April 2020 Babies - Thread 2!

[LokiCat]

Hey all!

Looks like we filled up the first thread pretty fast! Took me a while to realise why I couldn't send a message.

This is the first thread I've ever created, so hopefully I've done it right.

I'm going to tag the most recent users that commented, so sorry for a lot of the people that I miss. Hopefully everyone will find this.

@ellarosee
@Sunshine8888
@PrincessConsuela12
@Nikkinoodle84
@Nebulae1981
@Harriettenightingale
@morgan158
@PurpleViolin
@poopatroop
@ruthsoph
@eskimod
@Sorbfsiabs

Previous thread - https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/3640572-April-2020-Babies?pg=1&order=

Happy 9 months to us all (or most likely less now!!) and congratulations to everyone new joining 💕

Just a mini vent...

Am I the only one who feels like they’re bad at this pregnancy thing?

I’m not glowing I just feel horrid and am dreading feeling horrid until April.

Everyone I speak to says how much they enjoyed being pregnant.

While I’m very grateful that I am pregnant and baby is/ will be very loved I can’t truthfully say I’m enjoying anything.

It’s just right now at 18 weeks I don’t feel pregnant... I find it hard to believe I’m having a baby...which maybe is quite normal for a first child. But also I just feel not myself. I feel gently weaker and more vulnerable which I never did before. I’m snappy and burst into tears all over the place. And I just had a dumb argument with my boyfriend and we never argue.

I’m also struggling with all the physical side effects. In the first trimester I had two kidney infections then constant nausea, now I’ve got what I’m guessing is rhinitis and so I can’t breathe through my nose at all which is making eating unpleasant and I’m really really struggling to sleep as even propped on a mountain of pillows I wake ever what feels like every two seconds with a horribly dry mouth and sinus pain.

I know I’m so lucky to be pregnant and that I don’t have hg or many other horrible symptoms or difficulties

But tonight I just feel blue.

*generally feel weaker not gently!

@CateyA Not sure if it's common but I'm the same. I feel weak, unfit, unhealthy and at times quite miserable. Want to feel 'the glow' but it's just not happening. Like you I've had loads of horrible symptoms and aside from seeing the baby dance about on the scans I'm not getting any sort of enjoyment from being pregnant. The guilt of feeling this way is just another stressor.

I just keep telling myself it's not forever

@CateyA @Pastnowfuture Yep, I hear you. I don't feel pregnant at all. I wake up to pee two or three times a night. I always wake up like I've slept in a sauna and haven't drank for 3 days. I'm snotty, my boobs hurt but worst of all, I just look fat. I compare myself on IG to other people and google #18weekspregnant - I know every body and bump is different but I feel like I will never look pregnant, or glow. I get out of breath running up stairs and feel like a human sloth. I've only put 3lb on but cos I feel so awful, feel like a mess cos 1/2 my wardrobe fits and 1/2 is unattainable. I also feel jealous that some people have loads of movement and I'm constantly wondering what is going on and worrying. I have felt her but I wish it was more often.
I don't want to not enjoy the pregnancy and I'm not bothered about the physical symptoms, I just wish I at least looked pregnant as I feel like an anxiety ridden fraud. It's a bit on an emotional rollercoaster that you can't really prepare for. X

@Pip231018 @CateyA Although I wouldn't wish it on anyone, it is reassuring that I'm not the only one feeling this way. X

Totally understand how you’re feeling ladies! I do think this 12-20 week bit is really hard. Like you say, you don’t really feel pregnant apart from the horrible symptoms and don’t really look it either. I can’t wait to have a proper bump so I don’t just look fat!! And if I could just start liking some healthy food again that would be great! I’m sure we will all be moaning in the third trimester that we wish we were back in the second 🙈

@Pastnowfuture
@Pip231018

Yes I totally agree it’s reassuring to know I’m not the only one as when I’ve tried to explain it to other mums it seems they simply can’t fathom it and tell me to ‘try and enjoy it’ which feels tough as of course I’m trying it’s just not currently working out!

So thank you very much for sharing in response to my vent xxxx

Just waiting for gp appointment as blocked nose has turned into breathlessness and tight airways and I’m using my inhaler lots more than normal. Fingers crossed they can suggest something to help.

@Sunshine8888
Ha ha I don’t dare imagine the third trimester yet! But you’re probably right xxx

@CateyA @Pastnowfuture @Sunshine8888
I had a MMC in May and I found out at a private scan. So even though I'm almost 19 weeks I still panic that my body has tricked me and I will one day find out it's all over. So I crave the bump, the feeling of pregnancy, anything that reassures me that everything is working as norm.

I don't want to look back and regret not enjoying it, but sometimes it's hard to not draw on past experiences. I'm just trying to get to the 20 week scan and hopefully once I know everything is ok, I can love the rest of my second trimester and then complain I'm the size of a house in my third!!

I hope you got in on at the DRs and they managed to help your breathing dilemmas. X

@Pip231018 I’m very sorry for your loss. That sounds very tough. I have to admit this is my first pregnancy but have many of the fearful feelings you describe so can imagine your experience must intensify those to a very tough level.

It’s sad we’re all beating ourselves up about the guilt of not enjoying every moment, fear of regret etc which can only be adding to current stress. Of which there is plenty in pregnancy plus normal life already (I’ve just found out my partner might be under threat of redundancy while we’re mid mortgage application/house purchase 😫)

In my slightly more zen state this pm I’m trying to resolve to stop putting so much pressure on myself and taking all the mums at works perfect pregnancy stories with a pinch of salt. Working at home rest of week too so I can escape them for a bit too!

Gp prescribed a nasal spray that takes a while to work but will help in a week or so I hope. I’ve decided to start my antidepressant I was prescribed a while ago to try and reduce my anxiety a bit.
And I’m praying all ok at my 20 week scan as that anxiety creeping in.

Aside from that I feel I’ve waffled far too much on this board this week so will be shhhhh now!

Thanks for the support and best wishes everyone xx

@CateyA that is 100% stress you do not need and worry you can't control. I suppose you just keep on plodding along and taking each day at a time. .

Fingers crossed everything is ok with your partner. Buying a house can be so stressful, make sure you take a break from it where you can. The purchases never go to plan, mine dragged on for 3 months when I was assured it would take 6 weeks. I lived out of boxes for weeks.

I hope both the nasal spray and the antidepressant help - take what you can get to help you manage the situation.

X

Morning ladies. Pregnancy stress is really tough, I'm totally with you on that! This is pg 6, I have one son who is ten, I constantly worry about baby after losses too. My partner has also been off work with depression pretty much all my pregnancy so far and is probably going to.hand in notice as they've not been at all helpful at helping him return to work. He's looking to end up with about half his take home so money worries are also high up.there. having said that, his mental health is more important, and we'll find a way to manage. I am looking quite big but hiding it at work still!

@CateyA don’t apologise or stay quiet, we are here to listen and support from afar! I have all those life stresses too! My company are merging and still don’t know what that means for me financially - currently I’m getting statutory maternity unless we transfer onto the new company policy before I go off... I do earn a decent second salary as a lawyer so it’s going to be quite the shock!! I do worry about how we will cope! my husband has been in limbo with his work for ages but finally had good news on Monday thankfully so hoping that’s one less thing to worry about. Our house is on the market as we hope to buy something bigger, closer to my husbands work. So just all the huge things currently in limbo 🙈 On top of the anxiety of baby being ok. It’s actually so overwhelming so I’m trying to just take one day at a time and tackle one thing at a time. Easier said than done though.

Hi there!
I'll take the opportunity to vent a bit too...
Finally my bump is starting to grow to the front, because until 18 weeks I was growing everywhere! My bum looks huge, my hips are larger, my legs don't show muscles anymore. All clothes look ridiculous, even the pregnancy ones. I feel fat and I'm craving sweets all the time.
I live in London and study in Leicester. I wanted to take this year off from Uni, it's my last one, but because I'm living in the UK with a student visa, they said if I stop, even just for this year, they will withdraw my sponsorship and I'll be deported in 60 days, even though my baby is British.
So I keep commuting and I get so overwhelmed when I get big assignments with short deadlines, I'm panicking almost every class when I feel like I'm failing at uni and failing at being a mom because I know my baby senses my frustration.
I'm really trying to be chill but it's just not happening!
God! It's so hard!!
Thanks for giving the space to put this out.
Xx

I think it's completely normal. At this stage there is the dawning realisation that your life is about to change, your finances need a much needed cash injection to support 12 months off work - most of which you won't get paid. It's all normal and I'm pretty sure everyone is worrying about the same kind of things.

I moved last year and bought a new build which has zero storage downstairs for a pram. So I bought a new car to keep the pram in the car. Then cos my car finance is more expensive, I literally skinted myself this month so I could buy my home and car insurance out right so I had less DDs on mat leave. It's crazy the pressure that you can put on yourself and with every day stresses mixed with hormones it's easy for everything to feel overwhelming.

When everyone comments on this forum, life just gets in the way. Be it health, uni, finances, I'm in the middle of a divorce, you'll get through it because every challenge is likely worth the outcome.

We've all survived every bad day so far. And as my partner reminds me, people do what we're doing with much less and in worse circumstances.

X

Well said @Pip231018 and what I needed after a tearful start to the morning. Hormones are obviously all over the place today 🙈

Hi All, I posted on here a while ago but haven't been back on since.

I am 18 weeks pg with a surprise baby No4 I have 2 DDs and 1 DS. Last week we decided to pay for a private scan to find out the sex. I was convinced it was a boy and DH said girl. Well I was right and it is another DS which is great as DS1 will have a brother and practically as we only have 3 bedrooms it means the boys and share and girls can share.

Unfortunately I am feeling disappointed with this and I feel so bloody guilty about that. It's not to do with pink or blue but my DS has been such hard work since he was born and he isn't a mummy's Boy at all and I'm convinced at times that he hates me. I worry so very much about raising him to be a good man but feel like I'm failing miserably and now I feel like I will fail all over again. I love my DS1 to pieces of course I do but struggle so much.

My DDs have been so very different to raise, and dare I say it easy in comparison to DS1, DD1 will be 18 in Feb and will be going off to uni in September next yr, DD2 is 9 and so very chilled and a real mummies girl.

I know that this little boy could be also very different then DS1 but I am panicking that if he isn't and he is also very challenging that I will not cope well at all. I had PND after DS1 and again I'm so worried this will happen again.

Please don't flame me, the thought of there being something wrong at the 20 week scan scares the life out, I just don't know how to deal with this disappointment I feel like an awful mother for feeling this way.

@fatisnotafeeling You are definitely not an awful mother! I think it's normal for a lot of people to have a preference and naturally there will be some feelings of disappointment when things pan out differently because you had a certain outcome/future planned in your head.

Deep down you already know that 2 children of the same sex will not necessarily have any of the same interests and personality traits. Saying that however I understand you cannot simply 'switch off' your anxieties (believe me I've tried on many occassions) so perhaps it would be good to talk to a midwife or other professional about how you are feeling?

@fatisnotafeeling

Please don’t feel guilty. You sound like a great mum but you are only human and anxieties arise even if you know that to a large extent logically they’re not based in fact or likelihood.

For me I worry about having a girl as I have a history of eating disorders which really wrecked a large part of my life. I can very much see how my mum passed her horrible relationship with food onto me and dread ever doing that to my child. Logically though I’m much recovered and very self aware (unlike my mum) I’m also planning more therapy to keep developing my body confidence and self love. But I’m sure if at the 20 week scan we find out it is a girl a part of me will panic. And yes before anyone points it out I know boys are just as succeptable to body imagine issues... which proves my point anxieties are illogical!

And yes like you this baby will be utterly loved and cherished which ever sex it happens to be

I’m case it helps I definitely know friends who have two or three boys and each of such different personalities. Likewise my best friend has two girls.. one wouldn’t say boo to a goose whereas the other is so confident she’s joke she must be the milkman’s daughter (she’s not! 😂)

Just give yourself time for your anxiety to pass and talk to others. I’m certain when baby is in your arms you’ll forget these worries.

Xxx

Hi all, is the Facebook group still going? I did ask to be added a while back never heard back x

If people send me a link to their FB profile, I'm adding them to the group x

Here's mine:

www.facebook.com/lanna.correa.5

I'm having a wobble today. I've been really worrying that I can't feel the baby move. I'm a first time mum so it's quite common to not feel anything at this stage. But I just feel in limbo, I wish I knew everything was ok. X

@Pip231018 I have been trying to feel for baby too. I find it works best when I’m super relaxed and have been lying down for a long time. I just put my hands on my belly and press down a bit and then just wait. Sometimes nothing happens but every now and again I feel something. My midwife said it is perfectly normal not to feel anything until 20 weeks plus and even then it probably won’t be regular

@Pip231018 I'm 21 weeks and I'm not feeling her yet.
Had my 20week scan last week and she was moving around crossing the legs, making a fist and opening the hands again. Everything normal.
I understand how you're feeling, I was really afraid because of that, but baby's fine and they've told me it's normal not to feel yet.
Everything will be ok.
XX