Well guess who's the saddo who hasn't anywhere to go over New Year Well it has given me time to catch up on the threads as you all write so fast
Scraggyaggy - Gosh the person you work with is having another abortion after just having one? Gosh I don't mean to judge but I don't think hell and fire would get me having sex again with a male creature after all this! My friend wondered why she got pregnant after using the withdrawral method of contraception (well we all know it isn't actually contraception) for 2 years. When she told me that was her contraception I thought she was joking... Well I guess she has come to terms with stuff now and said she didn't want to 'spoil the moment' but has since learnt contaception is a must.
I don't understand why in Britain people just don't seem to be using contraception - not just contraception but protecting there sexual health you know. My old Dutch friends couldn't concieve of having sex without a condom, but they are taught about relationships in school and it was normal for Dutch kids to be 19 and a virgin. I guess we don't really talk about much in Britain but it is becoming a serious matter.
I am waiting for my blood test results - the ones I had in Cardiff haven't been transfered here yet I am a bit jittery about the HIV one as someone was saying on an earlier thread but not getting too overboard about it.
I dunno having the HIV test done and of course being pregnant really makes you think. All those trips I took to cap nurse seem a bit of a waste now I am living proof 1 night is all it takes even with the morning after pill.
Honesly I am all prepared for my childs teenage years and embaressing the hell out of them by talking about sex. However it has to be done in the climate of things now. I won't be avoiding it. I have been treated like crap by too many men not to have the conversations. My mum never talked about that stuff with me and I spent years building my self esteem from magazines - needless to say I had none. But did learn about STD's and contraception. I won't be leaving said child to go repopulate bristol without having some sort of conscience. A touch of guidance.
Uwila - only just got around to finishing the first part of June thread. Yeah I am used to conquering the world on my own I hope to be a feminist writer (if the baby doesn't sap me of energy) at some point in my life. Though much more hard work needed. As to what you were saying I will protect the child but I will be telling the truth. The encounter I had with the father was not nice - it was degrading. If the teenager wants to meet him he may say many things. I can't control that. I'll just have to try raise an emotionally balanced kid who can make up their own mind. I can't give him a choice really I have not come to terms with the way he treated me. Thats nothing to do with the baby though.
I raised myself - my father is amazing but I have spent my life putting mine back together and getting tough. My Dad is a good friend but I don't see him much. My mum controls him really. However he told me there is some money in a trust for my baby so the fathers money is obsolete. I don't need it. Might even be able to send may kid to a good school and that is really going to matter when I am on my own. I went to state school for a while but I stopped going in, skived off, smoked as things were burned down. My father worked as a dr so he moved me to a school where it suddenly became cool to work.
Anyway in the new year I am going to visit Bristol university and try and secure a place there for the year after the child is born. I have loads of work prepared and can take an examination and things. I've contacted the tutors. All in all I don't intend to need the fathers help as I have always wanted to make my own cash. I always hated my mother and watched her live off my Dad so she taught me about the kinda women I never ever want to be. I'll hopefully be doing the continued learning at Bristol Uni next year which will give me a break from looking after my baby for a few hours each week.
Infact I have never been more motivated than since I have been pregnant. If only I wasn't so tired though. Well I am sure I have bored people enough. I have alot of plans and swing between hating being pregnant vehemently and not minding the prospect of having a baby. I think thats it, I want my child but I don't want to share my body.
Infact I feel so alienated from my body at times in a fit of anger the other day I said I was giving the baby up. I guess it is difficult feeling overrun but a hypothetical baby. I saw the dancing at the scan but it is a far memory. The heart beating today did make me smile though - hence I have been looking at reconquering the world I guess when you are on your own it is hard to keep your mood up, you wonder what it is all for. I always imagined a great love and thus being pursuaded by the curly haired God to put aside my selfishness and think about having a child. Though I am not at all the romantic type; it was one of those hypothetically I may consider having a child in this scenario, if miracles actually existed. I see that the great love is all very nice in theory but I can't wait around. Seeing as the baby seemed rather intent on coming anyway despite my efforts over the years to make sure I didn't accidentally reproduce. I really am not interested in men who can't do for me what I can do for myself.
I bought myself a powerdrill for Christmas I figured I wasn't getting any pressies anyway... I have to say though ladies I wouldn't mind being a married chic when push comes to shove. Though saying that I had 2 parents and hated my mother so much that when people used to talk about divorce on the playground I would proffer 'I'd live with my Dad' secretly hoping he would realise she was a vindictive cow and leave her. Well we can't all get what we want. I put up with her for years. I still put up with her in a way; emotional blackmail insults abuse etc... Not quite sure why my father loves her really.
Anyway this time I am actually going. You probably didn't actually want to hear my endless musings - but then I have no husband to moan too sorry I must seem rather selfish