Due April 2009: Episode 17 - We're off of work and ready to push, time for DH's to attend to that bush!!

[BabyBolat]

Inspired by our Smutty x

Were you trying to have your baby before BB? Because you know she won't like that

Is he tired / stressed / depressed? You know all of the basic, obvious things... Is your relationship otherwise good? What does he say when you talk about it?

He says it's because of his age, and that it's just not a priority for him. Does tend towards worry and stress anyway, but most men use sex as an escape from that sort of thing usually.
Sorry, I'm bringing you down now!

Gotta sleep. Springy hope you feel better soon, it will pass. Sounds like you are trying as hard as you can and not being appreciated for it, and that's always hard. Maybe your DH needs to see you lose it a bit to realise how difficult it is for you to hold it together (can only speak from my experience on this one).

It's a weird old pregnancy time - as lots of people are saying, you tend to either go into a reverie and want to be alone or compensate by being moody/apologetic with loved ones. I am a complete bitch to live with atm, but at work floating around serenely ;)

xx

You're not I'm glad that my being awake at stupid o'clock is of some vague use, even if it's just having someone to talk to & I can't really help.

It must be really getting to you at the moment, what with the pregnancy & all - it's very easy to feel delicate about these things when you're not full of body confidence anyway.

I'm not sure that most men do use sex to get away from stress & worry - not within a relationship, anyway. Perhaps if they're single & can go out & get drunk & find a meaningless shag, but not if they're worried about 'contaminating' someone they love with their problems. They tend to withdraw & feel like they have to deal with things on their own, I think.

It's also true, as you know, that sex drives vary naturally throughout a person's life & the general trend is for men to get less sexual as women get more. That's an annoying incompatibility that's no indication of a problem within the relationship.

Are you generally physically intimate with each other with lots of cuddles & kisses & so on, or not?

Night night, MM. I hope you sleep well - things will be okay for each & every one of us in the end xx

Morning all... DD's been up since 5.30, grrrrrrrrrr.

Springy / Mathsmummy, sorry to hear you were down last night... Springy your DH probably just lost it for a moment and I am sure he'll be back to his normal loving self this morning! I guess pregnancy takes it's toll on the men too... my DH keeps telling me I am boring. Never mind. He's boring too

BB, you'll know when the mucus plug comes out because it looks so disgusting. Mine had streaks of brown blood in it too.

Ladies, I know I am repeating myself but there will be a time soon when you WISH you were still pregnant rather than with a newborn! Mark Schulte's word

Thread title...

Please make these horrible pregnancies stop, April Mums are ready to pop

Morning all - so sorry to hear so many people are feeling so down at the moment. But look! Already we're a week into March.

I really think the menfolk, especially the first-time dads who don't know what to expect at any stage, genuinely don't understand how difficult pregnancy is and think we're making a bit of a mountain out of a molehill (though my bump is much more mountain). When I told DH last night that no, I wasn't going to make the tea because I am horribly pregnant, I just got a sarcy "Horribly pregnant? Ooh, it must be awful". Needless to say, he did not get a cup of tea. But I think because my pregnancy has been fairly uneventful on the whole, he really cannot grasp why I should be feeling rubbish at times. Also think he sees ML as a lovely holiday, and doesn't understand why the house is a tip when I'm at home all day.

Not exactly sure what my point is. Just that I think they really don't understand why their lovely, sexy, vivacious DP has suddenly become boring bag of hormones.

Just let them wait until the LOs are here, and they really you would gladly shove them in front of a bus in order to save the sprog!

Or even realise

Hello people.

So sorry to hear how unhappy everyone is.

Springy I do think that while he was extremely inconsiderate, this is actually pretty normal behaviour for a young first time dad. If you seem unhappy, they pick up on it, and often secretly feel like they have failed you somehow, which then spirals into an argument. This is a really hard position for you to be in, because obviously when you're feeling terrible you need support, not to be pretending you're happy so they feel good. I think all you can do is try to draw on your inner resources and make yourself a bit happier somehow, so he picks up on the more positive mood. I am not saying it is fair that you have to do this, but it is the only thing I can think of that will work if he is not tuning in to your needs properly. When he starts being a bit more receptive, then it might make sense to broach the physical difficulties were having that evening, as he probably genuinely doesn't realise the magnitude of what you were going through.

Mathsmummy Older blokes go off sex if they are tired or stressed. Their work lives also have a huge impact on whether they feel able to perform. It's just a cross we women have to bear. This idea that men are always up for it and that it's the women that need persuading is not entirely accurate, IME.

I appear to have killed the thread.

Mumble, have a lovely day and let us see pictures soon!!

Very un mn but {{{{{hugs}}}}} to everyone that needs them.

I'm a lot better today. Well physically I'm not I'm going down with a bug and feel exhausted and physically drained but mentally I'm a lot better. DH is out today and I'm doing nothing, well as much nothing as you can do with 3 kids to look after. He's stopped looking appalled at the state of the house when he gets home and has just started to help sort it instead. He's also made sure he's around tomorrow and has started helping with the decorating at last.

Springy- hope things are better this morning. I suspect its just been his turn to have a little breakdown. Its really hard being strong for someone all the time and maybe he just needed to let a bit out so he can get back on track.

sent mumble a text from us all

Oh bless her, had a reply from mumble

Thank yo u so much trying not to cry- not normally emotional but been a stressful few day- dd (I'm assuming-bronze)had d&v since wed but thankfully seems a bit better today but am taking a spare outfit for both of us just in case

Feeling very emotional again, yesterday tried to eat lunch on my lap, but lap has nearly disappeared under my bump so lunch went on the floor. I didn't just cry i actually wailed for about 10 mins. I was so loud the dog wouldn't come out of his basket and sat there shaking.

On subject of dhs- mine has said maybe i should "try harder" this time in labour and go without an epidural I told him that any more comments like that and he would need an epidural insidently i had over 24hours in labour and emergency section how hard should i try!!!!!

carmeli -just read about your homeopathy stuff, i took arnica tabs with ds which after my c-section i think helped with the bruising.

But can you recommend something for keeping calm during labour as v.nervous about my forthcoming vbac and the prospect of my nether regions never looking the same again. My sister managed great in labour but then became overcome with panic at one point. she then found she couldn't cope with the pain.

also as we all get closer to d-day is there any homeopathic remedys that can bring on labour or help it along?

MrsF

Tell him next time you'll shove a pineapple up his wotsit and then he can try really hard to get it out without pain relief.

Springy - (((hugs)) aww sweetheart you have made such an effort, he's being a bit of a prat tbh, they really just dont get it sometimes. how are things this morning??

MrsFossil - a your dh!!! i'm very proud of you for not murdering him!!! well done for the restraint!! ((hugs)) xx

Afternoon All.

Does anyone know if Mumblemum is married yet?

I'm about to go for a nap as I was up a lot last night with pain where I had bitten my cheek and DD was up a couple of times - just for a cuddle. I'm starting to really struggle with being understanding about her behaviour. I know that the HV thinks that she is anxious about the baby coming and just wants reassurance but it is so hard that it is only me who she wants reassurance from at 01:30 and 04:30 when I'm barely able to sleep because of pain! I think that she plays up a lot more when DH isn't here as well. She continually asks for Daddy. I don't know what to do anymore. How on earth am I going to cope when baby is on the outside and DH has gone back to work? How on earth do you cuddle a toddler until they are sleepy when you have a newborn to look after? I keep on trying to nip this behaviour in the bud by not indulging it, but that makes it so much worse.

I'm really missing DH this weekend and can't wait for him to come home as I've had him on a sex ban over the past week. I was so scared of inducing labour from having sex when he had to go away for the weekend that it seemed simpler to just not have sex! I may even start on the raspberry leaf capsules soon as I'm 33 weeks now but I'm not sure if I really need them given how strong my BH have been.

Sorry that post was me, me, me. I'll try and post later if I have the energy.

Well we were up until about 6 arguing, which was really great fun. The highlight was probably when, after I'd confided in him that I was terrified that I was going to lose this baby & not only have to deal with that upset for myself but live with having inflicted it on him, he said 'well it's not my fault your body's shit'

I sent him out to sleep on the sofa at that point, but he came back within 3 or 4 minutes because it was cold & he refused to sleep out there. & he was mouthing off about how we're never going to do this again, blah blah blah.

He did also say 'you'll invariably be whining about me on Mumsnet, then '

We're pretty much okay now, I think. I'm still a bit quiet with him, but I think he kind of understands how much of an effort I've been making to not moan all of the time - he seemed to think that what he was experiencing was the full extent of my capacity to complain, not the very, very carefully limited version. After many hours & a few home truths, he seems to have realised that actually he's getting the better deal. He even said at one point 'I'd LOVE to swap places with you - physical pain I can deal with!' as if there's absolutely no emotional or mental burden associated with pregnancy! & quite how much he'll fancy swapping places whilst I'm pushing the baby out / being sliced open, we'll see

Idiot man. But yes, I'm trying to move past yesterday. He's generally really good & I know that he's finding it difficult too. It was just really bad timing & very tactless. Grr.

Not as tactless as mrfossil's 'try harder' They really just don't get it at all! Try harder indeed.

Nutty, I'm glad you're in love with your sofa The way you're talking about it makes me think of it as some sort of mail order bride

& speaking of brides! Yay mumblemum! I hope her DD isn't poorly today & everyone has a wonderful time

Sounds like hes hitting out with what he knows will hurt rather than what he actually means. Its a very male defensive thing to do.

My money would be on hes scared, for you and for the baby and can't express it.

There's something in that, bronze. He was apparently very quiet on the ward with Springy, wasn't he? It might just be hitting home what is going on here.

However the 'your body's shit' thing would have sent me back to my mother's, tbh. That was a really bizarre and quite nasty thing to say. It would be like my DH telling me off for becoming disabled and having to bother with the wheelchair.

Ok just catching up very quickly -

Springy I am sorry but I think DH was being a bit of an arse (ALthough am sure he has made up for it now!!!) Even if he is just pushing his concern on to you I think there is no call for saying that stuff about your body - especially as you were so supportive when he was going through all his stuff! I would love for our DH's to try and be pregnant for a while! I am glad you are sorted now tho!

MM - poo - how old is your DH? did it start before you were pregnant?

Hope mumble is having a wonderful day

Nutty yay for the sofa!!

hello ladies - just been for a looooong massage

OH

MY

GOD

was it good.