Dec19/Jan20 IVF Graduates - Thread 2

[Chooklass]

New thread for us all to keep in touch. Think we're all nearing the end of the first trimester or dipping our toes into the second ... how far we've come since the days of agonising over stims!

Link to old thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/birth_clubs/3812203-Dec19-Jan20-IVF-Graduates

Oh @October2020 congratulations for cooking a healthy little baby girl in there! So happy for you.

So so far we have a girl and a boy, so the pressure is off :)

@Chooklass I was chatting actually with a fellow mum to be (not IVF, not even planned) and I was so surprised to hear the pregnancy from her point of view , I can admit I got honestly jealous of the way she talked about it, so casual and different than me, I wish I had a bit more of that attitude. I also didn't feel comfortable sharing my fears and worries as I thought if I say things that are on my mind it would just put negative thoughts in her head.

Really hoping we will get to the point when we really just enjoy all this! :)

At the other day saw the original post on the top of this thread and got rather emotional thinking how far we have come and was thinking about the girls who had to leave, it is really such an emotional journey and unfair sometimes. Hope they are all ok and can try again soon!

@Chooklass funny enough the 4 months we tried naturally were the most stressful for me 😂😂😂

Morning all, sunny bank holiday yesterday, hope you all enjoyed it. Seems like people are jn a good place at the moment with lots of good news too and @October2020 I'm
pleased to hear you are getting the extra care and reassurance too.

@DobbieFreeElf how have things been with you? You mentioned below having delay with EPU a lot recently, is all ok?

Glad to hear others aren't finding out the sex, will help my willpower!

A note on the Dopplers by the way, whoever said be careful of them, having been to the GP for a quick check up on Thursday, couldn't agree more. It took her AGES to find the heartbeat. She found mine twice, once I think from the placenta and it sounded totally different to the first time. You could easily get it wrong. And it was very difficult for her to actually find baby's so you could get panicked too. If anyone is thinking of doing it at home, I really wouldn't.

On a side note, at 17+6 it was still much lower than you'd think! Although she found the uterus a finger below the naval which was bang on, that's only the very top of it of course. Heartbeat was located down not much above the pelvic bone which really surprised me! So much more squashing to do in there 🙈

And @justkeeprunning5 yes I booked my NCT three weeks ago, having been on the website and found they only had three spaces left already! Although I think I'm three weeks ahead of you so don't worry. Also says it will be via zoom at the moment which would be a pity but I do get it...

I'm planning to book NCT after 20w scan. Can't wait! I think I started feeling the movements. It's not at all flutters but more a rolling feeling that goes on for a bit and makes me worried the baby is in distress, it hurts sometimes too. Also not yet 100% sure it is the baby... has anyone else felt it yet? How do you know it is the baby? Also feeling loads of heartbeat down there. Must be my main blood stream artery. Hope everyone is having fantastic long bank holiday weekend. Oh also got a book the other day The Science of parenting by M. Sunderland. Very interesting! Tell you about baby development, why they cry, how to sooth them. Main message, always sooth and be patient.

@Viletta Book sounds interesting! I'm going to do some proper reading once 20 wk scan is out of the way.

The movements are so feint at this stage it's really hard to be sure isn't it!? I became convinced because they are always in same place and getting a bit stronger. I sometimes feel the rolling thing you mentioned - it must be doing cartwheels! I'm starting to feel little taps now, which must be tiny kicks? I love it! ❤️ Feeling really impatient for next scan now, not til 28th x

@mine I'd on the 18th.... can't wait! I do feel little taps too.. hope I'm not imagining things.

Thanks for checking in @Wimbledon1! I’m ok, although you’re right I had a nightmare with EPU last week. Basically I started taking daily aspirin as advised because of the Papp-a result, and then the next morning I woke up spotting. Didn’t worry too much as I know my SCH was still there at 12 weeks. But then it continued the next couple of days so I called (it was a Sunday) and spoke to a lovely midwife and explained that it seemed coincidental that I had had nothing then took the aspirin and it started, she told me probably best not to take aspirin that night and talk to the EPU guys the next day. So on the Monday a horrible witch from EPU called me and basically said “keep doing what you’ve been told what to do”. Really abrupt. Anyway that day I didn’t spot but she had told me I should restart the aspirin as that was what I was told to do (and how dare I question it) I took it again that night and the next day I was spotting again. I decided to call my GP and explain that when I took the aspirin I seemed to start spotting. My question was “does the good that the aspirin is meant to be doing outweigh the spotting?” She said she wasn’t a specialist and so didn’t know the answer to my specific question and said that she would call the EPU and ask for a consultant to call me. At the end of the day I got a call and it was the same bloody woman. She was exceptionally rude, started the conversation by saying “You’ve left a message for me to call you but I rang you yesterday” I explained that I had actually called the GP who had thought I’d be best to speak to the EPU. She accused me of being the one to call the EPU again and then went on a tirade of “I told you yesterday you should just do what I told you” she then asked when my next appointment was and I told her 2 weeks and she said “well you’ll just have to wait to see if the midwife can find a heartbeat” which obviously was mighty reassuring... not! I’m a pretty touch cookie but I came off the phone in tears, I was so sad and she just wouldn’t answer my simple question.

So I’ve been full of all the anxieties all of you have been explaining, just counting the days until my midwife appointment. I’ve not felt anything yet, trying to reassure myself as my waistline is definitely still expanding but other than that I have no idea if it’s ok or not.

I really hate being so negative all the time, my first pregnancy I was so naive, I wish I still was!

Glad to hear that some of you are feeling some movements not long til everyone’s 20week scan comes around!

For those looking for a book, this is really the best baby book, it was so accurate! www.amazon.co.uk/Your-Baby-Week-ultimate-UPDATED/dp/0091910552/ref=nodl_?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Bloody hell @DobbieFreeElf - that sounds awful! What a horrible woman! 😡 How can she not understand how stressful that must be for you?! Sounds like she's in the wrong job. So are you still left wondering if you should take the aspirin or not? I'm sure your tough little bub is doing fine in there but totally understand your worry x

Don't feel bad about being negative - that's what we're here for ❤️

@DobbieFreeElf what a horrible woman! I wonder if there is anyone else there you can talk to. Aspirin thins the blood and I'm wondering if it's the cervix or why would you spot. I would honestly call the triage and ask to speak to someone else. You don't need to explain yourself, you are spotting and worried and don't want to revert to google. You call for reassurance and not to question their prescription. I'm so mad at this midwife on your behalf right now!!

Thank you for the book suggestion, I was looking for something exactly like this!

@DobbieFreeElf also wondering if you could push your appointment a week earlier.. maybe the hospital could do it for you taking into account the situation.

The worst part was when she said “I know this is a very precious ivf pregnancy but...” so condescending. My husband suggested I could send a letter to the hospital after but I was just too fed up and upset.

@Viletta That was exactly my point and I thought my question was completely valid and she didn’t really ever answer it.

The spotting eased off last week and I’ve only had some very light brown discharge when I’ve been on a long walk so I have cut down by exercise even more.

Midwife appointment is on weds so hopefully it will all be ok then and we can look forward to the 20 week scan.

Is it just me or does anyone else tell people you’re expecting them immediately think “that’s one more person I’ll have to tell if it goes wrong”? Still can’t shake that feeling

@DobbieFreeElf I'm so sorry you had such a horrible experience with the EPU. I would definitely make a complaint - other people who meet her might not be as strong as you.

Worth ringing the scanning number and asking for an earlier appointment. I did for my 12 week scan as I was going to be nearly 14 weeks and they moved me no problems.

Definitely understanding the feeling of worrying about having to tell people if we lose her now. There's a staff email going around each week with people's lockdown announcements and I haven't yet contributed. I know it is going to look really odd when I get back to work and am obviously very pregnant but I just can't risk there being a written celebration of a baby that I'm just not confident will make it. But then I feel like I'm being negative and I should try to celebrate!

It’s just my 16 week midwife appointment and she only does them on a weds, I did think about asking about moving it forward last week but I decided to leave it be. The witch at EPU said they definitely wouldn’t be scanning me again.

Do you think you’ll feel better after your 20 week scan? I think I will. One month today!

Yes I am very much hoping I will start to feel better after 20 weeks but tbh I have resigned myself to always feeling a little bit like this.

Someone said to me the other day that I need to give myself a break and do what feels right. It doesn't feel okay for me to have a fully painted and furnished nursery and clothes up to a year and toys and etc etc etc. I don't want a baby shower. I am too fearful that it is tempting fate. But that's OKAY. It's different to other people but it isn't wrong. I'm planning to get what I need to bring a baby home and then we can go from there if she comes home and is safe. I don't want a baby shower but a friend suggested asking everyone to give a children's book instead, which feels less like 'opening baby gifts' so I am going to ask for that instead of a traditional shower.

It isn't how other people might get through a pregnancy - a friend of mine is weeks behind us and already has her pram made up in her living room - but that doesn't make it wrong, it doesn't make our babies any less loved and it doesn't make us bad mothers.

I've mostly written that to remind myself 😆 but you are doing a brilliant job making it through each day. Well done to all of us - with our worries and fears and hopes and excitements. We are doing brilliantly.

Oh @DobbieFreeElf that's awful, I would definitely suggest you call the triage and ask to speak to someone else (she must have a day off...). So sorry you had to go through this, must be scary. I was surprised they didn't give me Aspirin and my levels are even lower than yours, hope this does help you and your baby despite of the spotting.

On that topic I had my 16weeks midwife appointment on Friday when heard the heartbeat and she measured the fundal height (19cm) and we went for the NIPT Harmony scan yesterday, thankfully they found everything as it should be, baby is growing nicely and we found out we are having a boy. :)
It was very emotional as for no reason whatsoever we both were convinced it's a girl so we were just sitting there in silence had no idea what to say, were in shock really. :) Thinking back it was kind of funny how we agreed not to allow ourselves believe in gut feelings and I genuinely thought I didn't let my brain go towards that picture, but when we found out we also realised how much we already created an image of this baby being a girl. Interesting how minds work.

So then we took a long walk on the beach and started talking, building a new vision. What's crazy is that we had no boy names. At all. So started discussing names and and it slowly started to make sense and we got very excited. It somehow now feels more real to us.

Same here! I'm not buying/ planning anything yet, and wont be having a baby shower.

The pram thing @October2020 😱😱😱!!! Does anyone else know the superstition about pram wheels? My Mum is obsessed with pram wheels not being in the house before the baby is home! Nothing else seems to matter, just pram wheels 🤷‍♀️. No reason, just one of those strange old superstitions - north-east Scotland is rife with them, it's a minefield! Doesn't really help my already-paranoid state, either!!

I didn’t buy anything for DS until I was 39 weeks! I was superstitious (but not anxious like this one)! I remember at our first NCT one woman (who turned out to be a bit of a dick) told us all how she had washed, ironed (why?!) and put away her baby clothes as well as having the nursery totally ready from 20 weeks. I didn’t own anything baby related until my last week before my due date. Each to their own!

With regards to the nursery etc, really you don’t need to do it before the baby arrives, they’re in your room for months at first and all your best intentions of using their changing table for every change go out the window when you’re changing them every 5 minutes! A changing mat and supplies in every regularly used room is much more realistic!

A boy @Lily999 that’s exciting! 💙💙💙

I love the idea of books! Books last forever (although reading the same fecking book every night instead of the tens of others you have is bloody irritating!)

@Chooklass at first I didn’t but actually thinking about it I am sure I heard it before! My family is all from N.I so they’re full of old Irish superstitions!

A boy @Lily999 ! Lovely news!!! 👶🏼💙X

I remember reading somewhere that IVF produces slightly more boys, and ICSI slightly more girls but they don't know why! Did anyone here have ICSI? I can't remember now!

🙋🏻‍♀️

I had ICSI and we are having a girl- about a 53.1% for a girl apparently!

We had icsi! I think it depends on whether they used additional selection methods like picsi or macs. Our sample was too small for these bonuses. Will find out the gender in a week!

I am not superstitious but I see that not buying much in advance comes from practical thoughts. I definitely won't do a baby shower. I don't know anyone who has it, I've only been in the UK for 5 years though. MIL wants to get us a couple of things and friends will send clothes once we know if it's a boy or a girl. I won't bother with the nursery as it's a guest room at the moment and plenty of relatives would want to stay over while the babe sleeps with us. I want minimum of baby things all practical with a couple of cute additions that the baby will enjoy looking at.

We had ICSI and having a boy, but that is interesting it's more likely to be a girl!

I am with everyone on not buying stuff too early. I reckon we'll be last minute purchases too.
A friend has knitted us some clothes which already makes me feel a bit anxious that it is too early 😬.

@DobbieFreeElf I am so sorry, what a scary time, not helped by that useless EPU nurse! She is definitely in the wrong profession!
Hopefully the midwife will reassure you but I am sure it's just the aspirin taking effect.
I think a lot of us have that worry of things not working out, I think it is natural after infertility and the disappointments that come along with that. X

@October2020 congratulations on your girl!!! 😍

@Wimbledon1 I am so glad you managed to hear the heartbeat and have that reassurance. ❤️

@Viletta @Chooklass that is so exciting you're feeling the kicks! It must make it all feel more real. Apparently I have an anterior placenta so may not feel movement until 24 weeks+ 👎 / I will have to live vicariously through you all!

@Lily999 congratulations on your boy!! 💙
We were the same thinking it was a girl and also have very few boy names. Good thing we have time to think of some!

What the hell @DobbieFreeElf?! That's awful! What a horrible woman, everyone I've come across in the process has been so kind and understanding of my concerns - even the GP last week Dopplering me when I didn't really need it. How dare someone at EPU treat you like that when you had a genuine problem. As someone else said, so mad for you. Sounds thankfully like this has eased up but if it starts again I'd definitely ask to speak to someone else or even go to a different hospital pretending it was an emergency. What a wench 😡

I also totally relate to what you are saying about each new person you tell feeling like another to have to say to that it's gone wrong, that's exactly how I feel too. I've still told only a handful of friends because of it. A shame really but as @October2020 said, am sort or resigned to this being the way for me!

@Lily999 congratulations, so glad everything is well!! Exciting about the boy too. I am the opposite in thinking it's a boy (for no reason) but not having any boys names, only girls! 😂

I definitely got some kind of kick or flip at the weekend. Like others I'd had a few 'is that small twitch, a baby or a muscle' etc but really didn't know. Then Friday night on the sofa zoom quizzing after dinner I got a fairly substantial pair of jumps. Big enough to make me jump. It was actually exactly how they tell you not to expect it, that you won't just feel it strongly out of nowhere but I did, and it can't have been anything else. Must just have hit in the right place though, have felt nothing like it again although now I know where it is I'm able to identify the right occasional pop and twitch as the baby too.

Counting baby movements, that'll soon be a new thing for me to worry about 😂

Thank you girls for the congratulations, it did come as a shock as for some reason I freaked out thinking how could I ever bond with a boy? Would I understand a boy? I've always been a girl :D Since then I have been adjusting and keep telling myself it'll be ok, kids are kids, I might need to read more books as I grew up with only me and my sister, but will learn how to raise a boy I am sure. :)

We are the same @FlapJackered had ICSI and having a boy. We had Anna for a girl, now have Oliver for a boy. We both love the name, just a bit concerned as it seems it was a bit too popular in 2019.... :/ Would that stop you from using a name? We live in Scotland and it means there are about 270 Olivers out there from 2019, what are the chances of them being in the same class?

@Wimbledon1 that's amazing you felt movements, so happy for you! Have had a few questionable sensations, I think we are getting there, but slowly. Totally agree on monitoring movements, we will be the worst haha let's be realistic :D But I'd rather do that then miss something TBH.

As for baby stuff we haven't bought anything, however my sister gave us tonnes of baby clothes as her kids grew so we have them in the attic, hope that doesn't bring bad luck or anything!