June 2019 - Part 7!

[Kescilly]

Hi ladies! Picking names, packing hospital bags - third trimester here we come!

I thought I'd start out with the stats this time and I'll post the updated name list in a bit. I've just included the data that I have, since a lot of people are missing bits (or quite possibly I've missed their posts). We come from all over, so I'll put that bit in another post later as well.

Our average age at estimated due date is 33! That should help some of us who are feeling older.

And that's not just because we're all second-timers! In fact, most of us are having our first baby this year.

Baby #1 - 31
Baby #2 - 26
Baby #3 - 9
Baby #4 - 1
Babies 1&2 together! - 1

Fifteen of us are expecting lovely little boys, nineteen of us are expecting darling little girls, and at least sixteen of us are waiting to be surprised!

The average due date is June 13th, and the most popular due date is June 24th. We don't have anyone expecting on the 15th, 23rd, 27th, or 30th as far as I can tell.

And if you happen to have a baby on my birthday (June 16th), your baby will be born on Father's Day this year!

Helps to hear I’m not alone with there thoughts. I have baby clothes from my other 2. It’s big stuff like Pram’s and beds. Scares me but I also know he could be here in as little as 5 weeks and he kind of needs somewhere to sleep

I sympathise - although the odds of anything going wrong are very small, I definitely don’t feel like this baby is guaranteed. But I can’t afford to pay full price for anything, so I’m having to grab bargains as and when I find them. If the baby does die, it will be a nightmare dealing with all of the things.

The only thing I can say, really, is that it is highly improbable that any of our babies will die. I hold on to the high probability of success, and hope for the best. I know that if my baby does die, nobody will be judging me and telling me that I was stupid to buy him clothes and somewhere to sleep. It will be an utter nightmare packing up his things. But I’m just hoping for the best.

I hope you feel less anxious soon (I know - it doesn’t tend to disappear just like that). It is very likely indeed that everything will be just fine.

On that front @napssavelives you are not alone.

I didn’t pack a hospital bag for DD, nor DS until 38 weeks; this time I feel the same as you moreso this time than ever before but for different reasons and stresses.

All you/we can do is live in the day we are in. “Today i am pregnant” is a mantra not just for the first 12 weeks.

I was brave and order snuzpod from boots as had a good offer on advantage points so got £27 of points with it.

Haven’t read the full thread but my midwife has been brilliant helping with my anxiety around the birth of this baby - I am now receiving rewind therapy and I cannot believe the difference it has made already. I am so hoping for a smoother delivery this time.

To throw fun into the mix, we have had an offer accepted on a new house - who knows what’ll come first, completion or the baby?! why oh why do I do this to myself?!

Another one here with fears over the baby dying. We've now got everything we need and are setting up the nursery today, washing baby clothes etc but I still have this horrible feeling at the back of my mind.

I've got an extra long weekend off work, not back until Thursday and I think nesting mode has kicked in! I've got 2 more rooms to tackle and I'll have scrubbed and decluttered the whole house, next up is the aforementioned nursery after dinner with the in laws. I got DH to cut the grass yesterday and we got some lovely new garden furniture. Also have the garage in my sights, it's been used as a bit of a dumping ground since we moved in last August. I'm so grateful for this boost of energy that's come from nowhere! I already feel better mentally for having done what's sorted so far.

Hope you're all having a lovely Easter weekend 😊

In terms of birth anxiety this is what helps me. If you stop and think about it your baby started out as the teensiest tiniest little speck and it has grown from that into a whole mini person. Your conscious brain did not have to do anything to achieve this. At no point did you have to think “ooh must do the eyes today” or “gotta to check our immunity sharing and finish off that left foot”. Your body knew how to grow your baby and your baby knew how to grow. You consciously have no idea of how to go about all the steps needed to grow your baby. But your body knows and your baby knows. The birth is just the last step - you don’t consciously have to know how to do it. Your body knows how to do it and your baby knows how to be born. All you need to do is not let your mind interfere too much. What you can to do help is be calm, feel safe in your surroundings and trust your body and baby have got your back on this one!

In terms of getting stuff I think it’s a case of do what feels right for you. Something going wrong is unthinkable but I try to remind myself worrying (unless it makes you take appropriate action) is basically just borrowing sadness from tomorrow that might never happen. In the vastness of trauma of baby loss dealing with a few physical things would really be the thin end of the wedge. You aren’t going to jinx yourself and we need to try and enjoy what we can. So if getting the pram but keeping it at someone else’s house till the baby comes feels right then do that. Or if having everything all washed and ready and arranged so you can stare at it and feel mega excited and a million other emotions works then just enjoy it.

I can totally relate to everyone's fears. I had three miscarriages before this pregnancy, and it's taken me until a few weeks ago to feel like it might actually happen. Now, it's helped by the fact that the baby is active and reminds me of his existence often! But I think a part of me won't quite get it till I'm actually holding him.

Same here @WeeBean - just sitting down after doing three loads of baby clothes washing. We've been given clothes, towels and bedding, and Friday we picked up a few missing things. Yesterday we trialled the strength of our marriage by putting together an ikea cot and changing table. The table especially was soooo fiddly. But it's starting to look like a baby might live here soon. Still, I'm looking at it all with a mixture of excitement, confusion and fear.

I feel very close to taking leave of my senses in their entirety.

DD has been an A1 sleeper since day dot and has lost it over the past 7/8 weeks.

She is presently having absolutely fucking epic tantrums on play dates and now is screaming - and I mean screaming blue murder as she refuses to settle.

Every fucking person with an opinion invited or not says “yeah, there’s a lot of change on, what with her knowing your having another baby and moving house” like it’s supposed to give me some sort of epiphany of realisation and suddenly it all becomes clear.

My sleep has been ripped apart for weeks to the extent it is making me ill, my heart condition is absolutely off the fucking scale atm and I just want to walk away from this fucking noise, go to sleep for two weeks and wake up having moved house.

I don’t know what I’m trying to achieve here and I know I should be sympathetic etc but I feel like I’m getting no let up right now - DH either - as even if she does go to sleep nicely at 7pm she is up again sure as eggs is eggs at midnight, 3 and 4:40 and for the day at 6.

I feel like I could walk in front of a fucking bus.

This forum really is amazing. I thought I was the only one worrying about stillbirth but hearing many of you ladies have the same fears (although I'm sorry you do!) makes me feel a bit better. I can't even imagine packing everything up if the worst were to happen. I just have to hold on and believe and pray it won't.

@PaulHollywoodsSexGut I'm sorry I don't have any words of wisdom but sending a virtual hug and much sympathy x

@PaulHollywoodsSexGut - aw man that is rough. Not getting enough sleep is hard at the best of times but preg is just brutal. How old is DD? What is she doing napwise during the day? My little guy definitely went through a phase of - he could still nap in the day but if he didn’t he slept better at night. Might not be anything to do with that but thought i’d mention just in case! Everything crossed she gets back into good sleeping ASAP.

In the meantime hope you can grab yourself the odd nap/early night/moment to scream into a pillow here and there!

@PaulHollywoodsSexGut you have my sympathise, my youngest was a shit sleeper and has pushed me to the edge multiple times. I have no useful suggestions but really hope you get some sleep soon, sleep deprivation is fucking shit

@DinoMamasaurus thank you for your post from yesterday - the things you say really help to put things into perspective. Luckily I’m not suffering too badly from anxiety this time, after being crippled with it in my previous pregnancy, but it always helps to read something like that.

The toddler sleep deprivation just seems so much worse than for babies I think...you have it cracked and you get used to sleeping and then it all goes wrong. My boy is a very good sleeper but I’m still recovering from a random two hour middle of the night meltdown the other night.

I’ve just had the biggest slice of chocolate cake and coffee and it’s only 0930. Not sure if it’s because it’s the end of half term and I’ve been so busy but I feel like I’ve hit a wall. I am so exhausted! I have a massage booked for Wednesday and I cannot wait.

@Dino wanted to second that thanks! Your post yesterday was so helpful and wise.

@DinoMamasaurus also want to say thanks, wise words!!

Does anyone know if I can ask for my labour to be induced? I've just realised I'm actually not coping well with this pregnancy anymore at all, it's really starting to get to me and I'm not sure how much more I can take.

Foetal movements wise, I've been in 5 times now between 20 and 34 weeks (granted that first episode was very early, but every other one has been after 24 weeks). I'm having my third well-being /growth scan on the NHS tomorrow to assess baby's wellbeing and growth, all other scans have been fine and all CTGs have been too. However I can't ignore it's happened 5 times and even if my scan is all good tomorrow I'm not happy to just been sent home on my merry way and be told "if it happens again come straight in etc etc". What if it's my body trying to tell me something?!

Emotionally, I've been battling diagnosed pregnancy related anxiety since about 18/19 weeks before the RFM episodes even started, so I know it's not been triggered by that but it's certainly being made worse by it. I'm not sure mentally I can take much more of being pregnant to be honest and every time I've hit a gestational milestone (12 weeks, 20 weeks, 24 weeks, 30 weeks etc) I've thought it'd go away but it hasn't. I'm really worrying about stillbirth now and with so many episodes of RFM, plus natural worries we all have anyway, I don't think I can be blamed. I'd rather baby out than in when I'm full term to be honest to reduce the opportunity for anything to go wrong.

Physically my pelvic pain and SPD is so bad I'm on crutches and have been for a couple of weeks. As predicted the bigger I get the worse it gets. I'm also anaemic and have been for months despite taking regular supplements so I'm now facing an imminent iron infusion. It's also having a knock on effect on my mental health.

With all these factors in mind, I'm seriously considering pushing for induction from 37 weeks onwards, or whenever the health care professionals think it's safe to do so and in light of the above. At the very least I would like extra regular monitoring until I give birth. Nothing of the sort has been suggested by the hospital so far and I'm not leaving the hospital tomorrow without speaking to my consultant or another doctor about this. Sorry about the unintended essay!

@rollerskaterdata

You can ask but expect a “why”?

The reasons you are giving are fair and compelling but I would consider a few things first:

1. If you come from a family of women who give birth “early” ie 38/39w then personally I’d go for it. If you come from a family of late term babies it’s likely you’ll go late too. Take it from me, don’t deliver your baby knowingly before time. It’s not worth it and will make you feel 100% more shit than you do now.

1. You sound like you could have a case for reassurance scans. I know that some trusts that take maternal mental health v seriously will scan at 37 and 39w. Worth an ask.

1. Pivot your argument around the SPD. This is your best clinical bet to get an agreed induction. Go in prepared with bullet points as to why you need this and the effect it’s having on you.

Good luck but please think twice if your family have a history of post 40w+ births

@PaulHollywoodsSexGut thank you for the reply. In terms of when baby's arrive in my family, I was a 36 weeker (natural labour, healthy) and my brother a 39 weeker (planned ceasarean, healthy). They still have no idea why I came early. My DS who is now 4 was a 38 weeker but I was induced with him due to fast onset high blood pressure and labour was long and arduous as my body hadn't started getting ready for labour at all yet, but he came eventually vaginally and was also healthy. No idea how long I would've been pregnant for if left to my own devices. DH and all other siblings his side were born late but I'm not sure how much paternal gestational length is a factor?

Even if they are hesitant to induce (and I do understand why even having been through one previously myself) I do think at minimum I need extra monitoring. I will also stress the SPD as you suggest, gladly it sort of speaks for itself as I can barely walk

@rollerskatadata i would ask if i was feeling how you are. My brothers girlfriend was induced at 38weeks as she was huge, struggling to walk and looka after other DC and also she just wasnt coping well with the pregnancy. I would imagine she didnt take no for answer when she asked, so be forceful! X

@rollerskaterdata sorry to hear you are struggling. I've also been in 4 times now for RFMs. Each time it's been totally fine, and I guess it just shows that this baby had no pattern.
Everything from 37 weeks is considered full-term, so as long as the baby measures not too tiny (In the bottom 20 percent) delivering at that point shouldn't be an issue.
My consultant is talking about inducing me at 39 weeks, or even 38. In his opinion, the last few weeks make a little difference if the baby is big enough. So I'd ask for an extra scan at 37 weeks and then to be induced if the baby looks like they're the right size and in the right position. Good luck!

Can I ask a boring question about caffeine intake?! I’ve been really good all pregnancy and cut out coffee and restricted to 2-3
Cups of tea a day. I’m so bloody tired now that I’m back to having a coffee to get me going . So probably 2 teas and one coffee. Feeling a bit bad but I’m also dead. What’s everyone else doing?

@Napssavelives I went without caffeine most of the pregnancy but I’ve given up now. I’ll restrict myself to one cup of coffee a day. The official amount is something like 200 mg. I think the main effect they’ve studied now is that having excess caffeine can lead to a lower birth weight.

@Napssavelives I have given up strictly monitoring caffeine now. Not that I have loads but I do go over 200 mg sometimes. I think a single espresso is only 70 mg so less than filter coffee. So you could have a single shot late and it’s the same as a cup of tea but wakes you up more I think.
Also eating an apple is supposed to have a similar effect.