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Due April 2009: Episode 17 - We're off of work and ready to push, time for DH's to attend to that bush!!

1007 replies

BabyBolat · 04/03/2009 16:06

Inspired by our Smutty x

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
SmuttyNuttyTaff · 06/03/2009 15:11

Bronze - thats what i count it as too tbh.

Swaliswan ((hugs) hope the paracetamol helps xx

bronze · 06/03/2009 15:11

Oh I'm taking wipes but they're alcohol and lots of other nasties free. they can boss me around all they bloody want, I'm ignoring people this time.

Bleuravin · 06/03/2009 15:12

Are there such things as witch hazel wipes over here? (for people...I found some for horses ) People use themin the states when they have hemmorids (sp)

BoffinMum · 06/03/2009 15:13

Well I am pretty bookish, and I have to say it wouldn't have occurred to me in a month of Sundays to read a book in labour.

Fridge man has been. Fridge has died due to a manufacturing fault. Here is my latest run in with the insurance people. You will like this.

Me: Hello, Doctor BoffinMum here (note, I learned from last time), I would like to make a claim for my freezer contents please.

Them: We have no record of a fridge freezer being purchased in your name.

Me: What do you mean? I rang about the other appliances earlier in the week, you must have records of all this. I have the insurance document right here.

Them: We need to speak to Sir BoffinMum. It is in his name.

Me: You cannot be serious. This is like an action replay of the other day with new forms of sexism. I don't belive this.

Them: Well Sir BoffinMum will have to ring us himself.

Me: Sir BoffinMum doesn't exist. My husband, Mr BoffinMum, is a Data Protection expert though and will probably issue you with a Section 12 notice requiring you to correct your records within the appointed time limit, otherwise he will take you to the Information Commissioner.

Them: You will have to ring John Lewis and get them to correct it on their system.

Me: Not according to the law I won't. That's your responsibility because it is your error.

Them: Well I could send you a form but you don't have a claim reference number.

Me: Could you give me one then?

Them: All right, but you have rung the wrong number.

Doncha just love call centres????

SmuttyNuttyTaff · 06/03/2009 15:13

Bleu - yup look in boots

SmuttyNuttyTaff · 06/03/2009 15:16

woohoo i'm saved !!

SmuttyNuttyTaff · 06/03/2009 15:20
SmuttyNuttyTaff · 06/03/2009 15:21

Boffin - they really are imbeciels (sp?) at that place!!

BoffinMum · 06/03/2009 15:23

re Undercarriages, I would suggest a little spray bottle rather than moist toilet tissue, because you probably won't want to be doing any wiping or getting chemicals on there in the aftermath, but spraying your bits with room temp water and then gently dabbing them dry with scrunched up toilet roll is usually the best option IME, if there is no bidet to hand.

Btw, have we said it is the only time in your life you are officially allowed to wee in the bath or shower if necessary, during the day or two after the birth. Just wop a load of Dettox over the bath/shower afterwards if you feel guilty. Weeing in the bath with a hand held spray shower thing pointed at your bits is the least awful way to do it, I reckon. Wee is sterile when fresh anyway.

Also if you have to do a poo, hold a clean maternity pad or folded wodge of loo roll against your perineum, and you end up needing to push less and it's not so painful.

Anyone would think I have done this before!!

BoffinMum · 06/03/2009 15:25

PS I did not mean that to sound like I was encouraging you to do a poo in the bath, btw. Clearly that would not be right.

BoffinMum · 06/03/2009 15:25

The poo monsters might come to get you!

SmuttyNuttyTaff · 06/03/2009 15:26

ROLF at poo in the bath thats why LuLu's DD is scared!! the poo monster does exsist!!

BoffinMum · 06/03/2009 15:28

Nutty, I actually enjoy ringing the call centre because you never know what bizarre nonsense they will come up with next. They'll be asking me for Jesus Christ next time I ring, surely??

Bleuravin · 06/03/2009 15:30

Lol at pooing in the bath...eeeeEEEW! Surely the poo monster AND your MOTHER would get you for that!

Bleuravin · 06/03/2009 15:32

All I can say about the book ladies is we will have to wait and see... Dh will hopefully be on hand to take pics, otherwise I'll use phone and download to facebk

Bleuravin · 06/03/2009 15:34

Boffin I get such discourse from people all the time; I thought it was because I was American and they thought I was trying to con them some way...

Bleuravin · 06/03/2009 15:36

Does anyone else get hot flashes while having BH? I feel real odd.. perhaps I should start reading my book now...

SmuttyNuttyTaff · 06/03/2009 15:36

Boffin - you could always call them and say "this is God Speaking, i demand you fix DrBoffinMum's Fridge in a timely manner she is doing my work by bringing another child into the world, she needs the fridge"

SmuttyNuttyTaff · 06/03/2009 15:40

dont forget to deepen your voice

Bleuravin · 06/03/2009 15:41

lol ah Nutty you make me smile

SpringySunshine · 06/03/2009 15:44

First of all, yaaaay, Nutty's back! Thank God - the thread was almost clean for a while! I shan't get too excited until I've caught up & know that you're still out of hospital & hopefully feeling a bit better after a night in your own bed. Really pleased that it doesn't appear to be PE, though - the CS & so on can be fought for, so all is not lost! xx Ooh, just read about the Milk Tray - nice!

BB, we've had no contact at all with MIL since the wedding. Nothing. I sent them a thank you card (I'm not really sure what for ), but that's it. There's been no texting or phoning in either direction. DH has spoken to his brother a few times (& I have a couple of times, briefly), but no mention's been made of her at all, I don't think. Except we know that she has a job interview at some point, but that was just mentioned in passing. It really is just a mystery as to what's going on! DH is still very supportive, though. We were watching something on tv where someone said that men marry women like their mothers & he was quick to point out that I'm nothing like his mother because I'm not a stroppy cow, etc. (I still think he's building up to ask permission for something ) Meh, we'll see. He has to go up soon for his brother's birthday, but I shan't be going because of the journey / single bed / etc. It'll be interesting to see what happens without me there.

Interesting dreams there, Boff Last night, I had a dream that I was a young Asian boy having to fight to the death with another, older Asian boy. (I mention the Asian thing purely to show how far removed my reality it is!) I was just winning (I had him on the floor & was kicking him repeatedly in the testicles) when the phone rang. I have no idea what it was about.

Kaz's babies are so cute! Lovely little things! Ohhhh, They're little April babies! Like ours! I wonder how barb is. I want to see the triplets! & I want to see MINE! [impatient]

Sorry to hear that people are having problems with their DH/Ps. I think at this point it's just beginning to get real for the men & they're having to take stock of what's going on. Until this point they've been able to bury their heads in the sand a great deal, despite everything. Now, suddenly, they have to deal with the fact that these babies will be coming in just a few weeks & everything that goes with that. They'll sort themselves out in time, I'm sure - they love you. They're just freaking out at the moment & don't have any MNers to talk to to get some perspective or support.

BB, I had a bit of a taste of how it'll be for the first-time men when I was in hospital - DH got really withdrawn & quiet, & was quite visibly shaken by the whole thing. I asked if he was okay & eventually he said that he just hated being so helpless. It helped, strangely, to keep giving him little things to do (obviously it won't be so possible in transition, but in early labour I think it'll be okay) like filling up the cup of water, or going to see if the MW was in the corridor anywhere, etc. It sounds stupid, but just giving him a purpose (even just holding your hand through the contractions / looking at the trace if you're on the monitor) made him feel a lot more in control, which helped us both. Of course when we're in total agony we won't be able to set up little activities for them like they're toddlers but I'm hoping that he'll be able to be involved in reminding me to breathe / facilitating some of the active birthing positions or whatever. & if I'm screaming at him to leave me alone, well that's just tough

electra, really good to hear that LO's grown & HB is back on We'll be wanting a live birth thread!

Boff, that insurance company appears to be part of some sort of sketch show. You're obviously accessing a fictional comedic routine through a portal in your phone, somehow

Bleuravin · 06/03/2009 15:49

Yeah Nutty and Springy on this aft! Now where's frekkles and the rest? We can finish this thread off by 9

SmuttyNuttyTaff · 06/03/2009 15:49

Springy ((hugs)) xx lol i still need to smut up the thread tbh its still a tad too clean

SpringySunshine · 06/03/2009 15:50

Pfft, you stand a good chance of my company all day at the moment - DH is being a bit of a twazzock & you are all much nicer

SpringySunshine · 06/03/2009 15:51

It didn't seem that clean when I was reading about nasal rape

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