Due April 2009 - Chapter 32: Shake your pom poms, Shake your pom poms, Shake your pom poms!!!

[BabyBolat]

Hope no one minds I gave Nutty the vote after her epic birth!

Springy - ((((hugs)))) - I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. Pretty much agree with what everyone else has said. My suggestions would be a) don't be afraid to constantly be asking for what you need when DH is at home: 'could you make me a sandwich please', 'could you pass me that cushion please', 'could you pass me the cable for the laptop please', 'could I have a cup of tea please'. You may feel like you are constantly going on at him or disturbing what he is doing, but I think this is the way it has to be when you are the milk machine. And it sounds like he doesn't mind at all when you ask him to help, just that he doesn't do it until you ask. On the whole, as others have said, men seem to need bit of leading in this sense and are easily distracted! Plus, everything you're asking for is really for the baby, not you, as it helps you to look after him.

Also agree with Brett about giving him more of a plan of what needs doing. I was thinking about asking him quite specifically to get some food etc ready for you before he goes to Uni each day. So, before he goes out he gets you a box of snack food - fruit, muesli bars etc and puts it where you tend to feed along with a flask of tea and a big bottle of water/ squash. He gets something ready, or half-ready for your breakfast (like puts some cereal in a bowl with a spoon ready, so you only have to add milk, though I know you're off milk at the moment, I couldn't think of another breakfast example!). He makes you a sandwich and pops it in the fridge ready for your lunch. He gets something out of the freezer ready for dinner. If you ask him if he can do this for you each morning, then he has a set list of easy things to do, but they'll make a huge difference to your day. Shouldn't take more than a couple of minutes, and asking him to do this shouldn't sound like a nag. "I've had a really good idea ! What if you......"

Bleu - how are your nipples today I also do the Maths nipple squash technique, and like you release when he seems settled on. When I told my MW that we just weren't able to do the 'textbook' latch, she said that in reality you'll find most women actually end up doing a bit of 'shoving the nipple in'. Also find it useful to have something supporting the weight of the boob so it's not pulling down and away from his mouth.

Frekkles - soooo not a failure! Look how many of us have had to have that helping hand to get things going! I was as ready as anything to have the baby, didn't feel blocked in any way, but he still had to be pushed! You are very nearly there. And if LO decides (fickle as they are) to arrive on ex's bday, try thinking of it as completely cancelling out anything to do with him on that day and replacing it all with memories of your wonderful baby.

Go Frekkles! Go Tatin! Pom-poms!!!!!

Nutty - hope you have a better day today

I am feeling good today. Had a good amount of sleep. The modified co-sleeping (him lying across my belly, supported by my bf pillow, rather than on the mattress) is working quite well, as I feel much happier dozing off like this. Plus, my olds are here and my Mom is making chickpea and chorizo soup for lunch!

Frekkles, it sounds to me like you are in early labour - the contractions are also getting longer. Mine started as regular but short. Have you phoned labour ward?

Does anybody know the best thing to help a BF baby bring up wind? She seems to be having trouble and we were up a lot of the night?

Nutty - sorry about that, try now?

Soontobe... have you tried Infacol? DS1 was a very colicky baby and it did seem to help with the trapped wind.

We haven't tried anything yet as we have only just descided we need something really.

i'm sooooooooooooooooooo bored! raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh

Just popping in to say hi, really want to catch up properly and I will do later when DS's are in bed. Can't wait to see what you've all been upto.

Evie is sleeping through the night still, 8-10 hours every night, which is lovely but I don't expect it to last! She feeds constantly during the day though. She doesn't really cry and hasn't been sick yet...this is the calm before the storm isn't it!!

I have had the most tremendous headache for the last 2-3 days. I think I'm dehydrated. Have also lost lots of weight, which must be water, so am really really trying to drink more.

Am feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the visitors, not wanting to upset people etc at the moment. Feel quite teary about it all today!

Well I am attempting to go the garden centre and the park so will definitely catch up later xx

Thanks to everyone for telling me I'm not being unreasonable or mad! I think you're right. I've been thinking about staying with my family for a bit, but feel bad taking his baby away for that time, & he has exams from this week so can't really come. I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with it at the moment (more on that below), but I will deal with it. Everyone's suggestions are very helpful, thank you xx Will look into Homestart Actually, I'm off to live with Nutty How good would that be?

frekkles, George was born on an unpleasant anniversary (the time I got drunk & slept with that other bloke when I was sort of seeing DH), but it's actually a positive thing in that it gives new meaning to the date. Before, I was desperate to just avoid it. You may feel a lot better about the date if it comes to it.

You're not a failure at all. It could even just be that your dates were a bit out & you're not as late as you think. I know that's difficult because you thought you were due earlier than your scan said anyway.

Everything does sound hopeful, though. & FWIW, George didn't go quiet before labour.

BB, I have the rash thing. It's really itchy & annoying. & haha, you have a white noise baby How very textbook

Ooh, frekkles, things are progressing - I honestly think it'll be soon. As for texting, I'm leaving you to it unless you text me. Not because I'm not thinking about you, my lovely buddy, but because I don't want to add to the irritating masses of 'why are you still pregnant?' texts, even though I obviously wouldn't mean that xx

Sarah, she's so cute! But haha at the comparison

Auld, you might be right. Sitting around on the sofa all day is me being lazy I'll have to bring that up. & 13 euros?! Glad that MIL isn't being too terrible.

Last night was awful. It looked for a while like he was going to leave me. I think things are better now we've talked, but apparently 'everything he'd been told & everything he'd read had said that after a week I'd be back to exactly the same person I was before getting pregnant'. Shockingly, I'm not. I'm apparently a lot of horrible things & not the woman he fell in love with. I asked why he married me, expecting him to say because he loved me, but I got a few answers including 'because I hoped that you'd be like you were again'. When asked '& in the meantime?' he said 'in the meantime I just shut my mouth & get on with it'

I didn't know it was this bad. I didn't have any idea.

Oh Springy, I'm sorry. Maybe you need to point out that it is unlikely you will ever be exactly as you were before; but then neither will he, and that is as it should be. Having a child is a life-changing experience, how could it be anything else?

God knows what he's been reading, it sounds like a load of pants to me.

MIL now doing some pruning on my terrace. All going well as long as we don't speak to each other too often!

What is this Infacol of which you speak? Should I get some sent over in a Red Cross aid parcel from Mum, along with oatcakes, Calpol and peanut butter?

Oh Springy, the silly, silly fool. Where oh where does it say that having a child is life-changing, but only for a week??? Beyond belief does not come close.

I said that I'd never be the same again. That I was carefree then & can never be again. Apparently having a baby shouldn't change me that much. Nor should anything that comes with having a very tiny baby

We talked for a long time & made him realise, I think, that we do still have a laugh - but that I'm tired & frustrated & have no local support whilst he goes off & gets to be normal with his 18 year old friends, who obviously don't have serious girlfriends, let alone a wife & a baby. He may well feel normal with his 8 - 10 hour sleeps & 5 days a week out of the flat with these 'fun' people, but I don't. I can't.

So I think we'll be okay. He became really apologetic & asked if I wanted him to start looking for somewhere else to live, etc. But apparently he doesn't want to. I'm not sure how much he'd want to if it wouldn't mean not seeing his son so much He loves him, but I'm not sure that he loves me. He said that he didn't, but now says that he does. I don't know what to believe & I'm just reeling from it. I'm trying to be okay with him today, acting like last night never happened. Trying to be chatty & let him cuddle me. I'm very hurt, though. Obviously.

Springy, I think it's great that you are managing to talk about this and work things through.

Reality must be hard for him to get to grips with because, as you point out, things haven't changed that much for him, whereas you won't be carefree again for a long while (though I don't know about never...it does feel that way when you have a newborn, however!). He sounds as if he is more or less living the life he lived before, whereas for you having a pee or a shower are now moments to be wangled in the day, and which you rush through when the baby is screaming.

I remember almost hating DH one day after DS1 was born. I'd eaten breakfast for the nth time with a feeding baby on my knees and was then walking him around the garden trying to get him to burp, wondering how to get the washing on the line, me clean and the shopping done with a constantly screaming baby.
DH had had a nice quiet breakfast and was still sitting at the table amidst the dishes and crumbs, blithely reading the paper. I recall thinking we now inhabited different planets and wondering how he could be so selfish.

I suspect that in his mind I was in charge of feeding and therefore of burping, and since I was on the case, he was free. The idea that he might hang up some washing/ do some tasks to free me up a little never crossed his mind.

Even now, if I ask him to do something he says of course and does it (well, half the time!), but he needs asking. Brains wired differently, sadly...

Thanks for the advice about infacol. Sorry to be ignoring everybody else but have not got time today, will hopefully do proper posts tonight.

How do you give infacol? Is it from a syringe? I remember having trouble getting DD1 to take gavison when she was tiny, for her reflux but that was mainly because it was designed to go in bottles.

I have pretty much got breasfeeding sorted now. BUT I have a lump, about half the size of my nipple, on the area around it? Is it a blocked duct? It is quite painful and getting bigger? Bath didn't help it, nor has feeding or expressing. I have always had trouble feeding from that boob, athough better now (at one point it was too painful so I used to express instead).

I have started using my close baby carrier today and love it. Think it is going to be a life saver when DH goes back to work and I have to deal with both DC on my own. Still feel a bit wary bending over with her but I guess that will come with time and better wrapping!

Does anybody know if I can return or exchange baby clothes without a receipt? I know I am going to sound really ungrateful but all the gifts we got over the weekend are not really much help. Got all pretty dresses in newborn and 0-3. We already have LOADS from when DD1 was born, most still brand new so really don't need any more. Besides, I only use baby grows unless it is a special occasion anyway. But I don't want to tell them that, but was wondering if I can take it back and get give vouchers instead? We have so many clothes, it is just a waste to use any more. Most of DDs are still as new.

Springy, and but do you think some of the things might have just been said in the heat of the moment? Sounds to me like your DH is having trouble adjusting to the new life - and it's his new life too, not just yours. Good that you are talking things through though. xxx

By the way DH has also told me on several occasions that I'm not much fun anymore. Blah. Don't listen.

So Hazel's sleeping has gone pear shaped She still does a five hour stretch once a night but it's from 3am to 8am rather than earlier in the night, which doesn't help much since DD1 gets up at 6am. So here is a very tired and disappointed Schulte. Had a bit of a snooze earlier but trying to catch up on sleep during the day is just not the same, is it!

Auld, yay for surviving MIL visit Tomorrow my parents will descend on us and I wonder whether they'll actually be any help, or make me stressed!

I can really recommend this book to anyone whose DH DP hasn't quite got the hang of what it is all about yet. My DH read it religiously month by month and found it really useful.

www.amazon.co.uk/New-Father-Mitchell-Beazley-Health/dp/1845330935

Thanks for all the support- at least I know that it will all be over by Friday (induction day.)

Soon -infacol is given through a little pipette that is attached to the lid. DS absolutely loved it and we used it to sooth him whenever he was fretful (not just windy) I seem to remember that it is slightly orange flavoured. I already have some in the cupboard pending the arrival of this one.

Springy it seems to me that one of the problems is that your DH is very young and as a result he doesn't have any friends who are fathers. Obviously this means that he doesn't really know what to expect in terms of the reality of a baby. Would it be possible for him to make some new friends who are more in his situation? As I said earlier, any relationship is put under some strain by the arrival of a new baby.

Soon - whether you can return the clothes will depend on the shop's policy. You don't have the right to if there is nothing wrong with them.

springy ((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))

Soon2be - I have taken a few bits back to a selection of high street shops - debenhams, gap, M&S etc - (bad I know) but have had no problems - I do use the line 'I got given two of these' rather than just saying I want to return it though!

Today has been much better - (largely because it turns out we cant do any DIY until next weekend to let the plaster dry properly) so we went shopping with my mum, dad and sister for some bits for the house (luLu will appreciate the new super hygenic bin we purchased), out to lunch and then home - mum and sis decided to walk back from lunch with Kara to help him settle while dad and DH re-installed the dining room lights so I had an hour to myself - had a cup of tea in a boiling hot bath with face mask, coconut bubbles and lots of lovely soaking - was bliss!

Kara has just gone down for a nap (am hoping it will be a good hour or so before he wakes but seems a bit restless) and we are both sat on the sofa doing nothing!

Springy (((((((((hugs))))))))

Soon2be - I have returned a few bits to high street stores (M&S, Debenhams etc) and have had no problems - although did tell them I had received two of the same item rather than asking to return it! swapped it for other things and vouchers no problem!

Today has been much better - mainly because turns out we can't do any DIY until next weekend (yay) - we went shopping for some house bits (Lulu would be very impressed with my super-hygenic bin purchase) and then for lunch with my mum, dad and sister and then (JOY!) mum and sis decided to walk back home from lunch to settle Karahan while dad and DH re-installed the lights in the dining room so I had A WHOLE HOUR to myself which involved a hot bath, coconut bubbles, face mask and tea - was bliss!!

We are now sat on the sofa doing nothing while Kara has a power nap! think I may have a little sleep!

HOw has everyones day been?

See now you have two similar posts as stupid MN said I had lost the other one!

Surprise - I know how you feel. Will post more later... chin up, sweetie

Don't have time for proper catch up, just wanted to look in to say that:

Springy, does your DH have selective listening / hearing / understanding? It occurred to me that his counsellor might have been trying to touch sensitively on the issues of being a dad, supporting you and supporting George through you, sensing that he doesn't really get it, but he interpreted it all differently. (the living with students thing still seems bonkers and can't be explained by that, but still... ) he might have picked up on apparently random stuff to do with your health and support for teen parents, etc, when really the counsellor was trying to talk about how life changing all this is and how he really needs to be present for you through it.

Good luck everyone

frekkles, your baby is on the horizon...

I'm flattered that I have a bfing technique named after me...

Springy, I damn nearly killed my DH today. At 12 I decided I needed to get out of the house (having been up and dealing with two DDs since 5, as he had the lie-in today). I told him I was going to the park, he had the option of coming or not. He a) soued at me for wanting to go out when it might rain (weird thing he has) b) sulkily decided he had to come as I might not be able to cope (ha!) and then c) took forty five minutes to faff around, go to the loo, check email, make a phone call whilst I waited in the car with screaming baby and fed up toddler. I nearly lost it, I tell you....

luckily he bought me lunch and the sun came out...