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Anybody else due in NOVEMBER 2009 :-) PART 3

914 replies

ldeeanna · 28/04/2009 20:08

Hopefully this has worked?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
pavlovthesmugcat · 22/05/2009 21:51

brightonbaby i am so so sorry to hear your news . I feel very tearful for you, and hope time will make it easier to cope with. This next week will be tough and I wish you all the strength in the world to help you and your dp through it. I will be thinking of you over the next week, take care. xxx

ursigurke · 23/05/2009 07:38

brightonbaby- I am so sorry to hear your news. Why do does things have to happen! I am sure you and your partner will go through this together and your relationship will even grow! Good luck for you two!

lemontop · 23/05/2009 08:46

brightonbaby I'm so so sorry to hear your sad news. Thinking of you in this difficult time. x

EasyEggs · 23/05/2009 09:23

brighton I am so, so very sorry you and your dp are having to go through this. It is the worst thing anyone has to deal with, the loss of a very much loved and wanted baby.

If you need to talk I'm sure we will all be here for you although I understand how hard it would be for you to be here.

I was told the same thing as you with my 1st pregnancy but at 20weeks as I didn't have any earlier scans and our outcome was the same. If you need a shoulder to cry/rant on I'm more than happy to listen. My heart is truly breaking for you both

My email is gemloud at yahoo . co . uk

Without all spaces, just incase you want to talk.

Just be there for each other and you will slowly get through this tragic loss together x x x x x

Laugs · 24/05/2009 09:59

EasyEggs I just wondered what support you found was out there when you experienced this with your first pregnancy? Are the miscarriage/ bereavement boards on MN a comfort, or was it too much to take in others' loss as well as your own? Does the hospital provide a counselling service or did you have counselling elsewhere? One of my best friends has just found out at her anomaly scan that her baby has a condition incompatible with life and she needs to terminate next week at 22 weeks. I am the only person she knows with a child, so I feel in some way I know what she is going through more than our other friends without children. I desperately want there to be something I can say or do that will give her even the slightest relief. All I can think of is to point her in the direction of good support.
Thanks x

katster37 · 24/05/2009 10:25

Laugs that is awful. Your poor friend. How awful. Does she have to be induced and actually give birth? Why can't they tell these things earlier, it's so horrid. Thinking of your friend.

BeckyBendyLegs · 24/05/2009 10:36

I've had MCs at 12 weeks scan twice and I found MN a god send to help me through the second one (I didn't know MN existed when I had the first). There was a group of us from the 'due December 08' thread who all went through MCs at the same time and we still keep up a thread to help each other in the conception page. We've all been through the MC, TTCing again, and two of us got pregnant again, the others still TTCing. I hope we will be friends for ever and meet up at some point and that is a good thing that came out of my MC.

It must be so hard to go through it later on though at around 20 weeks or more. I had a colleague who lost her baby at 26 weeks and she was utterly devastated at the time (and has since had two girls). The second time she was pregnant she didn't tell anyone at work until she was about 6 months gone (although we noticed!).

Laugs · 24/05/2009 11:15

Yes, she will have to go through labour. It doesn't bear thinking about.

I hope I haven't upset anyone - I think it is very rare. I am just in a bit of shock to be honest.

I was thinking of pointing her in the direction of MN, but if she doesn't use it already, do you think you'd have to negotiate too many happy mothers / mums-to-be before reaching the relevant pages? The last thing I want to do is upset her more.

BeckyBendyLegs · 24/05/2009 11:31

You could just suggest it first and if she sounds interested send her the direct link to the miscarriage pages so she doesn't have to see all the happy threads. I am sure it would help if she's keen to talk to others. As you say it is a rare thing to happen but there are people on MN who have been through it and are going through it and she might not find anyone in real life to talk to. It's hard to tell: some people just like to be alone in their grief don't they? But sometimes in real life it is hard because you feel like you are going through it alone and in a way online you can relate to others and share with others without getting too close, if that makes sense.

Laugs · 24/05/2009 11:40

Yes, that's what I thought. I know she doesn't want to go through the pain of telling people she knows, as she has asked others to do it, but I think there is some solace in anonimity. She doesn't have to explain anything.

I think I will send her the link. If she can't use it now, she might find it helpful later, as she's said they want to TTC again when they can.

Thank you.

EasyEggs · 24/05/2009 12:11

laugs what terrible news for your poor friend. Hope nobody here is worrying too much by all of this. Although these things can and do happen they ARE very rare, esp for nothing unusual to have been noticed at around 12weeks.

Anyway re support etc. I had nothing from the hospital. They just basically treated me like a child who knew nothing and didn't warrant being looked after properly. Still very over the way I was treated there tbh!!

But saying that, now days things have changed a lot and I'm sure the hos she goes to will almost certainly have a berevement counsellor when she is ready.

I would reccommend ARC to her also, website here I found it amazing. There will most definately be somebody there who has been through the same thing as your friend and they also have a number you can call to speak to someone when you are ready. It can really help to know you aren't the only one going through it and when it's all "over" as such and other friends and family seem back to normal this is a place where you can talk about it as much as you like without having to worry about what others are thinking/feeling IYKWIM??

The boards here are great too. I didn't know about them at the time but visit them now and the ladies there are fab.

Do you know what is wrong with her poor bubba? Feel free not to answer just wondered if it was anything like my dd's diagnosis.

Sending all the best wishes in the world to you, your friend and her family x x x x x x

EasyEggs · 24/05/2009 12:19

Meant to add, don't know if the hospital will have suggested any of the following but there are some things I wish I had been told at the time...

Take a camera so she has some good quality pictures to keep forever rather than hos polariods. She will be glad she has them in the weeks/months/years to come.

Take a teeny outfit for bubba, can get some fab ones for dollys these days and they are gorgeous. Also a special baby blanket to wrap him/her in and maybe a teddy. Take 2 of the same teddy and wrap baby in blanket with them whilst being held then leave one with bubs and she can take one home.

Ask hos to take hand and footprints, although most do now anyway.

If they want the hospital chaplain will come and bless baby for them when born.

They are free to see/hold and be with their baby for as long and as often as they like. Nobody told me this and I was in no fit state to ask to see her again. I really wish I had.

Hope you don't mind me saying all that it's just that nobody really tells you these things and it's too late afterwards

Laugs · 24/05/2009 12:54

Thank you for all your advice EasyEggs. Just want to reiterate to everyone else, please don't worry about this. The reason we are all in complete shock is because it is so rare as much as it is so tragic. I really don't want to make anyone worry.

She does not know what the condition is yet, but is waiting for results from an amniocentesis. What did your daughter have? I will pass your suggestions on to my friend.

BeckyBendyLegs · 24/05/2009 20:02

DH has just won me that pink Isabella Oliver dress on ebay in my size for £47 Small happiness's in the grand scheme of things I know. Now I just need to find some shoes...

katster37 · 24/05/2009 20:19

Lovely, BeckyBL!

I am having a bad day. We are trying to rearrange our holiday, booked ages ago for the end of August (v expensive, booked through Expedia). Rang up in April and they said we would be able to change it for whenever, (discussed next June on the phone) since when, my parents had also agreed to do part of the trip with us to help out, and now we have dates and feel a bit more confident, expedia are saying the flights have to be used before end of August!!! Well, first today they said October, so actually that's 3 different things they've told us. DH got them to find the taped phonecall from April which will hopefully will prove that they said they would let us change flights to next year. If we have to cancel, we will get 87 quid back - flights cost £1,333!!! Am so stressed!!

Sorry, realise is insignificant in grand scheme of things, but is stressing me out!!

katster37 · 24/05/2009 20:20

Also, have started rubbing Palmers cocoa butter on my tummy in an effort to prevent stretch marks, and i don't know why, but it feels AWFUL. Makes me feel sick, and bump feels really tender for a few minutes after. Is this normal?

EasyEggs · 24/05/2009 20:22

laugs She had Turners syndrome but with other complications not always seen with this so there was no way she would have survived I really hope your friends get through this terrible time together with the support they need.

becky Woohoo well done your dh Hope you find some shoes soon!

BeckyBendyLegs · 24/05/2009 20:35

Katster that would make me feel stressed too! I hope it gets sorted out for you soon.

I started to rub Clarins stretch mark oil on my bump last week and I have come out in a rash! I'd used it before and no effect. Strange. Perhaps our skins is more sensitive when pregnant than normal and perhaps mine is super sensitive this time around?

katster37 · 24/05/2009 21:31

EasyEggs how awful for you. Did you have a funeral for your daughter? My friend/colleague who lost her baby a week after being born at 27 weeks is having the funeral this week. So so awful .

BeckyBL I did read something about skin becoming much more sensitive during pregnancy, so it's probably that. Can't understand why I would feel sick though?! My bump does feel quite sensitive to touch for some reason.

Laugs · 24/05/2009 21:40

EasyEggs would you mind if I offered my friend your email address that you've posted above? She probably wouldn't contact you now, but possibly in a few weeks. I've passed on your advice and she said she really appreciates it.

Katster and Becky I've also read about skin becoming more sensitive. Apparently some people's even changes colour in patches. I bought some Bio Oil but keep on forgetting to use it. It smells yummy though.

I am suffering from the cruellest hangover today - one brought on by drinking alcohol free beer. I had not one drop of alcohol, but have had a stonking headache all day. Where is the justice in that?

Katster that sounds very stressful about the flights. Fingers crossed that they have the recording of the phone call. I know you can travel quite late, as long as you get a doctor's note (although I suppose you can't guarantee you will get it), or would you not feel comfortable doing that?

EasyEggs · 24/05/2009 21:57

Oh katster that's so sad I hope it goes as well as it possibly can for them. Yes I had a funeral for my little girl too. I had her buried, it's nice to actually have somewhere to go and "visit" her.

laugs of course you can. She is more than welcome to contact me whenever she wants to about anything she wants to say. Even if it's just to rant and ask why is this happening. Sometimes it's much easier to "talk" to a stranger so to speak.

EasyEggs · 24/05/2009 22:16

Just need to add I am moving tomorrow and won't be back until at least Wednesday poss longer knowing BT so if you would all like to not talk so much that would be fab

Have a lovely week ladies, I must go pack now. Really thinking I should have done it already sigh

Night, night x

Laugs · 24/05/2009 22:20

Ooh good luck with your move. Did you manage to decorate yet? Thanks for all your help today x

EasyEggs · 24/05/2009 22:33

Ermm well dp has been there day and night since Fri trying to get it done, I spent 6 and a half hours stripping wallpaper yesterday !!!

Have had various friends and relatives decorating/babysitting so it's getting there. Bedrooms all painted ready for carpets, living room stripped, filled and sanded ready for paint and dp is just doing underlay in bedrooms as we speak. He must be shattered bless him. He's been sleeping on the floor there!

Just need to paint hall/stairs/landing and living room and we're done (mostly!)

Just hope it's ready for furniture tomorrow as we HAVE to be out of here by tomorrow afternoon at latest.

And more than happy to help out anytime. If I have any info that's of any use of course!

Laugs · 24/05/2009 22:37

It sounds like you're well on the way to getting it done. I'm so jealous - we moved in before decorating almost 3 years ago, and still have not done it!

I've just noticed the time and need to get to bed. Hope it goes well tomorrow and that the kids enjoy their new home