - apart from the 3 days crying and waiting I went through! I'm sooooooo glad your story had a happy ending.