Due March 2008 - meeting up for pies and cakes

[derah]

A nice new little thread for Skidoodle and anyone else who needs it.....

hello and welcome newbies

with regards to taking dp/dh to booking app, no i didnt this time, but its 4th time round for us

dp did come with me for all my app with ds1 pretty much, but we were at uni and had plenty of free time on our hands.

i dont think partners need to be there, but if it makes you feel more comfortable, supported etc, then there is no reason why not

MoM - I know you've been having worries - can you not manage an earlier scan to put your mind at rest? The only real worry about twins for us is that we really really don't have room. But of course we would manage. I've been having panics that bean won't be alive when I go for my scan, sometimes I'm so sure it's crazy.

I'm afraid this is me checking out of the thread. Had my scan today, and discovered that the baby stopped developing at around 6 weeks. Unfortunately, my body doesn't appear to have noticed, as ilustrated by the increasing nausea over the last 2 weeks, and lack of any spotting or bleeding whatsoever. Nature can be cruel.

Puts a bit of a damper on becoming an aunt in February, but hopefully I'll be pregnant again by then, so won't mind so much.

Anyway, statistically speaking, this improves the odds for the rest of you, so don't let this start a new frenzy of paranoia for those who haven't had their scans yet.

Good luck with your pregnancies.

Hi all
I hadn't thought about taking DH to booking in appt - he's coming to scan, which I thought was enough for him, but you've got me wondering whether I should ask him to come along!!

Mumofmonsters - Have you got your scan date yet? 11 weeks.... you're almost over the danger period love. I know you won't want to rest on your laurels, given that you've had a bad experience in the past with a missed mc, but I'm rooting for you - not long to go now and I'm sure you will be able to breathe a big sigh of relief and joy. Thinking of you, particularly coming up to your scan date xx

Well, i've been very unproductive today at work. Off home to curl up in front of telly
xx

Flossie F
Crossed post, and I'm so sorry that my post will have appeared so insensitive. So sorry for you - take care of yourself
xx

FlossieF - im so sorry hun how are you? i had a mmc before i fell pg with this one but found out really quickly. im so sorry your having to go through this, have you decided what you going to do? thinking of you xx

No - have ruled out the doing nothing option, but haven't decided between drugs or surgery. Tending towards drugs so as to avoid unnecessary general anaesathetic. Depends if I can handle the bleeding. What a top choice.....

(((flossie))) xxxxxxxxx thinking of you xxx

i know its horrid, i had the drugs as i didnt like the thought of surgery. it wasnt anywhere as bad as i expected, cramps no worse then period and bleeding no heavier. i was 6 1/2 weeks when mine happened and they didnt see anything so they had a look 'up there' and to be honest that was the worst bit (apart from emotionally). i know everyones different but i hope its helpful.

Oh Flossie, I'm so sorry that is really tough news

hugs for you and all best wishes

Flossie oh that is heart wrenching for you, I'm so sorry for your grief. You're amazing to think forward to coping with Feburary like that. Please let us know how you get on with your decision. xx

Flossie...so very sorry. Hugs.

Have worked out the reason for DH being so crap. He's having an affair. Well, he swears it's only a text affair with phone sex (I found the messages, then he admitted it.) I'm not so sure. He says it's because I've been unattentive(vomit and sex don't mix for me) and the pregnancy is too much for him.
Is this much stres good for baby? Groan...don't know what to do.

bloody nora T! ARSE! what an ARSE!! him, not you.

actually, why should YOU work out what to do? kick him out, remind him he chose to be with you and make a baby. tell him you'll talk when he's thought about it?

sorry no more sense from me...i hope someone else helps more.

turtle, you poor thing

how are you feeling? shocked? or does this make sense of what's been happening between the two of you?

I think it would really help for you guys to get some marriage counselling. That's what I think I'd do in your shoes. I know the NHS lists can be long, but if you can afford to go private, I would think it would make sense.

There are obviously things that need to be sorted and because of your pregnancy there's kind of a deadline.

As for your being "unattentive"? I'm speechless...

Don't worry too much about the stress not being good for the baby, life will always keep happening while we're pregnant, and that will sometimes mean stress.

Can you get away somewhere to stay with a friend or sister or mum for a couple of days and chill out and take stock? It might help you get perspective and be in a more comforting environment. You could take naps and make cakes and cry on an understanding shoulder when you need to.

bloody hell turtle what a tw@, dont know what to say but its not your fault your spewing and dont feel up for it and thats definitly no reason for him to do that. chop his balls off

sorry that grin looked a bit too much i hope your ok turtle xx

bloody hell turtle - what an arse. And being unattentive?? Cheeky fcuker. I would cut his balls off and then blame it on hormones. (I'm a lawyer - I'd defend you on the basis of hormones and dimished responsibility - any jury in the land would clear you)
If you can, I would see if you can get away for a few days, to put some distance and get some perspective, but I would also consider marriage guidance, if you do want to work through this.

Don't worry about the stress - everything will be just fine. As Skidoodle says - life has a habit of carrying on when you're pregnant, and your little'un will be unscathed by this, you'll see. On the other hand, I wouldn't for one minute hesitate about reminding your partner about stress not being advisable during pregnancy...

Take care xx

Oh Turtle, how awful! Aaargh! Men!! What first springs to mind is that you're better off without an idiot who is so childish and needy that he only thinks of how he is being neglected while you focus on growing the baby you made together. But on the other hand, pregnancy can bring out some very strange things in people, and if future your DH will probably cringe with shame at how poorly he treated you and what a childish, selfish ASS he was. So I'd have to agree with Skidoodle, that councelling will probably be the best option, if only so he can explore his real feelings and see why he's acting in such a totally unacceptable way.

I'd also agree that getting away for a few days to stay with mum/a good friend would help. You're in Surrey aren't you? Do you want me to come over and sort him out for you?

Oh and Flossie, I'm so sorry for you too, hun. You're living through my current recurring nightmare and I can't imagine how hard it must me. I hope you have lots of love and support. Big, big hugs.

So sorry to hear all the bad news this evening.
Flossie - it must have been a real shock for you. Look after yourself - thinking of you.
Turtle - I am speechless. I can only echo what others have said, i.e to maybe go and stay with a friend for a few days to take stock and decide where you want to go from here. Counselling is a good option, but your husband also has to want to make things work which means making an effort! I really can't believe his behaviour. Thinking of you...
xx

oh ((turtle)) what an arsehole, honestly.

i would recomend counselling, dp and i had it, for other reasons, we went throufh relate who were very good and they will do a discounted rate if you cant afford it.

as for the fact that he is missing out on sex becasue you feel ill, ffs who does he think he is??

on a lighter note dp mentioned to me that he had been missing (tmi) oral sex since i got preg, i quickly said to him that i didnt think he would find a blow job so nice if i vomited all over his as i did it he shut up pretty quickly at that.

Oh, ladies, so much sorrow tonight. Flossie, I'm so sorry that happened to you. You seem amazing in your post. My heart goes out to you. Turtle I'm speechless, never fail to be stunned by the actions of men. I, too, can only echo what others have said in that counselling may be helpful. But I'm so sorry you're having to deal with such a shit at this time of your life. I'm not going to offer any advice as it's not my place but I will say come and vent on here any time .
Love and hugs to you all.

Evening folks, sorry but I am afraid I have to add to the bad news. I started bleeding on Saturday, went to A&E then to the gynae ward. A scan showed that the baby had died around 8-9weeks - I should have been 11-12weeks. A repeat scan confirmed it all yesterday morning.

(((Flossie)))I ended up having an ERPC yesterday. They wanted me to wait until today, but I just couldn't manage another day. Luckily, we knew the guys doing the gynae list and they pulled a few strings so I could have it done yesterday. Physically, I'm fine - mentally, we're both a bit screwed up at the mo, but I'm sure we'll get through it ok.

Dh is being fantastic - it's no wonder I love him so much. We're absolutely gutted but thankful that we already have a beautiful little ds who has kept us going through all of this.

Thanks to all of you for your chat and support over the last couple of months. I'll check back every now and again if that's ok and look forward to hearing of your new arrivals next spring. Take care of yourselves and eat as much cake as you fancy x.

Turtle - so sorry, just read your post. I think you and your dp need to sit and talk honestly about everything - the pregnancy, affair, your relationship. I agree that counselling is a good idea. If you are able to resolve the problems, then you both have to be able to draw a line under events and move on with your life together. Hope you aren't having too bad a time & have some people around you that will support you through whatever happens.

gosh this thread is either all happy news or all sad news

winemakesmummyclever, I'm so sorry. i'm so glad you have a great DH to lean on and a lovely ds to take comfort from.

Of course it would way more than OK if you drop in from time to time, it would be so lovely if you want to do that. I'll really miss you and Flossie around here.