Also, a quick summary of why I was crying now I'm happier & won't harp on about it all for the next 12 hours - maybe just the next 3 or 4
As you know, I've been feeling really crappy for ages, but especially for the last week - I've been having contractions for about 11 hours short of a week at this point, never mind the heart issues & the dizziness, etc.
DH has been looking forward to seeing a boy film called Watchmen since he heard that it was possibly going to be made. It came out today & I promised him weeks ago that I'd go & see it with him because he was so excited about it & it was important to him, blah blah blah. So today, I got up & was feeling especially awful & unable to breathe properly, but was still told that we were going tonight. I would've much preferred to see how I felt & possibly gone tomorrow, but he's been like a kid before Christmas & I'm just lucky I didn't get dragged out to the midnight screening, I think.
So I went into town with him, despite my orders to be on bedrest, which entailed walking to get a tram then walking through town to the cinema. By the time we got there I was really light-headed & not feeling well at all. We went & sat down (the place was packed by the way - who knew there were so many nerds?) & watched the film. Actually, it wasn't so bad. All the losers were whinging afterwards that they'd 'ruined' it, which is probably why I could deal with it It wasn't so good I'd urge you all to see it, but if someone wants you to go, you might as well. Although it's very long, so don't take a drink in with you or you won't be comfortable
During the film I was really struggling with the heart / breathing thing & actually nearly passed out a couple of times - things started getting a bit dark & strange & I had to breathe really deeply & slowly to settle it down. As I said in my last post, I think it's because LO was being too active after I'd had to walk through town (& was therefore having contractions, too). DH either didn't notice, or didn't care. I'm not sure which, but it seems unlikely that he didn't notice - the woman next to me kept looking at me rather suspiciously!
Afterwards, I went to the toilet & we went outside, but I had to keep stopping to sit down on benches on the way back to the tram. He not once asked if I was okay, but just waited. He tried to talk to me about the film when we first left, but I was really struggling & although I tried to discuss it (& I even said it wasn't too bad!) I couldn't maintain the flow of conversation. We didn't talk at all on the tram, so when we got off I demanded to know what was going on. At which point he told me that he was fed up of me being so miserable all the time, blah blah blah. So I sat on the grass at the side of the road & sobbed. That sure told him.
He's been off with me all day - it's like he woke up this morning & decided that he'd had enough for no specific reason. I feel almost like I've missed something (he got up before me this morning & feel like he must've had a conversation with someone - MIL perhaps? - about me, or something like that) because it's so sudden. & the point is that I don't even think that it's fair!
I do hate being pregnant & I hate constantly being uncomfortable or in pain or dizzy. I hate it all, as most of you hate it too. But I'm not always miserable with him. At all. If anything, he's the one who can be off with me - I only spend so much time on MN because he's immersed in his laptop playing silly games or whatever & I'd go mad if I sat & waited for him to finish. As soon as he puts his down, I put mine down & try to chat to him, or cuddle him or whatever.
I'm making sure that even though I can't have sex or orgasms, he's still satisfied in that area. I make him feel wanted both socially & sexually, & often make him laugh a lot & so on. I thought that things were fine. I spend ages doing laundry & stuff like that, that doesn't require much physical activity but takes hours to do, even when I don't really feel up to even that. I am trying so hard. I take his hand & show him the lumps sticking out of my tummy & tell him which are hands & feet & his bottom. I try to include him in the nice bits to make up for the fact that he has to do a lot at the moment because of the rubbish bits. I stay up late every night so I'm not dragging him to bed ridiculously early (if he comes after me he wakes me up & I can't get back to sleep), & things like that. I'm trying really, really hard to not be rubbish. We're newlyweds! I don't like being a whale who can't do anything or have sex or breathe properly anyway, let alone during the first 2 weeks of our marriage! I wish I could be sexy & gorgeous & the perfect wife, but it's just not possible at the moment.
& all of a sudden, a switch has been flicked & he can't deal with it anymore. Out of the blue. So as I was waddling home, with my pulse through the roof, for him to tell me that he's fed up of me being so miserable... I can't deal with that