Congrats Effie and Turnip! looking forward to hearing... thanks to the advice on boobs and how long and which one... ohmigod having been off MN for a week, i thought i wouldn't need it again now dd was born, but it is fantastic - thank you all so so so much. it helps to know others are out there (albeit nameless and faceless) going through the same thing.
warning: post about dh - might be long...
Well, the PIL have gone (until tomorrow morning). It got so bad that when dh and MIL were with dd during one of her frenzies, mil said something to dh and he lost the plot, stormed out and slammed the door on her. this is a really big deal. They are an incredibly repressed family where no one says what they feel, only what they think they ought to say (not so much my dh, but he does fall into it when with them). Afterwards, when he returned dh managed to say to his mother that what he needed from her right now was unconditional support, not criticism ? I was so proud of him for saying that. I feel like I am helping him to grow up and confront his parents ? he is 38 and he has never done so. They don?t really know who he is, and he is too scared to let them. Anyway?
JJ - thank you for your post, and verso ? we seem to be having a lot of similar problems. Have been reading these posts out to dh who is enormously encouraged that we are not the only ones. He is having a really hard time of it at the moment. He says he has cried more in the last week than in all the rest of his life put together. I think the shock of how dd came into the world, has really rocked him. He feels so protective towards her, so responsible for her, so utterly powerless and yet powerful. The first time she had one of her frenzied fits, he said he scared himself by the rage he felt towards her. He told her to shut up and nearly shook her and then hated hated hated himself for it. He is so worried about being a bad parent (and of course this brings up his own MENTALIST parents and being sent to boarding school at 7), and about doing the best for dd that sometimes it paralyses him with fear and guilt. He feels guilt because he can?t help, because he hasn?t got boobs, that he can only do the laundry, cooking etc. he feels the need to sit up with me, even when he is utterly exhausted, just to prove how helpful he?s being, when actually he would be more helpful to me less tired in a couple of hours time. He also feels enormous guilt at the feeling that sometimes he wishes dd didn?t exist ? he wonders why we ever wanted to do this as it is causing ourselves so much stress at the moment. He sees his life stretching into the future with no change - Is there such a thing as PND for men because I think he may have it ? he?s actually mentioned suicide a couple of times (which is pretty drastic, but is probably a product of it being the middle of the night more than anything). Poor love.
ZJ i read your birth story ?and it had me in tears (in front of MIL, so that?s something). Our dd is now one week old. During the day I was having flashbacks to this time last week and getting really teary. Am going to have a go at ours?